


Merimna

by MavisMelisande



Series: Memory [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A General and a Gentleman, Armitage Hux Has Feelings, Armitage Hux is a Jerk, Background Relationships, Canon-Typical Violence, Desk Sex, Dominant Armitage Hux, Dreams vs. Reality, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, How Do I Tag, Hux-centric, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, League of Antiheroes, Love Shack, Military Training, Mostly Canon Compliant, Multiple original characters - Freeform, Office Sex, POV Multiple, Plot, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pseudonyms, Roughness, Slow Burn, Sniper Armitage Hux, Survival Training, This story will make you use your inhaler, VEEEERRRYYYY slow burn, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2018-09-13 12:22:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 47
Words: 123,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9123424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MavisMelisande/pseuds/MavisMelisande
Summary: Years ago Saphren Varien met the man of her dreams at a cantina. She remembers next to nothing, other than the fact that he was an officer in the First Order. But the memory of him follows her, even after her enlistment.She has finally been accepted into advanced Officers training. There are just two problems: Hux takes an immediate disliking to her, and she still has no idea who her mystery man is.Saphren's physical characteristics aren't touched upon, to make her closer to a reader insert. (Other than skin color, which is pale.)Excerpt:“You’re drunk.” The words were deliciously soft, skin raising as his lips brushed my ear. One strong hand held both of mine, stopping their roaming. Fire burned deep in my gut, and I pressed my legs together with a whine.“And?” I thought I could feel his lips curve into a smile behind my ear. Though it seemed impossible, he leaned further into me, sending jitters down my spine. “What does it matter?” I asked in a daze.“It matters,” he paused, his other hand sliding down my arm. “Invite me to your bed when you are in full control of your faculties,” he whispered, my hair moving with his breath. “And I will come willingly.”Smutty Chapters are *





	1. Exceeding Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saphren Varien has been waiting to start Advanced Officers Training for ages, and has finally been accepted. She is leaving the Conservatory, and her friend Relion behind. Fortunately, her friend Chiresa found a way to tag along. Unfortunately, she seems to have rubbed General Hux entirely the wrong way.
> 
> This chapter was written to varied pieces of music, but I find that reading it with Arius by Erik Ekholm gives me little titters.

**32 ABY**

**New Arkanis Conservatory - Bathras 9 - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 1_**

I boarded the shuttle alone once the orange-vested technicians disembarked. Finding a seat near the transparisteel, I leaned against the rough syncloth of the bench to wait for the other passengers. I watched the busy hanger with minimal interest, preferring the movement to staring at shining durasteel. Relion stood at the base of the ramp, looking up at me. We smiled at each other, and she graced me with a small wave before returning to her duties. Goodbyes were not something either one of us enjoyed, so we'd decided to forgo them. I scooted further into the padded bench, closing my eyes to wait. I’d started to nod off before I heard boots on the ramp, and I opened my eyes slowly to see another officer making their way up. We gave each other terse smiles, before promptly pretending the other person wasn’t there. Small talk was not something the First Order was known for.

We both flicked our eyes at the later arrivals, with small smiles or nods to welcome them to the shuttle. The passengers slowly filed in, the mass of the group arriving five minutes before our set departure time. It was peacefully quiet, with only a few hushed conversations bouncing off the steel in the small space.

“Shuttle 23-28-C is due to depart in two minutes. Pilots, please prepare to disembark.” The strong voice echoed through the shuttle and bay outside, and I glanced sternly at the empty seat in front of me. The neighboring trooper, with their helmet tucked at their knees, was looking anxiously between the empty seat and the ramp. It wasn’t until the hydraulics of the ramp began to release that I felt anxious myself, turning to glance further into the bay as I bit my lip.

The ramp started to lift, and a white blur launched over the small gap, boots ringing out on durasteel. Chiresa gave me a cheeky smile as she slid into the seat across from me, dropping her bag with a heavy thunk, a minute before takeoff. Her seatmate looked chagrined, and I wondered if he was responsible for her behavior. I didn’t envy him if that was the case. She smoothed her gloved hand along his shoulder, and his anger eased. Chiresa was ever the charmer.

I smiled back at her, waggling my eyebrows. She’d obviously slept in, her hair a mess, old makeup racooning her eyes. She’d held a longtime post at the Conservatory, avoiding a transfer until now. I secretly wondered if she’d pulled some strings to come with me. Unlike CH-1854, I had not been raised by he First Order. I had enlisted, spending six months in reprogramming and training, as was required. In the following year, I had applied for a new training position four times, and had been denied each and every time. I didn’t take it personally. It was easy to see why my transfer had been delayed: I was an outsider. I was a Non-Commissioned Officer. No matter how exemplary my test scores were, or how many recommendations I had from my superior officers, I hadn't been with the First Order long enough to be trusted with the position I had applied for.

I gripped the stabilizing bar as the shuttle skittered to life, the countdown to takeoff causing excitement among the gathered officers and troopers. I’d only been with the First Order for nineteen months, and I was on my way to train at the most important facility that they could boast. Nothing could stop the satisfied smile that broke across my face as we lifted off.

The trip to the destroyer above planet was short, and the shuttle docked. Before long, I felt the tell-tale lurch of hyperspeed. I closed my eyes and listened to the chatter of those around me, but my mind began to drift. I had been unable to sleep the night before, an unfamiliar anxiety deep in my gut keeping me from any semblance of rest. A voice I hadn't heard since I was a child whispered to me: _“What if you fail?”_

I had spent hours hushing the voice, rationalizing with the doubt that had creeped into the recesses of my mind. I had never had this feeling as an adult, not even when my life was on the line, not even when I was responsible for the lives of others. I suspected that during the Civil war, I'd known that I could not fail, and I didn’t allow for the thought of it. Now that it was just my career on the line, doubt plagued me. And then, just as I had begun to drift to sleep, I'd heard it again. _“What if_ **_he_ ** _doesn’t like you?”_

The absurdity of it had snapped me back into reality, pulling my brain from the encroaching sleep so quickly I had felt disoriented. I didn’t truly know who _he_ was, or if he even really existed. Existed wasn’t the right word… I had not conjured a man from pure imagination, my roommates had seen him too. I knew he had tan skin and strawberry blonde hair, but the rest of it was speculation and second-hand gossip. I hadn’t thought of him much in the last year, telling myself that I hadn’t started on this path to find him. I had not joined the First Order in the hopes of finding a man, whose name I did not know.

I had joined because I had discovered that I had talent in battle plans, in hand to hand combat, in leading forces. I had joined because I didn't know how to go back to a normal life. But some incredibly small, hopeful part of me, thought that I would find him… that he hadn’t lied about being an officer in the First Order, that he had not just been trying to impress the drunk girl at the piss-poor local cantina.

I caught Chiresa’s helmet before it impacted with my gut, my eyes snapping open to glare at her jovial face.

“Stop being such a lazy nerfherder! If I don’t get to nap, neither do you!” She tried to snap at me, but she was unable to stop the fit of giggles bubbling from her pink lips. She knew I hadn’t been asleep, or she wouldn’t have risked throwing something at me. I had a tendency to lash out when woken up suddenly, of which she was full aware. Her nose was still crooked from when I had elbowed her in the face the first, and only time, that she had startled me while asleep.

“Maybe you should take a nap, you wretch. Stayed out drinking late again, did we?” I asked, gesturing at her face. I felt it as we decelerated, coming out of hyperspace.

“Mmmm, sure did!” She smirked, and I wondered which of her paramours had gotten to spend one last night with her. Her blue eyes shined. “You should have come! You would have had fun, you spoilsport.” At this, she actually looked miffed. It was an old argument, rehashed every few months.

“You know that I don’t drink,” _anymore,_ I added silently.

“It’s a stupid rule you have, even Relion drinks!” I smiled at her, bracing as the shuttle deployed from the destroyer and started it’s planetary descent. I’d told her I didn’t drink because I didn’t like the feeling of being out of control after the war. The real reason I didn’t drink was because deep down I felt like I had missed something major that night, something that would have changed my life forever… If I could just remember.

“Next time I'll come, I just won’t partake. How is that for a peace offering?” It seemed oddly reminiscent of events 3 years ago, but I brushed the feeling away. She looked pleased, and as if she was planning something. She thought she’d get me to loosen up if i was there, thought she could coerce me into behaving badly like she did with everything else.

“Marvelous.” She smiled as her body swayed naturally with the ship, tucking her blonde hair up with pins.

“Personnel of Shuttle 23-28-C, prepare to disembark,” said the speakers. We all rose to our feet, troopers to the right, officers to the left. Our bags were left by our seats as we all turned to face the door.

“Oi, hand her here.” Chiresa gestured towards her helmet, but I held it in my left hand and gave her a confused look. She pointed more vigorously, and I held it out from my side.

“Oh, this?” Her face darkened, and I knew she’d be plotting revenge. “I thought it was mine now. You did give it to me. Hmmm?” She went to reach for it, and I extend my arm closer to the transparisteel. I heard someone chuckle behind us. “Perhaps you shouldn’t throw things, eh?” She kicked me lightly in the leg as the shuttle landed, and I handed it to her with a smile. She shoved it over her head just as the doors opened. The order came over the speakers: "Forward March!" and we began to move. 

The frigid air hit me like a fist as we walked down the ramp, and I fought the urge to shield my eyes from how bright it was. We had arrived at Starkiller Base, with the sun shining down over masses of snow. We were near a series of large hangers, in a clearing large enough to fit a sizable force of recruits. The snow had been cleared from a door straight ahead down to where the shuttles were landing, piles of it making it difficult to see the surrounding area. There was a group that had landed ahead of us that had already fallen into line. 

After we had all filed out of the shuttle, we waited, troopers facing officers, creating a row for the superior officers to walk down. My back was close to the snowbank, and heat radiated from it instead of cold. The sun reflected towards us from the white snow. Chiresa was already squirming, and I didn't envy her. I heard other drop offs occurring around us, envisioning the row extending far into the distance. By the time everyone was settled, the cold was worming its way under my uniform. 

"Attention!" The order came from speakers high above, so that it would reach everyone gathered here. Everyone snapped into place simultaneously. I was too far away to glance out of the corner of my eye and see the group that likely had gathered at the doors that we'd marched towards. "Present Arms!" My salute was smooth, my hand dropping back down as arms was said. 

“Parade Rest!” The command rang out and echoed back from the tree-line. I fell into form, crossing my arms behind by back. I heard the crunch of the ice and snow as the group of superiors slowly moved down the line, watching from the corner of my eyes as they came into my range of vision, hoping that I wouldn't be caught. General Hux was first, his arms folded behind his back, under his gaberwool coat. He was incredibly pale, a shock of bright red hair visible under his cap. He somehow managed to walk with purpose, even as he slowly meandered down the row, surveying each person on either side as he walked. Behind him was Captain Phasma, in her ever rumored silver armor. She focused her attentions on the troopers, barely glancing towards my side of the line. A few officers in grey uniforms trailed behind, looking almost bored. The exception was a female officer that kept pace two steps behind General Hux, she watched him with rapt attention. She was beautiful, walking with grace even in a uniformed skirt and heels.

I forced my eyes forward and held my breath as the group reached me, waiting for them to pass. The General gave Chiresa a glance up and down, and then turned my direction, and stopped. He did a full body turn, even making a small step forward, boots crunching, and stood, staring at me. His face was stone cold, dismissive, almost as if he was looking at something stuck to his boot. I felt my gut drop as the dread built, and I tried to survey my appearance from memory. Had a pin come loose from my hair? Had I forgotten that I was wearing makeup and streaked it across my face? Or had Chiresa’s boot scuffed my pant leg? I felt the heat on my cheeks and hoped it would be construed as a byproduct of the cold.

“Officer…” He left it as a question, one eyebrow arched, his cultured accent prominent. I snapped to attention, my hand saluting him before I could spare a second thought.

“Specialist Saphren Varien, Sir.” I emphasized the ‘ren’ at the end of my name, as I always did, in an attempt to avoid the pronunciation issues that came about from the popular spice. This seemed to displease him further. He frowned, his eyes narrowed… Terror began flashing in the back of my mind. He held out a hand, and a datapad immediately appeared, courtesy of the pretty woman behind him.

“Where did you enlist, officer?” He asked, almost sounding bored as he perused what I assumed was my file.

“Asherah Prime, Sir.” He made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat.

“But you are not from Asherah Prime, are you, officer?” He asked, eyes flicking up from the datapad, his face incredibly serious, as if my answer would be the meaning of life.

“No, Sir. I originally hail from K-V Seven-Seven, Sir.” He tensed, and then looked around as if he had suddenly just realized where he was. He coughed, handing the datapad back behind him. Delicate, polished hands retrieved it from over his shoulder.

“Tell me, Officer Varien, what were your final scores for your review?”

“Which time, Sir?” I winced as the words came rushing out. He wouldn’t care how many times I’d taken the blasted course, he wanted to know my most recent scores. He raised an eyebrow again, a sneer forming.

“I exceeded expectations, Sir.” I paused, watching as his face became less reserved, as his lips twisted into one of the full blown fabled sneers, as his eyebrows knit together. I cleared my throat and listed off my scores, none below a 10. I finished with a low “Sir,” as almost an afterthought. He nodded slowly, as if he was questioning whether or not he should believe me, although I was certain they’d been on the first page of my file.

“That is satisfactory, Officer. At ease.” He turned and continued down the row, stopping a few officers down. His conversation with them did not seem nearly so strained, asking only his final scores and where he enlisted, and I wondered if I had done something to upset the General without even realizing. I was positive that the group hadn't been close enough to see me looking. Or perhaps I was being overly critical? Perhaps nerves had made it seem like he was attacking me personally?

I fidgeted while I waited for them to finish, my toes beginning to stiffen with the cold. The barked dismissal could not have come soon enough, and I walked at a brisk pace to retrieve my bag. Once in the shuttle, Chiresa leaned close, whispering through her vocoder.

“What did you do?!” she hissed, alarm evident even through the mask. So it wasn’t just me, then.

“Believe me, I wish I knew.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used a combination of Army, Marine, and Navy research for the protocol and ranks, as the First Order seems to combine Army and Navy from what we see.  
> I also use a combination of Canon and Legends, although I use Canon for anything important.
> 
> I wanted some variance in naming for troopers, and I see no reason as to why Phasma would be involved with more than just the FN Corps. I know that we are shown that troopers are raised and trained on destroyers, and then transferred to Phasma on the Finalizer when they are deemed ready, but I really feel that there should be a training facility somewhere. The First Order was able to do so much in secrecy in the Unknown Regions that I don't think it is unreasonable that they could have started a base somewhere. I also wanted to see an extension of the Arkanis Academy, so we get the New Arkanis Conservatory.
> 
> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	2. Who Names Themselves After a Bloody Beverage?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saphren's first day starts off a little rough, and only gets worse from there.
> 
> I like to read this chapter to Singularity by Erik Ekholm.

**32 ABY**

**Quarters - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 2_**

_29 ABY_

_Koschie Cantina - Kairos Vaas - The Unknown Regions_

_“You’re drunk.” The words were deliciously soft, skin raising as his lips brushed my ear. One strong hand held both of mine, stopping their roaming. Fire burned deep in my gut, and I pressed my legs together with a whine._

_“And?” I thought I could feel his lips curve into a smile behind my ear. Though it seemed impossible, he leaned further into me, sending jitters down my spine. “What does it matter?” I asked in a daze._

_“It matters,” he paused, his other hand sliding down my arm. “Invite me to your bed when you are in full control of your faculties,” he whispered, my hair moving with his breath. “And I will come willingly.”_

I woke with a shudder, snapping upright, my lungs filling with heaved breaths. Glancing over at my new roommate, I verified that her form was totally still in the dim light. The fluttering pressure between my legs was uncomfortable, something that had been ignored for too long. I shivered as my sweat-soaked clothes began to cool, and I let myself fall back on the damp bedding. Reaching for my datapad, I stifled a groan as the time showed 0400. I silently rolled out of bed, snagging the bag I had left on the trunk at the end of the bed frame. Padding to the ’fresher, bare feet slapping on cool metal, I checked that Ysable hadn’t moved. She slept, sprawled along the mattress with an arm thrown over her eyes, softly snoring. Her long legs were twisted in her sheets, tan skin glinting in the dim light. Satisfied that she was fast asleep, I stepped into the small room, only to hear her toss over when the light clicked on automatically. I sighed, smashing the button to the door with a little too much force.

Dressing silently, I pulled on soft leggings and slid a tank-top over my torso as I toed on my regulation running shoes. I slipped out of the shared room, hoping that the flash of light from the hall didn’t bother Ysable. She was a stoic brunette that was already a few weeks into her training, and we’d spoken very little. She’d been kind enough to give me a tour of the base (at our superior officer’s insistence,) and I’d managed to get some small talk in. We’d spent the evening in our quarters, and she’d put up with small conversation, until she said: “lights out” promptly at 2200 and left me in darkness. If I’d had a room to myself for near a month, I’d be sad to give up my privacy too. I was hoping she'd warm up to me. 

I passed a few bored troopers on my way to the recreational facilities, standing throughout the halls on guard duty. I was fairly certain that at least one of them was sleeping as they leaned against a door frame, a breathy noise that sounded suspiciously like snoring coming from their vocoder. A base this size would always have a continuous personnel presence, but the halls to the gym were eerily quiet at this hour.

I did laps on the track until my legs ached, until I forgot about the tension in my center. I knew I would regret it in a few hours, when I joined the other officers for our assigned training. I stretched and then found the mess hall, sitting down with a cup of caf and a heaping pile if the multi-nutritional slop being served. Officers were encouraged to drink nutritive beverages for their meals, but I wanted something more substantial before my shift.

There were a few technicians and troopers sleepily chewing on their evening snack, but otherwise the room was deserted. I didn’t miss night shifts, certainly, and I gave them looks of pity.

I got up to retrieve a second cup of the black holy water, watching greedily as the steamy drink poured into my cup at the auto-fill station. I turned round to return to my table, startled to see General Hux standing a few feet behind me.

He was unfairly put together at this ungodly hour, in full uniform no-less. There were no wrinkles in his uniform, not even a hair was out of place. But he looked tired, dark circles under his eyes. He was staring at me, one hand still holding an empty cup. The fingers that gripped it had turned white, and only then did my brain fully process. I snapped to attention, sloshing the caf over the edge of my cup.

General! Hux, Sir! Good morning, Sir.” His mouth twitched and he walked around me to the machine, leaving me standing as I was. I waited, listening as the spout poured, as he tore open packets of sweetener, as he stirred creamer into his cup. He returned to stand in front of me, sipping at his doctored drink. He looked me over once more, disdain clear on his face.

“Officer, might I suggest that you take more care to be properly attired when in the presence of others?” He took another drink. “One might misconstrue you to be something other than an Officer of the First Order.” His voice had gone low in warning. “Or, more concerning yet, they might realize, that you are, in fact, an Officer of the First Order. And then where would we be?” He asked, picking a non-existent piece of lint from his impeccable uniform and flicking it in my direction. He turned and walked away, only when he reached the exit did he yell over his shoulder. “At ease!”

I sulked as I returned to my glob of food, sipping dishearteningly at my drink. Surely the General couldn’t expect everyone to be immaculate at all times, could he? I wondered if he slept in his uniform. I hid a smirk behind my hand as the thought entered my brain, and then frowned even more as I started to think about what he more likely wore to sleep, or didn’t, for that matter.

I looked up, startled as someone slid into the seat across from me. She gave me a wide smile, bright blue eyes dancing in the light. Her platinum hair was short but wavy, strands going every-which way. She dropped her food tray on the table, snatching up a fork as she leaned over her food as if she was guarding something precious. She gestured at me with the fork as she began to speak.

“Alright, spill it. What’s all that about?” Once again, she used the fork as an extension of her arm, pointing towards the coffee machine.

“Uhh… And who are you?”  asked, eyes narrowing slightly as she cracked another smile.

“I’m your new friend! You’re going to need me, I assure you. Most people will give you a wide berth, because of that.” She gestured wildly in the direction of where Hux had just been.

“Erm… Alright. Shall I just call you ‘friend,’ then? Or do you have a name?” She gave me a cheeky smile, but seemed to pause.

“You may call me Suria.” I looked down at the cup near her elbow, the dark liquid steaming. Surian tea had a pretty distinctive scent profile, and I felt my eyebrows rise. Deciding to say nothing, I looked back up at her, and she was chewing as if the slop on her plate was the best thing she had ever eaten. She spoke between bites of food “So?” She asked again. I sighed. I really could use someone to talk to at the moment, and Chiresa was sure to be passed out until 5 minutes before her shift.

“Well, you see, I just received a dressing down for, well, _dressing down._ Apparently my attire is not appropriate when in the presence of others.” I gestured at my exercise attire, frowning as I then pointed out that we were basically wearing the same thing. She frowned while she chewed, eyebrows knitting together.

“And yesterday?” She asked, as if that was what she had really wanted to know all along. Of course she had heard about yesterday. Who hadn’t heard about yesterday? The rumor was going around that Hux was trying to be more involved with introductions with new officers, something that was entirely out of character for him. I’d had a few sympathizers tell me that they thought he’d just gone for it a bit too enthusiastically, and his demeanor was always so stern that he was incapable of being friendly. I hadn’t really believed it, but it was a nice idea to cling to... Until the events at the caf machine.

“I’ve honestly no idea.” She stared at me, disbelieving.

“So there’s no history, no sordid story to share?” She was examining my face thoughtfully.

“I’m afraid not. I wish there was, because then maybe I would understand.” She nodded, deep in thought, as if she was trying to figure out some grand mystery.

“You’d better hurry up,” she said, pointing at my food. “Wouldn’t want to be late to your first day, now would you?”

I scarfed the rest of my food, finishing around the same time as Suria. (Who’d started well after I had, and had acquired a far more impressive mound of food to boot.) I hadn’t been paying much attention when she arrived, so I found myself rather dumbfounded at her considerable height when she stood to follow me out of the mess hall. If she noticed my gawking, she didn’t comment on it. She waved before jogging towards the Stormtoooper barracks, and I made a note to keep an eye out for excessively tall troopers

*****

I’d managed to fit in time to take a rather pointless shower, (in my opinion,) before arriving at my destination ten minutes early. I’d made absolutely sure that my hair was perfect, the twisted bun secured with more pins than I would normally use. I’d forgone any type of makeup, knowing that I would probably sweat it off anyway. My uniform was newly pressed, not a speck of dust in sight. I’d even shined the boots. Anything to make sure that General Hux would not have a complaint. I filed in with the other early birds, waiting for everyone else to arrive. We’d been directed to a large, padded training room near the Stormtrooper facilities. I glanced around, the room dim and empty.

We all stood at attention when General Hux and Captain Phasma walked in. An oddly familiar voice came through Phasma’s vocoder, though I couldn’t quite place it through the modulation.

“At ease.” They surveyed us for a few moments, and then Hux nodded at Phasma to continue before he turned his attention to his datapad. “Today we will re-evaluate the scores sent to us by the Conservatory. Be prepared for a long day.” I thought I could hear her smile behind her helmet. “First, I will direct you next door to change your clothing. We will start by gauging your level of physical fitness, followed by a foray into an extended obstacle course. You will then have one hour in the datapits, followed by a simulation that will test your data interpretation and retention, your knowledge of tactics, your leadership, and will briefly bring to light your skills in regards to survival, hand to hand combat, and ballistics. For the end of the evening, we will test your aim and hand to hand combat more directly.” There was a soft groan from everyone gathered. “We are far more interested in your capabilities when fatigued, we find that they are more accurate for our uses.” I sighed. I knew that I would regret that run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think of Phasma as Gwendoline Christie, who I see as quite playful and always smiling, until she's at work. We'll see more of her later, as Suria.
> 
> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	3. Sliding Into Last Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was it possible to exceed at failing? If so, Saphren was doing wonderfully.
> 
> I like to start out this chapter with Snowden by Xtortion Audio.

**32 ABY**

**Obstacle Course - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Saphren ** _- Day 2_****_

The bitter cold had seeped deep into my bones, leaving me with aching joints, stinging skin, and numb fingers. Despite the cold, sweat had pooled at my lower back as I began to overheat with exertion. Snow had already found its way into my boots, my feet squishing against soaked fabric. I pushed on, crawling beneath the sharp wire as snow soaked into the front of my uniform. I scuttled forward as I reached the end of the low crawl, bolting upright the second I cleared the edge of the wire. I sprinted forward, attempting to use my momentum to my advantage as I vaulted up to the wall ahead of me. My gut dropped as my legs failed, my jump too short. I scrabbled at the cold cement, gripping the top of the wall. My fingers strained as my body dropped down, but I managed to keep my grip. I readjusted, maneuvering side to side, grimacing as three people consecutively launched themselves past me.

I pushed up with my biceps, swinging my leg over the top of the wall. I rolled and let myself fall, landing in a crouch. I was struggling to get up from my low position when the disappointment hit: I’d lost my third place lead, and I would likely never catch up. Another officer landed in front of me, having jumped from the top of the wall, dropping me back to seventh place. I grit my teeth as I forced my legs to move faster. Jumping up to the monkey bars, I thrust myself forward, skipping a bar each time. Launching myself at the net climb, I started halfway up, using my less-fatigued biceps to get me up and over. I managed to surpass two of the seven people ahead of me, determination burning deep in my gut.

I forced myself through stutter steps and the tunnel crawl, slowing a bit at the box jumps and hurdles, feet sliding lightly on wet snow. I pulled myself up the rope wall, jumping down past another two of my would-be usurpers, claiming third place as my own once more. The officer in second place was struggling with the log carry, and I smiled as I hefted one over my shoulder and bolted forward. I passed them just before dropping the log to run up the ramp-jump, elation hitting me as I saw the end of the course, at the end of a jogging track. I launched myself off the edge of the ramp, rolling as I hit the ground and springing up to start my run.

I’d caught up the the woman in first place, only a few feet behind her bouncing pony-tail. I forced my legs to comply, attempting to rush past her with the curve of the track. My victory was short, my joy at reaching first place cut off sharply as I continued to slide past her, my momentum pulling me forward along the ice I hadn’t thought to look for. I flailed, legs slipping out from under me as I hit the ground hard, sliding roughly into a packed snowbank. By the time I’d managed to extricate myself and limp to the finish line, majority of my class had already finished and were stretching or reaching greedily for the water that Hux’ assistant offered. I collapsed down into the snow, gripping my side as my lungs beat against my ribs. General Hux was typing furiously on his datapad, very displeased about whatever report he was responding to... But I had a sneaking suspicion that he was looking at me out of the corner of his eye, that his frown was meant for me.

Phasma spoke up from behind everyone, leaning casually against a tree. “Please return to the locker room and change from your excursion gear into full tactical uniform, and meet us at SR-4, near the Stormtrooper training center.” My fellow officers abandoned me, rushing off to the base as I was still struggling to get up. The combination of my hour and a half run this morning, the weight lifting and jogging for our physical test, and the obstacle course meant that my legs were on fire, but I hobbled along. I was well behind my classmates, Hux, and his assistant. Phasma walked up beside me, an armored hand brushing my shoulder as she walked past. “Good effort, Specialist. Be sure to get some bacta from the medical center after our day is over. You’ll need it.” She said as she used her long stride to catch up to the General. She was right; my hip was bound to bruise. I shook out my limbs, and then jogged ahead.

Starkiller Base was exceedingly warm, my nose tingling with the temperature difference. I saw Hux hand his gaberwool greatcoat to his assistant, and she took it from him reverently, folding it neatly over her arm. They calmly walked down the hall, as the officers rushed to change their clothing. I glanced behind me to look for Phasma who had seemingly disappeared, only to see a small army of sanitation bots following hot on our heels. I hurried forward, slipping slightly on the muddied floor.

I sighed with relief when I got out of my wet clothes, tossing them all into the nearest laundry bin.

“That ‘excursion gear’ isn’t worth bantha fodder,” I mumbled under my breath, and everyone else in the room agreed with various curses and some laughter. I pulled on the new uniform quickly, lacing the tactical boots up with ease before hurrying out of the room. I was endlessly happy to be in dry, warm clothing, but I wanted this day to be over already. I slid my tunic on as I walked, smoothed my hair back and twisted it into a bun. I wasn’t the first one to arrive, Keziah Bani already waiting outside the closed door.

“Congratulations on finishing the course first, Officer Bani.” She gave me a tight-lipped smile, nodding her head briefly at me. She was younger than I was, with cornflower blue eyes and shockingly light blonde hair. It was twisted tightly into a bun at the nape of her neck now, but I could still see the bouncing pony-tail… Taunting me.

We both snapped to attention when General Hux walked by. He was preoccupied, staring at the datapad that seemed to be attached to his person. He glanced at us, but seemed to be looking through us rather than at us.

“At ease,” he said as he reached the door, it unlocked and opened automatically. We followed him into Simulation Room Four, which mimicked the bridge of a Star Destroyer. He sauntered across the catwalk, moving to stand in front of what would have been the transparisteel viewport. The ever-present assistant strode in, carrying a box full of nutritive shakes. Somehow, she still managed to look elegant, heels clicking lightly as she followed her boss. She set the box gently on the floor, and lacking any direction from either of them, Keziah and I helped ourselves before moving down into the pit. We waited until the others joined us, Phasma striding into the room shortly after the last of the officers in training had arrived.

“You have one hour,” she announced, the stations whirring to life. I watched the screen as it flicked through different settings, showing the layout of a base surrounded by difficult terrain. Reports began filtering through the headset, describing attacks on the east wing, on the beach, at the power station in the middle of the jungle. I responded, ordering a lockdown of the east wing, deployment of troopers to the beach, and requesting a specialty team to be airlifted to the power station. I tried filtering through the noise around me for other pertinent information as I focused on my own, smiling successfully when I heard Officer Calien forcefully repeating his orders to retreat from the training facilities. I ordered my flight team to give Calien’s forces some air support, slowly picking through other information at my station.

The hour went quickly, adrenaline running through me as I pictured the events unfolding at the imaginary base. The machines suddenly shut down, and Captain Phasma’s voice filtered down.

“We will be starting the next session in SR-2 after a short break. Please find your seats and be prepared to start in twenty minutes. General Hux, Lieutenant Eidhn and I will be reviewing your scores thus far.” Phasma, Hux, and Eidhn started talking in hushed tones on the catwalk. Our session had ended with a complete lockdown of the fictional base, with dogfights in the air and a small group of troopers and officers facing ground assault from a much larger force.

I was trying to focus on the data, but my metaphorical ears perked at the tension I felt from above. Officer Bani and I were waiting in the back corner for everyone else to exit the pit, and I could tell that she was doing her best not to eavesdrop to the hushed, furious conversation above us. Her body was still, her eyes facing strictly forward. I started wishing that this was actually the bridge, so I could just walk under the catwalk to any number of exits rather than wait for fifty or-so people to filter out of the mock datapits via a small, one person staircase in the opposite corner; I didn’t have the self-control to not listen.

“General Hux, would it not be prudent to have Lieutenant Eidhn, your administrative assistant, take on more responsibility with the Officer Training Program?” It came out in a low hiss from her vocoder, and my eyebrows rose. I didn’t know how often people spoke to Hux in such a tone, but I would bet it was not frequently, and I bumped my estimation of Phasma up to stupidly brave. She then proceeded to interrupt Hux’s growled warning, and Eidhn’s enthusiastic request for more responsibility, to answer her own question. “Because I think it would be far more beneficial to her position, than to mine, and I’m sure you would agree. Which begs the question, why have you suddenly decided that I should add Officer Training to my already tight schedule?” Hux started to speak, but she cut him off a second time. “Yes, yes. I am aware that you want me to ‘expand my knowledge base and extend my capabilities’ and to oversee a force with a different finesse than that of Stormtrooper Training.” He started to interrupt, but she continued over him. “And further, that you want to do a review of my process when training, but that you do not have the time to visit me during my training sessions with the troopers and feel that this is a good compromise. However, I find myself wondering how you expect that to work, when you refuse to discuss your recruits with me.” She finished, heaving as if she had run out of breath.

I pictured Hux, gritting his teeth and seething with barely controlled rage. His vocal response was rather calm, belying the image I had constructed.

“Captain Phasma, you are quite right. I have been remiss in my review of your abilities, I'd thought them to be more than proficient, but I will make sure to limit my estimation in future." I was very glad that no one was looking at me in that moment, because my face twisted into ugly shock on behalf of Captain Phasma. I wondered if they regularly argued like this. 'You will continue your training here, with the officers, and you will find a way to make it work with your already stretched capabilities. You may make use of Lieutenant Eidhn in any way that you see fit. I will continue to oversee your work, however, I fear that we’ve wasted some time with your diatribe, and will only be able to briefly go over A through T.” He paused for a moment. “Aminah, Commander Ren has arrived on base, is that correct?”

“General, he was scheduled to land today, but I am uncertain if he has or not.” She said, sounding rather confused, and… Concerned? Officer Bani and I were nearing the stairs, and it was becoming difficult to hear.

“Then find out.” He barked at her. I heard the heels clicking along at a fast pace, watching out of the corner of my eye as she nearly jogged across the catwalk.

“You may begin, Captain.” Phasma started with Officer Adalet, and a review of his physical fitness, her voice demure. I’d lost my ability to hear, and I started my ascension of the steps.

I’d heard of Kylo Ren, I was sure that everyone had. He was notoriously frightening, with all sorts of rumors flying about. Excitement filled my senses. If I couldn’t impress General Hux, maybe I could make a positive impression on the Commander. We all wandered into Simulation Room Two, which was a large bay of seating overlooking another room behind glass. Each chair had a folded note card on the seat, in alphabetical order. I found mine in the back, reaching down to snatch the card up off the seat. I paused in confusion, my hand closing around something more solid than just paper. I pulled the paper away, leaving a small tube of clear gel in the palm of my hand: bacta.

I looked around the room, noticing that no other chairs seemed to come with a vial. I stuffed it in my boot as I sat, wondering who would have left it for me. Perhaps Chiresa? She could have heard of my misadventure, and she was likely assigned just down the hall. I shrugged it off, flicking back to the conversation I’d overheard. It sounded like Phasma didn’t normally take part in the program, and she was not terribly pleased about being asked. It seemed like Hux was making a great many changes to his program since our arrival. In the Conservatory, we’d often be warned not to do something specifically because it was rumored that General Hux disliked it. He was obsessive, detail oriented, and took a more hands-on approach to his facilities. It was interesting that he was including someone else in his work, at odds with what I knew about him.

I was fidgeting while we waited, picking at a loose thread on my boot. I listened to the conversations around me, and excluding a few strained glances, I might’ve not existed. It appeared that Suria was right, they didn’t want the kind of attention I attracted. It seemed like ages, waiting for our “short break” to be over, but after some time filtering through thoughts in my head, Phasma’s voice filtered through the speakers.

“Please split off into two even groups and then descend into the Simulation Room and await further instruction. One group shall go to the north and enter Simulation Bay 1, the other south to enter Simulation Bay 2.” I sighed and pushed out of the chair, muscles straining. I followed the group closest to me, not caring which team I was a part of. At least the day was half over?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	4. Nothing Can Account for the Real Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saphren completes her first Simulation at Starkiller Base.
> 
> I like listening to White Galaxy by Really Slow Motion to start this chapter out. Other music that I listened to while writing includes The Darkest Hour by Daniel Lenz, Iron Soul (Dubstep Remix) by Two Steps from Hell, Breaking Point by Gothic Storm, All Guts no Glory by Epic Score, etc.

**32 ABY**

**Simulation Bay - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Saphren **- Day 2**** _

The overwhelming feeling that something was missing kept me on edge. I was distracted, trying to figure out _what_ was off every few minutes. It nagged at the back of my thoughts, and I couldn’t shake the warning bells going off in my head, telling me that something wasn’t quite right. I rolled my shoulders and redirected my attention; placing my feet carefully as I treaded softly over browning foliage and downed trees, rifle raised. Our footsteps were quiet, the overly loud clink of armor behind me the only indicator that my squad was still following.

I winced every time we moved; if we got close enough to anyone, they would know that we were coming. The only benefit was that the inverse was also true, we would hear any other team before they reached us. I paused at every tree large enough to constitute as cover, scanning the overgrowth of flora carefully. I’d made a circuitous route through the jungle, navigating from memory to avoid known paths; giving the competition some time to weed itself out.

Phasma had found a way to balance her training duties, giving each officer a group of ten troopers to lead, and assigning a squadron of unknown number to act as Resistance forces. There were five teams running at a time in each simulation room, with this being the last encounter. I had waited four long hours for my turn, eager to get moving. I’d made small talk with the other officers, and for a short time they even humored me. Five of us had entered this encounter together, the last half of the batch, chomping at the bit to do anything but sit and wait. And though we were encouraged to work together, this was also a competition; one I intended to win.

I stopped, holding my arm up to halt my men. Balancing against a tree, I gripped moss and bark as I peered around the trunk. We’d made it to the power station, which had been overtaken since my time in the datapits. Bodies of fallen comrades surrounded the entrance, as subsequent teams had attempted to retake the base. I gestured for my team to spread out, crouching to alter the settings on my rifle. The Resistance was well fortified, but I could see five troopers acting as guards, brief glimpses of shining blue armor peeking out from behind crates and other structures. The last report from the datapits had told of a force of twenty. Five guards in addition to four bodies on the ground would leave eleven inside... I would take those odds.

I whistled, taking aim through my scope as heads popped up to survey the area. I took my shot at the nearest trooper, their body jerking as it fell behind the crate. My team started firing from their places around the base, the sound echoing loudly. I waited until I had a chance of hitting someone returning fire, utilizing the sniper setting on my rifle. It wasn’t long before the five guards were dead, the battlefield quiet and still. I motioned us forward, moving quickly as shots came from above. We dove against the base, out of sight from the troopers on the second floor. Counting my men as I switched the settings on my blaster rifle, my mouth pressed into a thin line as I came up three short.

GM-2489 jerked, falling to the ground as a laser took him in the chest. I spun around, firing out of instinct. The Resistance trooper that we’d missed fell to the ground as their second shot went high. I released the breath I had been holding, and slid closer to the entrance, stepping delicately over 2489. My Coded Rank Cylinder failed to activate the blast doors, and I skittered across the opening to the other side. I tried the keypad as my remaining troopers gathered around the door, but it beeped at me, flashing red. They must have hacked the circuits, removing my access. Pulling my fabricated digital lockpick from my boot, I slid the rod into the access port below the pad. I listened as it clicked and whirred, signaling my squad to fall back behind cover.

I leaned further to the side, squatting below normal firing range before the doors slid open. GM-2484 hadn’t moved quickly enough, a laser hitting him in the side and he fell, body twitching near my feet. I steeled myself, exhaling as I turned and dove into the room. I slid behind the nearest pillar for cover, directly into the legs of the trooper that was already utilizing this post. They fell into me, and I cracked the butt of my gun into their visor as they dropped. I yanked them in front of me as the trooper on the other side of the hall began to fire. My hostage jerked in my grip, limbs flailing as I fired around them to drop my assailant.

Safe behind the pillar for the time-being, I paused to calculate my next move. There were far more than ten people in this room, and I wondered if reinforcements had joined the fray. Verifying that my men were still outside of the building, I yanked the fabric up from under my uniform to cover my mouth and nose before peering out into the room. I ducked back behind the pillar after two Resistance troopers turned to fire at me, pulling a V-1 thermal detonator from my belt. I flicked through settings before tossing it near the largest concentration of soldiers, in the back of the room. The entire area seemed to freeze for a series of moments, the room eerily quiet save for the distinctive ticking of the bomb. And then everything seemed to snap back into place, the Resistance troopers turning to flee. I shot at them as they moved out of cover, hitting my fair share while my squad took care of the rest.

With the room cleared, I jogged to find the detonator, clicking it off before replacing it on my belt clip. GM-2487 cocked her head to the side, but made no comment. I narrowed my eyes at her slightly, taking in her tall, lean form, but shrugged it off. We cleared the other rooms on the first floor, empty of Resistance forces or Order Personnel, and headed for the stairs. I counted the fallen Resistance, eyebrows knitting together; twenty four. No longer knowing what was waiting for me further above, I tried to think ahead for possible tactics the enemy could be using. My remaining four troopers seemed hesitant to continue, but I plodded on. I paused outside of the entrance to the staircase, peering up as far as I could before slowly walking into the landing. I’d assumed they’d be prepared to fire down at us as we made our ascent, and concern bubbled deep in my gut. We began to climb, and I flicked through possibilities with each step. I tapped the comlink at my ear.

“Prepare for a bottleneck.” I said softly, eyes snapping back up as I heard the click I’d been waiting for. The shining spherical object fell from the landing above, and I ran up the stairs. I shot the soldier that had dropped the grenade and they toppled over the railing as the explosion shook the foundations below. Jogging to the edge of my landing, I lobbed a stun grenade up and over the railing of the landing above, ducking as the enemy fired at me.

I’d managed to get the grenade into the room, and I smiled as a blast of concussive force was released to disable anyone within a 13 foot radius. I sprinted up the last flight of stairs, taking fire at the stragglers in the back of the room. 2487 slid up next to me, taking cover on the other side of the door. We cleared the room together, and I smiled at her as the rest of my team came up behind us. I had three troopers left, but I wasn’t stopping now. I stepped into the room over prone figures, verifying that everyone in the room was down before continuing forward. The blaster doors ahead slid open before we could reach them, a small contingent of Resistance firing at us immediately. We scattered, trying to find cover that didn’t exist.

I dropped to the ground, throwing a smoke bomb in the enemy's direction. The room filled quickly, blocking line of sight. Crawling forward, I swept the legs out from under the nearest person. They fell with a grunt, and I wrestled their gun away before firing into them at close range. I shot at the legs of people I could see, but they quickly returned fire through the fog, discerning my location easily, though unable to be exact with their shots. I tossed the useless gun away as someone fired from behind me, and the Resistance re-directed to the new source of light.

I crawled forward, the muscles in my legs protesting mightily at the angle. I aimed for the nearest set of legs that I could see, popping up at the last minute to yank their rifle away. Kneeing them in the gut, I hit them over the head with their own weapon. Two troopers turned in my direction, and I ducked before they pulled the trigger. I slid around behind them, looping my arms up and over the shoulders of the shorter one. I gripped my hands together behind their neck, quickly using them as cover when others opened fire at me. Someone from near the door was still returning fire, shooting wherever they could see flashes of light. It wasn’t long before they took my cue and stopped shooting, saving themselves from ranged attack.

I smiled, pulling the knife at my belt while my captive struggled from my one-armed grip. I jammed it through the cracks in the armor under the woman’s armpit before she could get away. She dropped and I moved forward, dodging a punch from the closest trooper. I blocked the next, swinging around to stab at their side, moving past them as the blade landed. A well placed kick from a foggy figure in front of me took the blade out of my hand, and I flexed my fingers through the radiating pain, blocking the punch that came next. They were fast, and we were very close to being equally matched. We both blocked majority of the attacks, only landing a few superficial punches and kicks. I saw movement from behind them, reinforcements coming up. With my next block I grabbed their arm, yanking forward and turning. I tapped the armor at their shoulder and they fell to their knees before I moved on.

Strong hands grabbed me from behind and lifted me up, and another trooper was closing in from the front. I waited until they were close, kicking out with both legs. They fell back with a grunt and I wormed my way out of the other troopers grip, dropping to the ground. I gripped the man’s arm and flipped him over my shoulder, he landed hard, the sound echoing more than I thought it should. The smoke had begun to clear, and I reached for the nearest rifle, firing at glints of blue. All movement stopped, and I waited as everything became more visible. GM-2487 walked up slowly, surveying the room. I gestured her to the other side of the blast doors, hoping that whatever was next could be handled by a team of two. I peered around the door, greeted by a long, empty hallway.

We moved slowly forward, backs to the wall, prepared for the door to open at any moment. Reaching the end of the hall, I nodded as GM-2487 hit the keypad. I tensed as the doors began to open, swinging my rifle back and forth, prepared to pull the trigger, but the room was empty. I heard 2487 release a sigh through her vocoder. We’d made it to the control room. Stepping inside, I swept the room, not wanting to believe that they would have left it unoccupied. I walked slowly, looking for any sign of movement. GM-2487 lowered her rifle into a more relaxed stance, walking over to inspect the controls.

I had began this exercise on edge, and I had yet to figure out what had started the feeling. But now it was different, unease had transformed into added anxiety. This time I knew what was bothering me. The tactics didn’t make sense. This room would never have been left unguarded, unless they didn’t have a force large enough, but they’d had plenty of men. I turned to tell GM-2487 to be on guard, a small squeal of surprise stopping me as hands wrapped around my ankles, yanking me down. I dropped, hitting the durasteel with a grunt. 2487’s sound of surprise was soft underneath the opening of blast doors.

Reflexively, I put my arms up, just managing to stop the blade from impacting with my gut. The small woman was dressed in an officer’s uniform, a blue armband knotted around her bicep, denoting her allegiance. She was still beneath the desk, not having the leverage she would have had she been directly above me. I forced her hands away, scuttling backwards out of her reach as she prepared to stab down a second time. My rifle had skittered away when I fell, so I pulled my SE-44 as she crawled from under the desk, shooting her at close range. My trooper friend was still fighting, the sounds of her altercation echoing. I heard movement from behind me, quickly spinning around on the floor. Officer Calien was advancing on me, and I lifted my knees up to my chest as he dropped down to me, making sure to get my legs between us.

He was a large man, and I knew I had a very limited amount of time to end this. His weight and reach was by far too advantageous. I planted my feet just right, using my legs to push him up and away from me. I grunted with the pain, flipping up to face him and firing as he began to advance on me. I turned to check on GM-2487, but gasped as the air was knocked out of me and I went back down. I struggled briefly with the person that had tackled me, trying to prevent them from getting on top of me, but they kept me from squirming away. Lieutenant Eidhn stared down at me with a satisfied smile as she straddled my waist, and she went for the pistol as I went to shoot her. We fought for control, but she twisted the firearm and my fingers extended, and I lost my grip. She lifted up slightly, preparing to kill me with my own gun.

I surged upwards, and she hadn’t braced properly, her dainty form lifting easily. She fell backwards as I stood, and I kicked the gun from her hand. She righted herself quickly, crouching low, arms raised. I matched her, and we circled each other, testing each other’s defenses with small flashes of kicks and punches. She charged, full lips twisted into a ferocious smile. My arms reverberated with each block, my knee twinging as I got her in the side. I glanced around me quickly, noting that Calien’s form was a few feet behind me, grimacing as she got through my defenses in my distraction, gut burning. She was not pulling her hits, and I coughed as I kicked at her legs.

It wasn’t long before we were locked together, grappling for control. I was staring intently down at her face, watching the sweat bead at her forehead as I stepped back. Panic filled me immediately as I expected to trip and fall backwards over Calien, but I turned to find that my foot was firmly planted through his back, the simulation unable to provide solidity to his form after he’d slid out of the way. My eyes flashed, pain building behind my skull as my perception shifted, flashes of white superimposing over the mechanics of the room. I gasped as Eidhn’s elbow connected with my face, and I jerked backwards. I grabbed her wrist as she went for my jaw, twisting her around. I paused, wondering if I should give as good as I got and actually dislocate her shoulder. Before I could make my decision, she jerked and fell, hyper-extending her own arm out of the socket.

I snapped around, Officer Bani standing at the entrance, her team clearing the room of hostiles quickly and efficiently. I couldn’t stop my glare, my victory snatched from me a second time. She handed me a scarf from a pouch at her belt, gesturing at the blood running from my nose. I snatched it from her, tilting my head backwards and mumbling a gruff thank you through the fabric. A soft whir that had been in the back of my senses suddenly stopped, the images of the room flashing to disappear into a stark white room, blocks fitting together to give surface for the imaginary electronics. I followed the group out of the room, and down the steps, exiting into a cavernous white room made of small, reflective and flexible panels.

It suddenly hit me, as my footsteps echoed up to the ceiling. The patch at the back of my neck and the goggles snapped to my face could only account for so much. Our movements had echoed because there was no forest to block the sound, our footsteps too quiet because there were no leaves to crinkle or branches to snap. When I had stepped through the vision of Calien’s body, my mind had tried to readjust to make sense of what it was seeing, disabling the simulation momentarily. Though the simulation was exceedingly detailed, there were some things that couldn’t be mimicked. These training sessions would never be as good as the real thing.

I watched as the room shifted, the flexible panels moving throughout the room. The pillars that had acted as trees retracted into the ground to make for a smooth surface. We left the simulation bay, entering the adjacent room that served as both equipment storage and a waiting room. I dropped all of my equipment in the appropriate bins one handed, keeping the fabric pressed close to my injured face. I snatched the goggles and tossed them onto a table, and peeled the chip from the back of my neck. Calien stood ahead of me, grunting as he delicately pulled at the patch, the surrounding skin red and angry. The chips augmented senses other than sight, but also provided an electrical shock when it received the signal from a laser; thus effectively mimicking the limp fall of a dead body, while also encouraging trainees not to get shot.

We made it up to the simulation room, where Hux and Phasma had been watching over both bays via transparisteel windows and large monitors.

“Congratulations, Officer Bani, on completing the challenge with first place. Your skills are exemplary.” Hux’ compliment rang through the room, and anger built deep in my bones. My team had cleared that entire base, she had swooped in at the last minute to steal all the glory. “Specialist Varien owes you a great deal of thanks. It appears that hand to hand is not her forte, had you not dispatched of Lieutenant Eidhn, who knows what further damage she might have inflicted upon Specialist Varien.” I flinched, skin burning with embarrassment at the disappointment in his voice.

“Specialist Varien, you may be dismissed to seek medical assistance. You may make up your combat test at a later date.” Phasma’s voice filtered in from behind General Hux.

“Captain Phasma, I would prefer to stay, if that’s all right. I would prefer to complete my first day in full.” I said as proudly as I could, the words muffled under the fabric.

“Very well, Specialist. You will all have a short break to seek sustenance and refreshments. We will meet you all in C-1 in forty minutes. Dismissed.” Everyone scattered the moment she finished speaking, most everyone heading towards the mess hall. I turned the other way, intending to visit Med Bay before our last test.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always pictured that the First Order training simulations are probably more like modern day equivalents, VR goggles, cockpits to simulate crash landings, etc. But with the technology that is available in the Star Wars universe, I also know that they could do so much more. The idea for this mostly came from the idea of something that augmented senses but couldn't fully replicate the real thing. Saphren, having been in a war, would expect certain things that she doesn't see. This sets her further apart from the First Order ideals, and closer to Kylo's opinion of "real" training, and therefore causing more tension between her and Hux, who prefers the textbook route. Considering he, you know... Wrote the textbook.
> 
> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	5. Kriffing Test Day

**32 ABY**

**Medical Bay - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Saphren **- Day 2**** _

I leaned further back against the syncloth, taking full advantage of the reclining chair; Officer Bani’s scarf still pressed firmly against my nose. The Med Tech had taken one look at my face, scowled, and wandered towards the back while mumbling something about “kriffing test day.” I had smiled, wondering just how many injured personnel had shown up today. I also had cause to wonder why Keziah Bani had a decorative scarf stuffed in her pack of supplies, but I’d have to wait to ask.

Closing my eyes against the bright lights of the room, I sighed in relief as the pressure behind my eyes eased slightly. The moment I had sat down, I had wanted nothing more than to sleep. I was bone tired, and on some level I wished I had taken Phasma up on her offer to make up the last leg of the day. On an entirely different level, I was still thrumming with anxiety. The day had been a resounding failure, and I was certain that my scores would be sub-par. The worst part of it all was the fact that I knew I hadn’t failed, that I didn’t deserve the condescension that just seemed to radiate from General Hux.

I sat up as I heard footsteps approaching, expecting to see the Med Tech, but GM-2487 was walking towards me instead. She had nutritive shakes tucked between her breastplate and armored arms. She dropped the bottles onto the padding of the chair below my feet as I stared at her awkwardly.

“I didn’t know what flavor you liked.” She said, in simple explanation as she dragged a chair up next to me, as if I was only curious about the amount of bottles and nothing else.

“Thank you…” I couldn’t help the questioning tone, coughing lightly before asserting the words more firmly. “Thank you, GM-2487.” She pulled at her helmet, setting it lightly at her feet. I had fully anticipated seeing Suria, wide mouth smiling as she ran a hand through her short cropped hair, but a woman with shining dark skin smiled at me instead, her jovial smile dropping as I stared longer than was polite. She looked both quizzical and concerned, as she replied in a measured tone.

“Call me Gemma,” she said with a tentative smile, white teeth flashing, surrounded by bright red lipstick. Gemma’s thick black hair was pulled back into a sleek bun, no static-y fly-aways to be seen. Black kohl lined her almond eyes, and despite the exertion from earlier, her makeup was pristine. I wondered slightly at wearing such impressive cosmetics when you wore a helmet all day, but to each their own.

“Thank you, Gemma,” I said, response pitifully muffled beneath the fabric. I had tried to put as much warmth as possible into my response, but I found that I was still quite suspicious of her behaviour. I reached cautiously for the lavender bottle, always favoring Dressellian Prunes to any other flavor.

“How did you know the Thermal Detonator wouldn’t go off before you retrieved it?” She asked suddenly, staring at me intently as I held the bottle awkwardly, contemplating how to open it without dropping the scarf. I thought the bleeding had stopped, but I didn’t want to risk it.

“I set the timer for an hour,” I replied simply, unscrewing the cap one-handed with some difficulty. She stared at me as if I had just said the most asinine thing she could think of, as if she were trying to determine if I was serious.

“So it was a ruse? The cloth over your mouth, the detonator?” She asked, eyes narrowed.

“Yes, yes it was. Easiest way to force them out.” I smiled, more a baring of teeth than anything else, but faltered as I realized she might not be able to see my mouth. She laughed, taking a sip of her Juna Berry as I attempted to get my bottle under the voluminous fabric. I managed to get a small taste before she responded.

“My new roommate told me I would like you.” I raised an eyebrow in question, dropping the bottle back down to rest on my leg. “CH-1854. She’s my new bunkmate. She threw a fit when she was informed that she would not be joining us for the training systems today. Told me she’d take me for a night out on the town if I watched after you.” A small snort escaped me before I could think about it, laughing not only at the situation, but Chiresa’s offer. I wondered if I should tell Gemma that Chiresa would have taken her out on the town for literally any occasion.

“Mmm. I see. Well, thank you for having my back, regardless of your motivations.” Of course Chiresa was involved. I’d have to thank her. I re-tucked my legs underneath me, trying to get more comfortable, sliding the bottle of bacta around to the other side of my leg. “Oh, do you know anything about....” I started to ask about the bacta, stopping mid-sentence as Lieutenant Eidhn walked into the room, right arm straight against her side, files gripped at her left. She was staring in my direction, making no attempt to disguise her feelings for me.

“She... does not look happy with you”  Gemma replied, tone more serious than I’d heard it all day.

“Err… Apparently. I’m guessing she blames me for the dislocated shoulder.” I stared openly as she settled into the chair across the hall and a few seats down, jumping slightly as I heard a door slam from the back of the Med Bay.

The overworked Med Tech returned, setting down supplies on the table near my chair. He gave Gemma a dismissive glance, and gave Eidhn a nod to let her know that he’d seen her. She huffed loudly, leaning back with an exaggerated flop. I would assume that she was not used to waiting.

“Blow.” The Tech said, and it took me a moment to realize he was speaking to me. I looked down at the scarf that had been handed to me, and I shrugged. It was ruined anyway.

It was an effort to force air through the abused passages of my nasal cavity, and I felt bile rising. I tossed the scarf in the proffered bin when I was done. I memorised the design, a delicate floral pattern with yellows and reds. I put the cap back on my shake now that I had use of both hands, dropping it on the fabric next to me.

“Turn to look at me.” He said, gloves snapping in place. I turned, legs hanging over the edge of the chair. “Lean forward.” I leaned, and he assessed my face carefully. He placed his hands gently on my cheeks, and I felt the pressure before his thumbs even graced the skin of my nose. I winced as he pressed down lightly, moving up and down my nose to find the break. “Hold still.” I almost nodded, but mumbled incoherently instead.

Light flashed in front of my eyes as he pressed, a loud pop resonating through the room as he straightened my nose. He backed away to give me a moment, looking at my face from different angles to verify if it was straight. Unsatisfied, he returned to stand in front of me, feeling along the bridge of my nose again. He found the spot that he’d been looking for, pressing with one thumb while bracing with the other. Another snap seemed to echo through the room, and I fought the urge to vomit.

“When you can, look at me.” I immediately snapped my face up towards his, vision still flashing, but I was desperate to be done. He nodded, apparently satisfied. He slapped the brace onto my nose, molding it into place, and taped it to the skin of my cheeks. He reached for the gun, and I shook my head.

“No?” He asked to clarify, holding the silver contraption at the ready.

“I’m going back to finish up my day. No pain meds for me, thanks.” The glare he gave me was impressive, and I smiled sheepishly at him. He dropped the needle gun, and it hit the metal tray with a bang. He tore the gloves from his hands with more force than necessary.

“Once the swelling goes down, come see me again to make sure it is properly set,” He said, pointing at me sternly. “If you hurt yourself again today, make sure to come back when I’m not on shift.” He said, voice terse, the warning clear. I nodded at him as he walked away to see to Eidhn. I looked at Gemma, and she shook her head.

“I would've taken the day if I were you.” She said, her tone lightly accented.

“They want to test us while fatigued. If I can succeed with this,” I paused and gestured at my face, “it’ll mean more. To me. At least.” I smiled, wincing as it pulled at the muscles in my nose. I hopped off the seat, grabbing the nutritive shakes. There were two left unclaimed, and I was uncertain what to do with them. I shrugged and set the Oomsh-fruit bottle down on the Tech’s desk gently. He seemed like an Oomsh kinda guy. Gemma returned the chair she’d sat in to the wall, and we headed for the exit.  
I set the Shef’na down softly at the end of Eidhn’s bed by her files on the way out the door. Her back was to me and the Tech was prodding her shoulder with expert fingers, but I hoped she’d see the gesture for what it was and stop glaring at me like she’d be glad if I died.

Gemma patted me on the back once we were in the hall.

“Good luck. Make sure to tell Chiresa I was good to you. She promised to pay for the shots if I did right by you,” she said, winking.

“I will. Thank you for your help. Also, you’re one hell of a shot.” I said, happy to give her the praise that made her dark skin glow at the cheeks. I’d tell Chiresa that Gemma did well by me, although it wouldn’t matter. Chiresa didn’t need an excuse to buy shots, she just wanted people to have as much fun as she did.

We went our separate ways with a parting wave, and I hustled to the east hall, grabbing my jacket and service weapon on the way. C-1 was an echoing monstrosity of a hanger, although it was empty of vessels and equipment. Pads lined the floor, although they didn’t look much softer than the surrounding duracrete. Most everyone was here already, leaning against the far wall. The glanced at me briefly, quickly flicking their eyes away. A few people openly stared, and the judgment came off of the group in waves. I rolled my shoulders and brushed the anger away.

The hanger door opened, bright light flashing into the empty room as icy air flooded past us. We all stood at attention as the door cleared Hux and Phasma’s knees, waiting patiently as the door continued on it’s way up. The sun glinted off the snow behind them, and I squinted. Phasma’s armor acted as a mirror, refracting light every which way. Hux was an imposing, shadowed figure, his profile barely visible in the gloom. His coat rustled lightly with the wind, and his head turned as if he was listening to something in the distance.

My gut dropped, a fuzzy memory of a long lost dream twisting in the back of my thoughts evoking a feeling that were difficult to explain. The tension I’d worked off this morning was suddenly there, and I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment. I wasn’t sure what had caused it, but it was decidedly disadvantageous.

“At ease. Please follow Captain Phasma to the outdoor range.” Hux said before walking past us, back into the base. We all moved to follow Phasma, following the light of her armor. An impressive range was set up in the cleared forest. Multiple officers stood to the side, and we lined up 10 at a time for the ballistics test under their watchful eye.

When it was my turn, I found that the swelling in my face made it difficult to properly aim, and the distraction caused by the foggy memories that seemed to impose physical force on the back of my skull was more trying than I’d anticipated. I started with my pistol and moved up the line to heavier firearms. I hoped that instinct would guide my aim, as I was dismally questioning my capabilities. When I finished, I meandered back into the hanger, feeling like a cloud was following me. This was a poor idea on my part. I should have taken the day and salvaged at least some of my test scores.

I leaned against the corner nearest to the door, which had been left open. The hanger was exceptionally cold, and the group of first shooters were visibly struggling with the temperature. I leaned further back, spreading my legs to make sure that my weight was evenly distributed, and proceeded to rest my eyes; depending on the cold air to keep me from falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	6. Hand to Hand Must Not be Your Forte

**32 ABY**

**Hanger C-1 - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Saphren **- Day 2**** _

I jerked as something small hit my stomach, frantically looking around with a slight panic, adrenaline pushing in my veins. I felt more awake than I had all day. My cheeks heated when I realized that the cold had failed me. Keziah was crouching a few feet in front of me, giving me a concerned look. I looked down to see a pebble at my feet, and looked back up to her. She discreetly gestured with her hand by her knees before standing to join the others, and I skittered after her, still not gathering what was happening. Moments later Captain Phasma, a handful of superior officers, and the last testing group entered the hanger.

Relief and understanding flooded through me, and I glanced down the line to give Officer Bani a tight lipped smile, but she was focused on the encroaching party. She was making it awfully hard to hate her.

The door at the other end of the hanger banged open, Lieutenant Eidhn strolling in with her arm strapped to her side with a sleek black sling. A slight man was following behind her, his black uniform neatly pressed, light blonde hair combed perfectly to the side. I had the briefest flash of him with tan skin and a taut smile that slowly broke into a delicious grin, wondering if his hair would have streaks of red in the sunlight, and my heart rate increased. I was staring at him, Eidhn’s words floating to me across the vast space as they paused by the door.

“I don’t even _like_ Shef’na. In fact I hate it, Thanisson.” I flicked my eyes to her momentarily, watching as she dropped the bottle in the bin by the door. That seemed like a bit of a show, and I felt myself further confused by her. I thought about it for a moment longer. It was definitely for my benefit, she had to have passed twenty bins on the way here, not to mention the trash compactor. I filed it away for later, when I could examine her possible motivations at my leisure. I returned my gaze to Thanisson, who was looking at me with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance, but not recognition. He was talking to Eidhn softly, and I was unable to hear him from this distance.

I was still openly staring at Eidhn’s companion when Hux entered the room, and I snapped to attention just like everyone else, but my eyes trailed the officer, not the General. Officer Thanisson wasn’t short, but he wasn’t necessarily tall either. I tried to remember how tall _he_ had been, but could only remember that he was taller than me. If Thanisson was my wayward officer from years ago, he at the very least remembered as much about that night as I did, or was significantly better at schooling his expressions.

“I know that you are all fatigued,” Hux paused, and I tore my eyes away from Thanisson. The General’s words were soft, understanding, the undercurrent of command just a part of him. He didn’t sound demanding or angry, just matter of fact. And it pulled at me, because I’d heard rumors of a man that was never pleased, who always strived for more, who had incredibly high expectations for his forces, and I’d seen a man that had been unreasonable since 0600 this morning. But this man, the man that was speaking through the imposing figure before us, was someone that understood his men.

“But war will come, and with it long days and longer nights. The First Order needs to see what you are capable of when your limbs ache, when fatigue blinds your senses and impacts your judgment, when determination meets defeat. But more importantly, you need to find where your own limit lies. In a few short hours, your first day at Starkiller will be complete, and you will know what you have accomplished.” He looked at us all in turn, and I couldn’t help but feel that his gaze lingered on me, that he was searching for something that I didn’t know how to give. I met eyes of beryl and stared into him, trying to seek understanding, and then the moment passed and he continued to look at the rest of the gathered officers.

I was starting to understand why a man who didn’t look a day past thirty, who was known to be ruthless and a complete ass, was General of the First Order. He led well, spoke passionately. I’d felt lost just an hour earlier, the events of the day causing me to question my own limitations, his words ringing in my ears and echoing doubt through my system. But his words now brought me resolve.

“At ease. Separate into groups of five and find a mat.” He said in dismissal, turning to meet with the other superiors on the other side of the hanger. Lieutenant Eidhn and Officer Thanisson left their position near the door to join him. I envied the grace that Eidhn carried herself with. She was back in uniformed skirt and heels, and held a sheaf of files and a datapad against her side with her uninjured arm. When I looked past her, I could see Thanisson trailing me with his eyes, and I turned my head to follow him even as I walked in the opposite direction. Either he was examining the person who both General Hux and Lieutenant Eidhn apparently hated, or something else entirely was going on, and I fluttered at the thought.

I found myself in a group with Officers Bani, Calien, Natalis, and Vallkel. I gave Calien and Vallkel an appraising glance. They were both very large men, and I didn’t like the odds of that. Everyone settled into their groups, Calien and Vallkel starting a conversation about the new speeders being released later that month. Seemingly out of nowhere, Hux walked past our group, numbering us one through five, and I felt dread building when he pointed in my direction and simply said: “One,” lips curling over the word sinfully. There had been no explanation for our numbers, but if my thinking was correct, I was going to have a very rough time of it. Furthermore, I needed to get myself under control, I was by far too distracted. The man had said one word to me in passing, and hadn’t even been looking at me.There was nothing sinful about the number one.  Maybe I’d go out with Chiresa tomorrow, treat myself to her form of stress-relief.

After all of the groups had been numbered, Hux returned to the front of the room.

“In order to gauge your skills at hand-to-hand, we will have a competition. You all received numbers, and you will face off in order within your group. Officers one and two will start, the winner continuing on. The looser, shall join Captain Phasma at the far end of the hanger.” I looked at everyone else in my group with concealed horror. This was in no way ideal. “Each group will have an assigned officer that will grade your performance. Oh, and do try not to send anyone to the medical bay,” He said with a smile, the ‘try’ exceptionally accentuated. “You may begin when your assigned officer arrives.”

I gauged each of my competitors as I waited, stretching my abused muscles. Thanisson arrived as I was stretching my hamstrings, and I rose up quickly, cheeks flushed. He gestured for us to begin, leaning casually against the hanger wall, datapad in hand.

Calien and I started circling each other on the mat. He had strength and reach on me, so I had to depend on being faster. The second he got a hold of me, I’d be done for. He shifted forward, and I blocked the kick to my side, twisting up to return the favor. He was off balance and didn’t have time to correct, my boot taking him in the gut. I backed away as soon as my leg landed, and he wasn’t far behind. I skittered away from him, turning at the last minute for a punch at his ribs. My hit landed, but so did his, although he’d hit low, at my hip. I grimaced, it was the hip I’d landed on earlier today. I was too fatigued for this, and I’d need to end this soon if I was going to have the strength to compete with the other three.

I backed away, crouched low, hands up to protect my face. My hip was smarting, and I was leaving too much of my side open as I stepped back, unable to keep tight form. He saw it just as well as I, and he went for the opening. I snapped my arms down and grabbed his leg, pulling back to yank him off balance, arms jarring with the force of his kick. But it worked, he went tumbling down. I released his ankle and dropped down with him, hitting down with my fist lightly on his chest. If I’d had a blade, he’d be dead. We shook hands as he went to join the few others by Captain Phasma. It was the second time today I’d downed him, but he didn’t look upset, and had congratulated me warmly.

Officer Natalis walked onto the mat, her small form crouching low as I returned to form. I was going to have trouble with Corporal Cathries Natalis. She was smaller than I was, and I’d watched her briefly throughout the day. She was fast. I’d just have to hope that I was better. We started our circle, but before we could make half a turn she bolted towards me.

Her low kick got me in the knee, and I stumbled, but stayed upright. She went for my face, but I blocked each of her hits, though I was struggling. Her jabs were fast and strong, and she wasn’t pulling any of them. Officer Natalis appeared to be an expert in boxing. I waited until she was focused on a set of fast punches at my torso, and dropped my guard to better balance, taking a few hits to the gut. She swung up for my face, her fist glancing off my chin as I kneed her in the kidney. She crumpled into herself, and I swept her legs out from under her while she recovered, following her down. She managed to get a hand to my calf, but I’d made it to her ribs first. I’d have lost a large portion of my mobility, but she would have lost her life. She got up in a huff before stalking off after Calien. The group on that room was still very small, many still in their first fight, trying to showcase their skills. I was just trying to win.

Vallkel stormed onto the mat, all force. I’d have the same problem with him as Calien, but I was more tired. It was going to be a close one. We went directly into facing each other, testing our defenses with small jabs and kicks. And then he was reaching for me, and I felt my eyes widen. I dropped as fast as I could, one of his beefy arms hitting the top of my head as I went down. He’d intended to grab me, pin my arms to each side, and I would have surely lost. I hit the ground, and he’d shifted forward to try to follow me out of instinct. He was braced well, legs splayed wide, I’d have a hard time knocking him down. So I crawled under them, and as he straightened from his crouch, I kicked backwards at his legs. He fell to a knee, as I got a good shot at his achilles. I flipped myself over as he went to stand, bracing with my elbow as I swung my entire lower body into his legs. He toppled, landing hard on his side. I flipped up to crouching, slapping a hand onto his back where I would have stabbed him.

I sat back while he got up, trying to catch my breath. He was giving me a goofy smile, not appearing to be miffed in the least.

“That was good, I did not expect that,” he said gruffly, accent heavy, reaching down to help me to my feet. He pat me on the shoulder, and I lurched forward with the force of it. Maybe he was a bit miffed after all.

Officer Bani moved forward and my limbs started to tingle. This was what I was dreading. Keziah Bani was skilled, and this was going to be a trial for me. Not only was I on my fourth opponent to her first, I was injured and she was not. She’d also had the benefit of watching me for the last three fights. I was endlessly glad I’d been defensive for most of the fights, reacting to the fighting style of my opponent rather than going on the offensive. She’d have less to work with.

We circled each other, coming in close for a few jabs at the face, all easily blocked with our arms raised. She tested my defenses, going for the spots that had already been hit. I blocked the hit to my knee, arms sore from taking the force of it, but I didn’t know if I’d been able to stay upright if she’d succeeded. And then she went at it with everything she had, and I had to focus on blocking. Her form was impeccable, using everything out of the handbook with precision. I could tell that she was trying to pull her punches, but she was not succeeding. I gave her credit for trying.

She backed off, and I could tell that she was considering how to switch up her tactics to get through my defense. She crouched low into a different form and then came at me with a series of jumping kicks. I switched my defense at the last moment.

“You’ve had Special Ops training,” I said, breath heavy. She gave me a satisfied smile.

“You too,” she said, gesturing at my defensive stance as she came forward for another round.

In the middle of her attack, she pulled back for a punch, and I could see it in her face, she thought she’d win with this. She was positive that she could get past my fatigued defenses, and I was sure she was right. So I turned, grabbing her arm and pushing her forward. She recovered quickly, using her momentum for a flying kick at my side that I didn’t have time to block. I lost my balance and fell forward, and I wasn’t able to get my hands up fast enough. My face hit the mat with an echoing smack, and my nose cracked under the brace. I fought the urge to vomit, but pushed up.

I got a brief look at her face, and she looked horrified. She felt badly for me, I knew, but it had made her pause instead of going for the kill. I skittered up around her side, and she was too slow to turn with me. I got up behind her, jumping up to get my arms in place for a headlock. I pulled her back, off balance, but she stayed standing.

“I _was_ Special Ops,” I said with a hiss, holding her steady as she tried to break my hold. I kept low, making sure she couldn’t get under me to flip me over her shoulder. After a few minutes of struggling, she raised her hands in defeat. We broke away from each other, huffing. I smiled as I shook her hand, and I only felt a little bad about the blood that streaked her pale bun.

I shook out my joints, smiling jovially. I knew that I probably looked a mess, my bun had come loose into a low pony-tail and I was bleeding through the brace on my nose. But I felt exceptionally proud of myself. I turned to face Thanisson, my smile fading as Hux sauntered up to us. Thanisson passed the datapad to the General, and his service weapon followed. He did a few quick stretches before stepping onto the mat, giving me a strong smile. I couldn't help smiling back.

“Kriff,” I mumbled softly under my breath. Thanisson’s eyebrow rose, and I glanced up to see that Hux hadn’t heard, relief flooding me when his face remained impassive. Thanisson was taller, had more reach than Natalis or Bani, but would be faster than Calien or Vallkel. I knew this would be the end of my competition. I crouched down and waited, and I didn’t have to wait long.

He went straight into it, jabbing at my face, at my torso, kicking at my legs, and he was so very fast. I hunkered down, waited for a pause, and then pressed my own attack. I kicked him in the side and he stepped further back, away from me. With the small opening that I had, I jumped up into a scissor kick and pulled him down, rolling to the side. I used my momentum to continue up to my knees, but he was already up and moving. The impact hadn’t phased him in the least and he’d jumped up to his feet immediately. He put me in a headlock, just as I had Officer Bani, but I was on my knees and unable to struggle. I surrendered with a huff.

He released me, and helped me up delicately.

“Thank you,” I said as I reached out to shake his hand. He gave me a dazzling smile.

“Very good, Specialist Varien.” His voice was strong and clear.

“Although you did quite well in dispatching your opponents, Specialist, your form could use improvement. I assure you that I did take your injuries into consideration, but your performance was still sub-par. Hand-to-hand must not be your forte. You also improvise far too much, next time I would like to actually believe that you’ve read your manuals. Officer Bani has exceptional form. I would recommend that you ask her to tutor you in your free time. Officer Thanisson, thank you for devoting some of your recreation time on the base to training, you are dismissed.” General Hux said, typing his final notes into the datapad before handing it back to Thannison.

“General Hux, Sir. If I might, I would like to put my foot forward to help with Specialist Varien’s training.” Thanisson said clearly, grasping the datapad and reaching for his service weapon. Hux slowly lifted his eyes from his hands, his mouth twisted with a sour look. He looked like he was weighing his options.

“Very well, Petty Officer Thanisson. Until your return to duty on the Finalizer, you will have training sessions with Specialist Varien and any other officers who need _special attention._ You will add bi-weekly meetings to your schedule, I will leave the specifics to you.” General Hux said with a sneer, releasing the pistol to Thanisson.

“Thank you, Sir,” Thanisson said with a salute, giving me a smile as he turned to exit the hanger.

“Specialist Varien, you may be dismissed to seek medical attention. The entire class will have tomorrow as an off day, enjoy your rest.” General Hux said, turning away to watch the nearest group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Over-exaggerated Ooh's and Ahh's.* Could Thanisson be our dear Saphy's mystery man? Let's continue on to find out!
> 
> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	7. Unfathomable Stupidity

**32 ABY**

**Medical Bay- Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Saphren **- Day 2**** _

I slinked away before anyone could stop me, skittering through the halls to the Med Bay. I had a feeling that if I had stayed I would have been pulled into some sort of review that I didn’t want to deal with. I passed a few tech’s and officers on my way, and by their looks of barely concealed horror, I looked fantastic. When I arrived at the bland, grey hallway, I slowly peered around the doorway, intending to flee the moment I saw Oomsh-guy. There were a few Officers leaning back against the black syncloth, but they seemed to be snoozing quietly. The room was immaculately clean, rows of chairs lining either side of the wall. Two large bacta tanks sat in the far corner, across from the few desks that the Med Tech’s used.

A Med Droid hovered in the corner behind the desks, it’s lights flashing peacefully in sleep. The room was otherwise deserted. I slowly stood from my crouch and wandered further into the entrance, looking for any sign of who might have been on shift currently. As I was standing indecisively, a woman brushed past me quickly from behind, her white coat fluttering behind her. She set a stack of papers on the desk near Oomsh’s, and then turned to me with an appraising look. I gave her a nervous smile in response.

“Harvel said you’d be back today,” she said simply, directing me to a chair before pulling long black hair into a messy bun.

“Harvel...?” I asked in confusion, going to sit on the chair she’d pointed to.

“The Medical Technician that helped you earlier today?” She asked distractedly as she searched her desk for something.

“Ohhh. Oomsh-guy,” I said, nodding in understanding. So Oomsh’s real name was Harvel. I hadn’t bothered to ask... How rude of me. I think I liked Oomsh better. I glanced back up at the woman, who was giving me a look that said she thought I’d gotten hit a little too hard in the head as she slid a pair of glasses onto her nose. “Uh… Yes. Harvel. Thanks. Well, he was right.” I replied, struggling through the sentence. I didn’t think that he really thought I’d be back, he just mentioned the idiot that went back to training to his co-worker. I looked at the patch on the woman’s breast and determined that her name was Emson. She turned away and walked over to Oomsh’s desk, lifting up a fully prepared tray and bringing it over.

She saw me watching the tray with raised eyebrows.

“I’ve lost the bet. I’d been sure you would have avoided the Med Bay for a good few days before coming in with some excuse of how you’d gotten hurt again.” She said, setting the tray down lightly.

“Sorry…?” It came out as more of a question, and she gave me a sharp look, then smiled.

“Please remove your tunic, Officer.” She said as she was gloving up. I removed my tunic, shivering in my undershirt. She swabbed my arm just before the Med Droid administered pain medication. It had floated up silently behind me, buoying ominously after the needle retracted.  “Testing is over, Officer Varien. No need to abstain.” She said as she peeled the soggy brace from my face. I wouldn’t have declined anyway, my body ached more than it had in at least two years. My nose had started to swell in the confines of the bandage, and the relief was immense as it was removed.

“Blow,” she said as she handed me a pad of gauze. I did as she asked, and it wasn’t any more pleasant this time than it was earlier today. She hastily wiped my face with a cloth dampened by disinfectant the moment I was done. She set my nose in three quick adjustments, giving me very short breaks between each. Despite the ongoing pain, I was happy to get it over with as soon as possible. I also suspected that she had to get the work done before the swelling had a chance to take off without the brace to tamp it down.

“Lean back Officer Varien.” She said as she cleaned up the station. I scooted back on the seat and leaned back, propping my legs up with a sigh of relief. “Close your eyes and breathe through your mouth.” Emson said, and I followed her orders. Moments later, a warm, wet cloth was set over my eyes and nose, and it smelled distinctly of bacta. I listened to her move around the room for a while, but once the medication hit, I was dead to the world.

I woke up sometime later, the Med Bay dark, thin light filtering from the recessed emergency lighting that was always on. My head pounded and I felt disoriented. I looked from side to side, trying to see if water had been left for me, my mouth endlessly dry. It took awhile for my eyes to adjust, but I found the bedside tables empty. I returned my head to face straight, realizing that someone was standing at the end of my bed. I blinked slowly, waiting for the blurriness to fade. When it did, the shape of the man was more solid, but he was shadowed and I couldn’t see any of his features. I tried to focus on him further, but my tired mind faded back to sleep without my permission.

_“You’re drunk.” The words were deliciously soft, skin raising as his lips brushed my ear. One strong hand held both of mine, stopping their roaming. Fire burned deep in my gut, and I pressed my legs together with a whine._

_“And?” I thought I could feel his lips curve into a smile behind my ear. Though it seemed impossible, he leaned further into me, sending jitters down my spine. “What does it matter?” I asked in a daze._

_“It matters,” he paused, his other hand sliding down my arm. “Invite me to your bed when you are in full control of your faculties,” he whispered, my hair moving with his breath. “And I will come willingly.”_

_I somehow managed to stop the disgruntled growl in my throat, a marvel of willpower. Turning my face into him, my lips found his collarbone, the fabric of his shirt smooth on sensitive skin. I lifted up on my toes to reach his throat, and he pulled my arms up with me. I shuddered with the feeling, my shoulders stretching. Stubble brushed against my cheek, and I took a moment to just breathe, my nose just below his ear._

_“Tease,” he said softly, the rumble vibrating through his chest into mine. This time I couldn’t stop the whimpered moan, and I moved my face further towards him, grazing the skin of his neck with my teeth. He shifted, his leg slipping between mine, and I was pushed up a few inches higher. His mouth found mine, and the first kiss was delicate, slow, antithetical to what I was certain we both wanted. He released my hands and cupped my face, his lips massaging mine with a patience I was trying to replicate. My hands tangled in his hair, drifted down to his neck in a caress. When they reached his shoulders, I pulled myself closer, riding up on his thigh, my eyes rolling into the back of my head when I finally had some friction where I needed it. Our kiss transitioned, the soft touches becoming forceful, and we gripped each other, his hands strong on my forearms._

I jerked awake, my face flaming. Consciousness slowly filtered back to me, and I glanced around the room while trying to look innocuous, breath still coming fast. There was a bottle of water sitting on the table to my right, and a bar of my favorite candy under it. I sat fully upright, rubbing delicately at my eyes, giving myself time to compose my features. I smiled at the brightly packaged sweet, and stretched my protesting muscles. I looked ahead to see that Oomsh-guy was sitting at his desk, staring at me with a look that combined amusement and annoyance.

“Hey Oo… Harvel!” I exclaimed with a lopsided smile, grabbing the water to keep myself occupied. My face was still tight and sore, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as expected. He gave me a snorting laugh in return.

“Good morning, Officer Varien,” He replied in a much quieter tone. “Doctor Emson told me of your ridiculous nickname, although I hadn’t quite believed it. Good on you, continually surprising those around you.” The _with your unfathomable stupidity_ was left unsaid, but was there. I gave him a cheery smile in response.

“Who am I to thank?” I asked, gesturing at the candy.

“Don’t know. It wasn’t there, and then suddenly it was, according to Emson. Someone snuck in when she was in the back. Visiting hours don’t start for another four hours.” He said distractedly, reading a report with interest.

“Four hours?” I exclaimed and he looked up at me with annoyance. “What time is it?” I hissed, glancing around to see if anyone had woken. They still slept peacefully, likely knocked out with pain meds, and the guilt that had started to build drifted away.

“0400,” Oomsh said simply, returning to his report. I gaped at him, trying to calculate it out. “You’ve been asleep for eight hours, Officer.”

“Oh. Well, that’s why I must feel rested, I suppose.” I replied weakly.

“Mmm…” Oomsh-guy said, focusing on his reading. I stood up, looking around awkwardly. “Come see us when the swelling goes down. We’ll make any further adjustments and brace it. Until then, don’t do anything stupid.” Oomsh said in dismissal. I saluted him mockingly, smiling as I snatched my candy and left.

I entered my shared room as quietly as I could, but relaxed when I realized both beds were neatly made. I wondered if Ysable had left early for the day, or if she hadn’t come home. I hoped she’d stayed out and had a wonderful evening, she was strung a little tightly. Sloughing off my clothing and throwing it in the bin felt liberating, and I itched to be in the ‘fresher, suddenly overcome with a feeling of being incredibly dirty. I put the water as hot as I could stand and washed quickly, scrubbing vigorously until I hit a sore spot, of which there were many.

I sighed as my joints warmed up and some of the ache released. Standing under the water was the best feeling in the world, and I relaxed as the steam rose. My hands started to wander as I remembered bits and pieces of my dream, the tension I’d been feeling suddenly there. My hands went in a decidedly downward direction, and I sighed with relief as my fingers curled against sensitive flesh.

“Oi, I have to be on shift in 30 minutes. I don’t mean to rush you, but I realllllllyyy can’t be late,” Ysable’s voice echoed through the door, and I snatched my hands away in a rush.

“Oh, yeah… Sure. I’ll be right out,” I said, voice warbling. Smacking my hand against the synthesized Kiliad marble, I sighed as I rinsed off one final time. Wrapping myself in a towel, I hustled into the room past a tired looking Ysable in yesterday's clothing. I gave her an apologetic smile as she rushed past me for what was sure to be a short shower.

Getting dressed quickly while Ysable was in the shower, I glanced at the bruise on my hip, noticing a few more that speckled my legs. My ribs were worse for wear, and although I’d avoided looking at my face, I knew I had two black eyes to compliment the swelling of my nose. I slipped on my regulation running shoes and headed to the gym, determined to work through the soreness of my joints and to distract from the increasing pressure between my legs.

I did a short thirty minute run before I realized how hungry I was, shuffling off towards the mess hall with a speed that could only be caused by the feeling of mild starvation. I loaded up my plate twice before heading towards the caf, humming happily as the black liquid dripped into my cup. I turned around while I took the first glorious sip, coughing and catching myself before I sputtered the liquid everywhere. I saluted Hux with my free hand as I lowered the cup, eyes watering as I held the cough in my lungs. I wondered if I had done something to tempt fate, the events oddly reminiscent of yesterday morning.

He looked startled, but quickly regained his composure.

“At ease, Officer.” He said as he walked around me to get to the machine.

“Thank you, Sir. Good morning, General. Have a good day, Sir,” I said quickly before nearly sprinting back to my table. I sat with my back straight, staring at the wall, glancing back to watch as he stirred his drink and walked authoritatively out of the mess hall. I relaxed as his form disappeared through the doors, looking glumly at my third plate of food.

“What on earth happened to you?” Suria asked as she sat down across from me, pale hair rumpled. She gave me a knowing smile, and I was sure that she already knew what had happened via gossip.

“Eidhn broke my nose, obviously,” I said, with only the slightest hint of snark. She smiled, a large guffawing laugh reverberating through the room.

“Yes, well, that’s what I heard. But good on you, you did very well.” She said, stuffing her generous mouth with a considerable amount of food. I scoffed.

“I’m sure that I just barely skated by,” I relied, taking a much more delicate bite of food. She was still chewing as she fished her datapad from a strap on her thigh, clicking through the device with mad speed. She slid it over to me, showing the scores from the day prior. I’d done exceedingly well, my scores higher than they had ever been at the Conservatory. My eyebrows rose as I looked at Suria. “Phasma must have calculated my scores. Hux or Eidhn would have failed me, I’m sure of it,” I said, taking a sip of caf.

“Whatever it is that is going on there,” Suria gestured towards the caf machine with her fork, an exact replica of what had occurred yesterday. “You are very skilled and deserving of your high scores. General Hux and Lieutenant Eidhn, no matter how much they appear to dislike you, must also see that.” Suria said with a confidence that I wondered at, but I blushed at the praise.

“Thank you,” I mumbled softly.

“Sure thing!” She exclaimed as she stuffed another large bight of food. She’d finished her plate in exceptional time. “I have to run, but have a good day off Specialist!” Suria said as she collected her things.

“Thank you. Have a good… Not day off?” I asked, stumbling as I realized that she likely had to do drills today. “Oh, and please call me Ren,” I finished more solidly. Suria paused and gave me an incredulous look, and then looked like she was trying to hold in a laugh.

“Yes. I will enjoy my day of work. Thank you, Ren,” she replied, sprinting off, her cackle echoing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	8. A Nightmare Without Caf

**32 ABY**

**Superior Officer's Break Room - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Phasma **- Day 1****_

The day had started like any other, although I’d risen slightly earlier than normal. I spent the first hour of my day at the private recreational facilities before breaking my fast in the small kitchen for high ranking officials. I had eaten my high quality multi-nutritional slop, made a cup of perfectly brewed Surian tea, and read through reports on my datapad. Hux, in his perfectly pressed uniform, with his perfectly styled hair, had come to retrieve his first cup of caf for the day. It was our morning routine, although earlier in the day than normal. He glanced at me briefly, curiously, but returned to the task at hand.

Normally, I’d have been present for his second cup of the day, not the first, and Hux was a creature of habit. I liked to imagine that it threw him entirely off base, my presence a full hour before normal causing a short-circuit in his perfectly wired brain, and I smiled with glee at the thought.

“Good morning Armitage!” I exclaimed, with the proper dose of high pitched excitement that was sure to make him roll his eyes.

“Good morning, Captain Phasma. Early day today?” He asked as he fiddled with the machine, distracted, voice tired. The edge of annoyance was brilliantly hidden, but it was there.

“Mm. Couldn’t sleep, for some reason. But I will accept what fate has dealt me, because it means that we can have an extra hour of the day together. We could even eat breakfast together, Armitage. It’s been ages since we’ve shared a meal!” I said with exaggerated wonder. I pictured him gritting his teeth, watched as his back tensed, if ever so slightly.

“Yes, well. As lovely as that would be, Phasma, you know that I prefer to spend my time working. So I will continue with my daily routine of a multi-nutritional shake. Perhaps I will live it up a little, perhaps I will have Liwi today, instead of Bluefruit.” He said, voice calm even as he aggressively pushed buttons on the machine that had yet to deposit the disgusting drink into his waiting cup.

“Armitage, you’re strung far too tightly. When was the last time you relaxed? Maker forbid took a day off?” I asked, the teasing devoid from this question. He really was strung too tightly, and never took any time off. I was beginning to worry.

“Phasma, we are at war, or have you forgotten? I do not have time for time off,” He replied, aggravation seeping through as he smacked the side of the machine. “And that simpering, maladjusted child will be returning to base shortly,” He hissed, as he turned to face me. “And once again, he will demand to be included in our planning, and change all of the meticulous orders that have been set for _months._ Months, Phasma. And now the bloody caf machine is broken. Again,” He finished, pinching his nose between two gloved fingers. It was then that I noticed the dark circles under his eyes, and the pallor of his skin. Although he was always pale, and although he always had shadowed eyes, it all seemed so much worse. I softened my voice.

“Armitage, we are in a Cold War. Nothing is likely to happen tomorrow, and if it does, we are well prepared. And yes, Commander Ren will be returning soon. However, I’ve heard that the Supreme Leader has tasked him with some all important task. Surely he will be here briefly, and far too busy to interfere with any vigor. And, I will put in a work order for the caf machine. Alright?” I asked, and some of the frustration filtered away. He was a nightmare without his caf, and a little more similar to Ren than he would admit. “Go get some caf from downstairs. No one is awake at this hour,” I said as I typed into the datapad, checking to make sure that I selected a different tech than the last.

“Very well, Captain Phasma. Thank you,” He said before striding towards the door. “Oh… And please do make sure to assign... the most skilled tech to Ren, and start diverting funds to cover the costs.” His voice was resigned, but he seemed to be in better spirits. I was certain that the pause indicated that he had wanted to assign whomever had failed to appropriately fix the caf machine to Ren duty. I truly never wanted to be on Hux’ bad side, he was truly far more vindictive than I could ever be, something of which I was already well aware. I flashed through memories of the past, of Parnassos beetles and hushed conversations. Armitage and I shared a secret that bonded us, a shared vision of the universe. I hoped never to lose that connection. I assigned Amaeri Wryn as the emergency contact for all fatal technical problems during Ren’s stay with a sigh. Poor girl.

 *****

The shuttles began to land, and I watched them through my visor for lack of anything better to do. Hux typed furiously on his datapad, only relinquishing the device to Eidhn’s hands when the last shuttle had released its cargo. As the last group lined up, Hux' recorded voice barked out his command to parade rest. We started our walk, boots crunching on frosted snow. I turned to the left, looking above the heads of the troopers and into the distance. I was more interested in their capabilities than their appearance, and Hux would surely sniff out anything sub par.

I hated shuttle days. It was all pomp and ceremony, and only Hux saw the value. Despite any arguments to the contrary, Hux said that he could tell a great deal from staring at a new recruit. I was endlessly glad that I wore a helmet.

I followed along distractedly, nearly bowling into Eidhn as Hux suddenly stopped. I snapped my head in his direction, as he turned to stare at a nervous looking woman. Her uniform was neat, boots polished, hair twisted into a perfect bun. Even her hat was perfectly straight. She was everything that Hux demanded, but still he looked at her as though something were impossibly wrong. The girls cheeks began to color. Eidhn turned to look at me, eyes wide, and I gave her a soft shake of my head. I had no idea what was going on either.

“Officer…” Hux said in a questioning tone. The woman immediately saluted, her form smooth.

“Specialist Saph _ren_ Varien, Sir,” She replied, voice firm. I stifled a giggle. After Hux’ tirade this morning about Commander Ren, anything that reminded him of Ren’s impending visit was sure to set him off. Hux reached back, and Eidhn produced the datapad with amazing quickness.

“Where did you enlist, officer?” He asked, using the tone that meant he was doing everything in his power to appear in control when in reality his mind was screaming. That tone was almost exclusively reserved for Kylo Ren. I looked between the two of them, looking for any sign of what was going on in the woman’s features. She looked both confused and terrified, but she was holding it together quite well.

“Asherah Prime, Sir,” came her even-toned response.

“But you are not from Asherah Prime, are you, officer?” Hux asked. He’d know where she was from, he likely had her file pulled up on the datapad he’d silently asked Eidhn for. I knew that confusion creased my face, and I was intensely glad that I didn’t have to school my features. Mitaka was not doing well, he was watching the exchange with rapt attention, his mouth twisted into absolute, open-mouthed confusion.

“No, Sir. I originally hail from K-V Seven-Seven, Sir.” Hux’s shoulders tensed, the hand behind his back clutching into a fist, the leather creaking, and then he immediately relaxed, glancing briefly in our direction with an indecipherable look that I would pin as close to fear. He coughed and held the datapad back for Eidhn to grab. As he asked the woman what her final scores were while I tried to remember where I’d heard about  K-V Seven-Seven.

“Which time, Sir?” She asked, her face immediately showing the regret of her blunder. I held the involuntary snort in with all the power I could muster. “I exceeded expectations, Sir.” She said, followed by a long pause. She then proceeded to speak so fast it was a wonder anyone could understand her, and her scores were indeed quite respectable for a non-commissioned officer.

“That is satisfactory, Officer. At ease,” Hux said before continuing down the row, and repeating a similar exchange with the officer there. His voice was collected, and he asked the questions with authority. Nothing like the conversation with the Specialist. I couldn’t tell if he’d finally managed to control whatever series of emotions were ripping through him or if it was just the girl that had caused them and being away from her allowed him to ignore them.

As we neared the end of the row, I remembered the K-V Seven-Seven was one of a series of inhabited moons deep in the Unknown Regions, and the First Order had trade deals with them for ore and other supplies years ago. The Finalizer had been stationed there long term, and the First Order had departed when relations with the moons began to crumble amid a brewing civil war. But I could not think of a single thing that would cause such a reaction from General Hux.

“You are dismissed!” Hux commanded into the air, turning to storm into the base. I hurried after him, determined to pin him down the moment we were alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	9. Gentle Prodding

**32 ABY**

**Datapits- Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Phasma **- Day 1****_

I leaned against the pillar nearest to Hux’ office, watching the officers in the datapits of Starkiller’s operational center, waiting for my moment. He’d been locked away for most of the day, refusing to see anyone but Lieutenant Eidhn. I’d managed to corner her in the hall, and she’d told me of Hux’ plan to get to know the recruits better. She wore the smile that she always did when she spoke of him, the one that said he was the most brilliant man that she’d ever met, the one that reminded you that she probably thought of General Hux late at night, when she was tucked between her sheets.

She’d bought his excuse that he’d meant to take this approach today but had forgotten, only remembering halfway down the line. That woman would believe anything that Armitage told her. Something had most certainly been wrong, and a perusal of Specialist Saphren Varien’s file had given me no clues. If her recommendations from the Conservatory were any indication, she was exceptionally skilled, though I supposed you’d have to be, to survive a civil war.

There was no record of her during the time that the First Order was stationed at Kairos Vaas. She’d enlisted a few short months after the KV War was over. Her record was clean of any untoward activity… The pronunciation of her name would certainly put Hux on edge with Ren’s imminent return, but that wouldn’t explain why her appearance had caused him to stop. There was nothing.

I’d skipped dinner, and after another hour of waiting I finally gave up and retreated to my quarters for the night. I would just have to solve the mystery another time. I headed for the upstairs mess hall for a snack, pleased to see that the caf machine had a happy green light that flashed in the dim room. I grabbed a tray full of snacks to take to my quarters, taking two muffins although I’d have to work them off in the morning.

I removed my armor, changed into sleep pants and a loose shirt, set the tea to brew, settled into my favorite chair, and started reading reports while munching on the bluefruit muffin. I was snoozing happily when the datapad chirped, alerting me to an urgent message. I lifted the offending device as I waited for my eyes to adjust, stretching in my chair.

“Operational Changes to Begin Tomorrow,” the title of the message read. It had been sent to Lieutenant Eidhn and I from General Hux. I scowled. Any message sent after 2200 hours was bad news.

“Starting tomorrow morning, Captain Phasma will conduct Initial Officers Training with Lieutenant Eidhn as support, and I will supervise. Attached are itineraries and examples of prior sessions for your perusal. Thank you.” I set down the datapad as lightly as possible, gritting my teeth as I rose from the chair. Anger was building, but mostly I felt a numb sense of detachment. I assumed it was a form of shock. I was already scheduled to run drills with the troopers… I wouldn’t have time for this, and I had no idea where it had come from.

I pulled on shoes and stormed through the halls, banging on the door to Hux’ office until he finally allowed me entrance. He looked tired. He looked like he had one hell of a headache, and I smiled briefly at my decision to bang obnoxiously for the better part of five minutes. Served him right for doing something without consulting me, and for trying to ignore me for five minutes. 

“Captain Phasma, how can I be of assistance at this hour?” Hux asked, voice tired, with only the slightest hint of annoyance. He was acting. To me. He never acted to me. 

“You can tell me why I’m apparently adding Officers Training to my docket,” I replied, enunciating my annoyance.

“Phasma, you and I have gone back and forth about doing a review for months, but we both know that I don’t have the time to dedicate to it. You’ve asked me for a formal review for your file, but I have been unable to provide it,” Hux said smoothly. I relaxed my jaw slightly, caught off-guard. I was uncertain where he was going with this, and it was most certainly true that I’d been requesting a review. “As your Superior, I should be guiding you, help you expand your skills. I have been terribly remiss in this duty. I have assigned you to this round of Officer’s Training because you will be forced to look at things from a different angle, and it will give me the opportunity to supervise. It seemed like a good compromise at the time, and it seems better now that I have discussed it with you. Is there anything else that I can help you with?” He asked, trying to end the conversation.

“Hux, you haven’t discussed anything with me. You’ve explained, certainly, but it was not a discussion. How do you expect me to juggle trooper training as well?” I asked, shaking my head. His explanation seemed off, or at the very least fell flat. “I went through Officer’s training, I know the angle already. I can think of multiple other ways to handle this. Give it to Eidhn, she’d love the shot at it, and you could come watch me for a few weeks. Eh?” Hux looked up at me from his neat and orderly desk, and I knew he wasn’t going to change his mind. He pursed his lips as if he was trying to avoid saying something he would regret.

“Lieutenant Eidhn is not yet capable of such an undertaking. I have spent most of the day thinking this over, Phasma, and it is the best option. I would suggest that you spend your time preparing, rather than arguing.” He said, his tone final. I sighed, sitting at the chair in front of his desk.

“Very well. I get it, I’m not getting out of this. Fine. But at least tell me what is going on,” I asked him, giving him a serious look.

“I don’t know what you mean, Captain. I’ve just explained what is going on.” He said simply, the political mask he uses on Ren sliding into place. I raised an eyebrow and tried to stare him down, but he stared right back. I tried to think back to the last time that Armitage had avoided discussing something with me, and I came up blank. I didn't understand. I decided to take a shot at something fairly stupid.

“Tell me about Specialist Varien,” I asked, straight faced, no inflection. His mask slipped slightly, a twitch of the lips, a drift of the eyes.

“She has good scores, for a non-commissioned officer. I’m afraid I can’t tell you much more than that. We could pull up her file, if you like.” His reply was meant to be calm, but there was an undercurrent of tension that he couldn’t hide. I stared at him, trying to decide if I could call him a liar. He'd probably let me get away with it. He owed me, after all. He owed me more than anyone else on this planet of ice and machinery. Perhaps more than anyone in the entirety of the First Order. I paused, thinking about it. Well, not everyone. That title would go to Rae. I looked at him for a while longer, thinking. 

I stood and walked from the room, anger twisting my face and tightening my jaw; intending to head straight to my quarters to at least attempt to get some rest, but when I passed the mess hall I couldn’t help myself. I popped open the side of the caf machine and moved some wires around, the machine hissing as it turned off. I’d just make sure to spend my morning in the main hall.

 *****

I woke up exceptionally early and finalized my plans for the day, and went for my morning run in small recreational center reserved for superior officers. I avoided the superior’s mess hall, and therefore Hux, and got a good heaping plate of food. I was looking for a place to sit when I noticed the Specialist sitting by herself, apparently having gone to the recreational center this morning as well. She’d regret that later.

She got up and headed for the caf machine, and I wrinkled my nose before heading towards the table she’d been sitting at. I stopped as the door swung open, Hux storming through, heading straight for the caf machine. He’d be needing his second cup, surely. He stood patiently behind the Specialist, calm and tired. I watched from my corner as the girl turned, as her face fell as she almost ran straight into the General. He immediately tensed, and she gave him a salute so jerky it spilled her coffee.

“General! Hux, Sir! Good morning, Sir.” Her voice rang out, perky for this early. Hux simply chose to ignore her, walking around her to make his cup of caf. I felt my eyebrows rise. He poured a multitude of different things into his cup. I always thought that I’d be able to stomach caf if he made it, but the girl apparently liked it black, something I would never understand.

Hux came back around to stand in front of her, giving her his classic displeased face.

“Officer, might I suggest that you take more care to be properly attired when in the presence of others?” He took another sip of the terrible drink. “One might misconstrue you to be something other than an Officer of the First Order.” His voice had gone low, a voice normally reserved for serious mistakes, or Commander Ren. “Or, more concerning yet, they might realize, that you are, in fact, an Officer of the First Order. And then where would we be?” He asked, picking a piece of lint from his uniform and flicking it in her direction. He turned and walked away, giving me a slight glance as he passed. He yelled over his shoulder once he reached the door, and the woman seemed to crumple. She returned to her table dejectedly, and I continued on my path to join her, ever more motivated to talk to her.

I sat down across from her, and she looked up at me, trying to remove the startled look from her face. She was pretty, and I estimated that she was in her mid to late twenties. But you could tell by looking at her that she’d had it rough. Silver streaked her hair, and her skin didn’t shine with the youth you would have anticipated. She had a pale scar that ran down the side of her face, likely a gift from the war she’d survived. I pointed at her with my fork.

“Alright, spill it. What’s all that about?” I asked, pointing towards the machine.

“Uhh… And who are you?” She asked, her eyes narrowing. She was suspicious of me. Interesting.

“I’m your new friend! You’re going to need me, I assure you. Most people will give you a wide berth, because of that.” I waved in the direction of where Armitage had been. I wasn’t just trying to ingratiate myself, it was unfortunately true. No one would want to draw Hux’ ire, and if he continued to show his apparent dislike for her, although I wasn’t so sure that’s what it was, she would be avoided at all costs.

“Erm… Alright. Shall I just call you ‘friend,’ then? Or do you have a name?” I smiled at her. She was sarcastic. I liked that. I opened my mouth, and then paused, looking around. If I wanted her to talk to me, she couldn’t know who I was.

“You may call me Suria.” I said with as much confidence as I could muster. She looked down at the cup near my elbow as I took a bite of food, and I knew that I’d been made, but she said nothing and looked back up at me. “So?” I asked again, figuring that gentle prodding was my best bet. She sighed, weighed her options.

“Well, you see, I just received a dressing down for, well, _dressing down_. Apparently my attire is not appropriate when in the presence of others.” She looked down at herself, a frown setting in when she pointed at me. We were wearing an extremely similar outfit, just like many of the women in the recreational center. I frowned, confusion eating away at me. Hux was always of the opinion that you should look your best in the presence of others, but he didn’t normally berate others for something that he preferred and couldn’t enforce.

“And yesterday?” I asked, hoping that I’d waited long enough to lead up to it. She looked immediately frustrated, and I wondered how many people had asked her about it. I waited, giving her my undivided attention, waiting for some clue that would give me understanding.

“I’ve honestly no idea.” She said, and I stared at her longer than was polite.

“So there’s no history, no sordid story to share?”

“I’m afraid not. I wish there was, because then maybe I would understand.” I nodded, displeased that she was no help in understanding the mystery of Hux’ behavior.

“You’d better hurry up,” I said, pointing at her food that had remained untouched since I sat down. “Wouldn’t want to be late to your first day, now would you?” I asked snidely, wondering what Hux would do to her if she was late. She ate the rest of her food at a respectable speed, and I really focused on eating now that I wasn’t trying to examine her. We finished around the same time. I went to follow her out of the mess hall, and I hid my smirk when she craned her neck up to look me in the face, a curious look of horror on her face. It was normal, the staring. She was at least polite enough to stop when she realised she was doing it, a pretty blush coloring her cheeks. I waved at her before jogging towards my quarters.

*****

The room stood at attention when General Hux and I walked in. I gave them the command to stand at ease, and we both surveyed the room.

“Today we will re-evaluate the scores sent to us by the Conservatory. Be prepared for a long day.” I smiled as they all groaned internally. “First, I will direct you next door to change your clothing. We will start by gauging your level of physical fitness, followed by a foray into an extended obstacle course. You will then have one hour in the datapits, followed by a simulation that will test your data interpretation and retention, your knowledge of tactics, your leadership, and will briefly bring to light your skills in regards to survival, hand to hand combat, and ballistics. For the end of the evening, we will test your aim and hand to hand combat more directly.” There was a soft, audible groan from everyone gathered, and my mouth pulled into a wide smile. Oh how they suffered, the poor sods. “We are far more interested in your capabilities when fatigued, we find that they are more accurate for our uses.” Specialist Varien sighed, and I would have bet a months salary that she was regretting that run right about now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	10. Can't You Have Just One?

**32 ABY**

**Officers Cantina - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Saphren - Day 3**_

I sat at the bar, feet dangling from the high stool, stirring my virgin Rhuvian fizz distractedly. I’d sat with Chiresa and Gemma for the better part of an hour. We discussed yesterday's events in hushed tones; Gemma saying that she’d heard of Hux having similar behaviour previously, but only when someone had _really_ kriffed up. We concluded that we had absolutely no idea what I did, but that I must have done something unknowingly or I reminded him of someone that had done something absolutely terrible. There was an echoing feeling in the pit of my stomach. I’d gone from praise at the Conservatory to feeling like I just couldn’t get it right at Starkiller, and I was having a hard time finding balance.

Thinking of the night before, I almost told them about the man standing over my bed, but decided that they didn’t want to hear about my fever dreams. As always, I kept the man from Koschie to myself. Only Allaeny and Jennix knew of him, and that was because they were there. I told the troopers of Oomsh-guy, and was pleased to hear that both Gemma and Chiresa thought that it was a most wonderous nickname and they promised to use it if they ever saw Harvel.

I’d meant to thank Chiresa for the candy but the waitress had interrupted, and the thought flittered away before she was done taking our order. I ordered a mixed juice drink, the waitress looking at me askance when I asked for no alcohol. I gathered that it was not a common request. Chiresa and Gemma begged and pleaded, attempting to coerce me into drinking.

“Can’t you have just one?” Chiresa implored. Of course I could have just one. But I knew that with her not-so-gentle prodding it would slowly morph into two, and then three, and then four, so I politely but firmly declined.

I’d listened to the troopers chat as their speech progressively began to slur, and then they were off to the dance floor. They’d tried to drag me, but I’d used exhaustion as an excuse, and they’d bought it. I watched them out of the corner of my eye, and they both had garnered attention. I had briefly thought about trying Chiresa’s form of stress relief this evening, but I found that either my swollen face or my reputation as a possible career killer had steered everyone clear of me.

I turned to look at Chiresa and Gemma, and determining that they were otherwise occupied, flagged down the bartender. He was an attractive man with clipped cinnamon hair, shining green eyes, and full lips, with a name tag that read Laiene.

“Refill?” He asked, pointing at my half-full cup.

“Spicebrew, please.” I said softly, as if the troopers could hear me over the music. “Separate ticket, closed.” Laiene nodded, shuffling off to retrieve my order while I finished my existing drink. He returned moments later, and I paid the tab so that the evidence would be gone when Chiresa returned. I took a sip of the caramel colored liquid, the scent reminding me of years past.

Never one for drinking, I’d gone to the cantina with Allaeny and Jennix at their insistence, much like tonight. We’d started the evening at a booth for conversation, but when half of our class showed up, things had quickly gotten out of hand. I avoided dancing then just as I did now, sitting at a booth and watching everyone’s things, but I did shots every thirty minutes with the group. Then, I’d had suitors, and I had politely refused each and every one of them. It was only when a particularly insistent man would not take no for an answer, that I hissed at him in the most menacing voice I could manage: “ _I detest dancing.”_ A snorting laugh came from behind me, breaking the tension, and the insistent man finally decided that I was unworthy of perusal.

_I craned my head around to see a mop of messy, wavy strawberry blonde hair and nothing else. The source of the laughter was sitting directly behind me in the neighboring booth, also alone. After another set of shots with the group before they returned to the dance floor, his quiet voice drifted over the synth-hide._

_“If you don’t dance, why come to a cantina?”_

_“I could ask the same of you.” Another snort in reply._

_“Yes, you could. But I asked first,” He teased._

_“You did indeed. I come to Koschie because my dorm-mates harass me endlessly if I don’t. What’s your excuse?” I asked, more harsh than I had intended. He paused, and I thought  I heard him click his tongue._

_“I am on leave. I thought it might do me some good to get out and about.” He replied simply, ambiguously._

_“And you had no one to go out and about with?” I asked, too curious to attempt to avoid being rude. He scoffed._

_“No.” I heard him take a long draw fro his drink, and we fell back into silence._

I finished my Spicebrew and twiddled with the straw. I felt my cheeks color when Laiene waved his hand in front of my face and repeated his question of whether or not I wanted a refill. I’d apparently been staring in his direction with glazed eyes for a good five minutes. I declined, glad that I had because it was moments later when Chiresa and Gemma returned. It wasn’t long before they were dragged away by men with amorous intentions. I left them to their dancing, giving Laiene a strained smile and wave when he watched me stand to leave. I walked slowly through the halls, finding myself in a break room rather than my bed. I made a cup of tea and sat in one of the plush chairs to read, flicking through the holonet to find something enjoyable. I settled in to read a book on the Battle of Endor.

When I awoke sometime later, groggy, face aching, I thought I was hallucinating. I stared down at my lap in confused horror, as a small orange cat was fast asleep on my thigh. It was purring loudly, its face smooshed up against my hand in a way that I was certain couldn’t be comfortable. It wore a black gaberwool collar, and I could see that it was well stitched. I kept perfectly still, not wanting to disturb the creature.

It had to have been someone’s pet. Even discounting the collar, the small orange fluff ball probably wouldn’t survive long outside without care, and by its gleaming coat, fine collar, and trimmed claws, I determined that it was most certainly cared for. Not even taking into consideration who could possibly be allowed to have a cat, who would _want_ a cat at a high level military base? The creature started kneading the flesh just above my knee, and I realized that I had started to pet it while I was thinking. I renewed my efforts, brushing my fingers through soft fur, and the purring got louder as it stretched. I smiled in victory, as I could now see the front of the collar, and I hadn’t needed to upset the creature to get to it. I lifted the collar slightly so that I could see, and huffed in disappointment when I realized that it was a magnetic clasp and not a name plate, and that the hanging ball seemed to be nothing more than that.

I thought about getting up and trying to find the owner, or perhaps reporting to Phasma, but the idea that this was perhaps an illegal pet kept me where I was. It would be nice to have companionship like this, in this dreary cold place. I’d hate it if someone lost that because of me, so I stayed where I was, waiting, and promptly fell back asleep.

“Are you in here? … Please tell me you’re in here.” I drowsily blinked, but stayed imobile as I listened. Had I dreamed that the door opened? Had I dreamed of the low, hissing, panicked voice?

“Where are you?” The voice was feminine, frustrated, and came from somewhere behind me. The cat stretched, blinking up at me with big hazel eyes.

“Oh gods. He’s going to kill me… Millicent, where are you?” The woman almost screamed, and I felt the hair at the back of my neck stand on end. I lifted the cat easily with one arm, grasping my blaster in my free hand before I stood as silently as I could. “Oh! I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize anyone was in here…” The woman said. She must have been looking my direction when I started to stand. I turned to face her, reflexively holding the cat closer to my side when the woman shrieked. “ **Oh thank goodness!** ” I blinked slowly at her, my brain struggling to gather what was going on. Her blonde hair was frizzy and wild, her blue eyes wide. “Has she been here this whole time?” The woman asked, coming closer, bending down to look the cat in the face. It was then that everything clicked. The cat was Millicent. The woman had tears in her eyes, and her relief was palpable.

“I don’t know how long she’s been missing, so I can’t say if she’s been with me the entire time, but she was sleeping quite peacefully.” I replied, keeping my voice calm. I didn’t ask if the cat was hers, I was sure that Millicent was the companion to a probably very scary man, if the woman’s reaction was any indication.

“Thank you for keeping her in one spot!” The woman exclaimed, and although a part of me did not want to, I extended the cat to her waiting arms.

“You’re welcome…” I left a question at the end, and the woman blinked at me before giving me a dazzling smile.

“Thank you for finding Millie. My name is Kasra.” She’d started to reach out her hand for a shake, but her comms unit started to beep. All color drained from her face. “I’m sorry, I have to go. Thank you!” She said, fleeing the room before I could say a thing. I stared at the spot where she’d been for a while, finally shuffling off towards my bed, wondering if I’d dreamed the whole thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	11. The Sound of Destruction

**32 ABY**

**Training Halls - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Saphren **- Day 10**** _

I fell into something of a routine over the next week. Ysable had datapit duty at 0500 every other day, so I kept my early morning runs, unable to sleep through her alarm. I slept in and did weight lifting on opposing days. I always showered and changed before going to the mess hall, although I hadn’t seen Hux before working hours since the morning after my visit to the Med Bay. On the mornings I ran, I had breakfast with Suria. On the mornings that I slept in, I would generally eat alone, or be finishing the dregs of my caf when Chiresa skidded into the room to stuff her face. I did drills under the watchful eyes of General Hux, Captain Phasma, and Lieutenant Eidhn, poured over reports, manned datapits, and used the shooting range every day. Hux still derided my every move, but I seemed to get mostly positive feedback from Phasma. I spent my evenings in the break room unless Gemma or Chiresa dragged me to the Officer’s Cantina.

Nearly every officer avoided me like the plague, afraid that Hux’ dislike of me would rub off on them. I thought Calien and Vallkel had some form of respect for me after our trials that first day of training, and they would chat with me when the officers were waiting for a task, but they wouldn’t seek me out. Natalis pretended that I didn’t exist, or perhaps I really was of so little concern to her that she truly didn’t notice my existence. Officer Bani was the only one of the lot that would go out of her way to say good morning or start a conversation. I didn’t know if she felt so secure in her position as Hux’ favorite that she figured it didn’t matter, or if she didn’t care, but I was thankful for the company regardless.

I kept my eyes peeled for Kasra or anyone with orange fur stuck to their uniform, but I saw nothing. I hadn’t told anyone of the experience either, afraid I’d be sent to reconditioning. I’d had one tutoring session with Petty Officer Thanisson, a handful of other officers joining us. We were all deemed to be subpar in our hand to hand. While Thanisson would help others with their form, he would have me practice “more reliable” movements from the First Order handbook. I was too unreliable, which to me meant unpredictable, which I thought was a good thing to be truly honest. The First Order was rigid and demanding, and although it was a marvel of a machine, predictability would get you killed. But I did as I was asked, and he said I was doing quite well.

Hux had visited the recreational center that evening, watching over our progress. He sneered when Thanisson tried, unsuccessfully, to help me move my limbs in a more practiced way, and when I looked up again he was gone. I’d gotten my nose braced by Harvel, and I’d taken him some Oomsh flavored candies because I thought I was funny. He didn’t agree.

Overall, I felt that I had found my stride at Starkiller, even though my Superior Officer hated my guts.

On my tenth day at Starkiller, the day started off like any other, but something had seemed off. The halls were exceptionally quiet, the mess hall nearly abandoned, and Suria was nowhere in sight. I wondered if the woman could ever miss a meal with how she generally ate. It was on my way to the mock pits that I realized that everyone seemed unnaturally tense, and that everyone was reluctant to talk unless they needed to. I settled into my assigned seat, wondering if there had been some sort of scrape with the Resistance that I hadn’t heard about, or if something else had occurred.

Hux stormed into the room five minutes early, and proceeded to growl at everyone that walked in after him. He didn’t state that they were late, but it was heavily implied. Officer Bani, later than normal, was issued the same treatment. She sat next to me with a confused look on her face, checking her watch to make sure that it was right, and when she discovered that she still had three minutes she gave me a cursory look. I shook my head as lightly as I could, trying not to draw attention to myself. Hux was apparently in a mood, and he hated me on his good days.

I did my job as efficiently as possible, not daring to look away from the screen and garner attention. Hux had found a problem with everyone and everything today, and I was determined to be as small and insignificant as possible. When our break was called, I skittered out of the room as fast as I could manage, Officer Bani fast on my heels. I turned to look at her when we were a respectable distance away.

“What is going on?” I asked, unable to filter my concern away.

“I have absolutely no idea. Also, I feel much worse for you now,” she replied, and I gave her a curious look. “He’s so scary when he looks at you like that. I don’t know how you deal with it every day,” she explained, looking mildly embarrassed. I nodded. I knew what she meant, and I most certainly didn’t think she should be ashamed about it.

“Oh. That. I guess you get used to it. So you haven’t heard anything?” I asked, and Keziah shook her head. We made for the mess hall for lunch, and I was pleased to see that both Gemma and Chiresa seemed to be on the same schedule today. We huddled in a corner and discussed everything in hushed tones.

“Maybe that’s why everyone’s so snippy,” Chiresa started, and we all looked at her questioningly. “Hux in a bad mood means that all of the officers have a bad day, right?” She asked, pausing for effect. The drama queen.

“I mean, sure, it would make things uncomfortable, but I don’t think it would be this wide-spread,” I reasoned.

“No, no. Hear m’out. Hux starts his day way before we do, right?” We all nodded. “That means that he probably yelled at half the staff before we even got up this morning. Which means that all of the superior officers are on edge. Even Phasma was out of sorts today. I mean, we don’t see much of her, what with her being assigned to Officer Training and all, and she’s seemed pretty stressed in general, but today was _bad._ I heard she chewed out half the FN Corps today for sub-par performance.” We all grimaced. As much as Hux terrified me, Phasma was an imposing, serious force, and I did not want to be on her bad side. “So all the sups are on edge, and it’s not even 0900. So they yell at the officers. And then the officers are on edge, and we take the brunt of it,” Chiresa finished proudly.

“You do have a point,” Gemma said, her dark lips curling over white teeth.

“So what’s wrong, then?” Keziah said, looking between the three of us. I shrugged, something always seemed wrong with Hux to me. Gemma looked thoughtful. And Chiresa, well Chiresa did what Chiresa does best.

“He probably needs to get laid,” she said, as if it was the simplest explanation in the world.

I was proud to say that I looked as affronted as Gemma and Keziah. I was not proud to say that as Gemma said: “I couldn’t think of Hux having sex with _anyone,”_ while making a disgusted face; my mind was supplying an image of debauchery. I flashed through images of a pale muscular back, shocking red hair, strong arms, a rather fantastic looking derriere, and then fictional Hux had a woman pinned to a wall. I was certain my cheeks were bright red when I realized that it was me against the wall. I was imagining _my legs_ wrapped around him, _my hands_ rending down his back, _my head_ thrown back in pleasure. I tried to take a sip of my Liwi shake for something to do, but it caught in my throat as I coughed and sputtered.

_I really needed to get laid._

Chiresa slapped me on the back helpfully, cackling at our looks of embarrassed horror.

“It would at the very least help. Right?” She asked, and we all broke out into laughter. We finished lunch between fits of giggles, and Keziah and I returned to the pits while Gemma and Chiresa returned to drills in the stormtrooper barracks. I sat down in my seat, shifting back and forth, and it was then that I realized how utterly farkled I was. I crossed my legs and ignored the sensation it left me with. When we started going through reports and mock missions, I found that I was too distracted to focus. This meant that about halfway through my mission, I felt hot breath on my neck as Hux leaned over the chair to look at my screen, and I had to stop myself from visibly shuddering.

“Specialist Varien. Congratulations. Were this a real mission, you would have allowed the Resistance to kill us all.” He pointed at what I had missed, leaning closer to do so. He smelled like familiar spices, but I couldn’t place them. I knew that my entire face was the color of a redspar, and I clenched my legs together.

“Yes, Sir. I see it now. Sorry Sir.” I said as softly as I could manage. He growled his displeasure, and the noise went straight between my legs and I could imagine my eyes glazing over, my mouth parting. I really hoped that everyone was so focused on their work that they wouldn’t see me. He stood and went off to torture someone else, and I released the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. I refocused and went through the rest of the day without making any further mistakes, but Hux’ image seemed to lurk in the back of my brain all day.

It was later in the evening, when I was walking past the operational center, that everything clicked in place. I was shuffling through the hall slowly, not really sure where I was headed, but having no desire to return to my room to sit in silence with Ysable. The doors slid open as I was walking past them, and the second most imposing figure I’d seen came barreling out. Phasma was a wonder to look at in her silvery armor, and she was tall and broad and I was certain she was a fearsome warrior, and I categoriezed her as the most imposing. The man was tall, perhaps taller even than Phasma. He was cloaked in black, and his face was obscured from view by the helmet that he wore. He didn’t look imposing. But he _felt_ imposing.

He walked past me with barely a glance, energy rolling off of him in nearly visible waves. Everyone sprinted out of his way, and as he turned the corner I heard a distinctive noise that sounded like a pressure release, and a bright red flash of light filtered down the hall. After that, all I could hear was the sound of destruction. I stayed where I was, afraid to move. The five others in my line of vision did the same, and I watched as the doors in front of me slowly slid shut, Lieutenant Mitaka’s pale face staring back at me. I wondered if I looked like he did, face pale, eyes wide, body visibly shaking.

The sounds stopped, but no one moved for an extended period of time. It was only when a young girl with mousy features scuttled past us that we all moved. She wore a technicians vest and was carrying a rather large supply of tools, and she didn’t look frightened. She looked determined. I slowly walked past, eyeing the damage while trying not to look obvious. Smoke floated at the ceiling, and the metal was scorched and melted, steam was spraying from a severed pipe. I gave the technician a pitying look. She was going to need a larger supply of tools.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	12. No Cheating *

**32 ABY**

**Quarters - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Saphren **- Day 11**** _

_29 ABY_

_Koschie Cantina - Kairos Vaas - The Unknown Regions_

_“You’re drunk.” The words were deliciously soft, skin raising as his lips brushed my ear. One strong hand held both of mine, stopping their roaming. Fire burned deep in my gut, and I pressed my legs together with a whine._

_“And?” I thought I could feel his lips curve into a smile behind my ear. Though it seemed impossible, he leaned further into me, sending jitters down my spine. “What does it matter?” I asked in a daze._

_“It matters,” he paused, his other hand sliding down my arm. “Invite me to your bed when you are in full control of your faculties,” he whispered, my hair moving with his breath. “And I will come willingly.”_

_I somehow managed to stop the disgruntled growl in my throat, a marvel of willpower. Turning my face into him, my lips found his collarbone, the fabric of his shirt smooth on sensitive skin. I lifted up on my toes to reach his throat, and he pulled my arms up with me. I shuddered with the feeling, my shoulders stretching. Stubble brushed against my cheek, and I took a moment to just breathe, my nose just below his ear._

_“Tease,” he said softly, the rumble vibrating through his chest into mine. This time I couldn’t stop the whimpered moan, and I moved my face further towards him, grazing the skin of his neck with my teeth. He shifted, his leg slipping between mine, and I was pushed up a few inches higher. His mouth found mine, and the first kiss was delicate, slow, antithetical to what I was certain we both wanted. He released my hands and cupped my face, his lips massaging mine with a patience I was trying to replicate. My hands tangled in his hair, drifted down to his neck in a caress. When they reached his shoulders, I pulled myself closer, riding up on his thigh, my eyes rolling into the back of my head when I finally had some friction where I needed it. Our kiss transitioned, the soft touches becoming forceful, and we gripped each other, his hands strong on my forearms._

_He growled, the sound low, dangerous, before gripping my hips and pulling me up. He settled between my legs, pushing me up against the duracrete brick forcefully. My back pushed against the wall for leverage and I rubbed against him, my hands gripping his jacket. He mouthed at my throat, nipping with his teeth before returning to my lips for a bruising kiss. His hands found my ass, tilting me to a better angle before he circled his hips into my center. I keened into his mouth, and this spurred him further. He wrenched my hands from his jacket and held them against the rough duracrete, stretching the muscles to near pain. It made the pleasure that much more explosive._

_He broke away from the kiss, panting into my collarbone as he gathered himself. His face lifted, and I stared into beryl eyes as he leaned closer._

_“Where do you live?” He whispered into my mouth._

I awoke, panting in my bed, legs twisted in damp sheets. My clothing stuck to sweat-soaked skin, and I felt as though every part of me was vibrating. Ysable was snoring softly, and I cursed whatever higher beings existed that she hadn’t gone out for the evening. I snatched my datapad off the bedside table, nearly throwing it when I saw the time at 0300. I tried to fall back asleep for some time, but after a while I gave up, and decided that the only thing I could do was go for a run.

The sun hadn’t yet breached the horizon, Starkiller dark in the early morning. My boots crunched on the frozen snow, my breath fogged in the grey-air. I’d decided to make my morning run as uncomfortable as possible, determined to ignore the memories of the dreams I’d had all night. It was refreshing. I was alone in the wilderness, the features different instead of going around the same track repeatedly. I’d made sure to buy excursion gear from the base shop, the quality amazing in comparison to my regulation issued gear. I knew I would go into the day feeling relaxed, ready to tackle whatever was thrown our direction.

I heard something behind me, so I slowed to a jog and turned my head to look. A figure was approaching at a good clip, and there was a moment where my brain panicked, some instinctual gut feeling telling me to _run._ I dismissed the feeling, although I still felt uneasy. It was interesting, how an unknown figure in the dark could send my emotions spinning into fear, even after the things I witnessed in daylight that were pure horror.

I slowed further, waiting for the figure to catch up to me, looking behind me every few moments. As they got closer, I determined it was a man, and his form was impressive. His legs were long and muscular, and it did not take long for him to catch up. He passed me, giving me a cursory glance, brown eyes powerful in the dim light, and I was startled to see that he was wearing boots and a set of high-waisted pants, and nothing more. I stopped moving for a moment, staring as his pale back bounced through the trees and out of my vision.

Sprinting to catch up, I circled around until he was in my line of sight again. Black curls bounced as he ran, and as I got closer I could see beauty marks speckled his pale skin. I ran behind him for some time, and just when it seemed that I would never be able to catch up to his powerful stride, I did.

“Are you crazy?” I asked, watching him from the corner of my vision. I thought I saw his lips pull into an almost smile, but he didn’t answer. They were full, pouting. His face was all wrong, masculine angels holding near angelic features, and it was intrancing. His arms were muscular, his pectorals intensely impressive, and I would have bet that the rest of his torso was just as muscular, hidden below the pants. His skin was dewey, and I didn’t know if it was from sweat or snow.

I was starting to huff, the effort of keeping pace with him incredibly taxing.

“Do you always run shirtless in sub-zero weather?” I asked, deciding to try again.

“Yes,” he replied, voice rumbling in his chest. He glanced at me, eyes sliding to the side, face still forward. I frowned at him, and he sighed. “I like to test my limits,” He said, and I figured that was all I was getting out of him.

“Mmm. I bet you do,” I said, glad my face was red from cold and would disguise the blush. His body was a marvel, and you only got that way by testing your limits every moment of every day. I thought I saw him smile, but he turned his head the opposite direction at the same moment.

I was unable to keep pace with his long legs, and I started to lag behind. I watched him as he continued to outpace me, watching his powerful legs. I squinted at his boots, trying to figure out why it looked like his right boot was double the size in the calf, but I couldn’t see from this distance. I was so instantly curious that I wished he’d chosen to run on the other side of me, so I could know. Before long he was gone into the trees again. I wanted to know who that man was. Because that man was _crazy._ Who trained on a sub-zero planet _shirtless?_

Turning around to head back towards Starkiller, I decided to go for a jog around the track by the obstacle course. Most of the equipment had been cleared in case a storm cropped up, so it was just me and the smooth, icy oval. I wouldn’t let it defeat me this time.

I’d done lap upon lap, and just as I was starting to flag, someone came up behind me. I turned, expecting to see Mr. Crazy, but instead I saw a man bundled so tightly it was a wonder he could move. He wore very fine excursion gear, a hat and face mask hiding all of his features. He lightly saluted me before picking up speed with his long legs. I followed after, trying to keep pace, and managing despite how my legs ached. We did a few rounds together before I decided to call it quits. We shook hands as the sun crested, beams of light reflecting off of glittering snow. I headed inside, feeling more at peace than I had since my arrival. Silent companionship of a stranger had seemed to be just what I needed, and a mystery that didn’t involve Hux was invigorating.

I went to the locker rooms to change, but as I went to peel off my gloves, I paused. My right glove was covered in fine orange hair, like that of a cat. I sped out of the locker rooms, sliding on wet durasteel. More than a few people stared at me as I ran past them, but I didn’t care. I made it back outside in record time in order to find the mystery man, but he was nowhere to be found. I scowled as the shirtless man jogged through the trees, giving me a light wave before heading inside. I gave a halfhearted wave back before stomping into the locker rooms, defeated.

I changed and returned to my room. I took the most glorious of warm showers, Ysable already gone for the day. I was too tired to think about the ache between my legs. I was going to have to take care of it sooner or later, it was starting to impact my work, but I was also holding off for something. What that something was, I didn’t know.

I changed into a clean uniform, twisted my hair up into a bun, and even did light makeup. Despite the mystery man, Kasra, and the possibly fictional cat, I was in an impressively good mood. Today was going to be a good day.

I met Suria at the mess hall, sitting across from her in the spot we had claimed as ours. I blinked at her slowly, taking in her appearance. Her platinum hair seemed lackluster, and although it was always fairly messy, today it curled and waved in every direction imaginable. The pale skin under her eyes appeared to be bruised it was so dark, and her skin seemed dim. I realized that she was normally so full of life that the creature in front of me just seemed dull in comparison. She put forth a valiant effort of brightening at my arrival, but she was still shadowed.

“Rough night?” I asked, watching her carefully.

“I couldn’t sleep, for some reason. It’s nothing.” She gave me a half hearted smile. She pushed her food around on her plate, and that gave me pause more than her appearance. Of course it had only been a week and a half, but Suria always seemed to be ravenous. I had to remind myself that I didn’t really know her, as much as I liked her.

“I know the feeling.” I hoped that I didn’t blush.

“You don’t look it. You look refreshed and ready to face the day.”

“I didn’t sleep well, but I am in good spirits. It makes for a hell of a difference.” I smiled, taking a sip of my caf. Suria looked like she wanted to tell me something, almost desperately, but her mouth opened and nothing came out. She seemed to struggle for a few moments, and then stuffed her face with a generous heap of food. I started to feel uneasy, but I brushed it away. I was in a good mood. Nothing was going to ruin the good mood.

Suria got up to dispose of her half-eaten food. When she returned, she didn’t sit again, just stood, staring down at me. I looked up at her mid-chew.

“Uhm… Just, be careful today. Yeah?” I nodded at her, mouth full, eyebrows knit together in confusion and concern. She didn’t wait for me to finish chewing, turning to jog from the mess hall.

_You’re in a good mood, remember? Good mood. Good mood._

I repeated it to myself as I walked into the pit and sat at my station. Whenever things got a little hairy, I told myself _good mood._ And oddly enough, it worked. I typed up mock reports with fantastic speed, ran through mock missions with no mistakes. Hux even walked by twice and had no cause to stop and say a word. I was smiling brightly by the time lunch rolled around.

“You are dismissed to seek sustenance. When your thirty minute break is over, we will be meeting in the recreational center. Do not be late.” Phasma announced, sounding more serious than ever. _Good mood._

Keziah and I sat together with our nutritive shakes, sipping the fruity drinks in companionable silence. We arrived at the recreational center early and did stretches in preparation for whatever it was we were doing. We were in one of the largest rooms I had seen on base, plush matting covering every inch of floor. Mirrors lined the walls, and weapons racks were placed strategically throughout the room. My hands itched to touch the fine plasma blades housed in the far corner, but I stayed where I was. When all of the officers in training had gathered, Hux and Phasma entered the room. Hux looked… Reserved. Eidhn trailed after him, and she looked concerned. She was back in her sling, and she was wearing pants today. I thought she might be limping, but I wasn't sure. Thanisson, Mitaka, and a handful of other officers came in after her, and they all looked somber. _Good mood._

“Today, we will be working on more extensive hand-to-hand drills, and how you react when facing an adversary that is unpredictable. At the end of the day, a select few of you will be chosen to become part of a specialized team.” There were murmurs of excitement from around the room, but I was just feeling more and more uneasy. “This morning you all received messages assigning you to specific teams. Please find your partners, and find a corner of the room,” Phasma finished, turning to talk to the gathered officers.

Today, I found myself in a different group with people I had barely interacted with, and I couldn't, for the life of me, remember any of their names. Turns out that was okay, seeing as they all pretended I didn’t exist anyway. I was once again reminded that I was the black fog that surrounded everyone and whispered sweet nothings of their demise in their ears. I rolled my shoulders. _Good mood._ At least I wouldn’t feel bad about crunching them into the dust.

Our group was joined by a Superior Officer that I’d only seen once, and they gestured for us to begin, their datapad at the ready. It was just like last time, except we hadn’t been given assigned numbers. Because no one wanted to acknowledge my existence, I got to go last, and I was able to down the girl I was facing in a very short time frame. Just like last time, Mr. Superior passed his datapad over to someone else (this time Phasma,) and came to join me on the mat.

We circled each other, and his movements were straight out of the handbook. I was starting to feel pretty cocky, when mid fight, a switch got flipped and the man started moving in an entirely different fashion. Every time I changed my defensive style to match his, he switched again, and he took me down when I was least expecting it. I hit the mat hard, and all air seemed to escape from my lungs at once. _Good mood,_ I thought weakly. I struggled to breathe, and then Hux’ voice filtered over to me.

“You see, Specialist Varien. When you know all of the forms with exact precision, you can afford to be unpredictable. But without the base knowledge behind you, you will falter. Actually, I will correct myself. You obviously have the base knowledge. But until these predictable, boring forms straight out of the handbook become muscle memory for you, I would suggest you don’t stray.” I was looking up at him from my prone position, his mouth twisted into an ugly snarl. “I was hoping that your brief time with Petty Officer Thanisson would have shown itself today, but I fear you may have even regressed.” He hissed, lips curving over the word.

I stood slowly, saluting him when I was on even footing. _Okay mood?_

“Understood, Sir. Thank you, Sir.” He nodded and gestured for me to join the other waiting officers. I picked at a loose thread on my tunic, knowing that I should leave it be, but unable to do so. His point was made, and I was pouting like a petulant child. I stood taller, straightening my shoulders. _Good mood!_

I watched with the others as Keziah Bani did a magnificent job of taking down Thanisson. We all clapped politely, and I gave her a wink when she was looking my direction. The room slowly started to quiet down as the officers congratulated each other and the Superior’s chatted in a corner, and then everything stopped. It was like the entire room had frozen, and I looked at the far entrance, at what everyone else was staring at.

Standing there was Commander Ren, in all of his black cloaked glory. I swallowed the lump in my throat. As imposing as he was, I still got the feeling that he was lost, adrift, apart from everyone and everything here.

“Commander Ren was kind enough to offer his time today.” Hux said, voice sounding strained. A group of troopers filtered in behind him, and a gloved wave alerted me to Chiresa’s presence in the back. I smiled. _Good mood._ “Commander Ren has an edge above anyone else when it comes to the unpredictable. He will be testing your skills today.” General Hux said, gesturing to all of us.

“But first, a presentation.” Phasma said, as if it hurt her to do so. Ren walked into the center of the room, and the troopers surrounded him. It was as if an alarm went off that only the troopers could hear, and they all attacked at the same time. But Ren was _fast._ He blocked every hit, kicking and punching his way through the group as if they were _nothing._ And when one got too close, they were suddenly shoved away by some invisible source. This was what they meant when they spoke of an unpredictable adversary. I had to wonder if I would ever meet another force user, let alone face one in combat. Weren’t they all gone? Weren’t the Knights of Ren all that was left?

When Ren had successfully beaten back all of the troopers, he stood from his crouch, relaxed and waiting. Hux pointed at Vallkel, and the man visibly paled before he stepped into the circle that we’d created. Officer Vallkel put up a good fight, but he panicked every time that invisible force acted upon him. It was over in what seemed like a matter of seconds, Vallkel’s eyes wide, hands trembling. Hux pointed at officer after officer, and they all met with the same result. Ren would push them away when they got too close, and their forms went wonky when they had no idea how to react.

Hux pointed at Keziah, and she walked onto the mat, proud as could be.

“Proceed, Officer Bani. As the only officer in training to defeat her superior, I expect great things from you.” He said with a stiff smile. Keziah circled Ren, and she gave it her all, and he let her. Instead of pushing her away, he blocked her hits and seemed to give her a true fight. His breath came heavily through the mask that he wore, and although he was double her size and quicker than he ought to be, Keziah was giving him a run for his money. When she flipped up to get him with a scissor kick, his hand raised and that invisible force pushed her the other direction. She landed with a thunk, smiling when she got up. Ren stood, composed, hands behind his back while he waited for his next opponent.

The next few fights seemed to go better, and I had the thought that with Keziah doing so well everyone else had more confidence. And then it was my turn.

“Specialist Varien, why don’t you have a go?” Hux said, gloved hand gesturing at Commander Ren. I nodded, stretching my shoulders as I walked onto the mat.

“I have a request.” I said, voice as strong as I could make it. Hux looked at me like I was insane. Commander Ren cocked his head to the side, visor glinting in the low light. “No cheating.” The room was deadly silent.

“No cheating?” The deep voice rumbled through the vocoder, and I could swear that there was a warble that indicated a chuckle.

“No cheating. I want a fair fight.” Thanisson was standing behind Ren and he was giving me a supportive look. Hux looked angry. Chiresa gave me a thumbs up.

“Can innate abilities be construed as cheating?” He asked, and I figured he thought I was funny. At least he hadn’t killed me yet.

“Mmm. I suppose you’re right. But I still want a fair shot.” Sweat was beading at my neck, and I knew I was playing with fire. But I wanted a chance to prove to someone that I was worth their time, and if that wasn’t going to be Hux, it might as well be Ren. He simply nodded, crouching down.

I wasn’t defensive for this fight. I went for it with everything that I had. And just as with Keziah and a few others, he let me. And he was oh so _fast._ It was like he knew what was going to happen before I even moved, before I even thought about moving. But I held my own, and I started landing hits. I realized that it was hard for him, not using this other part of him, and it distracted him. I got a spinning kick into his stomach past his defenses, and landed with a triumphant smile. I didn’t think I was going to win, certainly, but I’d definitely lasted longer than anyone else. And then he started after me with real vigor, and I realized my mistake. He was angry, and he was using his anger, and kriffing hell it made him so much more terrifying.

From the flashes that I saw out of the corners of my eyes, people in the room could feel the tension, and they were concerned. It was Thanisson’s wide-eyed stare that gave me a hint of what was to come. We were turning, and I lost sight of Thanisson, Hux, and Chiresa, and the panic really started to set in. We made another round, and even Hux looked ill. And then Ren lifted his hand and I slid back and down to my knees, the feeling crippling as I was powerless against it. And he reached for his belt. I felt my eyes go wide. I was going to die.

The hilt came free, the sound that I’d heard the day before pouring from the small tube as the red blade extended, wisps of energy floating away from the pulsating light. I couldn’t hear anything else, but there were people screaming behind him. He was swinging up and over his shoulder, the movement long and slow. And then time snapped back into place as a stun baton came flying at me from the side, and I activated it while crouching as far down to the ground as I could go. The force of Ren’s hit pushed me down further, but the stun baton held. I didn’t know if he would have pulled back at the last moment, or if I would have been the first casualty of Officer’s Training, but either way I was mad.

He stepped back, raising his weapon again, and I went for him. If I was going to die, you’d bet I’d go out in a fight. But he was relentless, and the baton started to fizzle. A few more good hits and it would be done for, and so would I. I heard yelling from all around me, but it seemed far away. The only voice that I heard distinctly was Hux’.

“Ren! Commander Ren!” Hux didn’t sound panicked. Hux sounded in control, and my mantra filtered through again. _Good mood._ At least I’d die in a good mood.

“Move, you idiots. **Move!** ” I heard Chiresa’s distinctive voice. I skidded back from Ren and looked for her, and she slid a plasma blade across the mat. I grabbed it with my free hand, blocking a hit from Ren with the baton in the other. As I skittered away from him again, the baton fizzled and died, and I held out the plasma blade like it was my last hope, and really, it was. He came at me, stronger and faster than before, and it was all I could to do block the blade from hell. And then suddenly he stopped, and I couldn’t breathe. I was flying backwards, hitting the mirror with enough force to shatter it, and I was clutching at the invisible hand on my throat.

“ **Enough!** ” General Hux bellowed, and the invisible fingers loosened but did not release. “Ren!” Hux barked, and the force released from my throat. I drifted forward slightly, and then was dropped to my knees unceremoniously. I realized with a dim thought that he’d dropped me away from the glass. I was looking up at him, with tears in my eyes, struggling to breathe.

“I will take her, and a few others that you recommended,” Ren said before storming from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	13. Fuck Patience *

**32 ABY**

**Medical Bay - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Saphren - Day 11** _

Oomsh-guy was standing in front of me, arms crossed, disappointment clear on his face. I gave him a cheesy grin in return, wincing as Emson plucked another shard of glass from my back and dropped it into a tray with a plink.

“I’m surprised, Officer Varien. It has been, what? Four days since your last visit?” He asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. I gave him an over-exaggerated thinking face, entirely for his benefit. He glared in return. I was starting to think that Harvel didn’t think I was funny.

“Five.” I croaked. Oomsh scoffed, shaking his head. I heard footsteps behind me, and Oomsh went off to meet whoever had come into the Med Bay. They’d checked on my nose five days ago. It was healing well, though something seemed ever-so-slightly off whenever I looked at it without the brace. I was hoping that whatever it was would resolve when I was fully healed. My feet dangled off the side of the chair as I leaned forward, and I moved them back and forth for something to do. My hands were occupied, holding a towel over my chest.

I hissed as Emson went digging for a deep shard, and I heard her muffled apology. I shrugged, but that was a bad idea. Maybe Oomsh was right. Sometimes I did some really laserbrained stuff.

“Not your fault, Emson.” I said, watching my boots as they seemed to skate over durasteel. And whose fault was it? Realistically I should say it was Commander Ren’s fault. But I had to take some responsibility. I’d heard the rumors, just like everyone else, but I still goaded him into a fight that would make him uncomfortable. And when he got irritated, I’d pushed my advantage. A saner person would have backed off, begged for mercy when the lightsaber was drawn, or even blocked with the stun baton and then backed behind the crowd. I’d gotten my hands on a weapon, and went after him. I suppose that I had really just assumed that a high ranking official in the First Order, no matter how unstable, would never seriously harm an enlisted member of their army. I guess I was wrong.

I still had to wonder, if he would have done it. He’d pulled me forward when he dropped me. I’d spent the last thirty minutes turning it over in my brain, and I couldn’t think of another reason for him to have done it. He’d made sure not to drop me on the shattered glass, to help me avoid further injury. He was certainly skilled, he could have pulled back at the last moment, shoved me away with that invisible force. I was fifty/fifty on my thoughts on the matter. He was obviously impulsive, so it might not have mattered that he obviously cared, if very little.

Shiny black boots came into my vision, and I looked up, nearly dropping the towel as I went for a salute. “General Hux! Sir!” My hands snapped back down to catch the towel, and I knew I was blushing furiously. He looked subdued, more than anything else, but there was a half-formed sneer at the corner of his mouth. I wondered if he ever smiled. My mind supplied the image, and had it just been the General's fairly attractive face shining with a smile, I probably would have been fine. But for some ungodly reason, he was naked. In a bed. With me. Was it hot in here? It felt hot.

“At ease, Specialist.” He said drifting out of view for a moment. He returned with a chair, sitting in front of me, legs crossed.

“Thank you, General.” He nodded lightly.

“I have come to discuss your assignment with you.” His voice was soft, though I thought there was an undercurrent of anger. I perked up, certain that I visibly brightened at the prospect of talking about my new assignment. “In light of today’s events, I wanted to give you the opportunity to decline.” I couldn’t help it. I burst out laughing.

“You’ve got to be joking…” I said through laughter. “General. Sir,” I managed to hold in a fit of giggles, trying to look serious. Hopefully he would give me some slack, what with the whole almost dying thing. “Permission to speak freely?” His mouth twisted into a sour purse of the lips, but he was gracious and didn’t call me out on my impropriety. He nodded.

“Very well, Specialist. You may speak freely.”

“How many of us were chosen?” I asked, and Hux paused. He hadn’t expected that, clearly.

“Ten, Specialist.” His tongue clicked as he said it, and he looked like he was calculating. He was trying to figure out why I asked, to see what information he ought to provide and what he should withhold.

“And how many did you provide this offer to?” I asked, twitching as Emson plucked another piece of glass from my back. His eyes drifted back to my face. He was gathering my train of thought.

“Now that I’ve spoken to you, the offer has been extended to all ten.” His voice was sharp, accent coming through with each curve of his lips. My eyes watched them as he spoke, before flicking back up to his eyes.

“And how many took you up on it?” His eyes slid to the side, face stony.

“None.” He said, gloved hands grasping themselves in his lap. I nodded. That’s what I thought.

“Commander Ren chose us for a reason. We aren’t likely to back down from a challenge, no matter how deadly, or unpredictable. For the first time since I have arrived at Starkiller, I feel like I have the chance to show my worth, and I would like to take that chance.” That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. His mouth pulled slightly before straightening back into an impassive line.

“To be clear, you would be under his direct command. I would no longer be your acting commanding officer.” He paused, as if uncertain how he felt about that. “Commander Ren’s team will work in tandem with mine until advanced training is completed. You will report for our regular sessions, continue your tutoring with Petty Officer Thanisson, and you will have private training with Commander Ren. It will be a very busy schedule.” He raised an eyebrow, as if asking if I was prepared for such an undertaking.

“Understood, General.” I smiled at him, and he gave me a tight-lipped smirk in return, though it was almost more of a grimace. He stood and returned his chair from whence it came,

“Congratulations, Specialist Varien. You will receive orders on your datapad shortly.” I spoke as he was turning to leave.

“General Hux?” He looked at me over his shoulder, eyebrow raised.

“The teams will work in tandem until advanced training is complete?” He nodded but did not verbally reply. “What happens after our training is complete?” I asked, voice suddenly soft, all confidence gone. And then he smiled.

“Unfortunately for you, Specialist Varien... I have no idea.” And he strode from the room, hair glinting almost as brightly as his shoes. I gaped after him, turning to scowl at the floating Med Bot for lack of Hux. I pictured his face bobbing in the corner, glaring especially hard at his fictional sneer. It made me feel slightly better.

Emson finished pulling shards of glass from my back, pulling her gloves off with a smack. She dropped the back of the chair down so that it was flat.

“Lay down on your stomach, please.” I did as I was told, grumbling as I mushed my nose into the rather stiff chair before turning my head. I was sore. My face was still slightly swollen, my bruises from the first day were an ugly shade of swamp green, and now I had new, fresh bruises to adorn my neck and back. Not to mention all of the tiny, annoying cuts. I tried to shrug, which is to say, I started and then stopped when it pulled at uncomfortable things. I continued by imagining my shrug. At least I was alive. Emson put a gloriously hot bacta soaked towel on my back, and I was soon drifting to sleep.

_We’d barely made it in the door, and I immediately went for his belt. He gripped my hands, pulling them away as he kissed me fiercely. I kicked off my slippers, tripping over them as I walked backwards further into the apartment._

_“Mmmm. Patience.” He mumbled._

_“Fuck patience,” I snarled into his mouth, biting at his lower lip. The groan that he released went straight between my legs, and I pulled him towards my bedroom, walking backwards, unwilling to detach from him. I angled too far, smacking right into the corner of the door. We both paused, huffing as we stared at each other. And then we both started to laugh._

_As my laughter slowed, I looked up at him, biting my lip and smiling before I turned and bolted into the room, girlish giggles trailing after me. He followed, tackling me to the bed, pinning me while we lay sideways on the mattress. I turned under him, moaning as he kissed my neck. I rolled the both of us, straddling him and enjoying the look of surprise that flicked across his features. I kissed his stubbled chin before sliding off of him, pulling at the ties on my dress, letting the garment slide to the ground. He stared, eyes blown wide with desire, and I felt powerful._

_I crawled back atop of him, and he gripped my face when I got near, the strength in his fingers almost too much. But then he softened, cupping my face and kissing me like he had the first time, soft, caring. I whimpered impatiently, grinding myself against him. He sighed into me, cupping my ass before standing. I wrapped my arms around him as he walked around to the end of the bed, clutching at him before he tossed me towards the headboard. I bounced lightly in the middle of the bed, scooting back until I could lean back against the padded headboard._

_He removed his jacket, dropping it to the ground. Giving me a devilish smile, he pulled his shirt over his head to reveal tan skin, taught over defined muscle. An officer in the First Order indeed. He sat at the edge of the bed to remove his boots, and I watched as his skin pulled over the defined musculature of his back. I was entranced, watching the fine lines move across the groves of tendons. He ran a hand through shaggy, wavy hair, and then he was turning, and crawling towards me._

_We locked together again, my legs going around his waist as if they belonged there. I gasped for air as he released my breasts, screamed as he sucked a pert nipple into his perfect mouth, pulling my nails down his back. He lurched into me, his belt buckle digging into sensitive flesh. He pulled away, shucking his pants as I slid my panties down my legs. He grabbed my ankle, pulling me down the bed. His hands ran up my legs, tickling slowly across tingling skin. I looked at his face, at his mouth, at his perfect chin, my eyes traveling down planes of muscle before settling on his most promising feature. I wondered if the skin was as soft as it looked, pale pink and curving up towards his abs._

_I reached for him, suddenly unable to bear the distance, although the picture had been very nice to look at. He leaned forward, lavishing my breasts with kisses, fingers stroking my thighs. I twined my fingers through his hair, nails scraping along skin, and he growled deep in his throat. He straightened up from his curved position, running his hands up to grip my hips, pulling me down further as he settled between my legs._

_His mouth was on mine as he was pushing into me, the stretch of it deliciously painful, and he went slow, inching his way in as I twisted and moaned beneath him. He paused when he was fully seated inside of me, breathing into my mouth as I clutched at his shoulders. And then he started to move, and it wasn’t slow. It was a vicious pounding, and my eyes rolled back into my head as my legs tried to pull him closer, faster, harder._

_He reached up, pulling my hands from him and holding them above my head, stretching my shoulders as he had at the bar. I arched further into him, and he nearly lifted us off the bed with his next thrust. He bit my neck and then laved the skin with delicate kisses, grunting softly with each movement of his body._

_“Come for me,” He whispered in my ear, his breath teasing. He pulled my arms tighter, moved to grip my hip as he slammed into me, and that was all I needed. My orgasm wrenched through me as my hands fought to grip something, anything, and I was screaming, whimpering, moaning. His movements quickened, and he came with a shout as I continued to spasm around him._

_I heard murmuring, and it took me a moment to realize it was me, saying his name over and over._

_“Tev… Oh thank the gods.” He pulled up and smiled down at me, but instead of the foggy face of my memory, General Hux’ face stared back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	14. Memory Can be so Fickle

**32 ABY**

**Medical Bay - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Saphren - Day 12** _

I cracked my eyes open to the dim lights of the infirmary, endlessly glad that Harvel’s desk was empty. I half expected him to be there, staring at me, knowingly. My breath was still coming fast, and I realized that I’d been grinding down on the Med Bay chair. I prayed to all of the gods in the universe that no one had been here to witness it. I pushed up slowly, remembering to use one arm to pull the towel up with me.

I knew my face was flaming red, and I looked around the room cautiously, dread seeping from every pore. Releasing the largest sigh in the history of sighs, I smiled when the room was empty save for an officer at the far end of the room, and he was still snoring peacefully. I sat for a few moments, willing the tingling in my skin to go away. So my mystery man’s name was Tev. I thought about it for a while longer, trying to decide if I’d just come up with the name for my dream, but I decided that I was too certain. How nice of my memory to provide that little tidbit… _three years_ later.

I squinted as I tried to remember more, but his face was still foggy and shadowed in obscurity. I vaguely remembered the first part of my dream as fact, but I was also distinctly aware that most of that hadn’t happened. I frowned as I tried to piece it together. I was intensely curious as to why that memory was suddenly popping up now. I blushed in embarrassment as I remembered clearly all of the events leading up to Tev throwing me on the bed. In my real, although untrustworthy memory, Tev had followed me up and kissed me until I was breathless, and then tucked me into bed. And when I had clutched at him and begged him to stay, he repeated his words from earlier in the night.

_“Invite me to your bed when you are in full control of your faculties, and I will come willingly.”_

_“What does it matter? I want you. You want me. Why not stay?” I asked as he pulled away._

_“You’re drunk,” he stated simply._

_“And? So are you?” I was pouting now, I knew. It probably wasn’t very attractive._

_“Not nearly so much as you. I will make you a deal. If you can remember this in the morning, come find me. I’ll be at the Ceres, room 7021. Come promptly at eight,” he said, the command in his voice clear._

_“Fine. Tomorrow at eight.” I replied, so certain that I would remember._

I hadn’t, obviously. I wondered how long Tev had waited in room 7021 at the Ceres Hotel, in Iambe square. I wondered if he had returned to Koschie, if he had sat at the same booth. I huffed. It wasn’t worth it to regret now.

I focused on the next important matter at hand… The fact that Tev had morphed into General Hux. I mean, obviously the man was attractive, but fantasizing about your commanding officer was a bad way to go. And then I paused… He wasn’t my commanding officer any more. I blinked and then pushed the thought away. That way lay disaster.

I heard footsteps, and looked up as Emson came around the corner from the hall in the back of the Med Bay. She gave me a tight smile, her hair wild, glasses on the end of her nose. I wondered how she got away with it and wrinkled my nose. She’d been commissioned, obviously.

“You’re awake,” she whispered. “How do you feel?”

“Like bantha fodder,” I croaked, my throat intensely sensitive. She nodded.

“Here is a care package. Bacta, bandages, Comaren. You are free to go if you promise to take care of yourself.” I nodded enthusiastically, hopping down from the chair and retrieving my tunic. I faced the corner and slid it on, letting the towel drop when the goods were covered.

“Thanks Emson!” Emson winced. I’d still whispered, unable to force actual noise to come from my vocal chords, but I’d been loud. I gave her an apologetic smile.

“You may call me Kae, if you like.” I gave her a big, goofy smile.

“You’ll have to call me Ren, then.” She gave me a slightly odd look, just like everyone did on this base when I asked them to call me Ren, but nodded.

“Come back in two days for us to check up on you.”

“Sure thing. Thanks, Kae!” I fled from the Med Bay before I was forced to stay for some reason. I snuck into my room, and thanked whatever higher power existed that it was empty. Ysable had stayed out all night again, apparently. I wondered if I should ask about that… If she’d even tell me anything. It was just past 0100, so I guessed I’d either be alone all morning, or at the very least until 0400.

I skidded into the ‘fresher, stripped, and hopped into the shower with a happy sigh. I washed quickly, ignoring the sting from the cuts on my back. And then I stood there, soaking up the warmth, tired mind drifting.

My hands wandered, tweaked sensitive nipples, tickled the skin along my stomach and thighs. Without a face to assign to Tev, my mind provided Hux’ image. As my hand drifted between my legs, it was his mouth I pictured on my breasts, his hand between my legs. I told myself it was in poor taste, but then again, did I ever have good taste? My restraint dismissed, imaginary Hux bent down to put his mouth to good use. Picturing Hux on his knees before me was my undoing, the tension having built for weeks pouring out of me as I moaned to the marble.

I’d put it off for so long, my orgasm had come on faster than I had imagined. I rinsed off again, using my Correlian apple body wash. I checked myself in the mirror. My raccoon eyes were a sickly shade of green-brown, and the marks around my neck a fresh berry blue. I decided to ignore the rest, shuffling into the room to change into sleep shorts and a loose shirt. I decided to forgo the bandages for now, ignoring Emson and Harvel’s imaginary disapproval.

I checked my datapad quickly, and Ren’s note was short and to the point: “Continue with your regular studies. Meet at the shooting range by 1800.” And that was it. I set my alarm for later in the day, deciding that I deserve to skip a workout, and then set the datapad delicately on the table. I closed my eyes and snuggled further into the covers, and then I couldn’t stand it any more, scooting back into a sitting position and snatching the device back up. I searched the First Order records for Tev, or any name that could be shortened to Tev.

Tevye Axtin was a woman stationed on the Finalizer. Laytev Maeck was stationed on the Supremacy, but my clearance wasn’t high enough to access his file. The stub I was provided didn’t include a picture, but it did include his age of sixty. Ashtiv Brodyn was stationed here at Starkiller, but he’d been commissioned last year. I tabbed through each page, and no one fit the bill.

While I was at it, I searched for Kasra. A Kasra Gzad pulled up, but I was unable to access her file. Her position was not listed. In fact, almost no information was listed in her stub, just her name and age. I scowled. She worked for someone very high up indeed. For my final act of stalking, I searched for Suria. There was nothing to be found. I felt paranoid, and silly. I put the device away and fell into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. The next bit is looking to be fairly long, so this one had to be short.
> 
> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	15. Cats are Jerks

**32 ABY**

**Quarters - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Saphren - Day 12** _

My datapad let out a shrill series of beeps at 0600, and for the first time in a very long time, I had a hard time getting out of bed. I was sluggish, every muscle ached, my back and neck were on fire. I managed to shuffle into an upright position, leaning against the wall while I blinked slowly into the room. I reached for the Comaren on the bedside table, doling out half a dose to get me through the morning. I paused... I wouldn’t be driving anywhere on base, and unless Ren had us shooting this evening, I wouldn’t even hold a blaster today, so I jiggled the bottle until another pill slid into the palm of my hand.

I chugged half of the bottle of water I kept by my bed, and then just sat. I stared at my shared room, at Ysable’s neatly made bed, black comforter folded tightly over grey sheets. One thing I missed since joining the First Order was color. Everything was black and white plasticene, silver and black durasteel, the occasional green. The uniforms, the quarters, it was all the same. I shook myself, shuffling out of bed. I did stretches on the floor between the beds, and although I shivered with the cold floor, it certainly woke me up.

Changing into my uniform was a chore, and it took longer than I thought it should. I tucked my trousers into shined boots, groaning as my shoulders extended. Today was going to be a rough day, and I hoped beyond hope that Ren would have something simple for us. I brushed my hair and twisted it into a bun, pinning everything down even though keeping my arms up for longer than three seconds was difficult. I decided to forgo any makeup, the beauty wasn’t worth the pain.

I meandered to the mess hall, and Suria was waiting at our regular table. I snatched up a Dressellian nutritive shake and a cup of caf, I didn’t think I could stomach real food. I plunked down in the seat across from her, inhaling the scent of good, dark caf. She looked up from her mound of food and stared at me for a good few seconds, though it felt like minutes.

“You look like shit.”

“Thank you! I do try, don’t you know,” I croaked, throat burning. I gave her a lopsided smile and took a sip of my caf, relishing the warmth on my abused trachea. She smiled back at me, but looked concerned.

“You really took the assignment?” She asked, lips curving around her cultured accent.

“Yup,” I nodded, watching her. She looked nothing more than concerned, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was being observed… Examined. “I know, I’m probably crazy. But… My career is very important to me.” She raised her eyebrows, as if to ask if my career was worth my death, but then I think she realized what we all did for a living.

“You’ll excel at it, I’m sure. Whatever _it_ is.”

“Thank you, Suria. Anyway… How is your morning going so far?” I asked, draining my caf and starting on the shake. I was starting to feel better, the more I used my joints, the less they seemed to ache. Or maybe that was the Comaren.

“Oh… Alright. The usual.” Her face twisted into a scowl. I gestured for her to go ahead. She got to hear about my problems, why shouldn’t I hear about hers? “Well… My direct supervisor is a little… Uptight. On the best of days,” she paused, searching for the words.

“Like… Hux level of uptight?” I asked, eyebrows knitting together. She smiled, the first real smile she’d given me in a good two days.

“Yes, like General Hux. But he’s been worse lately…” Her face twisted into a scowl. “We used to be pretty close, and he would always tell me what was bothering him. But now, he stonewalls me.” she said, staring into her slop. I started to wonder if Suria and her superior had gotten a little _too_ close. “And he’s been a right ass for the better part of two weeks,” she snorted with a small laugh, and I smiled with her. They were both weak smiles.

“I’d bet that makes for a bad few days. If your superior is in a bad mood, everyone is in a bad mood,” I said, relaying Chiresa’s wisdom from earlier. Suria nodded in agreement. “Well… Here’s to hoping for a better day for the both of us,” I followed up with, using my shake to toast her Surian tea. Her wide mouth curved into a wonderful smile that crinkled her light eyes, and no matter how suspicious I was of her, I couldn’t deny that I liked the woman.

I got up and dusted off my trousers, although I was sure there was no stray lint to be found. Better to be safe than sorry.

“Early day?” Suria asked with a raise of one blonde eyebrow.

“I figured I’d get started on my reports early, that way if Ren keeps me out late I won’t have too much to finish up after shift.”

“Mmmm. Good idea, that. You’re oh so studious.” She smiled before taking in another mouthful of tea. I gave her a thumbs up before jogging off to the pits. I was feeling mighty fine compared to earlier. I sipped at my shake and nodded to everyone I passed, giving them all what should have been obnoxiously loud good mornings but came out as growled warnings. I turned a corner, and there, in the center of the dismal achromatic hall, was a bright orange cat. She was looking at me, tail flicking, and she meowed in my direction.

I set the shake down to the side, moving as slowly as I could. I shuffled forward, crouched low with my hand out.

“Kitty… Kitty kitty…” She meowed in return. I got almost close enough to grab her, and then she bolted the other way. I gave chase.

“Kitty! Uh…” What was her name? “Come back, kitty!” I yelled, chasing after her. And then I remembered. “Millie! Millicent… Come here, pretty girl!” I tried to coax her towards me as I ran after her, still crouched and reaching for her. I really hoped that I wasn’t hallucinating this, because if I was, I bet I looked just great. She slowed down, turning back to look at me, and I smiled as I got close enough to grab her. I lunged, but she pranced off around the corner down another hall. I slid and chased after her.

There was a pile of tools on the right side of the hall, and it took me a few seconds to realize what I was looking at. Part of the wall was pulled out, electronics on either side, and I realized that some techs must be doing some maintenance work inside the walls of Starkiller. And then the dread hit.

“Nooo! No, don’t go in there. Kitty! Millie! Millicent!” I yelled after her, but she didn’t listen, her fluffy orange body turning to run into the doorway that the absent wall presented. I threw myself after her. This was no place for a cat, she could get hurt, or fall, or get stuck. This was no place for me, either. I _did not_ have the appropriate clearance to look at the inner-workings of this base. I found myself in a series of small passageways full of electronics, and I saw her little orange butt go around the corner ahead of me. I skidded after her, my hat getting knocked off by a set of low wires.

I continued after her, just able to keep her in my sights. I wondered if she was doing it on purpose. Surely she could move faster than this? I mentally smacked myself. _Don’t jinx it!_

“Millie!” I called, grunting as my uniform got caught on some plasticene, and I heard a rip. “Damnit, Millicent! Come here you little asshole!” I screamed, turning another corner. I passed a T juncture, and crouched on the other end was a confused looking tech, orange vest glinting in the dim light. “Oh… Not… Not you… Have you seen a cat?” I asked, and the tech looked at me like I’d lost it. Which I guess I really could have. I mean… How would I know? I heard a meow from further in front of me, and skittered off after her.

My hair got caught multiple times, and I felt strands pulling from my bun as I ran. How did techs get in and out of here so easily? I mean, it was probably easier when you weren’t chasing a kriffing orange menace, but still. My boots brushed up against all manner of things, and I was certain that I was going to be an absolute mess. Thank the gods that I had been going in early. I’d have ample time to change before I was due in the pit.

I turned another corner, and Millicent was there, laying on her back, looking adorable as she meowed up at me for attention. I sighed, bending down and running a hand through the fur on her stomach. She purred up at me, and I lifted her and tucked her against my side, scritching between her ears as I looked down at her. She meowed, the sound echoing through steel and technology.

“You know, you might almost be more trouble than you’re worth.” I said to her as I started walking back. I depended on my training to remember what way I’d turned when. I moved slowly, methodically, and although I didn’t pass the tech, I was sure that I’d gone the right way. I started to second-guess myself when I started down the hall that should have led to the exit, but there was no opening. I paused and looked back and forth, but my gut said I was in the right place. I thought back to every direction I’d taken, panic starting to set in at the edges of my consciousness. The door should be here. I looked around further, and realized that the lump ahead in the dark was my hat. This was the right place, but they’d closed the entrance.

I ran forward, banging against any flat space I could find, between wires and other outcroppings in the wall. And I yelled.

“Hello! Is anyone there!? I’m locked in!” I yelled until my voice gave out, which was only a few minutes. After yelling after Millicent, my bruised vocal chords had had enough. I started breathing heavily, and then forced myself to slow down. I pet Millicent for something to do, and she was being surprisingly sedate, sitting on my arm against my side, and I was grateful for it. I didn’t dare put her down though.

With my free hand I retrieved my comlink from my belt, and I hoped beyond hope that Chiresa wasn’t too hungover. The low-pitched buzz continued, and I wiggled with anticipation, and then the other line picked up.

“Chiresa’s comlink, Gemma speaking. How may I be of assistance today?” She said, sounding absurdly cheery.

“Gemma, thank god. I’m trapped, I need your help,” I wheezed. There was an abnormally long pause, and then she replied.

“Saphren?” She asked, her voice so perfectly questioning it would have seemed funny in any other situation.

“Yes, yes, it’s me.”

“Where are you?” She asked, and then I heard a ruckus in the background.

“ _Get up.”_

_“Mmmph.”_

_“Chiresa, get your lazy bum up. Saphy needs help!”_

_“What..?”_

_“_ **_Get up._ ** _”_

_“Fine, fine. Jeez. Bossy.”_

“I’m in a technical bay, in the wall off of the East hall.”

“You’re where?” Gemma said, distracted by Chiresa.

“A tech bay!” I said as loudly as I could manage.

“Don’t you need a special type of rank cylinder to get access to those?” Chiresa asked in the background.

“ _Yes. That would be why I’m locked in._ Please, find a way to get me out,” I hissed.

“I’m just waking up here, so give me a minute. _Why_ are you in a tech bay?” Chiresa asked, voice getting closer. I pictured Gemma holding it out to her, annoyance written on her face as Chiresa got dressed.

“I was chasing a cat, and she went right on in, the brat.” There was a long silence on the other end.

“Hey, uh… Ren? Did you maybe hit your head yesterday? Develop some type of oxygen deprived injury overnight?” Chiresa said, concern coming through the comlink. I sighed.

“Chiresa, I promise, I haven’t gone crazy. There is a cat.” I squeezed Millie lightly, and she gave me a grumpy meow in response.

“Well, okay then. Why is there a cat?”

“Chiresa, _I don’t know._ I just didn’t want her to get stuck in here.”

“Okay, well how would you like us to proceed? We could alert Phasma.” Gemma said, her voice commanding. I would just bet that she was glaring at Chiresa, whispering at her to stop delaying.

“Noooo. You can’t tell a superior. No way.” Again, silence.

“Ren, how do you expect us to get you out of there if we can’t talk to anyone with clearance high enough to open the damn thing?” Gemma said, sounding like she was surrounded by insufferable idiots.

“Saphy, why don’t you want us to get a superior?” Chiresa said, always asking the important questions.

“Well, Gemma and Chiresa. Are we _allowed_ to have pets?” I asked, condescension dripping from every word.

“No?” I rolled my eyes. Chiresa.

“Regardless of what they would do to the owner, what would they do to the cat? It’s not like they’re going to let the owner take her home to his parents or something.” I said, reaching down to pet Millie. She rubbed against the comlink, purring loudly. “We can’t let anything happen to Millie.” I said, firm. I wondered if General Hux would order her owner to let her go outside, or if they would take more direct measures to get rid of her. I shuddered.

“Mille?” Chiresa asked while Gemma talked over her.

“Right. Fair enough. So what would you suggest?”

“Well, I’ve run into the cat once before. A woman named Kasra was looking for her. I’d say start there, try to find Kasra. Or… A Suria.” I didn’t know why I added Suria in, but I seemed to trust her every time I thought about it, and she definitely was hiding something. Maybe she could help.

“Right… Well, I guess we’ll try that. Chiresa and Gemma out!” Chiresa’s voice echoed through the stacks of equipment. I was so screwed. But looking down into Millie’s cute little face, it seemed okay.

I banged against the wall and yelled every time I heard someone walk by, but they never stopped. I wondered if they couldn’t hear me, or were just choosing to ignore the crazy poltergeist

I ended up sitting on the floor with Millie in my lap, and every time she tried to get away I crunched her to my chest. She yowled in annoyance, but there was no way in hell I was letting her go at this point. Eventually she settled down again, sleeping between my legs. When I heard the pressure release and the wall started to slide forward, I almost cried. I stood up awkwardly, holding Millie in one arm. Kasra, Gemma, and Chiresa were all standing on the other side, looking at me with extreme concern. Kasra held a tracker in her hand, and I wondered if that’s how she had found Millicent before. I passed her the cat, then ran back into the tunnel. They all yelled after me, and I was sure they thought I lost it, but when I came back stuffing my hat on my head they all looked at me blankly.

“I have to go. Thank you!” I said, running through the halls as fast as I could manage. I’d avoided looking at the clock, but I knew I had to be late. I skidded into the pit, tears at the corners of my eyes, and Hux turned to look at me, ire in his.

“Miss Varien,” He hissed, his lips twisting around. The insult was clear, he’d called me _miss,_ not Specialist or even Officer. "How nice of you to join us. I do hope that your new ascension to special teams hasn’t given you an unjustified sense of entitlement.” Hux said, turning and walking towards me, hands clasped behind his back. I was standing just inside the doorway, trying to catch my breath. He looked me up and down, and I knew what he saw was unsatisfactory. “ _What is all over your uniform?”_ He asked, disgust clear.

“I… I don’t know… Dust?” I said, looking down at myself. There was most certainly dust. But also coating almost every inch of me was fine, orange fur. It had collected between my legs and on my left side, where I’d held Millicent the most.

“ _You don’t know?_ ” Hux asked, incredulous. “Thankfully for you, I am no longer responsible for your punishment. You can be sure that I will inform Commander Ren of your tardiness and the state of your uniform. You will have a UA of one hour added to your record. But I must ask, where were you? What could have possibly caused you to be an _hour_ late?” He asked, leaning further towards me. I blanked, staring at him. Was the cat worth it? I remembered how cold it was outside, and firmed up my morals.

“I was locked in a tech bay on accident, Sir,” I replied, with all the confidence I could muster. His eyes narrowed, suspicion seeping from him.

“And why, pray tell, were you in a secured tech bay?” He asked, voice low with warning.

“I… I thought I heard someone yelling, from inside. There was a tech working, I saw their tools at the side of the hall, and I thought they might have been injured. I went to look for them, and I got lost. By the time I found my way back to the opening, it was closed and the tech was gone.” His face twisted into anger. It was a pitiful excuse, but it was the best I had. I could hear Hux’ teeth grinding.

“Lieutenant Eidhn, take over supervision of this course. I will send Petty Officer Thanisson and Lieutenant Mitaka to help. Captain Phasma, please take Specialist Varien into custody and transport her to my office.” Hux growled. I felt all of the blood rush from my face, and I felt weak as Phasma walked towards me, gripping one arm in a strong hand. Hux turned to follow us, pausing in the hall outside of the door to speak on his comlink.

I was going to be discharged. Or killed for treason. They’d think I was a spy. I shuffled after Phasma, managing to keep myself upright although everything seemed unreal. Phasma let herself into Hux’ office and set me down gently in a chair in front of his desk. She knelt in front of me and pulled off her helmet, and Suria’s face, more serious than I had ever seen it, was staring back at me. I gaped at her. It all dawned on me, then. I’d been under investigation the entire time, for some misconstrued reason. It explained Hux and Eidhn’s dislike of me, why Sur...Phasma had  taken to spying on me. The words blurted out of my mouth before I could stop them.

“I didn’t do whatever you think I did. I promise,” I said, voice only a little rough.

“I know. And I promise you that I will tell Hux the same.” She said, gloved hand going over mine. I looked at her with confusion, but she stood and replaced her helmet, standing next to me with her hand on my shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	16. Unthinkable

**32 ABY**

**Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Phasma - Day 10**_  

The next week had gone off without a hitch. I’d found myself to be increasingly tired, trying to run two training programs simultaneously, but I was succeeding and that lessened the sting and ache of my exhaustion. I had breakfast with Saph _ren_ when I could... I just couldn’t bear to call her Ren. I was an early riser from duty that had become habit, and she appeared to be an early riser due to some outside force that occurred every other day. I spent every morning in the shared mess hall regardless of her presence, avoiding Hux. It was due in part to the fact that he’d been a cranky arse for the last week, but also partly because I had realized I was mad at him.

I liked to think that we’d built the First Order together. Obviously I hadn’t been here from the beginning, but I’d been present when things really got rolling. I'd been here when he'd taken over for his father. _I was the reason he was able to take over for Brendol Hux._ I blinked the thought away. Armitage had confided in me, trusted my opinions, and we worked as a team, even as a strained triumvirate when Kylo was around. And suddenly I felt blocked from something major. No matter how much he told Eidhn that he was just trying something new, no matter how much he diverted when I asked questions and he tried to play everything as normal, I knew that something was wrong. And I knew that it had something to do with Saphren Varien.

The difficulty was… I couldn’t figure it out. She was exceptionally skilled, although a little impulsive. Hux had issues with impulsivity, but it was nothing that he’d so drastically reacted to before. In fact, the more that I got to know her, the more she actually reminded me of Kylo. She appeared to be of the opinion that nothing could beat the real thing, and she looked at our training, our drills, and our simulations as less than; but she still gave them her all, unlike Kylo who looked down his nose at us like we were plebeians. Although the similarities were sure to give Armitage a headache, he’d reacted to her presence immediately the first day, before he knew a thing about her. The connection _must_ have been prior to her enlistment.

I’d already reviewed her records from the Conservatory, and there was nothing that stood out. Hux hadn’t visited them for a review in more than a year, so he wouldn’t have met her then. I hadn’t seen any connection when I’d looked into the First Order’s time in the KV system years ago. So I decided to look deeper, and requested documentation from KV’s military records, and I’d even done a deeper search into her background on the holonet.

Three years ago she was a university student at Iambe University on K-V 77. Her grades were good, she apparently applied herself exceedingly well for anything she put her mind to. She’d been going for a degree in Electrical Engineering and had even forayed into Biomechanics. I’d raised my eyebrows at that; our little duck was a smart one. Her father worked in the mines of K-V 77, and she’d grown up in the mining town of Drhavi. Her mother was a schoolteacher. Her grandparents had immigrated to the Unknown Regions from the Outer Rim shortly after the Battle of Yavin.

She’d been dragged into the KV War that exploded shortly after the First Order’s departure from the KV system, and she’d proven herself time and time again. After the war was over, she’d gone back to school but dropped out after a few months, enlisting with the First Order shortly after that. I could find no connection between her and Armitage, or with the First Order, or with the Empire. And as the week had gone on, I’d become increasingly on-edge about Hux’ behaviour.

And then Kylo decided to show up, a full 10 days later than anticipated, and Armitage’s mood soured more than I had thought possible. And then, the unthinkable occurred. During our first staff meeting, the evening of Kylo’s return, Armitage asked Kylo to help him with Officer’s training.

Kylo had been wearing his ridiculous mask, so I hadn't seen his reaction, but I was fairly certain my imagination had been on point. His eyes would have gone wide, his brow creasing, his mouth slightly agape. Hux did everything, _absolutely everything,_ in his power to keep Kylo out of the day-to-day of things. I was sure that my face mimicked my picture of Kylo. Aminah was looking between the two of them, waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting to skitter out of the way if Kylo pulled his saber. But Armitage had sat at the head of the table, clicking through his datapad as if everything was normal.

Kylo’s pause was short, but it was there. He was obviously trying to hide his discomfort. Kylo and Armitage circled each other always, always looking for a weakness, always playing daddy’s favorite to Supreme Leader Snoke. Today was no different. Kylo responded calmly, voice rumbling through the vocoder.

“What would you like my help with?” I felt my eyebrows rise. I’d been expecting something more along the lines of: “And what interest would I have in that?” Kylo was being cautious, diplomatic. He was _interested._ He didn’t know what Hux might have wanted.

“Supreme Leader’s future plans will require a specialized team. It has been our goal with this batch of recruits to find the appropriate members of that team. They were all chosen from the Conservatory and other ships for advancement due to their excellent scores. Supreme Leader Snoke values your opinions, and truly you have an edge here where I do not. I would like you to hand pick a select few, and then train them separately.” Hux paused.

I envisioned that this diplomatic, almost praising train of conversation was causing him great internal injury. He continued in a rush when Ren’s gloved hands flexed on the table in annoyance. “They will of course conjoin with the regular teams, I don’t expect you to take on Officer’s Training in addition to your busy schedule." I raised an eyebrow. But he expected me to? Arse. "You would be their direct superior, and have the freedom to train them as you wish.” Kylo’s hands relaxed, but he said nothing. “Furthermore, if this goes well, I will take into consideration your recommendations over the last few years with more acuity.”

“And who do you recommend?” Kylo asked. He was definitely intrigued.

“The team would consist of 10 members. I have selected 15 for your perusal. I have starred the ones that I think you would most like.” Hux said, sliding the datapad across the table to Kylo.

“And why do you think that I would most like these three?” Kylo said, gloved fingers tabbing through the report.

“Officer Bani has shown exceptional skill. She is more… _rigid_ than I would think you would normally like, however she is stubborn and does not back down.” Hux paused. Rigid obviously meant that she was more disciplined than Ren, something that Hux valued.

“And the others?” Ren asked, impatience filtering through.

“Natalis is crafty. She would do well under your tutelage. She is struggling under mine, she is chafing under my restricted ideals, and I feel that I owe it to her to give her every opportunity at success. She would do well with hands on training.”

“And Specialist Saphren Varien?” I wasn’t wearing my helmet, and I knew that my face had twisted into utter confusion before I’d gotten it under control. Eidhn still looked outraged, staring at Hux as if she was waiting for an explanation, as if he owed her that. Hux ignored our reactions. I could tell that Kylo did not. He leaned forward in his seat, ever more interested. Hux clearly did not think so little of Saphren as he appeared to.

“She is impetuous, ambitious, and _very_ intelligent. I find myself comparing her to you every day. But I cannot deny that she is skilled. She comes from a unique background. She received her initial training before enlistment, during a civil war in her sector. She has hands-on training, something that you have begged me to implement on multiple occasions. I have selected her as one of my top three because she would do very well on the mission that Supreme Leader has planned, and because I’m sure you two will be thick as thieves.” Armitage had insulted her while recommending her for the position, and due to his comparison had also insulted Kylo. It suddenly felt like there wasn’t enough air in the room, and it thrummed with invisible tension.

“Very well. I will take your recommendations into consideration. How would you like me to proceed with my selection?” I looked between the two of them, astounded that we’d gone this long without yelling. Kylo was obviously far more intrigued than upset, he was controlling himself.

“Tomorrow we will have a series of hand-to-hand trials. I will have you watch from the observation deck, and then I will have _you_ fight with a select few. And then you will have the final say as to who you would like to take on.” Armitage, although he’d been doing very well to be calm throughout this whole ordeal, strained when bringing up the thought of Kylo facing his beloved officers.

“Fine. Send me the details.” Ren stood, sliding the datapad back to Hux.

“Oh, and Ren?” Armitage said as Kylo turned to leave. Kylo paused mid-motion, the tension visible beneath his armor. He was ready to strike. I planted my feet firmly, getting ready to move out of the way. Aminah was too busy looking at Hux like he’d betrayed her. “Never forget that I am the General of the First Order. You may be a Commander and you may be Snokes favorite little pet, but when you are delayed you _will_ inform me. You do not outrank me, and we may share similar ranks of different branches, but you will _never again_ ignore my messages or I will come down on you with the full force of the army that _I have built. Are we understood?_ ” Armitage hissed out the last, his voice full of command as he sat, looking up at the gigantic, black form of Kylo Ren.

The table flipped in our direction, the room humming with energy. Hux and I moved out of the way, we’d expected it. Poor Aminah got pinned to the wall with the force of it, but Kylo was kind enough to throw the table the other direction. He spoke over his shoulder as he stormed from the room.

“We are not understood, General Hux. I make my own way and I do not take orders from a mongrel like you. Remember that I am above your silly hierarchy.” Kylo nearly yelled through the vocoder. Armitage and I stood in silence for a few moments before I thought to check on Aminah. Armitage stood at the edge of the room, staring at the door with an anger that I hoped never to see in my direction. His eyes were ice, and his hands were gripped at his side. A few minutes more and we were alerted to repairs being requested down the hall, and Armitage shoved his chair before storming out of the room much like Kylo had. I helped Aminah to the Med Bay, although her injuries were superficial. And then I went to the datapits, hell bent on figuring out what the hell was happening on my space station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	17. And Things Went to Hell

**32 ABY**

**Datapits - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

_**Phasma - Day 10** _

The datapits were quiet this time of night, as we neared 1900. The day shift had been released to seek dinner, and the night crew was far enough in that talking was at a minimum. It was in the back corner of the pit, below the viewport, that I found my prey.

“Lieutenant Rorge, I find that I am in need of your expertise. Please lock your terminal and follow me.” Byrany Rorge jumped slightly, having been so entranced by his work that he hadn’t heard me come up behind him. Which truly was a marvel, my armor was not known to be stealthy. I smiled freely in my helmet. I wondered if anyone guessed how much I silently laughed at them throughout the day. Probably Armitage. I frowned. Rorge turned his head towards me slowly, almost like out of a film, fear written across his face. He thought he’d done something wrong, clearly.

“Captain Phasma! Ma’am. Yes, Ma’am! Right away, Ma’am.” He stumbled over his words, getting out of his chair jerkily. He pulled his uniform straight, tucked his chair away, locked his terminal, even went back to straighten a few things on his desk. I rolled my eyes, gesturing for him to follow. I led him to my small office near the stormtrooper barracks, shoving papers and datapads out of the way so he would have a place to sit.

I didn’t like to work out of my office, but I’d found it quite useful for storage. I much preferred my quarters, with my comfy chair and tea and slippers. I made my recruits schedule appointments, which meant I had no surprise visitors. It was wonderful. As a bonus, it drove Hux batty. Byrany looked concerned by the mess, but I knew that his cleanliness had more to do with pleasing his General than personal preference. His look of horror would have quite pleased Hux.

Byrany Rorge was known as a neat freak, but I’d seen him slam down a basket full of Cojayav wings with a fervor that would put even I to shame, and I’d seen his quarters when he wasn’t expecting visitors. His neatness was for show. I found it intriguing that he kept it up with me now, even after our years together at the Conservatory. I directed him to sit in my chair. He shoved past me with familiarity, and I felt like I was on more even footing.

“Ma’am?” He asked, dropping down into the chair with a creak.

“I am in need of a complete records search. Off the books. _And stop that._ ” I crossed my arms, leaning back against the wall.

“Stop what, Ma’am?” He asked, snark clearly visible.

“You know what, Byrany.”

“Mmm. I’m afraid that I don’t, Captain.” He leaned back in the chair, twiddling his thumbs, giving me a smart look. I sighed, and pulled my helmet off before dropping it on the wood. “Ah! There we go. My old friend Phasma. We can talk freely now that the shiny bucket of bolts is gone! Superior officers do make me nervous, you know.” He grinned, stretching. I rolled my eyes. I pointed towards the computer.

“Alright genius, search.”

“I’m afraid that I’ll need a little more than that, Phasma.”

“Are you, or are you not the most skilled data tech that Starkiller has to offer?”

“I’m skilled, Ma’am, but I don’t know about all that. Perhaps you can help me?” He was still joking with me, but he was still humble at his core. He was the best data technician at Starkiller, and perhaps number four in the entirety of the First Order. He knew it. I knew it. There was no reason to dance around it, but I allowed him his humility.

“Well, although I am functional, I am not skilled. Now go on, type, or whatever it is you do.” He flashed me a brilliant smile before tapping through screens on my terminal.

“What are we looking for, Captain?” He asked, suddenly serious.

“Search for all records on Specialist Saphren Varien.” I gave him a datapad with her name on it so there would be no issues with spelling. He pulled up her regulation file first. There wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before. “And now the special records.” He glanced up at me curiously, and then did as I had asked. Her special records would only be accessible by someone with fairly high clearance, my terminal allowed Rorge to enter the first screen, and then the system asked for a passcode as secondary security. I leaned over and typed it in while he whistled and looked the other direction.

“Now, is there anything on this page that I might not know how to access?” I asked while the screen loaded. He scoffed.

“Considering your barely functional computer skills, there are likely some pages that you’ve overlooked. Like this secondary folder here.” He directed me to a small box on the screen. “This contains comments and reports that only the highest of rank would be able to access. It is meant to be small, to not draw attention by those who might try to hack the file. They don’t exist for troopers either, as they aren’t generally needed.” He accessed it through a series of screens, turning away when it was time for another passcode.

When the files loaded, I could see that there were many reports that I had not yet seen. Some were from the Conservatory. Most were from her recent days here, with Hux’s name listed on the file. I read the first few paragraphs of a few of the reports and determined that Eidhn had filed them on behalf of Hux. I could access this later, now that I knew what to look for, and I knew that Byrany’s time was valuable.

“Alright. Now access everything she’s looked at since her arrival.”

“Everything?” He looked up at me, bright blue eyes under twisted brows of burgundy.

“Yes. Everything.” He turned back to the terminal and flicked through a multitude of different screens, pausing when he reached what I was looking for. He slowly tabbed through the pages as I glanced at them for anything that stood out. She spent most of her time on reports, and I realized that she read ahead. She did the work before I assigned it. She read the manual over and over. She read reports on how to better data retention. In her free time, she apparently liked to read about Galactic History. She wrote letters every other day to a Relion Neray. She sent many messages to the datapads of two of my troopers. There was nothing that seemed out of place. Byrany flicked through another series of pages and stopped to look at a page of gibberish.

“Hey… ‘Ma?” He used the old nickname like he called me by it everyday, and I wondered if it was hard for him to call me Captain. He sounded mildly concerned, however.

“Yes, Byrony?”

“Someone else has been using the same search parameters,” he stated, scrolling through code.

“You mean to say that someone else has been reviewing the Specialist’s private datapad records?”

“Yes, that is what I mean.” He said, sounding annoyed. I scruffed his hair and watched his face turn into a scowl in the reflection of the terminal. Who would be keeping tabs on Saphren?

“How can you tell?”

“It’s here, in the back end of the code.” He pointed to a series of numbers and letters. It might as well have been some obscure, ancient dialect of Wookie. I’d have the same chance of understanding it.

“And how many people would know where to look for that information.?" He lifted his brows in thought.

“Mmmm… Maybe ten techs in the entire Order? And they’d have to be looking for it. This is not something you'd stumble upon in a day-to-day scenario.”

“So whomever has been spying on the Specialist would not expect to be caught?”

“Oh, most certainly not. Obviously this person has more skill in computers than you, but if they were more skilled they would have pulled the record of their search. They were definitely not expecting someone to find this.”

“Alright Mr. Computer Genius. Can you tell me who? How frequently?”

“As for the frequency… Every day?” His face scrunched up as he sifted through screens of more gibberish. “I’ll have to search for the who.” He typed a series of commands into the computer, and came back with a box of numbers. “This is the signature code of who accessed the files. Give me a moment to search for who it belongs to.” He went back to typing in his ancient Wookie.  And then he paused, looking up at me, all joking gone. “As for the who… General Hux. General Hux has been searching the Specialist’s private files every night since her arrival.”

“Can you send me copies of everything?”

“Uh… Yes. I can.” He started tabbing through screens again.

“Forward them to me. Then do what you were talking about, pull the search.” My mind drifted while he continued his work. Hux was obviously significantly more interested in Saphren than he let on. But I more or less already knew that. The question was _why._ I wasn’t any closer to an answer. I just had more questions, really. When Byrony finished, he turned the chair around so that he could face me.

“If anyone asks about this, you are to tell them nothing.” I said, command clear.

“And if they outrank me?”

“Direct them to me.”

“And if they outrank _you_?” We both knew that he meant Hux.

“Don’t risk your job or your life. But avoid it if you can.” He nodded.

“Are you going to tell me what this is all about?” He leaned back in the chair, arms crossed.

“When I figure it out, I’ll let you know.” He frowned. We used to share everything. Now I avoided many of his questions due to necessity. It was hard to keep friendships, but Byrony made a valiant effort to put up with the forced distance. It was one of the reasons that I valued my friendship with Armitage so much, we were ready and able to share most everything. My clearance level was high enough that it was very rare for him to have to avoid, like I did with Byrony. And I just couldn't figure out what could be above my clearance concerning Saphren Varien. 

“Well, whatever it is, don’t get on Hux’ bad side. I’d hate to see anything happen to you.” He stood, and I gave him a quick hug. It surprised him, but he returned the embrace after the initial shock.

“I’ll be fine. Now get back to work.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” He winked as he left.

*****

I’d spent much of the night reviewing all of the documents that Byrony had sent me. I was no closer to understanding the puzzle of Saphren. She wrote cute letters to Relion, who I’d learned was a tech at the Conservatory. After reviewing Relion Neray’s records, I’d decided that the Conservatory had kept her name out of the documents they sent for referrals every few months. They’d wanted to keep a tech that was so skilled. I’d slipped her record under the door of Technical Operations, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she was transferred within the week. Saphren had written home once, to a sister named Sealena. She asked after her aging but hardworking father, asked how Sealena’s schooling was going. But there was nothing that I determined as out of the ordinary.

I beat Saphren to the mess hall. I helped myself to my regular heap of slop, but it sounded entirely unappetizing. I sat and thought, pushing the food around on my plate for something to do. Saphren sat across from me with a bounce, more energy emanating from her than I had seen since her arrival. Someone was in a good mood. I raised a brow at her as she stared at me for a moment.

“Rough night?” She asked, tilting her head as she examined me.

“I couldn’t sleep, for some reason. It’s nothing.” I smiled at her, prodding my food with my fork.

“I know the feeling,” she replied, her cheekbones dusting with a light pink. I wondered slightly at that. Did she have a paramour? She didn’t really seem the type.

“You don’t look it. You look refreshed and ready to face the day.” She really did. Her skin glowed, that youthful look I’d been expecting earlier finally there. She readily smiled, more-so than normal. She seemed full of life today. I realized with a start that this was the first time that I’d seen her in a good mood. It was a good look for her.

“I didn’t sleep well, but I am in good spirits. It makes for a hell of a difference.” She smiled, white teeth blinding between the curve of her lips. She took a sip of her caf. I almost wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t be in a good mood. Something hinky was going on, but more than that, she was going to be stuck in a room with Ren today. That made for a bad day for everyone involved. I wanted to warn her, to give her some form of preparation. But I knew that I couldn’t do that, so I piled my fork high and stuffed it into my mouth. I ate the large bite, but I knew I would be unable to finish the food. I got up and trashed it, a part of me hurting to see food going to waste.

I walked back to the table slowly, and found myself standing, staring down at Saphren as she chewed.

“Uhm… Just, be careful today. Yeah?” Her face twisted with confusion. I couldn’t give her any more than that, and realistically I probably shouldn’t have said anything at all. I sighed and then sprinted out of the room. I showered and changed quickly, heading to the mock pits for class. The day went well, Hux had no complaints. For lunch I dismissed everyone for their break and told them to head to the recreational center. I hated saying the words.

“Do not be late,” I impressed upon them, dreading what Hux would do.

I skipped lunch, waiting for the others to arrive before we entered the largest room in the center.

“Today, we will be working on more extensive hand to hand drills, and how you react when facing an adversary that is unpredictable.” If Ren was anything, he was unpredictable. “At the end of the day, a select few of you will be chosen to become part of a specialized team.” I paused briefly for effect. “ This morning you all received messages assigning you to specific teams. Please find your partners, and find a corner of the room.” I turned to address the other officers, glancing up to the glass above. Ren would be there, watching.

I watched the groups with little interest, anxiety rising up as the afternoon went on. I went to do the final grading for Saphren’s fight with Officer Mazen. He passed me the datapad confidently. He used textbook moves on her, and she grinned at him like she’d already won. And then he switched tactics, and she changed her defenses to match. They did this a few more times, and Saphren lost her grin, and then slowly her confidence. It was then that he took her down, when she’d lost confidence in herself.

Hux had walked up to watch the end of the match, and his voice snapped through the air.

“You see, Specialist Varien. When you know all of the forms with exact precision, you can afford to be unpredictable. But without the base knowledge behind you, you will falter. Actually, I will correct myself. You obviously have the base knowledge. But until these predictable, boring forms straight out of the handbook become muscle memory for you, I would suggest you don’t stray.” His mouth had twisted with some form of anger. “I was hoping that your brief time with Petty Officer Thanisson would have shown itself today, but I fear you may have even regressed.”

Saphren stood on wobbly legs, saluting him the moment she steadied.

“Understood, Sir. Thank you, Sir.” Hux nodded, tossing his arm out to show her towards the other waiting officers. Hux wandered off to watch someone else, and I returned to the front of the room to keep an eye on the remaining groups. The crowd clapped when Officer Bani defeated Petty Officer Thanisson with a flourish. The room was full of chatter. And then they all quieted, almost like a switch was flipped, like animals that knew a predator was nearby. They all stared at the far entrance, where Kylo stood.

“Commander Ren was kind enough to offer his time today.” Armitage sounded like this was the last thing he wanted to say, like he had been forced into this, like this wasn’t his idea at all. I wondered if he was regretting it. “Commander Ren has an edge above anyone else when it comes to the unpredictable. He will be testing your skills today.”

“But first, a presentation.” I struggled to get the words out. Ren walked to the center of the room, allowed the troopers to surround him. It went according to plan, and he gave quite the show. I watched with a sense of detachment as the rest of the evening progressed. It was only when Hux put Saphren forward that I really paid attention. She walked on to the mat, confident as ever. And then she did something stupid, like she always seemed to do. She requested that Ren not cheat. She wanted a fair fight, she said. The girl was going to get herself killed.

Saphren was defensive for almost every fight that I’d seen her in. Not this one. Oh no, she went for it with fervor. And I could tell that Ren appreciated it. Until he didn’t. I saw the classic signs of one of his tantrums brewing. The tense shoulders, the almost perceptible shift of energy in the room. I didn’t know if it was my imagination or if it had something to do with the force, but it was always present when he was about to lose control.

And all hell broke loose. Ren pushed her to her knees with the force, and went for the saber. Hux and I were moving forward before we could spare another thought. The blade ignited, and he swung. But she blocked with a stun baton that seemingly came out of nowhere. And then the idiot attacked. Hux yelled.

“Ren! Commander Ren!” He was in control, his voice full of command, but I could sense the undercurrent of worry. And then one of the troopers came to the rescue.

“Move, you idiots. Move!” She pushed her way through the crowd, sliding a plasma blade over just in time. Saphren continued to defend herself, but he stopped. She flew backwards, the mirror shattering as she hit the wall, clawing at her throat.

“Enough!” Hux roared. “Ren!” And then Kylo dropped her.

“I will take her, and a few of the others that you recommend,” Ren said before leaving the room. Hux looked ill. He was definitely regretting this.

*****

I ate at the mess hall, still avoiding Hux. I worked on my datapad, not expecting to see Saphren today. And I was glad for it. I didn’t want to see her after the events of yesterday. I felt responsible for it, on some level. Someone sat across from me, and I looked up in surprise. And then I stared. It wasn’t just that I hadn’t expected her, it was because she looked terrible.

“You look like shit.” Was all I could think to say. She had deep bruises along her throat, and her skin looked freckled, her eyes bloodshot.

“Thank you! I do try, don’t you know,” her voice came in a wheeze, but she smiled at me. I smiled back, or tried to at the very least. She was so stupid sometimes. Kylo was a liability. This could not end well.

“You really took the assignment?” I asked. It was the talk of the base, so it was nothing I shouldn’t know.

“Yup!” She said, lips popping on the p. I stared. “I know, I’m probably crazy. But… My career is very important to me.” I nearly asked her if her career was worth dying for, but then I realized how stupid that was. We were preparing for war. Our lives centered around the possibility of death. It’s not like she would listen to me anyway.

“You’ll excel at it, I'm sure. Whatever it is.” I didn’t even have to pretend not to know. It was refreshing in a way. Troubling in others.

“Thank you, Suiria. Anyway… How is your morning going so far?” She took compliments so poorly. I fought to stop the eyeroll that seemed to be second nature in her presence.

“Oh, alright. The usual.” I knew that I frowned, and Saphren gestured for me to continue. We continued to have a discussion about my uptight arse of a superior, and it was damn funny if you knew the circumstances. I decided to tell her how I was feeling. Who else was I going to tell? And this had the benefit that she had no idea who I was, or who I was talking about.

“I’d bet that makes for a bad few days. If your superior is in a bad mood, everyone is in a bad mood,” she said, as if she was imparting some great knowledge. I nodded at her, fighting off a grin. “Well… Here’s to hoping for a better day for the both of us.” She toasted me, and I couldn’t help but smile. I knew that it had only been a short time, but I found that I liked Saphren the more I learned about her. She got up, patting off her legs, disposing of non-existent dust.

“Early day?” I asked, raising a brow.

“I figured I’d get started on my reports early, that way if Ren keeps me out late I won’t have too much to finish up after shift.” I found her answer mildly suspicious, knowing what I did. She continuously worked a few days ahead for the work that was assigned after hours. But maybe she felt that she had to keep that pace.

“Mmmm.” I replied, thinking of what to say. “Good idea, that. You’re oh so studious.” I smiled before gulping down some tea for something to do. She gave me a thumbs up before flitting away.

I finished my breakfast, hit the ‘fresher, and headed for the mock pit. I was confused when I realized that Saphren was not already sitting at her terminal. Confusion morphed into concern when she did not arrive early as she normally did. Concern turned into alarm when she was late.

Armitage stared at her empty seat, tension pulling at his shoulders. His lips pursed. He spent the morning on his datapad, typing furiously. I tapped my foot anxiously. An hour had passed. Hux radiated with anger. And a few minutes later, she slid into the room, her face twisted with panic. Her hair was a mess, pulled all directions, and her uniform was torn. I stood and headed her direction with alarm, but Hux turned to face her first.

“Miss Varien,” I winced at the insult. “How nice of you to join us. I do hope that your new ascention to special teams hasn’t given you an unjustified sense of entitlement.” He said, fully turning and storming towards her. His hands were clasped behind his back, but they were gripping each other with extreme force. “What is all over your uniform?” Hux asked in disgusted confusion.

“I… I don’t know… Dust?” She replied weakly, looking down as if seeing herself for the first time. As I neared the two of them I could see that she was covered in dust, a few cobwebs, and something else.

“You don’t know?” He asked as if she was the stupidest woman on earth. “Thankfully for you, I am no longer responsible for your punishment. You can be sure that I will inform Commander ren of your tardiness and the state of your uniform. You will have a UA of one hour added to your record. But I must ask, where were you? What could have possibly caused you to be an hour late?” He leaned towards her, hunching over her, using his height to intimidate.

“I was locked in a tech bay on accident, Sir.” She said, confident. Alarm bells started to ring as Hux’s shoulders pulled together.

“And why, pray tell, were you in a secured tech bay?” He hissed.

“I… I thought I heard someone yelling, from inside. There was a tech working, I saw their tools at the side of the hall, and I thought they might have been injured. I went to look for them, and I got lost. By the time I found my way back to the opening, it was closed and the tech was gone.” The excuse sounded weak even to me, and I liked her. Hux very apparently did not, and he also was apparently suspicious of her to begin with.

“Lieutenant Eidhn, take over supervision of this course. I will send Petty Officer Thanisson and Lieutenant Mitaka to help. Captain Phasma, please take Specialist Varien into custody and transport her to my office.” He spat the words out, anger trembling through the room. The officers gathered were trying to focus on their work, but they all stared out of the corners of their eyes. I walked towards her, and she looked about ready to faint. She watched behind her as I pulled her gently away.

It was all starting to click together. Hux suspected that Saphren was a spy. Although, that didn’t quite make sense. If he suspected anyone he wouldn’t have let them continue their training. It would have been against protocol, but most of all, it would have put his pride and joy in danger. Having me take her to his office was another think that didn’t quite fit. But I finally felt that I was on the right track.

I thought about it for a moment. I didn’t really know her. But did I trust her? I searched my feelings as I set her down in a chair. She was trembling, pale as a ghost. I found that I did trust her. I also didn’t think that anyone would be this good of an actress. I sighed, deciding to do something stupid. I knelt in front of her and disposed of my helmet. Saphren stared down at me uncomprehendingly, and then her face twisted with understanding, and then anger. I frowned.

“I didn’t do whatever you think I did. I promise.” She pleaded.

“I know. And I promise you that I will tell Hux the same,” I told her with confidence. I gripped her hand, trying to give her some form of reassurance. It was quick, and I stood and replaced my helmet, standing with my hand on her shoulder as we waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	18. Tev *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tev remembers the night that he met Ren. 
> 
> I listened to a lot of Ramsey while writing this, particularly Love Surrounds You.

**32 ABY**

**Quarters - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Tev - Day 1_ **

_My consciousness swam happily with drink, the light buzz dropping my inhibitions dangerously low. Ren was dancing in front of me, hips swaying with the music that thumped through Koschie Cantina. Her arms were raised, her eyes closed as she moved sensuously, her simple dress twisting taught over ample curves. I rocked to the beat as I watched her, unable to look away. She was entrancing._

_I didn’t know if I had ever spent so much time at a cantina. Ren and I had talked for a few hours, our conversation interrupted frequently as her friends came to the booth for shots, of which they insisted we also partake of, before they scattered back to the dance floor. As the drinks continued to flow, we’d even found ourselves joining them, something that was apparently as out of character for her as it was for me._

_She twisted and turned, then pulled up close and wrapped her arms around my neck. It was suddenly harder to breathe. The tension built as we writhed against each other on the dance floor, and I distantly realized that my pants had become decidedly uncomfortable, but I was too preoccupied to care. She pulled away from me, a devilish grin on her delicate lips as she grabbed my hand and dragged me through the back of the cantina._

_Ren looked back at me over her shoulder, long hair reaching back to tickle me with the breeze she created as she moved, and she giggled vivaciously. She appeared to be so youthful that it had originally given me pause, but I soon realized she was older than I had thought, or at the very least incredibly mature. I stopped caring after a number of shots._

_She’d lured me out to the courtyard behind the cantina. It was a chilly night, and the area was deserted. She suddenly paused, turning to look up at me with wide eyes, apparently questioning how forward her actions had been. And then I could see it in her face when she’d decided that she didn’t care. She leaned closer, twining her hands in my hair. I walked her backwards, and she let out a soft sigh as her bare shoulders hit cold brick duracrete._

_Her hands moved down my chest and back up again, over my shoulders and then back down. I shuddered as her nails dragged down sensitive skin, the barrier of my shirt not dulling the sensation in the least. It was only when she settled on my belt that I snatched her hands away, pulling them up high above her head. She went up on tiptoes, and I was fairly certain that I heard a soft moan when her limbs started to stretch. When I tucked both of her hands into one of mine, her head fell back with a light thump against the wall. Her eyes were blown wide with lust when she opened them, her hips bucking off the wall in search of something more. I leaned down, putting my face near the curve of her chin, my lips ever so near to the shell of her ear._

_“You’re drunk.” She whined at that, twisting slightly, pulling her legs together for the pressure she so obviously desired._

_“And?” She asked. She was impetuous. I smiled softly as I leaned forward. She shuddered beneath me. “What does it matter?” She asked, her voice sounding far away._

_“It matters.” I paused, my free hand sliding down her arm. Her skin broke out in goosebumps with its passage. “Invite me to your bed when you are in full control of your faculties, and I will come willingly.” She choked lightly. On some level, I was teasing her. On another, I was entirely serious. If I was going to bed someone, I wanted them to know who I was, I wanted them to remember every detail, every sigh I forced from them. She turned her face towards me, the height difference putting her lips at my collarbone. She lifted up further on her toes, and I instinctively pulled her arms taught when the pressure slackened. She quaked against me, and I turned my face towards her. And then nothing more happened, she paused, breathing frantically._

_“Tease,” I taunted her, and she responded with a breathy moan. She moved lower, and it was her teeth that grazed my neck instead of her lips. I moved my leg between hers, pushing her higher and giving her the pressure that she had been seeking. We turned to each other, and I kissed her gently. She was confused at first, I could sense, but she allowed me my slow search of her mouth. I released her hands and cupped her face with both of mine, giving her the passionate kiss I’d thought about all evening. She was impatient, her lips moving ever faster on mine. Her hands drifted through my hair and down to my shoulders, and then she yanked herself higher up on my leg, and I could no longer keep up the slow pace. I gripped her face and moved down to grasp her arms as I pulled her chest up against mine._

_She was mouthy, groans echoing in the empty courtyard. I gripped her hips, finally settling between her legs and grinding into the warmth I found there. We both moaned with the movement. I pressed her further against the wall, holding her up with hands on her ass. Her founds my belt again, and this time I let her pull it free._

_Holding her with one arm I pushed her dress up to her navel, ripping at the delicate lace underthings I found beneath the skirt. She screamed as I tore them off her, and I rubbed the sensitive skin that I left behind, pausing as I thought I’d gone too far. But she bucked off the wall to press against me, her small hands forceful as she pulled my mouth back to hers. We backed away from each other again so that she could get her hands between us._

_I pulled the ties at the side of her dress and pulled the fabric open, mouth watering as my eyes devoured her form. She wore a small lace bra, pert nipples peeking through the black fabric. She’d unbuttoned my shirt, disgruntled when she found an undershirt underneath. She shoved it higher and ran her nails over my bare sides, and I bucked into her. She keened as the rough fabric of my pants rubbed against her most sensitive of spots, and her hands returned to unbutton my trousers. She palmed my length through the fineweave sherculién fabric, and I gripped her ass with more force as my free hand dipped between her legs. By the gods she was wet. She released me from my clothing, giving me a few teasing strokes. I slid a finger into her, and unnameable noises came from deep in her throat._

_“More,” she whispered._

_“Eager, are we?” I teased, and she shoved my hand away and guided me close for what she really wanted. I slid into her, relishing as her heat stretched to accommodate me. We panted together, and I started moving in earnest, snapping my hips against her as she pushed back against the wall. I gripped her hips and pulled her forward to meet me, her tits bouncing in the fabric that left nothing to the imagination. She clenched around me, screaming her release into the cool night air, and I followed shortly after her._

I awoke, shuddering beneath too-heavy sheets like I did every morning. The soft fabric clung to my skin, wet with sweat, the heat that had collected beneath oppressive and stifling. Sitting upright, I tossed the offending object to the end of the bed, covering the sleeping orange ball of fluff at the end of the bed. The sheet wiggled slightly as she readjusted, but I was certain that Millicent went right back to sleep, just as she did every morning. I sat for a few moments, letting the cool air bathe my bare skin, until gooseflesh rose. I dropped back down, staring up at my grey ceiling as I stretched sore limbs.

I’d dreamed of her again. She’d visited my dreams nearly every night over the last three years. Sometimes my memory simply replayed the events of that night. Sometimes, my imagination altered it, reduced my self control and morals to nothing so that the night had ended in an entirely different way. I often wondered if I’d sated myself that night if she’d still be haunting me now, or if it was the thrill of the unknown that kept her in my memory. Sometimes my dreams let everything play out perfectly, and she’d arrived at the Ceres in nothing more than a long coat, ready for a night that we both remembered. But that hadn’t happened.

I didn’t know if she’d been so drunk that she couldn’t remember our encounter, or if she’d simply chosen not to come to the Ceres. If it was the first, then I could live with my decision. She’d been well into her drinking by the time I arrived at Koschie. My light buzz had been nothing compared to her sloppy drunk, although she’d held it well. If it was the second… Well, then I was less inclined to be proud of my morals. Either way, I’d likely never know.

I willed the strain in my gut away, dressing for a shocking run in the ice-land of Starkiller. That always seemed to give me the edge I needed to ignore the thump of my heart, the memory of her, the tightness in my trousers. It was early, before my alarm would go off at 0300. I’d have plenty of time to prepare with Aminah for the new recruits that were coming from the Conservatory later today. Maybe I’d even share a cup of tea with Phasma. I made the bed to the best of my ability, trying not to disturb Millie too much. She was snoring softly, ears twitching, I gave her a few good rubs, and she looked up at me with sleepy eyes before drifting back to sleep as I jogged from my room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	19. Imperious Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux' POV of events from the first day. 
> 
> I wrote this while listening to Freedom Fighters (Extended Version) by Two Steps from Hell and Dominion by R. Armando Morabito.

**32 ABY**

**Planet Surface - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Hux - Day 1_ **

I waited for the sun to crest the horizon, watching as light travelled over the icy landscape, revealing glittering diamonds of frost in the trees. I felt the soft hum of machinery beneath me, envisioning banks of equipment delving deep into the earth. I imagined the planet’s slow turning, its orbit around the sun. Someday soon we would use the power of Starkiller’s sun, someday soon we would break away from orbit... Someday soon, my plans would be set into motion. 

I sat at the mountain top that I had claimed as my own, observing. I watched the sentries that moved lightly through the trees, the techs and contractors as they continued building to the north. I watched as troopers set up the obstacle course in preparation for tomorrow, as workmen unloaded the most recent shuttle of supplies and loaded kyber for export. The First Order operated under a series of delicate, complex movements, like a machine, just as Starkiller did beneath me. A machine that I had built.

My father could never have brought the First Order this far. He couldn’t have even conceived half of what I had implemented in the last eight years. So when his voice filtered into my consciousness, I brushed the words away. He’d always thought that I was weak-willed, weak in body, weak in mind. He would have viewed my longing for a lush from a backworld mining system as a sign of weakness. But my father hadn’t understood people, he had understood the boys that he’d turned into killers, he hadn’t understood the powerful people that he worked for. And that is why he would have failed. For although I had spent my life planning and organizing, and although I had been the one to put everything in motion, I did not build this alone. My father would have thought that was weakness, too. But I’d found that people had hidden depths, hidden strengths, and I knew that The First Order had built this, not just I. 

I stood, legs aching from my run up the hillside, brushing my pants free of gathered debris. I ran all the way back to the base, sliding inside later than I would have on any given day. I’d spent my extra time this morning in contemplation. I should have spent it working, formulating tests and drills, but the thought of spending an extra thirty minutes in my office today had been more than I could bear. And even though I was now late for my strict schedule, I couldn’t find it in me to care. I was more relaxed than I had been in quite some time. 

I showered quickly, dressing in a fresh uniform with newly shined boots, combing my hair back and out of the way. I pet Mille, who grumbled sleepily as I disturbed her slumber. I ran my hand down her side and she settled, blinking happily before curling into a loaf to return to sleep. I made sure that I was free of lint and cat hair, heading to the Superior’s Kitchen for my first cup of caf. My boots clicked on durasteel as I walked, and I heard the cadence slow as I entered the room. I was surprised to see Phasma sitting at one of the tables, scrolling through her datapad. She was up earlier than normal, and I was running a little later than I preferred. I focused on the task at hand, the need for caf. 

I grabbed a cup, shifting through settings on the machine. Her presence made me uncomfortable, anxious. My morning had already started off routine, and I disliked being rushed. Aminah and I would have a shorter meeting than normal due to my excursion to the mountian top, and although I knew I wasn’t so late as her presence would normally dictate, it gave me pause. 

“Good morning Armitage!” She exclaimed, voice high pitched, far too happy for this time of day. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

“Good morning, Captain Phasma. Early day today?” I asked, although I wasn’t terribly interested. I knew her itinerary, there was no reason for her to be up early. But it was polite to ask. I tapped the machine lightly, going through the selections again, displeased when nothing came from the spout. 

“Mm. Couldn’t sleep, for some reason. But I will accept what fate has dealt me, because it means that we can have an extra hour of the day together. We could even eat breakfast together, Armitage. It’s been ages since we’ve shared a meal!” I smiled, stretching my shoulders as I waited for the machinery to behave. Phasma was a shining light in the day-to-day of things. Sometimes it drove me crazy, but mostly it gave me peace. She was skilled, incredibly focused when it came to work, but she found time to smile. More than just a comrade in arms, she was one of my very few friends. Her attempts to annoy me kept me grounded, and I found myself grinning at her more than I would care to admit. And I always made sure that she thought I found her annoying rather than endearing. Couldn’t let her ego inflate too much, certainly. 

I glanced backwards ever so slightly, taking in the empty plate at her elbow. She’d already eaten. She was trying to push me. Although I’d even considered sharing a cup of tea with her earlier this morning, I was feeling antsy about how far behind I felt for my day.

“Yes, well. As lovely as that would be, Phasma, you know that I prefer to spend my time working. So I will continue with my daily routine of a multi-nutritional shake. Perhaps I will live it up a little, perhaps I will have Liwi today, instead of Bluefruit.” I figured I would poke fun at her in return, although I most certainly would  _ not  _ have Liwi. I pressed the buttons on the machine once more, ever so annoyed that the caf would not pour into my waiting cup. 

“Armitage, you’re strung far too tightly. When was the last time you relaxed? Maker forbid took a day off?” Phasma sounded concerned. How touching. However, this was an old argument, and I was tired of repeating myself. 

“Phasma, we are at war, or have you forgotten? I do not have time for time off,” I growled, smacked the side of the machine, far more annoyed at the machine than Phasma. “And that simpering, maladjusted child will be returning to base shortly.” I wondered if she had forgotten that he was due to land tomorrow. “And once again, he will demand to be included in our planning, and change all of the meticulous orders that have been set for months. Months, Phasma. And now the bloody caf machine is broken. Again.” I felt the start of a headache, pinching my nose to try to stop the pressure. My good mood was forgotten. The lack of sleep was starting to take its toll. 

“Armitage, we are in a Cold War. Nothing is likely to happen tomorrow, and if it does, we are well prepared. And yes, Commander Ren will be returning soon. However, I’ve heard that the Supreme Leader has tasked him with some all important task. Surely he will be here briefly, and far too busy to interfere with any vigor. And, I will put in a work order for the caf machine. Alright?” She asked, voice gone soft as if she was dealing with a child. This made me more angry, but I knew that it came from a spot of caring. And although the Supreme Leader had mentioned something of an important mission, Ren didn’t take anything seriously enough to spend all of his time here preparing for it. He would interfere in Phasma and I’s plans, likely just to annoy me if for nothing else. 

“Go get some caf from downstairs. No one is awake at this hour,” she added, typing into her datapad. She knew that I hated going to the main mess hall. People gawked, people pleaded, people made fools of themselves when I turned up unexpectedly. Although I took minor enjoyment in this, my people deserved time to themselves, when they didn’t have to worry about propriety. I did not like to infringe on the places where they relaxed. 

“Very well, Captain Phasma... Thank you,” I said while walking towards the door. “Oh… And do please make sure to assign...” I thought about it for a moment. I was livid about the caf machine. This was the fourth time this month it had gone down, and it had been fixed by the same tech each time. I was heavily inclined to think that they were doing something incorrectly, but I also knew that I had a tendency to expect more from people than I probably should. Assigning the tech to Kylo would certainly be a type of punishment, but I needed someone that excelled at repairs. “The most skilled tech to Ren, and start diverting funds to cover the costs,” I finished. I glanced at Phasma, and she was typing into her datapad. 

Her blonde hair was wild, twisting and turning in short curls. She wore her fitness attire from her visit to the recreational facilities earlier today, and her leg bounced under the table. Phasma was wild, rumpled, sometimes unkempt. But she was a force to be reckoned with. My father had chosen her because of her skills as a warrior, but she was also a very organized and capable teacher. I wondered if I ever told her how much I appreciated her. I almost told her, but I snapped my mouth shut and walked down to the mess hall. 

I retrieved a cup of caf and a Bluefruit nutrition shake and  headed to my office. The datapits were humming with life. The Command Center of the ship was the one area of the base that never stopped. I snuck by, leaving them to their work. 

Aminah was waiting for me, files stacked neatly at the corner of my desk. She gave me an alarmed look, but said nothing. 

“I apologize for my tardiness, Lieutenant.” I said, sliding into my chair, leaning against the plush nerf-hide. I was suddenly very tired. 

“It is no trouble, of course, General Hux.” She was giving me a look that definitely said she thought it had been trouble. I started tabbing through reports on my terminal, ignoring her look of ire. She was upset that I had kept her waiting. 

“You may begin, Lieutenant.” She started the process of reading off the names of the recruits scheduled to arrive today. This batch had been chosen purely based on their scores from their current posts, so all names sounded new and unknown to me. This was part of our routine, going through the entire list of names before their arrival. 

“Rexal Adalet. Keziah Bani. Keve Calien.” She paused periodically, at random, to list off age, sex, planet of enlistment, final scores, and if they had any recommendations from their superiors. “Louisa Cathal. Aren Clenes.” Occasionally, I would stop her at certain names. I often wondered if she had caught on, in the last few years, that I stopped her on names that could be shortened or modified to be made Ren. Aren Clenes was 32, female, and had enlisted on Kro Var. Her scores were in line with everyone else in this batch, and she had two recommendations. We went further down the list. 

“Brencis Finnett.” Aminah paused as she did after every name, and I directed her to continue. “Male, twenty three. Enlisted on the 244 Core. Scores on the lower end of those gathered, two recommendations.” And on it went. “Cathries Natalis... Joane Rison… Brendyl Terson.” I stopped her there. Fate could be incredibly twisted. What were the odds? I gestured for Aminah to continue with Brendyl. “Female, twenty five, enlisted on K-V Forty-Four, good scores, five recommendations.” She continued on down the line, while I pulled up Brendyl Terson on my terminal. A beautiful woman with cinnamon skin stared back at me. She reminded me of Rae, but she was not Ren. 

Aminah continued on, choosing a Saffron Varien of her own volition. “Twenty seven. She enlisted on Asherah Prime, has exceptional scores, and a full eight recommendations.” Keziah Bani was the only officer other than Saffron to receive more than six recommendations. I was looking forward to seeing them in action. They both appeared to be exceptionally skilled, and I had high hopes. Aminah finished the list with Brezal Wiley, and I brushed Aminah’s hand when she started to list off further information, intending to stop her as I had no interest. She stuttered, her cheeks warming with a light pink.

“Thank you, Aminah. I will work on my reports. Please come get me before they are about to land.” She nodded, her brunette hair still as it was tied tight at the nape of her neck. She strode into her office that connected to mine, the doors sliding closed as her heels echoed.

I spent the next long while typing notes into reports, but I was not nearly as focused as I should have been. It was not long before Aminah returned, with my second cup of caf and my gaberwool coat. I sipped on the caf as I finished up reports and prepared to venture outside. 

*****

We stood at the doors to the base, watching as shuttles landed, as it released the troops. My voice came over the speakers: “Forward March!” They created a row for us to walk down, troopers facing officers. “Attention,” commanded the replica of my voice. “Present Arms!” Their salutes were smooth, synchronized, and it gave me a feeling of fierce pride. “Parade Rest!” The speakers echoed through the forest, and they all fell into line. My group of officers started to walk the line. I looked at each person in turn, glancing briefly at their appearance. Within a few moments I could gather a feeling for the officer or trooper. How they presented themselves gave me great insight into them as people. I gave a trooper a quick up and down, turning my head to look at the opposing officer. 

I felt myself blink as if I was far away, looking into the face of someone I thought I would never see again. I moved towards her, staring, trying to determine if what I was seeing was actually happening. Had I been so focused on her recently that I conjured her image? This woman was older than the one that I remembered, in more ways than one. The hair that I could see under her cap was streaked with silver, a pale scar ran down the side of her face. She was thinner by far, her ample curves now strong, lithe muscle. Her skin seemed dim, and I fought with myself, trying to decide if my memories could possibly match up with this woman in front of me. And then she began to blush, the delicate rose color rising to match the red of her nose from the cold. It gave her a youthful look, and I knew it was her. But she did not seem to know me, confusion contorting her face. 

“Officer…” I left it as a question, flicking through files in my mind, trying to decide which of the names from this morning belonged to her. 

“Specialist Saphren Varien, Sir.” Saph _ ren _ , not Saffron. She saluted seamlessly. My mouth pursed into a sour frown. I always thought there was a possibility that she might enlist, that she might remember part of the earliest bits of our conversations when I’d told her I was an officer in the First Order. I’d prepared for that possibility. My administrative assistant before Eidhn had thought it strange when I suddenly had her review all new recruits with me. 

It had become routine by the time Lieutenant Aminah Eidhn had started. I had done that so that  _ this  _ would not happen. I had implemented the process so that I would know she was here before I made a fool of myself in front of my troops. I held my hand up, and the datapad was instantly slid into gloved fingers. I tried to remember where she had enlisted, knowing only that it had not been the KV system. I would have checked her picture, had that been the case. 

“Where did you enlist, officer?” I asked, trying to sound uninterested. I pulled up her file, reading the words as she said them. 

“Asherah Prime, Sir.” 

“But you are not from Asherah Prime, are you, officer?” I asked, looking up from the screen, staring into her face. I knew what she would say before she said it. I knew that this must be her. 

“No, Sir. I originally hail from K-V Seven-Seven, Sir.” I fought the urge to throw the datapad, I fought the urge to grab her and kiss her as passionately as I had that night. I glanced briefly behind me, taking in the confused gazes of my officers. I coughed for something to do, handing the datapad back to Eidhn. Trying to think of a way to salvage the situation, I went to my routine, I asked what I would have asked Eidhn. 

“Tell me, Officer Varien, what were your final scores for your review?”

“Which time, Sir?” She winced immediately, and I raised a brow. She was nervous, clearly, but still made no indication that she recognized me. I started to have a sinking feeling in my stomach. If she had remembered the events of that evening, and if she had realized who I was, then she may be here under less than authentic reasons. “I exceeded expectations, Sir.” She paused, as if trying to find words that would be appropriate. I felt the concern building. She cleared her throat and continued to list her scores, ending with a soft “Sir,” that tightened my gut uncomfortably. 

“That is satisfactory, Officer. At ease.” I turned and walked down the row, unable to look to either side for a few moments. I stopped about five officers down, and asked his name, where he enlisted, and his final scores. I did this as I continued, stopping every few officers to make it seem like a new practice. Aminah wouldn’t say anything, but Phasma… Well, Phasma was going to be trouble. She would wonder why I hadn’t discussed a major change of my process with her. The moment I made it to the end of the row I dismissed the gathered officers, speeding into the base with a fervor built from the need to get away before anyone could ask me any questions. Truthfully, I didn’t know how I would answer them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	20. Purpose

**32 ABY**

**Office - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Hux - Day 1_**

“You are distracted from your purpose,” his voice whispered in my head. “You were always weak. I wish the others would see that... See you for what you really are,” he hissed. I blinked my father's imaginary words away. I was distracted, most certainly. But I would never drift far from my purpose, that I knew. The hushed words could not bother me.

I’d banned everyone from my office under the pretense of needing to finish reports that could not be delayed, even Aminah. She’d given me a look of stricken betrayal when I’d told her I would not be in need of her services for the rest of the day. Concern was distant in her desire to be involved. It wasn’t often that I banned my administrative assistant from my office, it was counterproductive. But I needed time to think.

I leaned further back in my chair, staring at the ceiling as the gears creaked. My first thought upon seeing _her_ had been disbelief. After all, it had been three years. Three years, during which I had prepared for this very outcome. It was why seeing her had felt like I had taken a fist to the gut, why I was unable to control my actions. I’d started to believe that it would never happen, and I had not been expecting it. Disbelief had turned into the briefest glimpse of joy, but that had quickly mutated into suspicion. Why now?

It could very well be that she literally remembered nothing of the night. That’s what I’d been telling myself all this time. But I was a cautious man. My position was not as ironclad as I would like, and I looked for danger in every corner. It had served me well, on more than one occasion. I would not go the way of Brendol Hux.

Had her blush been embarrassment from my attention? From calling her out in front of her peers? Or had it been from memories that she hid behind a confused face?

The KV War had ended shortly before her enlistment. I would imagine that she found it difficult to return to university after that. But she could have continued with the KV Military, enlisting after her conscription, or perhaps even joined the police force. She could have enlisted with the New Republic. I found that thought instantly distasteful, but it made it no less true. Why the First Order? She hadn’t seem particularly politically motivated when we’d spoken about everything from cinnamon in shots to biomedical engineering.

I had a sinking suspicion that she remembered more of that night than her face had betrayed. If she remembered, then she could have easily discovered my true identity. I could think of numerous factions that could, and would, use someone in her position as a spy; depending on me to be too blinded by lust to discover the truth before it was too late. At the whisper of spy in the back of my brain, at the inkling of treason, I should have had her immediately apprehended and taken in for questioning. Not only was it protocol, but I was putting in danger the only thing that I had truly cared about. Perhaps these fictional factions were right. Although I was clearly not blinded, my feelings for her had stayed my hand. But there was more to it than that.

I couldn’t deny that on some level I felt jilted. Was my suspicion warranted or was I reacting poorly because she hadn’t appeared at the Ceres? On an entirely different level, if she couldn’t remember a thing, but someone found out about our past, it could call all of her achievements at Starkiller into question. There would be many that would claim nepotism. Either way, it would ruin her career. If I called for an investigation of her past, even if she was later cleared, she would never excel as she would have if I hadn’t. Not to mention that Snoke would likely send his monstrous pet to interrogate her. That gave me more pause than anything else. If she were innocent, could I bear being the cause of that? After thinking about it for much of the morning, I decided that the answer was no, I could not.

So I formulated a plan, one that would hopefully protect the First Order if her motivations were in fact dastardly, and also would protect her career in the event that they were pure. I ended my self-imposed isolation for Aminah only, I would need her help implementing my plan. At my call she scurried in through the door that connected to her office, almost as if she had been waiting on the other side, ear pressed against the durasteel. I wouldn’t have put it past her, truly.

“Ahminah, I have been planning on implementing some new changes to our training programme.” I used her name, knowing that she was far more likely to let my lies slide if I gave her the feeling that we were close. “It was this morning that I realized that this group should bear the brunt of the changes, as they were all chosen specifically for their skills. This means that I will need to know more about each recruit than normal. Please compile first glance reports on each of them using what we know from their records. I will also engage in more conversation with them as I did this morning as we progress.” She brightened at being included in the secret of the day. I was sure this morning was the talk of the base.

“Of course, General. When would you like them?” She asked, smile pleasant.  
“By tonight, Aminah. I know it is a bit of a strain, but we are going to need to move quickly to alter our planning, and I’m afraid that I just won’t have the time today.” She gave me a significantly more strained smile.

“Of course, Sir. I understand. Thank you for giving me the opportunity.” The first part of her statement was her being political. The second was true. She was my assistant for a reason, she was incredibly hard working and always looking for ways to exceed expectations, but that didn’t mean that she did it happily. She turned to leave.

“Oh, and Aminah?” She turned back to face me, smiling, a light blush on her cheeks. “I unfortunately will need a few more things.” Her look soured. “Ysable Bradley? Is she still aboard?”

“Mmm. I believe she was scheduled to depart next week, General.”

“Please find out for me, would you?” She gave me a brilliant smile. She was not used to being asked to do something, and I’d realized long ago that the way to skirt around her perceptiveness was to flatter her, make her feel important. If the General of the First Order asked you to do something, rather than ordered it, it meant more, clearly.

“Most certainly. Is there anything else?”

“Please have Major Thewlis and Colonel Bradley, report to your office at their earliest convenience. You will then bring them through to me, but you are to act as though their meeting is with you until they arrive. Have Kasra bring me lunch, with extra caf. Allow her entrance through your office as well, please.” Aminah gave me a curious look, but when she decided nothing more was forthcoming, she hurried to do as I had asked.

Ysable arrived before anyone else, as she was on leave and had no prior engagements. She stood at attention, waiting for me to speak. Her brunette hair was combed into a bun, her leisure clothing still neatly tucked, as if she were in uniform. There would be no mistaking her for anything other than an officer, no matter what she wore. She looked younger than her true age, and it was part of the reason I had chosen her. I remembered her when she was seven or eight, gangly limbs, sharp wit, quiet even as a child. But deadly. Oh so deadly. She had been my father’s favorite, and I had hated her for it. Until the day that Rax saw within me what I had always believed, until the day that she followed me as she followed my father. The most loyal of soldiers. She had been trained for the Empire, and was used as a tool to rebuild it. But it was not the Empire or even the First Order that she truly served. It was the Hux name.

“Ysable, I know that you are due to depart next week and return to the Supremacy. But I find that I am in need of help. The kind that only you can provide.” She cocked her head to the side in question, and so I continued. “You would be required to extend your leave. I’m certain that you have accrued enough time. This would be a covert operation, between you and I. Do you accept?” She looked at me with her deep eyes, examining me, cataloging what I had said and what I had not.

“What do you wish of me, General Hux?” I allowed myself a small, satisfied grin.

“I will have your records coded and changed. You will go by your name, but you will pretend to be newly arrived for Officer’s Training. You’d be a few weeks late, so we will say that you were delayed by illness but started in the pits on the Finalizer. This will help explain your proficiency. As much as it ails you, you will have to pretend to be less intelligent, less knowledgeable, than you are. You will share a room with a Specialist Saphren Varien, and you will make note of everything that you can about her, and you will report only to me. Are we understood?” She simply nodded.

“You will be mostly unrecognizable here. Your rank and your history means that there are very few who know of you outside of the Supremacy. For those that do know of you, Lieutenant Eidhn, Major Thewlis, and any others, will be operating under the impression that you are performing an undercover review of the systems in place on Starkiller. They will believe that they have been chosen to help you in this undertaking, that they are in the need to know. But no one is to know your true purpose. Eidhn will lead you to your new quarters. Dismissed.” She gave me a strong salute before marching into Eidhn’s office.

Cotte Thewlis came in a few moments later, and I explained that he would be helping Ysable with an undercover review of Starkiller. He would move her from class to class so that she could appropriately observe each of his staff while they were training. I gave him a fair bit more praise than he deserved, explaining that he was aware of this because I trusted his skills implicitly. I almost wished that I’d had more time to compile this endeavor, secretly placed Ysable without anyone’s knowledge. But I would have to make due.

Cotte left as Kasra brought my lunch, and I spent the rest of my afternoon deciding how to implement the rest of my plans. When supper time had gone past, I thought that I had finally discovered a way to proceed appropriately. Phasma would most certainly not be happy, however. But I needed someone else to directly supervise Saphren’s training. If our connection was discovered, or, and this was the hopeful part of me that I’d thought long dead, if she perhaps desired to pursue something with me in the future, I could not have a hand in her training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	21. The Feline Incident

**32 ABY**

**Hux’ Office - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 12_**

It seemed that hours had passed while I stared at the window behind Hux’ desk, Phasma’s hand on my shoulder. I couldn’t say that I was looking through the window. I wasn’t viewing the scenery, the window just happened to be in my line of sight. I felt a numb sort of detachment after the panic had settled to a bearable level. I looked up at Phasma every few moments, wanting to ask her what was going on, why she’d been spying on me, why she lied. Wanting to tell her that I hadn’t done whatever it was they thought I did. I thought about telling her about Millicent. Suria, I would have told... Phasma I might have told. That equaled out to three fourths towards sharing. But now that I knew that Suria and Phasma were one and the same, I didn’t know where I stood with her. So I stayed silent.

It was some time before Hux stormed through, slamming the console to the door with more force the necessary. I heard buttons beeping and locks sliding. I watched the slight reflection in the window as he went to another set of doors to his left. These doors he opened, glancing inside, before repeating the same process. He smashed his hand against panel after panel, every door in his office locked. I held my hands grasped in my lap, fighting the urge to fidget, keeping the tears in my eyes, where they belonged. At a gesture from Hux, Phasma’s hand was removed, and I heard her clink and clunk as she moved further back towards the doors, near the seating area. I heard her helmet release, and I could see Hux’ transparent reflection turn towards her.

“You will observe. Silently,” he hissed, and I watched as she sat on the edge of a chair, unable to see facial expressions with the glass.

Hux stood to my right side, staring down at me. I waited to be addressed, staring at the window, eyes unmoving. And then he leaned into my space, and I felt fear tickling at the back of my neck.

“Specialist Varien.” I turned to look at him. I took in his clenched jaw, pursed lips, pale skin, his bright eyes. Terror skittered up my spine. The feeling that Phasma and Kylo Ren evoked was nothing compared to the look in his eyes. I felt with absolute certainty that I was going to die. I stayed silent. I didn’t know what I would have said, but I thought that I might not be able to produce sound anyway.

“Why did you join the First Order?” I gaped. It was not a question I had been expecting. I shut my mouth with a click, confusion twisting. It took me a moment to decide what I could say.

“It seemed like the thing to do, with my military background. I tried to return to university, but everything seemed... Unsatisfying.” I gave him the best answer I could, shrugging. It was an abstract concept, not one that I fully understood myself. My gaze drifted away from him. I hadn’t thought about my motivations since I’d first made the choice, and even then it had been a snap decision.

“Specialist, brevity will not be your friend in this conversation.” His voice sounded dire, and I looked back up at him. His eyes were imploring, almost kind. So drastically different than a few seconds ago… And the words began to spill from my mouth without thought.

“My family comes from the Outer Rim... My grandparents remembered the Republic. They remembered when every day was a struggle to get medicine or equipment from the Core, when slavery was ever present and the Republic could not, or would not, interfere. My grandfather talked about those days with vehemence, and with hate. His people suffered every day because they had the misfortune of being born on the wrong planet.” I paused, remembering my grandfather’s gnarled face, his deep voice as it rumbled through his chest. I remembered sitting on his lap when he told me stories of grand battles and interesting bits of history. But he always made sure to impress upon me the real life implications of what he told me, even when I was too young to understand. I carried his words, and I knew that although it hadn’t been a conscious motivator in enlistment, I knew that it was substantive.

“The Republic was a poor governing system, only concerned with the rich planets in their immediate view while simultaneously purporting to command order through the entire galaxy. I grew up to stories of what the Empire had changed for the people of my ancestors. My grandparents moved my entire family to the Unknown Regions shortly after the Battle of Yavin. My grandfather would not stand to live in the universe that he had grown up in. He said that he would rather take his chances with the single governing planets of the Outer Rim…” I took a few breaths, looking at my hands that griped each other. “I joined the First Order because I found that I had talent in battle plans, in leading forces, in hand-to-hand combat.” I paused, wincing slightly, knowing what Hux thought of my ‘talent,’ but unable to exclude it. “I joined because I couldn’t return to my studies when I knew that the First Order existed, when I thought about how the Republic failed my grandfather.” I stopped, knowing what other reasons I had, but reluctant to divulge them. But Hux was staring at me, waiting, as if he knew I was holding something back.

“There was a man, a few years ago. I met him in a cantina near my university. I… I don’t remember much. But I do remember that he said he was an officer in the First Order. And I remember the way he spoke about it, as if it was the only thing in the universe that mattered, the best shot for all of humanity. He didn’t say any of this, of course, it was just the _way_ he talked about it. I was already quite a few drinks in by that point. I don’t remember what he looks like, or his name, or much of anything else. I remember the headache I had in the morning most of all. But I cannot deny that I had allowed this interaction to drive me towards enlistment.” I couldn’t think of anything else to add, but Hux leaned back as if it were enough. He looked contemplative, calculating. I wondered if he was tasting my words, trying to decide if he believed. He nodded, stepping further away. I didn’t know if that meant that he had taken my words as truth or if he had just decided that my answer was satisfactory. He walked around to stand in front of his chair.

“ _Why_ were you in the technical bay?” He asked, tongue clicking.

“Sir, I’ve already…” He cut me off, leaning over the desk.

“Let me be clear, Specialist. You will tell me the truth this time.” I gulped down air, suddenly unable to get enough of it. I didn’t know if I could bear something happening to Millicent because of me. I also didn’t know if I could bear losing my career, and perhaps my life, over a cat. I cleared my throat, trying to figure out how to say it without sounding absolutely insane. And then I heard buttons beeping, locks sliding, and the blast doors of Hux’ office opened. Hux was looking behind me with an absolute murderous face, and I felt my eyebrows rise of their own accord. I did not want to be on the receiving end of one of those looks.  

“General Hux, I do hope you were going to inform me that you were interrogating _my_ officer. Oh, I’m sure it just slipped your mind. After all, you’re a very busy man. That’s alright. Everyone makes mistakes.” Ren’s voice floated from his vocoder. Hux’ hands that leaned against the desk clenched into fists, skin going white with the pressure.

“When I am finished with Specialist Varien, an officer in _my_ army, I will release her to your custody, and you can do with her what you wish.” Hux moved slightly, and I could see Ren in the window. The hair stood to attention at the back of my neck and my shoulders involuntarily rose, the small shiver running through me. I sneezed, and then the feeling passed. Ren cocked his head to the side, and then laughed. A deep belly laugh, that rang out into the room in a disturbing way, like cackling. Hux looked like he thought Ren might’ve finally lost it. Once Ren managed to gather himself enough to speak, he turned towards Phasma.

“Captain, there are two troopers anxiously waiting outside for an audience. One of them is pretty mouthy, demanding that Mitaka let her in. I’m afraid that he may pass out shortly, from all the yelling.” Phasma pulled her helmet on and hurried from the room. Chiresa was going to get sent to reconditioning, the sodding idiot. “General Hux, you may continue your investigation of my officer. I will leave punishment up to you as well.” Ren said in a sing-song voice, turning from the room in a flash of black cape. Hux looked like that was the last thing that he wanted, and he looked down at me. We stared at each other in silence for a few moments.

Phasma returned after only a few seconds, closing the door behind her.

“General Hux, if you would please unlock the conference room, I have something of import to share with you.” He sighed, straightening before doing his purposeful, meandering walk towards the main door. He placed his palm on the panel again, and I heard the whirring of electronics. Unless Commander Ren decided to come help me escape, I wouldn’t be going anywhere. He opened the first door that he’d looked into earlier, and both Hux and Phasma disappeared from my view in the window.

I didn’t know how much time had passed, but when they excited the room I was antsy, foot tapping on the floor. Hux opened the entrance to his office, peering outside.

“GM-2487, CH-1854. Please, come in.” The two uniformed troopers walked in, helmets in place, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I had imagined Chirsea, hair wild, makeup dragged across her face as she screamed up into Mitaka’s face, hands on her hips while clothed entirely in spandex. At Hux’ direction they both came to stand beside me, one to either side. He walked around to sit in his chair, and I looked up to see Phasma standing awkwardly by the door. He leaned back slightly, hands folded together in front of his face as he appeared deep in thought.

“Specialist Varien, thank you for your time. There will be no record of this in your file, you will not be marked UA, and there will be no forthcoming punishment. GM-2487, CH-1854, Specialist… You will not tell anyone about the incident with the feline this morning. You will keep up Specialist Varien’s rather weak version of events whenever you are asked.” Apparently I couldn’t even lie properly. I was starting to wonder if I could ever please this man. “You will all have the rest of the day off. Dismissed.” I blinked at him, and it took me a few moments to stand. Gemma and Chiresa helped me walk from the room at a steady pace as I fought the urge to sprint.

Air seemed to fill my lungs the moment we emerged from Hux’ office, and I felt jubilant, victorious… And then I didn’t. Every single person in the command center was staring at me, a few of them even standing at their terminals for a better look. Mitaka steered clear of Chiresa, but he gave me a look of rather grim suspicion. It wasn’t long before there were rumors flying every-which way, _spy_ and _treason_ where whispered in hushed tones. And I had to wonder if my career was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	22. Observation

**32 ABY**

**Hux’ Office - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Phasma - Day 12_ **

I fought the urge to tap my foot in impatience. Hux was taking a long time to make a few calls. I chewed the inside of my lip in agitation. Saphren looked, well… Defeated. Even that first day, when Hux berated her at every turn and she just couldn’t seem to get her footing, she still had some level of confidence, of determination. It was disheartening to see her like this. I vaguely wondered if she was in shock. Her skin was still dim, and her hand had been cool to the touch. 

She looked up at me frequently as if she wanted to say something, but then snapped her mouth shut and returned to staring out the window. I hadn’t thought very far ahead when I’d decided to sit with her that day, about the implications of concealing my identity. I hadn’t thought ahead at all, really. About what I would say if I were caught. And I hadn’t considered that I’d actually like her as a person. It was hard to talk with people, being in my position. And Armitage… We lived lives devoid of human connection. But it was so much worse for Armitage. I sighed lightly. 

Considering the circumstances, she likely thought that I’d been spying on her since her arrival. I obviously couldn’t explain that I’d been investigating Hux through her, and I wondered how we could move forward… If we could. Was this something she could forgive? Could I form a real friendship with this woman? I didn’t know. But I thought I’d like to try. 

I had estimated that we’d spent the better part of forty minutes waiting when Hux blew through the door. He slammed his hand on the keypad, his signature locking the door. Even those coded for entrance would be unable to access his office. He walked past the seating area, looking into the conference room before repeating his violent actions. He did the same with Aminah’s office, his private ‘fresher. I thought that was a little much, but if he truly thought that Saphren Varien was guilty of something, he was likely using it as an interrogation tactic. She’d jumped every time his hand hit the plasticene panel. 

Hux gestured at me angrily, directing me to the seating area. I removed my hand from Saphren’s shoulder reluctantly, walking slowly. He watched me, standing near the door to his ‘fresher, only his head turning as I progressed. I thought about walking towards him, about asking for a private audience, but his actions concerned me. I acted cautiously, thinking about the best way to handle the situation. I wanted to tell him that although her excuse was a little flimsy, I was sure there was a mundane reason for it. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t think Saphren had done anything warranting his mistreatment. But I couldn’t question his actions in front of a subordinate. I removed my helmet, hoping that he would see what I wanted to say in my face. He turned all the way towards me, but my hopes fell as his face twisted into further anger. 

“You will observe. Silently,” he nearly growled at me. I sat lightly on the edge of the chair, slowly, as if I moved too quickly I would set him off. I didn’t know that I had ever seen Hux this angry. I paused internally, correcting myself. I had seen him like this before, but it was years ago. Just over eight years ago… And I remembered what he was like then. It was never something I’d thought to see again, after I’d removed the cause of all of his pain. 

He walked to stand at Saphren’s side, and he took a few moments to just stare at her. And then he snapped down, a predator cornering his prey. His mouth was twisted and ugly, his brows curved, and I looked away. I knew what his eyes would look like. I remembered that this was how he used to look at Brendol. 

“Specialist Varien.” She looked at him, but stayed silent. Good girl. 

“Why did you join the First Order?” I could tell that she was as confused by his question as I was. Nothing about this was orthodox. We had special facilities, special teams for interrogations, and we had a tool that no one else had, we had Kylo. He was keeping her from that, although he obviously questioned her motivations. 

“It seemed like the thing to do, with my military background. I tried to return to university, but everything seemed... Unsatisfying.” It sounded weak, considering the gravity of the situation, but it was earnest. But it was not enough for Hux. 

“Specialist, brevity will not be your friend in this conversation.” He’d softened. His voice, his face… He looked… Bitter? 

“My family comes from the Outer Rim... My grandparents remembered the Republic. They remembered when every day was a struggle to get medicine or equipment from the Core, when slavery was ever present and the Republic could not, or would not, interfere. My grandfather talked about those days with vehemence, and with hate. His people suffered every day because they had the misfortune of being born on the wrong planet.” Her voice had gone passionate, and she paused for a few moments. 

“The Republic was a poor governing system, only concerned with the rich planets in their immediate view while simultaneously purporting to command order through the entire galaxy. I grew up to stories of what the Empire had changed for the people of my ancestors. My grandparents moved my entire family to the Unknown Regions shortly after the Battle of Yavin. My grandfather would not stand to live in the universe that he had grown up in. He said that he would rather take his chances with the single governing planets of the Outer Rim…” 

For the first time since this mystery had began, I wondered if there might have been something there. Her words were perfect, they would have pulled at Armitage in exactly the right ways. I could see that he thought the same. But I did not understand how he could have picked out a spy from walking past her in a lineup. The spy angle fit, if you excluded the fact that her mere presence had caused his initial reaction. She took a few gulped breaths, as if it was difficult for her to show this much of herself to someone. And I guessed that it was, she was never particularly forthcoming with her personal life in any of the conversations that we’d had. 

“I joined the First Order because I found that I had talent in battle plans, in leading forces, in hand-to-hand combat.I joined because I couldn’t return to my studies when I knew that the First Order existed, when I thought about how the Republic failed my grandfather.” It had been an fervent explanation of her history and character. But Hux still seemed to be looking for something more. I didn’t know what else Saphren could add, what else could give authenticity to her rambling. But then she began to speak. 

“There was a man, a few years ago. I met him in a cantina near my university. I… I don’t remember much. But I do remember that he said he was an officer in the First Order. And I remember the way he spoke about it, as if it was the only thing in the universe that mattered, the best shot for all of humanity. He didn’t say any of this, of course, it was just the way he talked about it.” She must have looked away from him, because in that moment his face revealed all of his thoughts. It was what he had been searching for, and he looked livid. He looked like he would wipe out all life in the universe, and he would make every creature suffer while doing so.

“I was already quite a few drinks in by that point. I don’t remember what he looks like, or his name, or much of anything else. I remember the headache I had in the morning most of all. But I cannot deny that I had allowed this interaction to drive me towards enlistment.” And then his face softened, before his mask was replaced. He leaned back, pulling up to stand near her. He was going through everything she said, I knew, testing it for truth. He nodded, stepping further away from her. And then I understood. 

Armitage was the man that she was speaking of, although she clearly had not realized it. He’d recognized her the moment he caught sight of her out of the corner of his eye. My first thought was of anger. He’d hid  _ this  _ from me? A tryst in a bar three years ago? That was what this whole grand mystery had been about? The leather of my gloves creaked as my hands involuntarily gripped into fists. He was so focused on her that he didn’t look in my direction, but I almost wished that he did. I’d give him a run for his money on murderous looks. 

But then I remembered who Hux was, and that nothing would ever be that simple with him. Armitage Hux was probably the most self-assured man that I had ever met. But the people that were meant to care for him had failed him when he was young, and he would always question anyone that he allowed to get close. But she did not recognize him, or at least appeared not to, and that would have added complication. He’d suspected her without any evidence, and so no formal investigation was made. The plan that he’d implemented that first day was impressive, and allowed for many different avenues. 

I was still miffed that he had not included me, but now I understood. We’d never spoken of sexual interactions, of relationships. We shared a deeper bond, but it was separate, set in subterfuge and murder and discussions of the order of the galaxy. And I likely would have pressed him to have her interrogated, if he were so concerned, or perhaps dismissed it all. Would I have understood all of his motivations, all of his thoughts, if I hadn’t had the threads of his plan to follow? Perhaps not. 

He walked around to stand in front of his chair, blocking the window. 

“Why were you in the technical bay?” 

“Sir, I’ve already…” He interrupted her, leaning over the desk. 

“Let me be clear, Specialist. You will tell me the truth this time.” Saphren cleared her throat, reluctant, but apparently ready to divulge her secret. And then the keypad flashed, the buttons being pressed in front of me. I rolled my eyes. Of course Ren would have to get involved. Hux looked up, flashing the look that was reserved for Ren alone. Or, I supposed it was reserved for the Ren’s, as I’d now seen him give it to Saphren on more than one occasion. The doors slid open, and he stepped just inside the door. With a wave of his hand they shut again.

“General Hux, I do hope you were going to inform me that you were interrogating my officer. Oh, I’m sure it just slipped your mind. After all, you’re a very busy man. That’s alright. Everyone makes mistakes.” I sighed. The two of them were children playing with sticks. It was curious that Ren was here. He normally wouldn’t have cared if an officer was in custody. 

“When I am finished with Specialist Varien, an officer in my army, I will release her to your custody, and you can do with her what you wish.” Hux ground out, and I wondered if his jaw was starting to hurt. Saphren shivered and then sneezed, breaking the tension as everyone glanced at her for a moment. And then Ren laughed, and laughed. I was staring at him in confusion, his tall form bent in half as he apparently fought to control himself. He turned to me when only small giggles were left. 

“Captain, there are two troopers anxiously waiting outside for an audience. One of them is pretty mouthy, demanding that Mitaka let her in. I’m afraid that he may pass out shortly, from all the yelling.” Mitaka was the most pathetic creature I’d ever met. I slammed my helmet over my head, pushing past Ren into the pit. 

Two of my troopers were in fact waiting on the catwalk. The one that called herself Chiresa, Saphren’s friend, had her helmet tucked between her arm and her side as she leaned towards Mitaka, pointing at him as she spoke vehemently. 

“ _ Lieutenant _ I demand that you get me an audience with the General.  _ Now.  _ I will not ask you again.” My eyebrows rose. CH-1854 might be in need of some reconditioning. I vaguely remembered that she was the one that had provided Saphren with the items that saved her life yesterday. She was effective. Maybe she would make a better officer than trooper. 

At my arrival, she stopped yelling at Mitaka. He really did look like he was about to faint. 

“CH-1854, GM-2487. How may I be of assistance?” Chiresa straightened up, and I thought for a moment she was going to yell at me. But she held her tongue. Ren walked past us a few moments later, and I wondered what such a short intervention could mean. 

“Captain, we heard that Specialist Varien was taken into custody. She’s being an idiot.” Chiresa paused when GM-2487 elbowed her lightly. She gave the still helmeted trooper a look that said: well, she is. “We know what happened. And we can prove it.” I directed the two of them to a larger conference room off the pit, and the moment the doors slid shut, GM-2487 started to speak rapidly. 

“I know that this will sound crazy, and I promise that we don’t need reconditioning. Specialist Varien followed a cat into the tech bay and then got stuck when the tech left.” She sounded nervous, as if I may not believe her. “We helped her get out.” Chiresa cut in. 

“We can prove it. Find a Kasra. She will explain. Or look at the footage from the hallway.” She was smart, quick thinking. I’d keep a closer eye on her. I pulled out my datapad, pulling up surveillance from the hall, but already knowing what I would see. What they said would certainly sound crazy to most. Anyone that didn’t already know of Millicent’s existence. And sure enough, Saphren had chased Millie into the open bay. “She thinks that something will happen to the cat if she says anything. She’s an idiot, but I’m sure you’ve realized that by now.” I fought back my snort. Saphren was certainly some sort of idiot. I directed that the troopers follow me, and I was thankful when CH-1854 returned her helmet to it’s appropriate place. Hux would have hated seeing any of what had just transpired with her. 

“Wait here, I will return momentarily.” They stood with the guard to Hux’ office. The door opened with my coded rank cylinder, built into my armor, and I tapped the pad to close the door once I’d stepped inside. 

“General Hux, if you would please unlock the conference room, I have something of import to share with you.” He gave me a very audible, dramatic sigh, walking around to do as I’d asked. Once we were safely closed inside, he immediately started to speak.   
“Phasma, I don’t understand what you could possibly have that is so important…” He sounded tired, defeated. I turned the datapad for him to review. His ginger brows rose, and I thought that he might be embarrassed. His mouth made a small “oh.” 

“GM-2487 and CH-1854 helped Specialist Varien escape from her temporary prison with the help of Kasra. She was reluctant to reveal the truth about Millicent, because as CH-1854 stated, she is an idiot. She thought harm might come to the cat.” He allowed his snort to come free. And he looked relieved. He stared at me for a moment, as if he could see my face. And he let me see what he was thinking. He was imploring me to understand. I gave him a short nod and we returned to his office. 

“GM-2487, CH-1854. Please, come in,” Hux asked. They followed him, standing beside Saphren as he continued to his chair. He sat slowly, leaning back, his hands triangling in front of his face as he tapped his lips. He was putting on a show. 

“Specialist Varien, thank you for your time. There will be no record of this in your file, you will not be marked UA, and there will be no forthcoming punishment. GM-2487, CH-1854, Specialist… You will not tell anyone about the incident with the feline this morning. You will keep up Specialist Varien’s rather weak version of events whenever you are asked. You will all have the rest of the day off. Dismissed.” It took a moment for Saphren to react, but then she scrambled out of the chair faster than I would have thought imaginable. The troopers helped her from the room, keeping her steady. The doors closed softly behind them, and we stared at each other quietly for some time.

“Do you think that Kasra has been more distracted recently?” He asked suddenly, as if that was the only thing of import we had to discuss. I pulled my helmet and went to sit with him. 

“I suppose now that you mention it. Do you think she should start to see Avalost again?” I asked, concern sprinkled his features. 

“Perhaps. I will speak with her.” We sat in silence again. 

“I’m going to continue my friendship with her. If she’ll allow it.” I didn’t think we’d had this strained of a conversation since I’d killed Brendol Hux. 

“Very well,” He agreed, although he was clearly unhappy. Silence filled the room again.

“Armitage?” 

“Mmm?”

“You are an incredibly brilliant fool.” He gave me a small smile. 

“Do you think that I’ve ruined her career?” 

“No. She’s too stubborn. You’ve certainly made it harder for her, though.” He nodded. “You’ve clearly done the best with what you had.” He nodded once more, but I could tell he didn’t believe me. 

Armitage was an honorable man in many ways. He believed it was his duty to put the galaxy in order, and I believed that if anyone was capable of doing so, it was him. He had grand ideas that surpassed the normal human scope of things. His vision of the future was vast. It went beyond the Empire, beyond the First Order, beyond the Sith and Jedi conflict that was weaved into so much of our galaxies’ history. 

There were things that we had done, and there would be things that we would need to do, that would be regrettable. But if we succeeded in our goal, they would be worthwhile. I categorized his suspicion and treatment of Saphren as one of those things. If she ever remembered the events of the night that had set this in motion, if she ever realized that Hux was the man that she had foggy memories of, I would hope that she could see his side of things, and accept his actions. 

And as I looked at Armitage’s frown, I started to put together a plan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a question for the few continuous readers that I have.  
> When I started, I never thought I would need 50,000 words to tell this silly little story of mine, let alone the 100,000 it's looking like I might reach. Apparently I'm a wordy SOB. Anyway, originally it was supposed to include background Kylo/OC (not Saphren,) and a lot of things from his POV, but by the time I would have included this, I was already at a higher word count than I had ever anticipated. And I realized that his POV doesn't really add anything to Saphren's story, which is of course the point.  
> However, his words are still lurking in the back of my brain. There are a lot of small things in his POV that I think are hilarious and would love to include. So I have been thinking about doing a secondary series from his POV that could be read to compliment this story or be read standalone. I will be writing this regardless, but I wanted to ask if there was interest in it from the current readers that I have. If so, I would write it with Merimna instead of after it is completed.  
> This would mean that Merimna would continue to be Hux/Saphren with background Kylo/OC and that the other story would be Kylo/OC with background Hux/Saphren. It would have it's own story line but also expand on a few things from the existing story that we have.  
> Please comment or message me if you have any interest.
> 
> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	23. Sweet

**32 ABY**

**Quarters - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Hux - Day 2_ **

_ Great, heaving breaths pushed her breasts up to meet me as I teased the red, swollen peaks with my teeth. She was soft, oh so very soft… Soft to the touch, soft in being. She was all voluminous curves, her tanned flesh partially concealed behind long waves of hair. Her eyes shined with mischievous youth, her skin dewy and blushed. But as I took in her form, it began to change, and I met the cold eyes of a stranger.  _

_ Her hair shortened, streaked with grey. Her perfect skin was scarred, the lines pale against skin that was no longer kissed by the sun. Her figure was still unmistakably feminine, but taut muscle had replaced the curves that I had gripped in the palms of my hands. But it was the look that made her a different person, her eyes devoid of the freedom that they had previously held. _

I awoke with a shudder, skin cold with sweat. Slapping a hand to the side, I turned off the shrill alarm that was emitting from my datapad. For once, I was not upset with the dream being interrupted. I took a moment to just breathe. Millicent was curled upon my chest, and I tried to slow my breathing to stop her jostling. This was not the only dream that had pounded through my head in the short time I had been asleep, and it was not nearly the most sexual, but it was certainly the most upsetting. 

My lower extremities tingled, the sheet tenting. This was not an abnormal morning for me, an abnormal reaction... The dreams had been a constant companion since that night at Koschie. But knowing that she was so near stoked the fire within, and willing it away was significantly more difficult than normal. 

I sat upright, holding Millicent to my chest for a few moments before setting her to curl back into the sheets. I did not have time to wallow. My father’s voice had diminished, but it had been replaced with something far worse… My own. 

I had wasted my day yesterday on a woman that I didn’t know. I had to remind myself that I didn’t know the tan, youthful woman that had been replaced by someone harder. A few hours of drunken conversation years ago did not mean that I  _ knew _ her. Had I made a mistake? Should I have Saphren Varien pulled into interrogation first thing this morning? I was taking a risk. Risk was not something I was known for. I had taken a few incredibly calculated risks to get to my position, in the name of ambition. But I had made those choices in confidence. I had made this choice in hope.  _ Hope.  _ How disgusting. I didn’t know her, but I hoped to. I set my jaw in grim determination. I would see how this played out. And I would overcome whatever came of it. 

I’d allowed myself the luxury of sleeping an hour later than normal, so I abused the fitness equipment in my private facility with desperate vigor. My muscles would ache and I would feel the fatigue in my bones all day, but it temporarily rent the feeling of her from me. 

When I finally made my way to the staff mess hall it was for my first cup of caf, not my second. My routine was becoming decidedly neglected. I hushed the punishing voice that rumbled in the back of my head. Certainly, I could be making a mistake. Certainly, I could be behaving the fool. But it was not just my desires that I had taken into account. Saphren Varien’s career was on the line, and it was a rather promising one at that. 

There were few people in the room, something that I was immensely grateful for. I would need a respectable amount of caf before I could even consider dealing with people. I snagged a cup from the nearby stand as I walked, flicking through reports on my datapad distractedly. I glanced up as I neared the caf machine, watching as a woman waited for her cup to fill. My eyes drifted over her back, her slim waist extending to a perfectly pert ass. I allowed myself the briefest of glances before returning to my reports. It wouldn't do to have the General of the First Order staring lewdly at one of his recruits. 

I swallowed as if something had caught in my throat, remembering the first moments of sleep, flashes of skin, moans in the night. My eyes drifted back to the woman in front of me, and then away. My officers were not objects to oggle. The woman turned, her eyes going wide as she nearly ran into me. My jaw ached as my teeth ground together, Ren’s face twisting into concerned horror. My grip tightened on the cup. 

She jerked to attention, her salute sloppy as caf splashed over the edge of her cup. Her sportswear was revealing, but I kept my eyes on her face. I hadn’t thought she would be an early riser. 

“General! Hux, Sir! Good morning, Sir,” she nearly shrieked, voice high pitched, eyes twitching in panic. It would be comical, if it weren't her. I stared at her for too long, words trapped in my throat as I reminded myself of my plan. I walked around her as I tried to decide the best course of action, watching liquid drip into my cup. I turned, pulling in a great breath before I walked back to face her. I took a sip of the caf, examining her carefully. She was nervous. I’d heard the rumors, of course. I was too much of an arse to have a normal conversation with someone, my interest coming off as intense questioning. The ridiculous things people come up with. 

“Officer, might I suggest that you take more care to be properly attired when in the presence of others?” I paused, it was harsher than I had intended. But I had spent too much time looking at her clothing. I would have to address it. “One might misconstrue you to be something other than an Officer of the First Order. Or, more concerning yet, they might realize, that you are, in fact, an Officer of the First Order. And then where would we be?” I asked, picking at my uniform in order to look anywhere else but at her, flicking the imaginary speck of dust away. 

I strode towards the exit, giving Phasma a startled look as she watched my departure. I threw out an at ease over my shoulder as I pushed through the door, pausing in the hall as my eyebrows knit together. Phasma was too inquisitive. I should have known she would seek out answers on her own. I thought about it as I walked to my office. This worked to my benefit. Phasma wouldn’t be looking for something specific. If something was off about Specialist Saphren Varien and Ysable was unable to sniff it out, Phasma would. 

*****

At the end of the first day, I had gathered enough notes in Phasma’s file that I could have provided her with a rather decent review. I had watched Ren for most of the day, and she was as skilled as The Conservatory had promised. But it was mid-day when I realized my hastily put together plan would not suffice. Regardless of who taught this course, I was still Saphren Varien’s commanding officer. 

So I did something impulsive. I sent a message to Kylo Ren, informing him that I had collected the grouping of select officers for the specialized team we had been planning for. Nevermind that it was something mentioned in a meeting a year and a half ago in passing. If I made it sound like it had been planned, he would want to get his grubby little hands in it. And it would be a good career path for Saphren. 

The entire base thought that I hated her, so I played it up. It was better that they think I disliked her than the truth. It seemed her presence made me impulsive, just as it did that night. Just as it did now, as I stared down at her in the Med Bay, the bacta I’d had Kasra leave on her chair sitting on the bedside table next to her other belongings. 

She awoke, disoriented as I watched her, and I was concerned that I had been made. But she looked side to side, reaching for something that wasn’t there as she struggled to swallow. And although she stared at me for some time before drifting back to sleep,  her face never transitioned from a confused frown. 

_ The girl was on her third Spicebrew, sitting alone at a booth while her friends danced. I hadn’t seen her, but I had heard her mumbles over the last hour when her friends tried to coerce her into joining them. I had also heard her insistent rejections of any man brave enough to ask for the privilege. But it was when she scared a man of considerable size away with a seething warning that I became too intrigued to stay out of it, the snort escaping me before I could catch it. Or maybe it was the whiskey. _

_ I mused to myself as the loud group returned to the booth and had shots with my unseen fellow eremitic. I was on my sixth month of “extended leave,” a mission to babysit the local government as our trade agreement eroded among brewing political concerns. Once we had the promised ore from the center of moon 77, the First Order would leave the KV system to its squabble. This day had been a particularly troublesome morning of bureaucratic banter followed by a tour of the mines.  _

_ When I had stepped out of the shower after washing the dust from my skin, I had found that the man staring back at me from the mirror was a stranger. This planet had transformed me into a different person. My skin was bronzed, the red of my hair faded to a near blonde by the sun. My hair had grown unruly, and I found it too tiresome to remove the stubble from my face. And I decided that if I was going to be a different person for a night that I would do something out of character. And that was how I had found myself at a cantina in a university town of a backwater moon.  _

_ When the group of university students flitted away to the dance floor, I found my mouth opening of it’s own volition.  _

_ “If you don’t dance, why come to a cantina?” _

_ “I could ask the same of you.” My smile came easily as I took another swig of burning liquid.  _

_ “Yes, you could. But I asked first.”  _

_ “You did indeed. I come to Koschie because my dorm-mates harass me endlessly if I don’t. What’s your excuse?” She was forward, to the point. I found that I liked it. I contemplated how to reply. The truth was obviously out of the question. A kernel of the truth, perhaps.  _

_ “I am on leave. I thought it might do me some good to get out and about.” _

_ “And you had no one to go out and about with?” The sneering laugh bubbled from my lips immediately.  _

_ “No.” And it was not something that bothered me. I finished my whiskey, raising my hand for another. I was not my father, I did not need to find companionship with any woman that would have me. But that did not mean that I could not pursue someone that interested me. Thus far, this woman was very intriguing.  _

_ The waitress brought my whiskey and stopped at the woman’s booth. _

_ “Anything more for you miss?”  _

_ “Another round of shots. The drunk sods will beat me if I don’t. And a Sweetmallow bar, please,” she asked sheepishly. _

_ I laughed softly into my drink as the waitress walked away. Apparently she liked sweets. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for disappearing for a few months there! Life got in the way for a bit. Thanks for sticking with me. =)  
> I should be posting at least once a week going forward until we're finished up. I have nearly everything plotted out, so it should be a good steady run until the end.
> 
> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	24. The Bet

**32 ABY**

**Quarters - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 12_ **

Chiresa and Gemma had taken me to my quarters and stuffed me in the ‘fresher. I’d stood under the stream of steaming hot water until it ran cold, unable to wash away the feeling of defeat. I stepped into the room wearing clothes that had been set out for me, the tarelle sei-weave soft on my skin, shimmering lightly under the dim lights. I wore only the tunic and black trousers, the skin of my back too raw for a bra. 

Gemma and Chiresa were sitting on my bed, backs against the wall, giggling as they looked at something on the holonet. I smiled at them softly, brief visions of Ysable and I flashing through my imagination. She was a solitary creature, and so I led a solitary existence in tandem. 

Chiresa looked up from the datapad, suddenly serious. 

“Oi, if you ever pull something like that again, I will kill you myself.” She said, pointing at me vehemently. Gemma looked between the two of us, shrugged, and then went back to tabbing through the datapad. I stared at Chiresa blankly  until she smiled again, shaking her head. She could never stay mad at me. I sat on the edge of my bed to slip shoes on, and exhaustion overtook me, followed shortly thereafter with extreme hunger. 

“Are you guys hungry?” I croaked. They both looked up as if in contemplation, and then nodded enthusiastically. I led the way, rushing out of my quarters and directly into the man that had been about to knock. I rubbed at my still too sensitive nose, grinding out my apology through the stars in my eyes. 

“Oh! I’m so sorry!” I looked up from the charcoal grey uniform, anxiety filling my gut as the sneering face of General Hux peered down at me. Had he changed his mind? Was I going to be interrogated for treason? Or did he want more information about Millicent? I’d paused for too long, but I forced my arm up into a salute with my afterthought. He appeared to be clenching his teeth together with enough force to break them.

“Yes, well.  No harm done, Specialist,” He said, lips pursed, intense anger seeming to roll from him. 

“Thank you, sir.” I snapped my eyes to his shoulder, too close to be comfortable looking into his face, too frightened to step back. The silence was agonizing, but I didn’t know what else to say. Hux had either forgotten his purpose or wanted me to wait, twitching in panic under his stern gaze. He moved his hand forward, between us, and I looked down to see my officer’s cap. My face twisted in confusion... I distinctly remembered getting it from the Technical Bay, and I could not remember when I’d lost it. I reached out to grab it with a shaky hand, flicking my eyes back up to his face.

“At ease, Specialist,” He said softly, almost as if he wanted to say something further, his gloved hand brushing mine. I shuddered, the soft leather sending jitters down my spine. He turned down the hall, arms crossed behind his back as he did his meandering walk. I jumped when Chiresa’s voice tickled at my ear. 

“Mmmm, he doesn’t appear to hate you anymore,” Chiresa purred. 

“What? No... Shut up Chiresa.” She cackled in reply. But it made me think as I started to walk. Maybe he had never hated me? Maybe they had thought I was involved in something from the beginning. “Lets go. I’m starving!”

“Wait…” She paused as I turned to face her, her features lighting up as if she were about to impart her special type of wisdom. Comical dread built as I watched her lips slowly morph into a smile. “You might want to change shirts,” she said as she tried to hold in giggles. 

I stared at her in confusion and then looked at Gemma. She held out another shirt, apparently having retrieved it from my cabinet while Chiresa spoke. I slowly looked down at the tunic, the deep blue fabric twinkling up at me like a galaxy. But under the main lights of the station, it was decidedly transparent. I fled back into the room, snatching the shirt from Gemma. 

Gemma cleared her throat uncomfortably. 

“Uhm. The tunic. It’s lovely, really. That’s why I picked it,” she rushed along. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize,” she finished awkwardly, chewing on her lip. Chiresa’s breathy giggles following as the door slid shut. I turned my back to them, quickly switching out shirts. 

“See!” Chiresa exclaimed, trying to get in enough oxygen to keep talking. “I was right. He needs to get laid. Did you see the way he looked at Saphy, Gemma? Did you see?” 

“He was probably in awe of my impropriety, Chiresa. Give it a rest,” I sighed. I heard Chiresa’s breathy reply start, and a large smack echoed from the durasteel, a grousing complaint issuing from Chiresa. 

“Drop it,” Gemma hissed. I really did like Gemma. 

“Okay, food. Now. Lets go.” I scampered from the room before Chiresa could open her mouth.  _ Maybe he hadn’t noticed.  _

I went through the line to get a heaping pile of multi-nutritional sludge in a gloomy daze, the staff on break staring at me the moment I entered the room. I sat at a corner table, hunched over my food, mumbling replies to Chiresa and Gemma’s conversation about the men they met at the bar last night. Hushed whispers seemed to gurgle up any time I moved. I jumped when Keziah sat at our table, giving her a grim smile.  

“How are you feeling, Saphren?” She asked, full of concern. I glanced about the room and shrugged. 

“Did they ever find the tech?” I startled, half expecting her to ask if we had found the owner of Millie. 

“Uh… I would assume so. I was dismissed, free to go. Hux even thanked me for my time,” I replied nervously. My excuse really was weak, but Keziah nodded and gave me sympathetic eyes anyway. 

“Don’t worry. Something else will happen in a few days and everyone will focus on that. You just have to make it through a few days of this, and then make sure that the  _ next  _ interesting thing that happens doesn’t include  _ you _ .” She gestured at me with her fork, reminiscent of Sur… Phasma. Gemma piped in before I had the chance to reply.

“You really do like to be the center of attention. You should try to keep a low profile, dear.” I groaned in frustration. I most certainly didn’t like being the center of attention, and I definitely tried not to draw attention to myself. I collapsed to the table dramatically as snarky laughter from my compatriots echoed into the hall. I pulled my head up with a snap when I heard a throat clear, Gemma shoving my shoulder. I looked up to see Phasma, sans armor, standing in front of us with a tray of food. 

“May I sit with you?” She asked, delicate brow raised. I contemplated. She’d arrived as Suria, not as Phasma, and I felt that was significant. If I had truly been under surveillance, she had probably been ordered to do it. Regardless of the sting I felt from her subterfuge, I really did like the person I had come to know. I would just have to determine how much of what I had seen was Suria and how much was Phasma. I nodded, turning to the rest of the group as she dragged a chair up to sit at the end of the table.

“Gemma, Chiresa, and Keziah, this is Suria.” I pointed to everyone in turn, although Phasma would know who everyone was anyway. It was then that I realized just how well she played me. I never once thought she knew more than she ought, I just always thought she was dialed in to the rumor mill. I glanced at her nervously. 

“Nice to meet you, Suria. I was starting to think that Saphy had made up her breakfast friend to soothe my guilt for sleeping in every morning,” Chiresa guffawed, waggling eyebrows included. I gave Phasma a significant look and hoped that she would understand my meaning. If Phasma acted as Phasma, Chiresa would end up in reconditioning within twenty minutes. 

“I heard that they found the tech in Med Bay, he tripped on something and broke his leg. He’ll be on leave for at least a week,” Phasma said, chewing delicately on her food. The entire group nodded in relief, although Gemma and Chiresa weren’t able to hide the confusion that filtered through. I wondered if Hux had tracked down the tech and broken their leg to make my flimsy excuse more believable… I could see him doing it. 

Keziah bade us farewell, not willing to risk being late to the rest of her time in the mock pit. The second she was gone, Chiresa leaned forward conspiratorially. Alarms rang, and I tried to kick her but the table leg got in the way, my foot smarting as I hit durasteel.  

“So, since it came up again today, are we going to take bets on how long until Hux gets laid?” Phasma spit out her Surian tea, eyes watering, sputtering coughs wracking her as she looked at Chiresa with horror. I tried to clean up the tea, face flaming, refusing to look anywhere but the table. Chiresa slid into Keziah’s abandoned chair, smacking Phasma’s back as she attempted to regain her breath. 

“I’m going to need some background,” Phasma wheezed, and I released my breath. Maybe we wouldn’t be sent to reconditioning… Immediately. 

“Mmm. Well, you see, Hux has apparently been waaayyy worse than normal. Which means that all of the higher ups are on edge. Which means the officers are on edge. Which means us troopers suffer  _ most _ of all. He needs some stress relief… I mean really. The man is strung  _ tight.  _ And then today…” I kicked her, as hard as I could, her yelp startling both Gemma and Phassma. I knew Chiresa. The next words out of her mouth would have been:  _ “and then today we saw Hux staring at our dear Saphy’s tits. Isn’t that just outrageous?”  _ She glared back, but bit her tongue. “Today he just seemed ever more on edge,” Chiresa ground out. Phasma looked between the two of us, and I wondered who would be terminated first. 

“So… Bets?” Chiresa continued. Chiresa... Chiresa would definitely be first. Gemma groaned and rolled her eyes, and I followed suit, but I was tense, waiting for Phasma’s reaction. And then I froze, my face falling, remembering the conversation we’d had. Just this morning,  about her ass of a supervisor.  _ About Hux.  _ And I started to panic. The way she talked about him this morning... How close were Phasma and Hux? I slowly turned to her, eyes wide. 

But Phasma was not doling out death glares, she was giggling silently, gripping her sides as tears ran down her cheeks. 

“I’ll make a bet,” she said, face red from laughter. Chiresa cackled. “I’ll say two weeks,” she continued, sipping at her tea. I wanted to call her out on having an unfair advantage. She  _ knew  _ Hux. For all we knew, she was sleeping with him. But I couldn’t do that without making a right mess of things. 

“Yesss. I like Suria.” Chiresa said, looking at me. “Why didn’t you tell me that I’d like her? She’s not a spoilsport like you two! I’m giving it two months.” Chiresa chortled. 

“Five days,” Gemma said it within an exasperated sigh. We all raised our eyebrows at that. Five days was a daring bet. Well, it was all daring. We had no knowledge of Hux’s private life, minus Phasma. 

“Uhh… Ten days?” These were not smart bets. For all we knew he had sex every night and he was just an ass. “Wait… How will we know? His mood may not improve…” 

“Oh, it will,” Chiresa said, eyebrows twitching. 

“It will,” Phasma confirmed. I stared at her longer than was politie. What did she know? Why was she getting involved in Chiresa’s ludicrous game?

“Wait… What are we betting?” Gemma, always asking the important questions. 

“Two hundred credits. Each!” 

“Isn’t that a little steep, ‘Res?” She waved it away like it was nothing. 

“You already bet. No backing out now!” She smirked, hands rubbing together. I sighed. Maybe I could coerce someone into seducing General Hux…? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	25. Welcome to Kedhys Rhea

**32 ABY**

**Quarters - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 13_ **

Fear gripped hold of me, my eyes snapping open to the darkness of my room. I took great heaving breaths, the scream lodged in my throat. I couldn’t move, the sound of a blaster being prepared for fire ringing in my ears like cannon fire. The panic flared, but I remained motionless. A dark figure moved into my line of sight, and I begged my muscles to propel me away, but they would not respond. I forced air through my nostrils, pulling in as much as I could in preparation for a scream that I knew wouldn’t come. 

Sleep paralysis was a bitch. 

With the coherent thought I began to calm, knowing any moment the feelings would fade and I would be faced with an empty room. But as the figure came closer, I realized that it wasn’t my imagination. Kylo Ren’s helmet was staring back at me. He lifted me easily, the force binding my limbs. As he threw me over his shoulder I could see Ysable in her cot, wide awake, blaster trained on Kylo in confusion. I had no idea how she had awoken in the silence, it was an impressive feat of awareness. I didn’t hear her move as Kylo jostled me towards the door, his cape sticking to my face with every breath of air sucked into my lungs. But I mean, really, what was she going to do? Shoot a Commander of the First Order, a force user, the Jedi Killer? I wouldn’t hold inaction against her. 

Although the panic no longer clung to me in a delirious haze, real terror was beginning to build. Hux must have decided that I was a traitor... He was going to have Kylo interrogate me. I’d heard stories... People never came out the same, after Kylo had his way with you. My body swayed with his steps, and I watched as we seemed to skate across the durasteel in some sort of detached state. Laughter gurgled in my throat. Couldn’t they have killed me earlier in the day, before Kylo had made us run six miles in the cold? 

Kylo turned to head further away from the center of Starkiller, away from the detention center. Although I could tell my face remained impassive, confusion was twisting the vision I kept of myself in my head. My terror faded as we continued our steady walk. If I wasn’t being tried for treason, I could handle anything else. I saw nothing but black synfleece, and the halls were eerily quiet, save for Kylo’s footsteps. It was unnerving, but the firm hand on my thighs was calming in a way I couldn’t explain. 

If I wasn’t being taken to the detention center, where were we going? Did Hux know? Did the troopers guarding the halls dare to question Commander Ren? ...Probably not. I pictured them watching him cart a half naked woman down the hall, staring straight ahead until we were out of view and then scattering. Kylo huffed in his helmet. 

Adjusting his grip, he hefted my dead weight further up on his shoulder. We stepped through a set of blast doors, and the cold hit me like a fist. The wind whipped Kylo’s cape around my face, hair pushed into my mouth and eyes. I coughed as it became decidedly harder to breathe, and suddenly I was released from the invisible force that held me. The icy air stung my abused windpipe, but I greedily huffed and puffed while I considered my options. I could try to fight and get away, but to what avail? I’d never make it away from him, and he would certainly drop me, perhaps even drag me the rest of the way to the ship. I did  _ not  _ want to be on the ground in nothing but my skivvies and a tank top. 

I was too curious to sit still, hoping that if I slowly squirmed my way around he would still support me. I twisted backwards and up so that I could look at the base behind me. We’d made it a few feet, the dusky air cut with lights from atop the base, and no one was in sight. I slowly lowered myself back down, holding his cape out of the way. Leaning over a bit, I watched as the view of a shuttle in the distance became visible from around his side. It was large than the command shuttle, and my heart thumped. Where were we going?

I heard a ruckus from behind us, stormtrooper armor clinking, and I twisted back around to look at the door. Snow had begun to fall lightly, small specks spiraling in the wind. A contingent of troopers had exited the building, and they parted, revealing a livid Hux. 

“Ren!” He barked, but he was ignored. I was going to bet that Hux hadn’t known about Kylo’s plans. He stormed closer, and I felt my eyebrows rise. I’d never seen General Armitage Hux in anything but a perfect uniform. His feet were bare, slim trousers riding low on his hips. A loose shirt billowed in the wind, only two buttons keeping it in place. I was treated to flashes of pale, toned skin. Stubble glinted in the light from the shuttle and his hair danced in the wind. Warmth blossomed in my lower extremities while I bit my lip. Disheveled Hux was  _ hot.  _ Who knew?

“Commander Ren!” Hux billowed again, the command unyielding. Ren’s steps came to a slow stop, and he turned towards the General, at a comically sluggish speed. I released my twisted, backwards stance with a sigh of relief, then pulled myself to the side so I could see around Kylo. I hoped beyond hope that this was more amusing than awkward for General Hux, my ass in the air at level with Kylo’s helmet. 

“General Hux, I didn’t know you would be awake at this hour!” Kylo sounded cheery. But I knew what it meant. So did Hux, his eyes narrowing. Kylo hadn’t expected Hux to be up at this hour, and I was fairly certain that Kylo had been right.  _ What time was it?  _ “I’m just borrowing these ten for a quick exercise. Don’t worry…” Was that inhale a laugh? I was pretty sure it was a laugh... I hated vocoders. “I’ll have them back in a few days,” Kylo rumbled. Hux’ face twisted. 

“ _ Days?  _ They have regular advanced training in the morning, Commander Ren,” Hux’ lips curled.

“Oh, I’m sure it won’t hurt to miss a day or two,” Kylo said as he flipped me around and dropped me to the snow at their feet. My back ached with the force of it, and I wondered if some of the cuts had broken open. I struggled up, wanting nothing more than to run into the shuttle. Instead, I forced myself into a salute. “Some  _ real _ training will do them good,” Kylo continued. I tried to stay unfazed, I tried to look straight ahead. I really did. But I knew shock, and at least a little amusement flitted across my face. 

“Dismissed, Specialist,” Hux growled. I didn’t waste any time, I fled into the shuttle. Angry Hux was a part of my daily existence. But I’d seen deep into his acrimony this morning. I’d take my chances with Kylo. Hux leaned close to Ren as I skittered up the ramp, hissing a low warning that I couldn’t hear. I was grateful beyond words when I found Keziah on a bench, holding out a blanket. I sat overly close to her, but she didn’t seem to mind. We both shivered in silence for a few moments. 

“How embarrassing,” I muttered. 

“It could have been worse,” Keziah paused, scooting closer. “Apparently Calien sleeps in the nude,” she whispered. We sniggered together, faces close. “We’re all in sleep clothes, and though some are worse off than others, I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” she said, perky as ever. 

“Oh, no… That’s not the problem,” I whispered conspiratorially. 

“Oh? Then what is?” She leaned close, enamoured with the thought of gossip. I whispered as softly as I could manage.

“General Hux came out to speak with Commander Ren.” She stared at me for a good few moments, face blank as she tried to understand. “While Ren held me over his shoulder. Ass in the air.” She gasped before breaking out into chuckles that she tried to hold in. “Oh shush. Chiresa is rubbing off on you.” 

“I’m sorry," she said through stifled giggles. She most certainly was not sorry. "Why does everything bad seem to happen to you?” I shrugged. Things weren’t so bad. They could always be worse... I'd survived much worse. Kylo boarded alone, and we took off without further delay. I snuggled further into my blanket and decided to sleep while I had the chance. 

*****

“Gear up!” Kylo’s voice reverberated throughout the shuttle, and as I opened my eyes a heavy pack was thrown at my chest. Kylo and a group of troopers threw bags at each of us, and I stifled a giggle as Calien jumped when the bag hit him, having slept through Kylo’s command. I dug through the bag immediately, excited for the goodies I might find. Clothes counted as goodies, right? Kylo walked back to the front of the shuttle, and everyone seemed to relax. After I’d found pants, I stood and slid them on before rummaging through the rest of the bag. It was full of tactical and survival gear. A real training session indeed! 

I was pleased to find socks, and extatic to find the bra I hadn’t been expecting. I changed into all of the available garments and continued to explore each compartment of the bag. It contained all of the essentials of a normal military pack, but also included climbing gear. I found myself chewing happily on an MRE when I was done exploring. The shuttle pulled out of hyperspeed, and I tapped my feet in anticipation. 

Commander Ren stormed back into the room, and we all stood at attention as the shuttle rocked during its descent. I had the undeniable urge to sneeze when he looked at me, pushing out a muffled apology before he moved on to the next soldier. Hux would have said something. Maybe Kylo wasn’t so bad? 

“Welcome to Kedhys Rhea,” Commander Ren spoke ominously through the vocoder. “We’ve received word of a pending Resistance attack on this base. Your mission is to make sure no vermin leave this planet alive.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	26. The Trouble with Secret Organizations *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren's idea of a training exercise is a little excessive. 
> 
> Written to Undercurrent by Ninja Tracks.

**32 ABY**

**Atargus Military Base - Kedhys Rhea - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 13_ **

Boots pounded on hard-packed soil, branches scratching my face as I launched myself through the trees. Blinking sweat away from my eyes, I glanced behind me. Bright vegetation stared back, my pursuers out of sight. A blaster bolt hit the tree ahead of me, and I ducked, lurching over downed logs and crisp foliage. I hit a decline, the earth breaking away with my weight, and I began to slide. Crouching, I kept my balance and let the land pull me forward. 

Dropping us into a live skirmish was  _ not  _ a training exercise, but I guess when Kylo had said real, he’d meant  _ real.  _ I jumped over a boulder and ran downhill, tumbling into the clearing. I searched for the door that should be here, finding it obscured behind overgrowth. I dropped and skidded into the alcove, sighing in relief as my rank cylinder opened the door. It shut behind me with a clank, just as bolts hissed and fizzed on the durasteel. The floor was cool on my overheating skin, and I spared a moment of despair for my lost pack. 

The lights finally flickered on, revealing that the room was empty, a fine layer of dust coating antiquated equipment. I pushed myself up, jogging through dim halls, trying to remember the blueprints I’d been able to glance at before the Resistance had arrived. Turning left, I hoped my memory was accurate. A smile split across my face with satisfaction, examining the old garage in the coruscating light. I pulled tarps off of the large bundles in the center of the room, disappointment socking me in the gut as only large speeders were revealed. They may have been handy when this base was well used, the trees cleared in orderly paths, but they would do nothing for me now. 

I rummaged through the shelves in the far corner, desperate for any kind of equipment. Pulling a rotting bag from the top shelf, I stuffed whatever was useful into the musty fabric, praying that it would hold. The old comms unit would need some work before I could benefit from it, but I added it to the bag anyway. Relief flooded me when I found an old rifle leaning in the corner, but I reminded myself that it may not be operational and that I shouldn’t depend on it until I’d had a chance to test it. I crouched, shoving objects around for a clear view of what might be here, excitement tingling in my shoulders as a green and brown box was revealed. I yanked it off the shelf, dragging it in front of the bay door. 

I released the snaps holding it together, pulling the telescopic parts out from the main body, making sure that they clicked into place. I crossed my fingers as I started the old 614-   
AvA. It rumbled to life, evening out after a few moments. It wasn’t a new Elite Speeder, but it would do. I delved into the back compartment, disgruntled as I found only Baradium-Core Code Key’s. They had to be years old, who even knew what the codes were anymore? I’d bet Hux would have the information cataloged somewhere, lost in the depths of his office. I dropped the door to the compartment in disgust, rushing back to the shelves as I pulled case after case. 

An explosion grumbled from the entrance, and I continued my search with shaking hands. I found my quarry, hitting buttons with urgency. Barreling to the front wall, I smacked the button to open the bay door, footsteps echoing in the hall beyond. Hopping on the bike, I crouched low as I darted forward, the bottom of the AvA grinding against metal as I squeezed through the opening, the Resistance firing behind me. I made it to the tree line before the Merr-Sonn Class-A detonator exploded, weaving through the trees and hoping that I would make it beyond the force of the blast. 

The first crack echoed through the forest, followed by a deep roar. Consecutive ignitions blared as the Class-A set off every other piece of explosive gear in the room, scorching air following hot at my heels. I released the breath I was holding when the concussive force didn’t alter the repulsorlift’s frequency and I continued steadily forward. 

Careening through the thicket of trees left me with a feeling of elation that I hadn’t felt in years. I reveled in it, knowing that it wouldn’t be long before I starting thinking about the  _ people  _ that had been in that garage. I forced myself forward. I wouldn’t make it out of this alive if I thought of anything other than how to survive. Guilt was for later. 

I headed for the communications center, where Keziah had been stationed. They would be swarmed right now, in need of all the help they could get. I sailed through to the next clearing, employing the JB-37 blaster cannons to thin the opposition as I circled the terminal. Resistance fighters swooped in to join the fray, and I wasn’t fast enough when I attempted to skid into the tree-line, a bolt bursting into the front of the AvA. I dropped, landing hard amongst roots and rocks, scurrying for cover as the bike pitched into a tree, the Baridium igniting when the bike exploded. Pain lanced through my shoulder, screeching metal ringing in my ears. 

*****

I awoke to darkness, mouth full of dust and leaves. I sat upright slowly, blinking in confusion, remembering what had happened. How long had it been? A few hours? A full day? It likely wouldn’t have been longer than that. I rolled over, my armor tacky to the touch, the fabric full of drying blood. I could only hope that it was a slow seep that had sealed, but I was woozy and it was a concern that I may have lost a fair bit of blood.

It took some time to get my feet under me, and I swayed, using the trees for support. I started to walk, heading back to the communications center. The dead, Resistance and trooper alike, were scattered around the building. The night was quiet, wildlife the only indicator that something was left alive on this planet. I picked my way to the entrance, finding the interior charred and broken, a TIE smoldering in the rubble. There wouldn’t be anything salvageable inside. 

I rummaged through the least damaged corpses, excitement filtering through me when I found a military pack. I tossed it in anger when I found that the hydration packs were pierced, huffing with the exertion. I let myself rest for a few beats before heading to the main garrison, the beach, and hopefully my way out of here. I was jumpy, turning the rifle on any snap of a twig or wisp of air. I still didn’t know if it worked, but I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. For all I knew, the Resistance had won and I was the lone First Order survivor. 

When I neared the base, I crouched low, sneaking forward small bits at a time, but I was unable to keep it up. I crashed through the trees, too dizzy to walk normally. When I landed in the sandy soil of the garrison, I was grateful to be alone. A contingent of troopers waiting to rescue me was too much to hope for, but the lack of opposition was a welcome relief. I struggled my way inside, the building abandoned. I found the Med Bay, jumbling through cabinets and drawers before I found the hydration tablets. I collapsed into a chair while I waited for my system to re-hydrate, sipping on a canteen that I’d picked off a trooper in the hall. The med bots were silent, all equipment dormant. I had to wonder if the base had been hit with an ECD. I listened to my breathing, slowly drifting to sleep against dusty syncloth. 

“ _ You’re drunk.” The words were deliciously soft, skin raising as his lips brushed my ear. One strong hand held both of mine, stopping their roaming. Fire burned deep in my gut, and I pressed my legs together with a whine. _

_ “And?” I thought I could feel his lips curve into a smile behind my ear. Though it seemed impossible, he leaned further into me, sending jitters down my spine. “What does it matter?” I asked in a daze. _

_ “It matters,” he paused, his other hand sliding down my arm. “Invite me to your bed when you are in full control of your faculties,” he whispered, my hair moving with his breath. “And I will come willingly.” _

_ I somehow managed to stop the disgruntled growl in my throat, a marvel of willpower. Turning my face into him, my lips found his collarbone, the fabric of his shirt smooth on sensitive skin. I lifted up on my toes to reach his throat, and he pulled my arms up with me. I shuddered with the feeling, my shoulders stretching. Stubble brushed against my cheek, and I took a moment to just breathe, my nose just below his ear. _

_ “Tease,” he said softly, the rumble vibrating through his chest into mine. This time I couldn’t stop the whimpered moan, and I moved my face further towards him, grazing the skin of his neck with my teeth. He shifted, his leg slipping between mine, and I was pushed up a few inches higher. His mouth found mine, and the first kiss was delicate, slow, antithetical to what I was certain we both wanted. He released my hands and cupped my face, his lips massaging mine with a patience I was trying to replicate. My hands tangled in his hair, drifted down to his neck in a caress. When they reached his shoulders, I pulled myself closer, riding up on his thigh, my eyes rolling into the back of my head when I finally had some friction where I needed it. Our kiss transitioned, the soft touches becoming forceful, and we gripped each other, his hands strong on my forearms. _

_ He growled, the sound low, dangerous, before gripping my hips and pulling me up. He settled between my legs, pushing me up against the duracrete brick forcefully. My back pushed against the wall for leverage and I rubbed against him, my hands gripping his jacket. He mouthed at my throat, nipping with his teeth before returning to my lips for a bruising kiss. His hands found my ass, tilting me to a better angle before he circled his hips into my center. I keened into his mouth, and this spurred him further. He wrenched my hands from his jacket and held them against the rough duracrete, stretching the muscles to near pain. It made the pleasure that much more explosive. _

_ He broke away from the kiss, panting into my collarbone as he gathered himself. His face lifted, and I stared into beryl eyes as he leaned closer. _

_ “Where do you live?” He whispered into my mouth. _

_ “Twenty minutes,” I gasped. He slowly lowered me to the ground, and we both shuddered with the slow drag against each other. “I’ll grab my bag?” I asked, uncertain, breath shaky.  _

_ “Please.” He sounded so earnest, so passionate, I nodded dumly before hurrying inside. I snuck past my impaired friends on the dance floor, dragging the small bag away after leaving payment on the table. When I returned to the courtyard, he was waiting by the gate, streetlights casting him in shadow. His silhouette was strong, anticipation building as my center clenched with the idea of having this confident man inside of me. _

_ He’d flagged down a carriage, helping me up the steps with a strong grip on my hips that made my head dizzy. He slid into the plush seats next to me, leaning his face into my neck as I gave the droid my address. When I shivered he pulled me onto his lap, gripping me against a strong chest. I warmed, and only a few moments passed before we were grinding into each other with the sway of the carriage.    _

I awoke with a start when I heard a crash, bolting upright and firing the rifle towards the sound. An Atargus Monkey was foraging in one of the cabinets, hanging from the door, completely still. I’d missed it by a fair bit, firing blindly, and when I turned away it scurried from the room. 

Sunlight filtered through the transparisteel skylights, and I squinted before refocusing. I wasn’t nearly as disoriented, popping another hydration tablet before limping around the room. I collected supplies before heading outside. I could see a few fires still going in the distance, but the planet seemed deserted. I snacked on an MRE while I wandered the beach, rifle in my main hand. Anything left on the beach was inoperable, so I kept walking. 

After half a day of hiking the beach, I found another outpost. It hadn’t seen much fighting, but there wasn’t much left in general. It looked to have been abandoned before the First Order’s time here, like the garage. I wandered until I found a small hangar, glee lifting my spirits when I saw an old Lambda that didn’t seem too worse for wear. I shuffled inside, pleased to find that it had power, although the comms didn’t work. I sat in the corner behind the cockpit, running my hands over the operating numbers scratched into the durasteel. 

I rifled through my musty backpack, fishing out the old comms equipment I’d found in the garage. I connected the electronics to the ship, shocking myself more than once. When I finally managed to get static, I grinned with satisfaction. I didn’t think that the old equipment would boost far enough, but if I was incredibly lucky, I wouldn’t need it to. I slid into the cockpit, holding my breath as I started the ignition process. The old shuttle hummed to life, and I skittered out of the ship to open the hangar door. 

I was a little rusty with my takeoff, and I couldn’t do anything fancy, but I’d make it out of orbit. That was the easy part. The hard part was making sure I was found by the right people. 

I had no idea where Starkiller was, where the Conservatory was... Where anything was, really. That was the trouble with a secret organization. My plan, weak as it was, was to head to Asherah Prime. I at least knew there  _ was  _ a recruiting station there, although it may have moved specific locations since my enlistment. I didn’t know if the Lambda would have the oomph to get me all the way there, so my secondary plan was to drift aimlessly and hope that I ran into a First Order compliment. And I would just have to depend on my luck that I wouldn’t run into the Resistance, or worse, the New Republic. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	27. The Drift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saphren reflects as she travels from sector to sector. 
> 
> Written to 5 By 5 by Ninja Tracks.

**32 ABY**

**Ilum System - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 16_ **

The Lambda had gotten me back to the 7G sector before I’d run out of fuel. It was farther than I had truly anticipated, but not so far as I’d hoped. Asherah Prime was decidedly out of reach. 

I hoped that I hadn’t made a mistake... Perhaps I should have waited for rescue? I pursed my lips, going over it in my head again. The First Order likely thought I was dead, and I had seen no sign of other survivors on the planet. Even if the First Order had thought I was alive, they wouldn’t have come for me. It didn’t make strategic sense, especially when Resistance reinforcements could arrive at any time. You didn’t risk a squadron for a lone officer.

Had I stayed, I would have been waiting for extrication that would have never come. Or, the Resistance would have returned to pick through the bones left behind, looking for intel, and they would have found me. I shuddered at the thought. I’d never been a prisoner of war, and I never planned to be. 

I supposed another option would have been to put my survivor skills to the test. I could have had a solitary life in the forest, living off the land... Until pirates came to pick through the wreckage. Sector 5G was full of pirates. I would have been found eventually. Not to mention the fact that if I didn’t receive medical attention soon I would start to have a bad time of it. No... I had made the right decision, as much as that decision sucked shebs.

I’d transferred all available power to life support, comms, and navigation when I’d first begun the drift. After a few hours, I turned systems off one by one. Now I was left only with oxygen and comms, the red light of the radio blinking steadily in front of me. I was huddled behind the cockpit, wrapped in whatever fabrics that I could find, watching the bulb in a listless daze. Before long I would have to turn it off too. It would only delay the inevitable, but at least I might freeze before I ran out of oxygen. I’d rather drift to sleep and never wake up than die clawing at my throat for air. I was getting morbid. I shrugged in my imagination. I didn’t have the energy for positivity. 

I took a swig of water from my canteen, the fluid sloshing as bits of ice broke away from the edge of the container. I wanted to toss it to the other side of the ship in frustration, but my right arm was immobile, my shoulder burning with dull pain that flared every time I moved. My left arm, I’d discovered halfway through my escape, was full of shrapnel. Without the desperate need to survive and the kick of adrenaline, my range of motion had dwindled to nearly nothing. I fished out a hydration tablet, the last one from my impromptu med kit. I couldn’t risk bringing my body temperature any lower with the water, and let's face it, if I wasn’t found I’d die before I needed any more hydration. I popped the tablet in my mouth, snuggling further into the rotten blankets. 

Maybe pirates or smugglers would find me. I could convince them that I was useful, maybe make it out of the Lambda and travel the universe until I could find a way back to Starkiller. Or I could live a life of adventure for the rest of my days. I bet I’d be good at it. I drifted to sleep with visions of heists and fancy leather jackets. 

My dream had morphed into a series of strange events that logically made no sense, and I was just awake enough to have the lucid thought, the one that told me I must have been dreaming. I was in a pit of snakes, the vile creatures wrapping around my boots, some artifact held in my left hand, whip in the right. They hissed, loud and echoing in the cavern. The sound would stop short with a pop and a crack, and confusion filtered through my sleepy daze. It happened a few more times, and I finally jumped awake to the crackle of static and murmuring voices. I lunged forward, hands shakily going for the radio. 

“... Do you read?” The line went full of static again. “Identify…” The voice came through before being lost again. I didn’t know who was on the other line. I glanced through my viewport, seeing nothing but the expanse. It could be the New Republic, the Resistance, the First Order, pirates, a trade ship... The list was extensive. I’d pretend that I didn’t hear the request for identification.

“Maday! Maday!” I yelled into the receiver. My breath fogged in the cool air of the ship, and I waited for a response with crushing anxiety. The radio popped again, a fizzle of static before the man’s distorted voice came through again. 

“Request to identify…” Was all that I heard. I ignored it again. 

“Maday! Please bring me in.” I shivered over the box, staring at the light as if it would be some kind of indicator of what would happen. And then the shuttle started to move. I slid back to sitting, too tired to crouch. I thought of tearing the First Order Insignia off of my armor, but they’d find it no matter where I stashed it. I’d be screwed if it was the Resistance. If it was the New Republic, I was confident in my ability to talk my way out of it. If it was the First Order, I did  _ not  _ want to seem like a defector. 

I gripped my arms with flagging strength, the shadow of a ship coming over the shuttle. I leaned forward to look up the viewport, relief flooding me when I saw the distinctive triangle of a Star Destroyer. I rushed back to the comms unit. 

“Can you hear me?” I asked, breath staggered. 

“Lambda-class T-4a, please declare.” Came the same man’s voice, a little less distorted. 

“MIA Specialist Saphren Varien, operation number 7177 Arietis.” There was a long pause, and when the line came through again, it was a different voice. 

“We’ll meet you in the hangar.” I shuffled to the door, sliding myself on the durasteel. The tractor beam continued its slow pull, and I sat to wait. When the shuttle jostled with a rough landing, I pulled up to my knees. Bumping the pad with my uninjured shoulder, the door opened slowly as the ramp lowered. I struggled upright from my knees, holding my arms up as high as I could manage as I shuffled out of the ship. The air in any hangar was cool, but it felt gloriously warm on my cheeks. A line of troopers were waiting for me at the base of the ramp, weapons drawn. An officer in teal uniform stood just behind the white row, and I wondered if he was a major or colonel. I probably didn’t rank a colonel, but I couldn’t be certain, so I kept my mouth shut. 

Once I was a few steps off the ramp, he stepped forward as a trooper roughly patted me down. I winced on more than one spot, as he found injuries I didn’t even know I had. I was still shivering, my body slowly warming. 

“Are you armed?” The trooper’s voice rumbled through his vocoder. 

“No.” I glanced at the officer’s armband as he neared closer. “Major, I apologize. I am unable to salute.” He nodded distractedly as he tabbed through his datapad. He was an attractive man with dark skin, hair cropped close to his skull.

“Are you injured, Specialist?” It was the last man that I’d spoken to on the comms unit.

“Yes, Sir.” He grimaced at me. 

“Can you explain why your file is restricted, Specialist?” He asked, dark eyebrow raised. I noted that he said restricted, not classified. 

“To be honest, Sir? I don’t know.” He smiled, and I thought he might be holding in a laugh. I still held my arms up, but they were beginning to ache, and I was swaying on my feet. My teeth began to chatter. 

“Who is your direct report?” 

“Commander Ren, Sir,” I struggled out, teeth getting in the way. All motion stopped at that. The Major looked dubious, but he didn’t call me an outright liar. The troopers obviously thought I was barking mad. 

“Where did you get this piece of junk, Specialist?” He asked, motioning towards the shuttle. 

“Hey! That’s a perfectly fine Lambda-class T-4a! It may be a little outdated, but the thing saved my ass,” I snapped my mouth shut, but he grinned at me as he waited for me to continue. “The skirmish at Kedhys Rhea, Sir.” I hoped beyond hope that there had been an official report on it. He nodded, face calming. He believed me. I was starting to have trouble staying upright, the room swimming, my hands inching their way down. 

“I refuse to bother either the Commander or the General with this. Who else would know you?” He grumbled. I wasn’t going to blame him for that, truly, really… Okay, maybe I was. I was tired of being under suspicion, and kriffing hell did I hurt. I was certain that I would be more understanding later, but right now I just wanted him to hurry the kriff up.

“Captain Phasma?” I asked, wondering if she was too high up the food chain to bother too. But he nodded, tapping the datapad. I dropped my arms, and when no one threw a fit, I left them there. It rang, and I thought for a moment she wouldn’t answer. 

“Captain Phasma.” She answered simply. She was wearing her helmet, the voice muffled through her vocoder. 

“Captain, I am sorry to bother you, ma’am.”

“It’s alright, Major Avins. What can I do for you today?” Apparently Phasma knew the Major well enough to recognize him. That was a good sign, wasn’t it?

“Are you missing an officer, Ma’am?” He asked with a small smile. Someone was funny.

“Pardon?” Came the confused and stern response. Avins lost his smirk. The First Order didn’t do humor well. I was positive that Phasma as Suria would have thought it was hilarious, though. Maybe she was giggling in her helmet.  

“Sorry, Ma’am. Do you know a Specialist Varien?” There was a ruckus on the other line, and I wished for a moment I could see what the Major was seeing. He was laughing silently as we listened to an apparent scuffle. He was immediately straight faced when things calmed down, saluting through the datapad. 

“General Hux, Sir!” 

“Did you say Varien? Saphren Varien?” Hux’ voice filtered from the speaker. 

“Yes, Sir.”

“ _ Alive?” _ Hux boomed, and the Major winced. 

“Yes, Sir?” There was a moment of silence, and then the hissing voice I’d grown to not love came through. 

“Turn the datapad, Major.” He jerkily compiled, and I fought the urge to wave. I would have, if it was Phasma.

“Forgive me, General, I can’t salute.” Hux didn’t reply, staring at me, face impassive. I had no idea what I looked like, so he may have been trying to determine what lay beneath the grime. His mouth twitched and his eyes watered, and I wondered if he was holding back a sneeze. And then finally he moved. 

“Specialist Varien, are you injured?” He asked. 

“Yes, Sir. Mostly minor, I think.” He nodded, having the grace to look relieved on my behalf. 

“Major Avins, how did you find Specialist Varien?” The datapad was turned so that the Major could see. 

“Floating in an old beater of a shuttle, Sir. Just over Ilum.”

“Take her to Med Bay. Do not touch anything. Guard the shuttle until someone arrives to examine it. We will send someone for her.” A trooper immediately moved forward, gripping my arm when Avins nodded. I yelped, and they loosened their grip. 

“Yes, Sir.”

“Dismissed.”

The trooper held me steady as I wobbled my way slowly down the hall, and once we were out of view, they wrapped their arm over my waist and helped to take on most of my weight. 

“What’s your name?” I whispered softly. 

“FB-3907,” he said through the helmet. 

“No… What’s your name?” The pause was significant, but finally he responded.

“Anien.”

“Thank you, Anien.” He just nodded, turning another corner. 

When we arrived, the tech took one look at me and pointed toward the refresher. She was a tall woman with tan skin, bright eyes housed in a kind face. She followed me in, helping me sit, removing my boots for me.

“What injuries do you have?” She asked, voice calm.

“Laceration to the right shoulder, shrapnel to the left arm. I’m not sure what else.” She nodded. The boots and socks came off without trouble. The pants were decidedly more difficult. The fabric had adhered to my skin with blood, and she stopped trying after a few moments. She helped me remove the musty blanket I used as a cloak, the coat, the padded armor. When it came time to remove my shirt, she didn’t bother. 

“Get in. Water, not sonics.” I stepped into the appropriate booth, sighing as cool water hit me, and I started to shiver again. She slowly increased the temperature, the liquid seeping into the clothes. I glanced down, and the water ran a muddy red, leaves floating by the drain. I finally began to feel warm, and as the clothing soaked, she slowly peeled it away from my skin. My leg started to slowly seep once the fabric was free, bright red splashes in the otherwise dark water. My entire left side was covered in bits of metal, rock, and tree. She cut the shirt, knowing I wouldn’t be able to lift my arms. 

“Are you ready?” She asked as she started to peel the shirt from my skin. I wanted to say no. I wanted to avoid it. I knew just as well as she that the shirt had helped seal the wound on my shoulder, and that this would not be pleasant. But the scab would need to be removed, the wound would need to be cleaned. I nodded. She yanked, and bile rose in my throat as agony spasmed my skin. She helped me wash in a rush after that, leaving my hair as a matted mess. 

She loaded me onto a repulsorlift, a sheet thrown atop me for modesty as she pushed me to a private room. She started prepping a tray as a Med Bot administered an IV. A few moments later, I felt the warm feeling of Nyex, and then nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	28. Desire *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux day 3!
> 
> Written to Desire by Meg Meyers

**32 ABY**

**Quarters - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Hux - Day 3_ **

_Her form had improved, movements smooth as she executed textbook perfect maneuvers. She’d done well to pull her hits in the beginning of the session, but in her desire to beat me she’d had to divert her focus in order to get past my defenses. Her skin was dewy, breasts heaving with each breath she took. Her hair had come loose, strands framing her face. She lunged towards me, pivoting at the last minute and jumping up to take me down with a scissor kick. We struggled for control, rolling on the plush mats._

_I got the upperhand, pinning her to the mat, hair falling into my face. She stared up at me, eyes wide, breasts perfect in the slightly transparent top she wore. I bent my head low, capturing her soft lips in a slow kiss that tested my willpower. She reached for my face, but I captured her hands, pulling them above her head. She let loose the same noise from those many years ago at the stretch, and I lost control._

_I devoured her mouth as she shifted beneath me, her legs wrapping around my waist, pulling me close to her. I released her hands, gripping her hips as I rolled into her, swallowing her mewls of desire. She braced and flipped us, and I moved with her, back hitting the padding. She was seated atop me, smirking playfully down at me. Light sifted through the sheer fabric, rose halos peeking through._

_I jerked upright, pulling her closer with a hand on her back, mouthing at her through the cotton. She gave me a breathy laugh as my fingers caressed the skin above her exquisite arse. Her hands drifted down my chest, sliding around to grip the bottom of my shirt. She leaned away, pulling the shirt up my back as her nails dragged across skin. I shuddered, hips bucking up into her. I tore at her leggings in a frenzy, pushing them down smooth legs as she released me from the prison of my trousers. She gripped me, rolling velvet skin in her soft hand as she guided me to her heat, a groan escaping my mouth as I dropped prone._

_She lowered herself slowly, walls clenching around me in a deliciously tight grasp, her mouth in a soft pout, eyes closed. When I was fully sheathed, she smiled softly, victorious, looking at me through long lashes. She gathered the fabric at her navel, arms trailing up in a creeping drag as she rolled her hips. She bared the luscious flesh of her stomach, the globes of her sinfully striking tits. And then the fabric was gone, and she was bare before me. I watched, entranced as my length delved deep inside of her, my hands massaging creamy thighs._

_I shoved up to meet her when she began to move in earnest, her breathy moans echoing from every corner of the room. She was suffocating, rapturous, intoxicating. Gripping my chest for support, she rode me, hair wild as she sought release. When it came for her, electricity building in her core, she screamed_ **_my_ ** _name, and I came with a shout._

_“Armitage... “ She sighed softly, stroking my cheek. I was Tev no longer._

My eyes snapped open to meet darkness, the room quiet save for my breathing. I ran hands roughly down my face, continuing their trek down beneath the sheets. I gripped myself, picturing her delicate hands as I pumped in and out of my clenching fist. A few good thrusts had me panting, shuddering through the orgasm that had been building for days.

Normally a perfunctory action, I had taken true delight in it this morning, the emotion of the dream flowing through me. It didn’t last long, knowing that she was in the next wing giving it an edge of depravity. I went through the motions of my morning run and shower with very little thought, too tired to focus on anything but immediate thoughts. As I headed to the Mess Hall, my only clear thought was that I wouldn’t have to worry about seeing _her_ this morning. She should be sleeping deeply in a Nyex induced haze.

The hall was nearly deserted just as it was yesterday, and I glanced at the woman ahead of me briefly. She was wearing the blasted leggings that they all seemed to wear, and after the dream I’d had this morning, I was considering outlawing them from the base. She was humming some sort of song, and she turned, choking on her caf. I was impressed that she held the liquid, eyes watering as she swallowed it down, saluting without a cough escaping. I sighed. Had I displeased fate recently? I gave her the most impassive look that I could manage, quickly walking around her to the machine as I gave the order for her to stand at ease. She had two black eyes to compliment her swollen nose, and I guilt burbled in my gut.

“Thank you, Sir. Good morning, General. Haver a good day, Sir,” She sputtered, and I did a fantastic job of holding in a snorting laugh, smiling at the machine. When I turned, she was gone. I noticed Phasma lurking in the corner as I left, and I narrowed my eyes. As much as I valued the idea of her being able to sniff out a plot if she was close to Saphren, I also did not relish the idea of them spending time together. I should probably just tell Phasma everything, but that would defeat my purpose. As good of a leader Phasma was, she had a soft spot for me. And if she realized I had a soft spot for Saphren, she would likely treat her with partisanship and put her career at risk for the same thing I was trying to avoid.

I went through the day in blazing productivity, Saphren’s lacking presence both a necessity and a disappointment. When I finally retired to my quarters shortly before 0001, Kasra was nervously folding clothes at my dining room table. She jumped when I set down my datapad, and I looked at her with concern. Her blonde hair swirled in chaotic curls, and her uniform was in rumpled disarray. She looked just as wild as she always did, but the edge of her eyes gave me pause.

“Alright, Kasra?”

“Yes, Sir. Just tired, that’s all,” She gave me the feeble excuse, but I decided to accept it. Pushing her would have the opposite effect of what I desired. I rubbed her shoulder gently as I walked by.

“Go get some rest. You are dismissed.”

“Thank you, General.” She smiled softly, looking a little calmer as she scurried from the room. I watched her leave with a sad smile on my face. Kasra Gzad had been one of my most promising officers, serving under me on the Finalizer. A skirmish with the Resistance shortly after our time in the KV System had left her with two missing limbs and PTSD that was so severe she hadn’t been able to return to her duties.

She had no home to return to, and I couldn’t bear to relieve her of her rank. She’d accepted my offer to become my personal assistant with trepidation, but she had excelled at the position. There were still days when I received a panicked message on my datapad that said she would not be arriving for the day, but they were farther and farther apart. I hoped that one day Kasra would be the self-assured woman she had once been. I sent a quick missive to Dr. Avalost, telling him to pay particular attention at their next appointment.

I settled into my desk by the bay of windows that overlooked the forest, tapping my fingers on the armrest as I stared into the darkness. Millie twined at my ankles, and I reached down to scritch her behind the ears. I hadn’t heard from Kylo, and I was beginning to become concerned. He had been scheduled to land yesterday, and the tracker that Supreme Leader Snoke had implanted in his belt said that he was still deep in Sector 12G. I sent him another razing message before shoving work out of my life for the night.

*****

Life continued on Starkiller. Commander Ren still had not arrived, and he had ignored every message that I had sent him. He was eight days late, and although any day without his presence was a gift, I was beginning to become anxious. Saphren excelled at her studies, and I made sure that she received fine marks in her file although derision seeped through my voice every time I opened it in her presence. I hated the lost look that appeared on her face every time I scolded her for something unwarranted, but without Ren here, I had to keep up appearances. I always made sure that my words were constructive although I knew they were always aggressive.

Phasma had breakfast with Saphren every other morning, but she did not broach the subject with me again. The caf machine in the Superior’s break room was fixed, and I spent my mornings there, alone. I’d stopped in on Thanisson’s tutoring session, if you could call it that, only to find his hands gripping Saphren’s waist as he helped her achieve a particularly difficult move. I’d left immediately, not trusting my face to remain impassive as he manhandled the woman I dreamed about every night.

I was combing my hair in preparation for the day when my comms unit came to life. I answered simply, preoccupied.

“Yes?”

“General Hux, Sir. You requested a report when the Command Shuttle docked. I just wanted to let you know that it arrived.” The unit went lifeless before I could reply. Smart woman. I let the anger run through me as I stretched my shoulders, releasing it with a puff of air. Today was certain to be a long day.

I left my room in a hurry, stopping Ren before he reached his quarters.

“Where have you been?” I hissed, leaning close to his ridiculous mask.

“It is none of your concern,” he rumbled calmly, though I could feel the energy of the room shift.

“When you arrive on _my_ base is most certainly my concern.” He simply shrugged, pushing past me, through the blast doors that shut in my face. I glanced at the trooper down the hall, and he pointedly was facing the other direction. I stormed away, pounding on Phasma’s door moments later. The doors opened and she stared at me blearily, wearing a long shirt and nothing more.

“Commander Ren has arrived,” was all I said before heading to my office. I was snappish, overwhelmed with anger, like I was any time Kylo showed up. I demanded perfection from my officers, praying that they would make up for Ren’s deficiencies when the time came. In the afternoon, I’d been making rounds of the recruits terminals when I realized that Saphren was entirely distracted, allowing a faulty systems check to go without examination. I leaned up behind her, pointing at the screen.

“Specialist Varien. Congratulations. Were this a real mission, you would have allowed the Resistance to kill us all.” It was truly harsher than I intended, but I was unable to control my emotions around her. Her face reddened, and she gave me a weak apology. I struggled through the rest of the day, dreading my evening appointments.

Aminah, Phasma and I gathered around the meeting table in the room adjacent to my office, waiting for Kylo to arrive. He was late, as per normal. I wondered if he did it on purpose, to show that he was his own master, when in reality it made him look an utter fool. He slid into his chair twenty minutes after the designated start time, making no apology for his tardiness. I sighed, suffering in silence before starting with the mundane topics of a regular staff meeting.

I’d decided to broach the subject of a special team, of Saphren’s future… Of my possible future, towards the end of the meeting in case it went poorly. I brought it up like I would anything else, clicking through my datapad although I wasn’t actually doing a thing. I knew Aminah was disastrously distracted by my announcement, and I was certain Phasma was having a similar reaction, but I kept my senses on Kylo.

“What would you like my help with?” He asked. I could tell I’d unnerved him, but he was remaining calm. It was all I could really ask for. I’d had eight days to change my mind, and I still thought this was the best course of action, as much as it pained me. If Kylo took over as Saphren’s commanding officer, I would not need to be concerned about whether or not our short little history came to the light of day. Her position would be secure. Furthermore, it would open up the possibility of a relationship, if she ever did remember what had happened that night, if she ever decided that I was worth her time.

But finally, it would ease my concerns about her allegiance. She would spend a great deal of time with one of the only people in the universe that could tell with certainty how she felt about the First Order. She was strong-willed, certainly, but I didn’t think she’d ever met a force user before. If she knew about his capabilities, if she understood what was happening, she may have been able to push him out of her mind. But without the knowledge of his ability, he would be able to delve into her thoughts without her knowing. Kylo was my failsafe, as sad of a statement as it was.

“Supreme Leader’s future plans will require a specialized team. It has been our goal with this batch of recruits to find the appropriate members of that team. They were all chosen from the Conservatory and other ships for advancement due to their excellent scores.” This was all true, and it came from my mouth easily. “Supreme Leader Snoke values your opinions, and truly you have an edge here where I do not. I would like you to hand pick a select few, and then train them separately.” I paused. I prided in keeping my voice even through the false praise.

I could tell that Kylo was not keen on the idea of added responsibility. “ They will of course conjoin with the regular teams, I don’t expect you to take on Officer’s Training in addition to your busy schedule.” I knew that would make Phasma angry, but I pushed along. “You would be their direct superior, and have the freedom to train them as you wish.” I knew that would pique his interest. “Furthermore, if this goes well, I will take into consideration your recommendations over the last few years with more acuity.” That was the bait, what would entice him to accept. He leaned forward slightly.

“And who do you recommend?” He asked softly.

“The team would consist of 10 members. I have selected 15 for your perusal. I have starred the ones I think you would most like.” I sighed gingerly as I slid the datapad over to him. It was at that moment that I realized they were all women, and how stupid that was of me. Kylo had an interesting relationship with women, and I regretted putting more of them in his line of sight than necessary.

“And why do you think that I would most like these three?” He asked as he flicked through the report with disinterest.

“Officer Bani has shown exceptional skill. She is more… rigid than I would think you would normally like, however she is stubborn and does not back down.” I paused, hoping that I had worded it appropriately. When Ren didn’t throw a fit, I relaxed slightly.

“And the others?” He was becoming impatient.

“Natalis is crafty. She would do well under your tutelage. She is struggling under mine, she is chafing under my restricted ideals, and I feel that I owe it to her to give her every opportunity at success. She would do well with hands on training.”

“And Specialist Saphren Varien?” I sighed internally at Phasma and Eidhn’s reactions, although they served a purpose. Kylo was ever more interested in her because of it.

“She is impetuous, ambitious, and very intelligent. I find myself comparing her to you every day. But I cannot deny that she is skilled. She comes from a unique background. She received her initial training before enlistment, during a civil war in her sector. She has hands-on training, something that you have begged me to implement on multiple occasions. I have selected her as one of my top three because she would do very well on the mission that Supreme Leader has planned, and because I’m sure you two will be thick as thieves.” I’d made a misstep in my dialogue, giving him a backhanded compliment wrapped in an insult. It was just so hard to speak to the man.

“Very well. I will take your recommendations into consideration. How would you like me to proceed with my selection?”

“Tomorrow we will have a series of hand-to-hand trials. I will have you watch from the observation deck, and then I will have you fight with a select few. And then you will have the final say as to who you would like to take on.” It was a struggle, allowing Ren to fight with any one of my officers. He was impulsive. It was dangerous. But I saw no other way to push him into what I wanted.

“Fine. Send me the details.” He stood, shoving the datapad back at me. I leaned back in the chair in relief, and in preparation. He wouldn’t back out of something he agreed to, so I barreled ahead.

“Oh, and Ren?” I paused for effect. “Never forget that I am the General of the First Order. You may be a Commander and you may be Snokes favorite little pet, but when you are delayed you will inform me. You do not outrank me, and we may share similar ranks of different branches, but you will never again ignore my messages or I will come down on you with the full force of the army that I have built. Are we understood?”

The table flipped and I lurched out of the way.

“We are not understood, General Hux. I make my own way and I do not take orders from a mongrel like you. Remember that I am above your silly hierarchy.” He bellowed before storming from the room. We all sat in strained silence for a few moments, before a report of repairs was made. I shoved my chair, leaving Phasma to deal with Eidhn. I hated that man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	29. When Plans Come Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux' POV of the fighting exercise with Kylo, day 11.

**32 ABY**

**Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Hux - Day 11_ **

Fire sang in my blood, and I pushed myself harder and faster as I ran through the trees. I had been unable to sleep, not managing even my normal, meager three hours. Going for a long distance run on no sleep was not one of my better ideas, but it was one of the few things that calmed me. 

My legs burned, but I continued on. When I heard snapping twigs behind me and turned to find Ren, I launched myself forward. I was not going to run with the idiot. It would be a competition, like everything was with him, and it was one that he would win. I could tell that he was just starting, and I’d been at it for at least two hours. I slid down a snowy hillside, diverting away from him to go do laps on the track. I navigated through close pressed trees and icy foliage, coming out a little too far west and circling down to the obstacle course. There was a lone person doing rounds, too small to have been Ren. 

I raised a brow against the soft gaberwool of my thermal face mask. I used to be the only one to run outside, and seeing not one, but two people was an extreme oddity. As I neared the figure, I realized it was Saphren. I gave her a light salute before catching pace and passing her. She struggled with my long stride, but I was fatigued, unable to perform at my regular speed, and she caught back up. We ran together in companionable silence, and for the first time since she had arrived at Starkiller, she seemed to be at peace. The soft smile on her face was more alluring than if she had been in revealing exercise gear, and my face felt decidedly warm even outside the confines of my mask. 

She slowed, unable to keep pace, and I slowed to a jog, stopping when she did. I extended my hand for a quick shake, and she looked surprised but delighted. We grasped hands, and I wished for nothing more than the fabric to be gone. And then she turned, jogging inside. I thought about continuing on, but now that I had stopped, all of me ached and burned, and I figured I had abused my body enough. 

I returned to my quarters to find a pot of steaming tea waiting, sweet-sand cookies on a plate accompanying a full breakfast. A freshly pressed uniform was hanging from a hook, out of reach of Millie. Kasra had apparently started early today. 

Divesting myself of the excursion gear, I sat down to enjoy the food. I rarely ate in the morning, favoring a shake, but I would not let Kasra’s work go to waste. I poured a cup of the tea, expecting Manellan Jasper but finding Tarine instead. I hummed in delight. Although Manellan Jasper was thought to be one of the finest teas in the Galaxy, Tarine had always been my favorite. We’d been out for months, waiting for a shipment from Christophsis. I wondered when it had arrived. Millicent settled into my lap while I ate, and I read through progress reports, pleased to find that they anticipated the northern building to be completed within a few months. 

I showered and shaved, taming my hair before getting dressed. It was a new uniform, the threads taut, the silver piping shining under the lights. Kasra really out-did herself this morning. I narrowed my eyes slightly. She must have done something that she thought was worthy of reproach. Last time Millicent had accidentally gotten out she’d spent a week baking and I’d gained ten pounds. I made a mental note to watch her behaviour more closely. Maybe today wouldn’t be as bad as I had feared. 

I walked slowly to my office, examining the halls of the base instead of reading reports. It had been some time since I had allowed myself to be in awe of what the First Order had accomplished, what I had helped build. And I wondered, if the Empire would have eventually made it here had events played out differently. And I wished, not for the first time, that the dichotomy of Sith vs Jedi, Dark vs Light, did not exist. I imagined what the universe could accomplish when focus was applied to science rather than superstition. I intended to see it one day, after the Snoke had accomplished all that he was capable of. 

As if on cue, my datapad released a series of shrill beeps, and I turned to walk the other direction. If Snoke found out about Saphren he would likely have her killed for being a distraction, or worse yet, use her as a tool to manipulate me. I pushed all thoughts of her away, all thoughts of failed empires and religious doctrines. When I entered Snoke’s chamber, his holographic visage was missing, the room empty and echoing. I waited patiently, and finally he appeared, larger than life. I looked up to him with a small smile. 

“Supreme Leader, how may I be of service?” My voice lilted, and I played out my nerves. It was hard not to be intimidated by his striking figure, I just allowed my body to react normally in his presence. 

“General Hux,” He intoned, pausing for effect. “My Master of the Knights of Ren has told me that you have made a great deal of progress in creating my team.” He paused. I did not hide my disgust for Kylo’s title. A master, Kylo was not. “I am wondering why you did not bring your advancement to my attention,” He rumbled, the walls shaking with the force of the holographic technology, with the presence of the force. 

“Supreme Leader, I had hoped to bring it to your attention when the work was completed. We have a conference scheduled for High Command and other prominent members of the First order at the end of the year. I had expected to make a gift of them to you during the ceremony.” 

“Mmmm. You flatter me, General Hux. Kylo will be making the final decision on the members of this team tonight?” He asked, as if he was not already aware.

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“Very well. Keep me apprised of the situation,” He requested as he nodded. I thought for a moment that I may be dismissed without incident, but he leaned close. “Tell me, is the weapon operational?”

“We have made great progress, Supreme Leader Snoke. The weapon is operational, however the containment systems are not yet in place,” I stopped short as I was jerked forward, the force a fist on my uniform. A cold sweat broke out on my skin with the unnatural feeling. 

“You implemented a containment field, built into the crust of the planet, did you not?” He rumbled, the room vibrating, not with electronics but with the force. 

“Yes, Supreme Leader. But the planetary magnetic field alone is not enough to contain the amount of quintessence required. A thermal oscillator is already underway,” I choked out as it became harder to breathe. He dropped me to the ground unceremoniously. 

“You try my patience, Armitage. Finish the work.” The image cut away, and the room was suddenly empty once more. I stood from my knees, brushing dust from the uniform, anger clenching in my jaw. I straightened my cuffs, smoothed my hair, but gave up on straightening the collar. Snoke and Kylo Ren would never understand science, the opportunity it provided. It was only useful to them when immediate gratification could be had. They were not built for the undertaking required to bring the galaxy to order, they did not have the patience. I marched from the room, patting myself on the back for not thinking of Saphren. 

There was a specific way to deal with Snoke. He would comb your mind, the process unnoticeable, unlike Kylo Ren. But unless he had cause, he would not delve, he would only pick up surface thoughts. I had prepared so many responses to so many outcomes that I did not need to think when in his presence, unless a plan had gone horribly awry. The words came with ease after hours of practice. 

My mood had soured slightly, but I found sweets waiting for me in my office before I headed to the mock pits. Saphren did incredibly well, a soft glow on her cheeks, focused and ready for the day. At first it was a pleasing sight, but after further thought, it put a stutter in my step.  _ Why  _ was she so happy? I pressed my lips firmly together. It was a difficult thought. On one hand, I wanted her to be happy. On that same hand, I knew I had no right to her, I did not own her. On the other hand, the idea of her pursuing a relationship with anyone on this base was an agonizing thought. I left before they were released for sustenance, preparing the recreational center for the purpose of our presentation. 

Phasma and I waited in the observation deck for Kylo to arrive. He was late, of course. Officer Bani and Saphren arrived early, doing stretches in the corner of the room. I forced myself to look away. The room was quiet and tense, Phasma glancing at me every few moments as if asking: are you sure about this? The answer to that was no, I was not sure. But it was my best option. When the rest of the class arrived, Phasma and I descended, while Kylo stayed behind to watch. I let Phasma take the lead, watching her implement what we had discussed. 

“Today, we will be working on more extensive hand-to-hand drills, and how you react when facing an adversary that is unpredictable. At the end of the day, a select few of you will be chosen to become part of a specialized team.This morning you all received messages assigning you to specific teams. Please find your partners, and find a corner of the room,” She finished, turning back to join us. The room was full of excited rumbling. I wondered if they would be as excited if they knew what was coming for them. 

I watched Saphren and Officer Bani’s groups with interest. When CQC Trainer Mazen stepped up to the mat with Saphren, I moved to a different part of the room with a better view. She was defensive, as she always was when I saw her in a combat exercise. She did respectably well, but she was too impulsive, pulling from too many sources when she defended. I watched her body move, her uniform hugging her delicate form as they circled each other. I pushed away the memories of my dream, focusing on her actual skills. And then Mazen did as I had asked, switching to a different form of combat. She responded more or less in kind. Although the moves were sporadic, they weren’t nonsensical. She did well choosing what form would help her, until Mazen started changing so rapidly she couldn’t keep modulating and combining forms to help her defense. He took her down with a rather loud crack as I walked their direction. 

“You see, Specialist Varien. When you know all of the forms with exact precision, you can afford to be unpredictable. But without the base knowledge behind you, you will falter,” I paused. It was too harsh, and was not correct. “Actually, I will correct myself. You obviously have the base knowledge. But until these predictable, boring forms straight out of the handbook become muscle memory for you, I would suggest you don’t stray.” 

She was looking up at me, panting, chest pushing against her uniform, and I had to bite my tongue when my imagination supplied the image of her riding me in a room much like this. I’d stayed overlong, trying to think of what to follow up my statement with. “I was hoping that your brief time with Petty Officer Thanisson would have shown itself today, but I fear you may have even regressed.” It was callous, but I had found I could only react to her in two ways. Needy sexuality or antagonism. She stood slowly and I spared a moment to wonder if she had been injured. 

“Understood, Sir. Thank you, Sir,” she replied demurely. But her eyes told me what she really thought. She thought I was an ass. I nodded at her and waved her towards the other officers. Officer Bani did exceptionally well in her skirmish with Thannison, and I smiled as he hit the mat with more force than was necessary. The officers, without direction, spread and spoke with each other, congratulations flinging towards the pretty blonde. And then Ren entered the room, and like a flock of sheep noticing the wolf, they quieted. 

“Commander Ren was kind enough to offer his time today.” I said, trying to remain impassive as the troopers joined him. “Commander Ren has an edge above anyone else when it comes to the unpredictable. He will be testing your skills today.” Ren was a petulant child, and half of his unpredictability came from his unhinged fervor. I swallowed. I needed to stand by my plan. 

“But first, a presentation.” Phasma stepped in when my pause ran long. The planned scuffle began, and it went as anticipated. When he had fended off all of Phasma’s selected troops, I pointed at random Officers to join him, watching in a daze, waiting with bated breath to see if my plan would work. I pointed at Bani, interested in what she would do more-so than anyone other than Saphren. She stormed onto the mat, full of confidence. 

“Proceed, Officer Bani. As the only officer in training to defeat her superior, I expect great things from you.” I did. She was nearly as skilled as Saphren, but significantly more practiced. She gave Ren what he wanted, an actual challenge. She didn’t pause or cower at his unknown power, but when she got too close, he pushed her away. I watched as other officers followed, doing better now that someone had been so nearly successful. And then the moment that I dreaded had arrived. 

“Specialist Varien, why don’t you have a go?” I gestured at Ren. She smiled, nearly skipping onto the mat for her chance. And then she opened her beautiful but stupid mouth. 

“I have a request.” She said, mustering confidence.  _ What on earth could she possibly want?  _ She was going to get herself killed, or maimed. I tried to tell her to shut up with my face, but she was focused on Ren, who looked incredibly intrigued. I knew he would like her. That was why this was going to work, unless she kriffed it up. “No cheating.” 

“No cheating?” Kylo asked, and I knew he was amused. 

“No cheating. I want a fair fight.” I wanted to scream at her that she did not. Kylo was incapable of fair. She would regret this course of action. 

“Can innate abilities be construed as cheating?” He asked. Oh yes, Kylo was having fun with it. I didn’t construe that to be a good thing. 

“Mmm. I suppose you’re right. But I still want a fair shot.” She replied snarkily, arms akimbo. Ren nodded, crouching. And then she went for him. I knew that I had never seen her on the offense, but seeing it was definitive proof. But she did extremely well, considering Ren would be able to sense her movements before they happened. But I could tell, he was trying to use his martial prowess only, and it was more of a hindrance than I would have anticipated. She landed a kick, and she smiled. Kylo was enjoying the challenge, a little too much. He would lose control before long. I inched forward in concern. I could feel the tell-tale lurch in the room, see the tension in his back. I stepped forward, parting Officers in my way as they circled. 

The force compelled her to her knees, and he went for the saber. As it ignited, time seemed to slow. I rushed forward as he was swinging up and over his shoulder, but I knew that I wouldn’t make it in time. A stun baton came flying from a trooper, and Saphren caught it as she ducked low, bracing as it caught the lightsaber with a burst of electricity. He stepped back, raising his arms again, and I hoped she would skitter away. But the fool rushed him, ire in her eyes, flashes of light emitting with each hit.

“Ren!” I realized I had directed it at her, watching her wide eyes and pale face. “Commander Ren!” I bellowed with all of the command I could muster, hoping one of them would stop. A trooper came careening through the group from a far corner, screaming through the din. 

“Move, you idiots. Move!” She launched herself through the crowd, skidding a plasma blade over the mat to Saphren, and she managed to grab it while simultaneously blocking with the baton. It was the last hit it could have taken, light going dim. She held out the blade impetuously, jaw set, and Ren continued his assault. She had gotten under his skin. But she continued to block his blows, until he launched her into the mirrors, the glass splintering, webbing out from her point of impact as she clawed at her throat.  

“Enough!” I nearly screamed, ready to shoot Ren in the leg with my blaster if he didn’t release her. “Ren!” I growled, reaching for my belt. His head tilted to the side, and I knew my thoughts were projecting. I knew he knew that I would do it. But I also knew he sensed my worry for her. If it gave me what I wanted I was willing to let him know that I had a weakness for her. He finally released her, dropping her to her knees.

“I will take her, and a few others that you recommended,” he intoned, stalking from the room. My plan had ended with the desired results, but getting there had been so farkled it was a wonder someone hadn’t died. 

Saphren was transported to the Med Bay, Kylo sent me a list of names on my datapad, and I sent a crew to repair the recreational room. I personally extended the offer to each proposed member of Kylo’s team, giving them all an out if they desired it. No one took me up on the offer. I found it surprising, and mildly concerning. Maybe that’s why he’d chosen them, they had as much sense as he did. And then I made my final stop of the evening, stepping into the Med Bay as someone removed glass from Saphren’s back. The tech standing in front of her came to meet me, and I vaguely remembered his name as Harvel. I leaned close and spoke in hushed tones.

“How is she?”

“General, all of her wounds are superficial. She is still healing from a broken nose, and she’ll have some bruising on her neck and back to contend with. None of the cuts appear to need sutchering.” I nodded. 

“Very well, dismissed.” I moved forward, turning to stand in front of her. The tech behind her stopped briefly, but I shook my head and she continued her work. Saphren looked up at me, chest barely covered by a small towel. 

“General Hux! Sir!” She went for the salute, the towel dropping dangerously low, and I took steadying breaths through my nose. Her face reddened with embarrassment. 

“At ease, Specialist.” I retrieved a chair, sitting in front of her. 

“Thank you, General.” 

“I have come to discuss your assignment with you.” I said the words softly, despair underlying. She would reject the offer. She  _ should  _ reject the offer. And then where would I be? Stuck with no way to alleviate my feelings for her, stuck as her commanding officer. And it was my stupid idea that had put her here, and it would have been all for naught. But she seemed excited at the mention of it. I continued. “In light of today’s events, I wanted to give you the opportunity to decline.” And then she did something very surprising, she laughed. 

“You’ve got to be joking…” She struggled to get the words out. “General. Sir,” she sobered, realizing her mistake, but still trying to stop laughing. “Permission to speak freely?” I nodded, wondering what laserbrained thing she would say next. 

“Very well, Specialist. You may speak freely.”

“How many of us were chosen?” She asked, catching me off guard. 

“Ten, Specialist.” I was trying to gather her train of thought, to come up with possible replies before I needed to speak. 

“And how many did you provide this offer to?” 

“Now that I’ve spoken to you, the offer has been extended to all ten.” And they had all declined my offer. That was where she was headed with this. 

“And how many took you up on it?” 

“None,” I replied. She would not decline the position. I didn’t know whether to be relieved or concerned. 

“Commander Ren chose us for a reason. We aren’t likely to back down from a challenge, no matter how deadly, or unpredictable. For the first time since I have arrived at Starkiller, I feel like I have the chance to show my worth, and I would like to take that chance.” Her words hit me like a fist to the gut. And I realized how much my words had affected her. She had not felt worthy, and who would after the way I spoke to her? I held in a frown. If my plan went accordingly, I would still have to hope she would forgive my behaviour. And she might not see the need for it, she might not see my perspective. But I’d come too far to focus on negative possibilities. 

“To be clear, you would be under his direct command. I would no longer be your acting commanding officer. Commander Ren’s team will work in tandem with mine until advanced training is completed. You will report for our regular sessions, continue your tutoring with Petty Officer Thanisson, and you will have private training with Commander Ren. It will be a very busy schedule.” I raised an eyebrow. It would be a lot of work, a lot of time would be dedicated to nothing but her training. Was that what she wanted?

“Understood, General.” She smiled and I tried to return it, although it was more of a grimace. I returned the chair to it’s spot by the wall. 

“Congratulations, Specialist Varien. You will receive orders on your datapad shortly.” I started to walk away when she spoke again. 

“General Hux?” I glanced at her over my shoulder. She looked nervous, innocent. “The teams will work in tandem until advanced training is complete?” I nodded. “What happens after our training is complete?” She asked, suddenly having the smarts to be concerned. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Unfortunately for you, Specialist Varien... I have no idea.” I took my leave of her. It wasn’t entirely true, of course. I knew about the vague plans that the Supreme Leader had. But it wouldn’t do to give her an idea of something that I had no control over, of something that could change at any moment. I reveled in it for a few moments, the idea of not being her direct command. But it carried nearly as many negatives as it did positives, and my joy was short-lived. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	30. A Fool Indeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catching up on Hux' POV.

**32 ABY**

**Quarters - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Hux - Day 12_ **

I slept late in the morning, rising just before 0600. When I shuffled from my room, I found breakfast waiting for me as it had yesterday. Kasra was nowhere in sight. I was not looking forward to discovering whatever it was that was causing her guilt. It would certainly make for an awkward day. I went through reports, replied to simple missives, and then delved into Saphren’s recent access to the system. It was an invasion of privacy, one that made me enormously uncomfortable, but if she was an incredibly skilled spy she may try to send a message over the holonet, and I intended to discover it before it became too much of an issue. 

What I found, was nearly worse than the possibility of her duplicity. She had searched the First Order personnel records for Tev. I had thought that she certainly remembered nothing of that evening, but this was evidence to the contrary. I calmed myself with the logic that if she were a spy, she would have been sent here knowing of Tev’s true identity of myself. But why was she searching for him? Why now? 

Her next order of business was to search for Kasra, of which there was only one. That gave me pause. How did she know of Kasra? My gut dropped. I didn’t know what it meant, but it wasn’t good. It was most certainly suspicious. She had also searched for a Suria, but I had no idea who that might have been. I had been feeling more at peace with my decision not to have her immediately interrogated, but I felt ever more on edge about the situation. I ate distractedly, rushing through my morning routine. 

I pet Millie as I left, backing out of the door to make sure she stayed put. Aminah was waiting for me in my office, perturbed, although she tried not to look it. We hadn’t had a meeting scheduled, so I disregarded her ire. 

“Good morning, Sir. I’ve brought you the latest set of test scores,” she said, holding the datapad out to me. I snatched it, tossing it on the corner of my desk to review later.

“Thank you, Aminah. Please make sure the terminals are prepared in the mock pit. Dismissed,” I was short with her, not having the patience to deal with her special need of attention today. She nodded, hurrying away to do as I asked, unable to hide the hurt. I sighed, rubbing my temples. The woman was exceedingly skilled in her position as my administrative assistant, but she drove me batty.  

I arrived at the class early, watching as officers began to filter in. Officer Bani arrived, and I waited for Saphren to arrive shortly after, as she always did. But she did not arrive early. She did not arrive on time. She did not arrive at all. Worry twisted in my stomach, both for her person and for the possibility that something more sinister was happening. I checked her logs, but she was not online. The class began on edge, Phasma also clearly concerned. I wanted to ask Phasma where Saphren was, but I didn’t want to draw more attention to it than I had to. 

After an hour, I was facing the inevitable. I would have to start a search for her, and she would be interrogated, lest she have an incredibly good reason for her UA. But that was unlikely, unless she were severely injured. Perhaps she was a spy afterall. And then she slid through the door, hat askew, clothing in complete disarray. Tears were in her eyes, although they had not begun to fall. 

“Miss Varien. How nice of you to join us. I do hope that your new ascension to special teams hasn’t given you an unjustified sense of entitlement.” I growled at her. I was too angry to be civil, too worried to be concerned about my tone. I held my arms behind my back for control. As I neared her, I realized that her uniform was covered in cobwebs, dust, and something else. “What is all over your uniform?”  

“I… I don’t know… Dust?” 

“You don’t know? ” I asked, incredulous. “Thankfully for you, I am no longer responsible for your punishment. You can be sure that I will inform Commander Ren of your tardiness and the state of your uniform. You will have a UA of one hour added to your record. But I must ask, where were you? What could have possibly caused you to be an hour late?” I leaned close. Her next words would dictate the action that I was required to take. I hoped it was a good reply. 

“I was locked in a tech bay on accident, Sir,” she said, sounding demure. I could tell she was lying. 

“And why, pray tell, were you in a secured tech bay?” 

“I… I thought I heard someone yelling, from inside. There was a tech working, I saw their tools at the side of the hall, and I thought they might have been injured. I went to look for them, and I got lost. By the time I found my way back to the opening, it was closed and the tech was gone.” I lost all impassivity from my face. She was lying, and poorly at that. I could think of no reason for her to have been in a tech bay unless it was to steal intel or cause harm, and I could think of no other reason for an hour of tardiness than injury, and she was clearly fine. 

“Lieutenant Eidhn, take over supervision of this course. I will send Petty Officer Thanisson and Lieutenant Mitaka to help. Captain Phasma, please take Specialist Varien into custody and transport her to my office.” I was demanding. I was angry. I was lost. I had thought that I was right about her motivations, that she hadn’t remembered that night years ago, that she had joined the First Order to get off her backwater moon after a civil war… That she might have grown to care for me. 

I was certainly feeling the fool. I commed Thanisson and Mitaka as Phasma led her to my office, and then I went to a private room down the hall. I had to calm myself before I could speak to her, before I could suss out whatever plot may have existed. And I prepared for the thought that I may have to call Kylo to rend her mind in two. That thought sobered my emotions, allowed me to gather myself. I needed to determine what had happened before Kylo would need to get involved. In order to do that I would need my composure. I thought about how I wanted to handle the conversation, running over options in my head. When I was as ready as I thought I’d be, I made my way to my office. 

I entered the room aggressively, Saphren jumping with each slap used to lock the doors. I verified that no one was hiding before sealing the doors. Only my presence would open them. I’d left them waiting, used aggression to put her ill at ease. Saphren kept facing forward, but Phasma was looking over her shoulder at me. I gestured for her to sit, watching as she removed her hand from Saphren’s shoulder as though she was loathe to do so. She removed her helmet, looking at me with pleading eyes. No matter how much Saphren had grown on her in the last few weeks, Phasma was unaware of the possibilities of what was occuring. She had been able to befriend Saphren, spend time getting to know her… She would be sorely disappointed if my suspicions were correct.

“You will observe. Silently.” She sat slowly, on the edge of the chair, as if she may need to flee the room at any moment. I walked to Saphren’s side, looking down at her, examining her face. Tears streaked her cheeks, but she looked ahead with determination. Could she be a wonderful actress? I leaned down to her level, and she continued to face the window. 

“Specailist Varien,” I said as calmly as I could manage. She turned her head, but remained silent. “Why did you join the First Order?” Her face twisted into confusion. She didn’t understand where I was going with my questioning. 

“It seemed like the thing to do, with my military background. I tried to return to university, but everything seemed... Unsatisfying.” She sounded sincere, but it wasn’t enough. There had to be more. 

“Specialist, brevity will not be your friend in this conversation.” I used the lowest voice that I could manage. I needed to know. I needed to know if she remembered. 

“My family comes from the Outer Rim... My grandparents remembered the Republic. They remembered when every day was a struggle to get medicine or equipment from the Core, when slavery was ever present and the Republic could not, or would not, interfere. My grandfather talked about those days with vehemence, and with hate. His people suffered every day because they had the misfortune of being born on the wrong planet.” She had started out warbling, but towards the end it was like she had remembered some long lost purpose. And then she continued. 

“The Republic was a poor governing system, only concerned with the rich planets in their immediate view while simultaneously purporting to command order through the entire galaxy. I grew up to stories of what the Empire had changed for the people of my ancestors. My grandparents moved my entire family to the Unknown Regions shortly after the Battle of Yavin. My grandfather would not stand to live in the universe that he had grown up in. He said that he would rather take his chances with the single governing planets of the Outer Rim…” Her words were flawless, and I wondered if the were calculated, or if she truly felt this way. I could normally suss out a great many things by just looking at someone, but when it came to her, I was at a loss. I stared at her until she continued. 

“I joined the First Order because I found that I had talent in battle plans, in leading forces, in hand-to-hand combat. I joined because I couldn’t return to my studies when I knew that the First Order existed, when I thought about how the Republic failed my grandfather.” I continued my stare, almost pleading. I needed to know if she remembered me. 

“There was a man, a few years ago. I met him in a cantina near my university. I… I don’t remember much,” she paused briefly, and my mind exploded with options. “But I do remember that he said he was an officer in the First Order. And I remember the way he spoke about it, as if it was the only thing in the universe that mattered, the best shot for all of humanity. He didn’t say any of this, of course, it was just the way he talked about it.” Her face turned slightly, and my face hardened. She remembered more than I had thought. She talked about me in such a way that my heart stuttered, but if she remembered this, why did she not tell me? If she didn’t remember the false name I had given her (although she apparently did know it,) that was one thing. But she would have been able to recognize me, if she remembered me so clearly, so passionately. 

“I was already quite a few drinks in by that point. I don’t remember what he looks like, or his name, or much of anything else. I remember the headache I had in the morning most of all. But I cannot deny that I had allowed this interaction to drive me towards enlistment.” I pulled back into a standing position. I was troubled, still not totally satisfied with her answer. She remembered the name I had given her, the records proved it. But she seemed so sincere, and I truly did not think that anyone could be that good of an actress. I nodded slightly, wandering around to my desk. 

“Why were you in the technical bay?” I still needed answers to the events of this morning, even if I believed her motivations were pure. 

“Sir, I’ve already…” She started, weakly. I leaned over the desk, not bothering to hide my ire. 

“Let me be clear, Specialist. You will tell me the truth this time.” She looked indecisive, awkwardly clearing her throat. But then I saw in her eyes when she decided she would tell me. And then the keypad flashed, and I stared at the door with fury. Farking Ren. He stepped inside, using the force to shut the door behind him. 

“General Hux, I do hope you were going to inform me that you were interrogating my officer. Oh, I’m sure it just slipped your mind. After all, you’re a very busy man. That’s alright. Everyone makes mistakes.” I grit my teeth, but kept my face blank. 

“When I am finished with Specialist Varien, an officer in my army, I will release her to your custody, and you can do with her what you wish.” I said, although the thought displeased me more than it should. Saphren visibly shuddered, letting loose a sneeze. I glanced at her, and then Ren began to laugh. Cackle, really, and he held his midsection as he bent over, vying for control of himself. I raised a disparaging eyebrow. When only huffy breaths were left to come from his vocoder, he turned to Phasma. 

“Captain, there are two troopers anxiously waiting outside for an audience. One of them is pretty mouthy, demanding that Mitaka let her in. I’m afraid that he may pass out shortly, from all the yelling.” Mitaka. Mitaka was a disgusting and foul creature, who would one day die of surprise. Phasma hurried from the room, leaving the Ren’s and I in awkward silence. 

“General Hux, I find that I am needed elsewhere. I will leave Specialist Varien’s interrogation and subsequent punishment to you.” He waved, giddily leaving the room. Had I mentioned that I hated that man? I glanced at Saphren, but she was looking around me, through the window. I watched her, at the tears that still welled in her eyes, the redness of her cheeks. I hated myself for a moment, but remembered that I always did everything for a purpose. I was starting to lose hope that she would ever see my side of things, however. Phasma returned, datapad in hand. 

“General Hux, if you would please unlock the conference room, I have something of import to share with you.” I sighed, following her into the room. 

“Phasma, I don’t understand what you could possibly have that is so important…” I wondered if something drastic had occurred, if a skirmish had arose... I didn’t know if I had the energy to deal with something so important. And then she showed me the video, and everything made sense. She’d called Millie’s name before chasing her into the tech bay, she’d met Millicent and Kasra prior to today. It was why Kasra felt guilty. It was Millie’s fur all over Saphren’s uniform. 

“GM-2487 and CH-1854 helped Specialist Varien escape from her temporary prison with the help of Kasra. She was reluctant to reveal the truth about Millicent, because as CH-1854 stated, she is an idiot. She thought harm might come to the cat.” I snorted in laughter, I couldn’t help it. I’d seriously misunderstood her Saphren’s motivations, and it was my ill-advised pet that had started this mess. Kylo must have seen the event play out in Saphren’s head, it was why he had laughed like a maniac. I stared at Phasma for a moment, hoping that she would understand. She gave me a short nod, and we returned to the room. I peeked my head out of the main door. 

“GM-2487, CH-1854. Please, come in,” I asked before returning to my desk chair, leaning back as I looked at each of them in turn. 

“Specialist Varien, thank you for your time. There will be no record of this in your file, you will not be marked UA, and there will be no forthcoming punishment. GM-2487, CH-1854, Specialist… You will not tell anyone about the incident with the feline this morning. You will keep up Specialist Varien’s rather weak version of events whenever you are asked. You will all have the rest of the day off. Dismissed.” Saphren scrambled from her chair, the troopers supporting her on the way out. Her hat fluttered to the ground as the doors shut, but I wanted to be away from her, for a time. I stared at Phasma for a series of moments. 

“Do you think that Kasra has been more distracted recently?” I asked, wondering if Millicent’s recent escapes were the symptom of something deeper. Phasma removed her helmet and sat in the chair that Saphren had vacated. 

“I suppose now that you mention it. Do you think she should start to see Avalost again?” She asked, and I felt my face twist. Kasra had already begun to see Avalost again, and it didn’t appear to be helping. She hadn’t wanted anyone to know how bad it had gotten. 

“Perhaps. I will speak with her.” I replied, disingenuously. We sat in silence for a while, and then she blurt out what she’d been waiting to say. 

“I’m going to continue my friendship with her. If she’ll allow it.” 

“Very well,” I acquiesced. Both Phasma and Saphren deserved friends. 

“Armitage?” She asked, tapping at the armor on her thigh. 

“Mmm?”

“You are an incredibly brilliant fool.” I bit back a smile. A fool indeed. 

“Do you think that I’ve ruined her career?”

“No. She’s too stubborn. You’ve certainly made it harder for her, though.” I nodded in reply. “You’ve clearly done the best with what you had.” I didn’t know if I believed that. I frowned. I had prepared for this eventuality logistically, but I had been emotionally unprepared. We sat in silence for a moment longer before Phasma stood, patting my hand before heading for the door, stepping right over the hat that she apparently didn’t notice. And I spent the next twenty minutes working up the nerve to return Saphren’s hat.

I walked slowly to her quarters. I knew where they were from schematics, having placed her strategically, but I had avoided going near the hall. Some part of me thought seeing how many steps it was to her door would make it all the easier to convince myself to make the trip in the middle of the night. I went to knock, but the doors opened and she barreled into me. 

“Oh! I’m so sorry!” She looked up at me, eyes wide, hair damp and curling. I swallowed before I could reply, and she saluted, later than was appropriate. 

“Yes, well.  No harm done, Specialist,” I said, attempting to keep my voice even. 

“Thank you, sir.” My eyes drifted down towards the hat, but I found that I was unable to remove my eyes from her chest. She wore a transparent shirt of blue, specks of white dancing around the fabric. I supposed it was supposed to mimic the galaxy. Her breasts, albeit smaller than I remembered, were still sublime. I felt a stirring in my loins, and I finally remembered to move the godforsaken hat forwards. She reached for it with a trembling hand, and I wondered if I affected her the same way she did me. And then I remembered that I had just nearly accused her of treason. 

“At ease, Specialist,” I said softly, our hands brushing as she grasped the hat.  I turned and walked away, watching the durasteel as I passed. Things were not going to plan. 

When I returned to my office, I found the technician that had seen Saphren and Millicent, coercing him into taking a few days off for a broken leg. When he’d looked at me in confusion and said: “but General Hux, I don’t have a broken leg?” I fear I’d lost some of my calm and told him that he  _ would  _ if he did not take a few days off and forget seeing the orange fluffball. He’d come around to my thinking after that. I didn’t see Kasra all evening, but a new jar of candies was waiting for me on my desk when I returned to my quarters, and Millie was snoozing softly on my couch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized I had an error with the days, so if you're a little thrown off I apologize, and please let me know if you notice anything further that is off. (When Saphren wakes up in the Med Bay after her altercation with Kylo, she had awoken on day 12 at 0100 and went back to sleep before waking up again, still on day 12, but I had marked it as day 13 and we got off from there. So sorry!)
> 
> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	31. Ten

**32 ABY**

**Quarters - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Hux - Day 13_ **

The datapad beeped and Millicent meowed in response. I pulled her close to my side and pet her in a half-asleep daze, coherency lost to the land of dreams. She calmed, purring, and I drifted back into a deeper sleep. When I snapped up to the shrill call emanating from the datapad, I vaguely remembered repeating the process with Millie through a lengthy series of beeps. I shuffled upright, snatching the datapad up from the table. Icy air hit the skin of my torso, and tried to brush my hair back before opening the video call, careful to hold the device at a proper height. 

“General Hux, my apologies for disturbing you,” Edrison’s face stared back at me, a scowl indicative of his feelings for me twisting his features. Kriffing Edrison Peavey. My time away from the Finalizer had been a glorious break from his presence. 

“Captain Peavey, it is no trouble. How may I be of assistance?” I asked as alertly as possible. 

“We’ve received multiple intelligence reports that the Resistance has discovered our base on Kedhys Rhea. Their onslaught is only a matter of time, Sir. I have already ordered the base to proceed with evacuation, and the Finalizer has set course to provide arial assistance. Do you have any further commands?” Edrison asked. I despised him as much as he did me, but I could not deny that he was proficient. 

“Not at this time, Captain. Good work.” His lip curled with the compliment and my voice hardened. “Keep me apprised of the situation, I will arrive in the Command Center of Starkiller shortly.”

“Yes, Sir.” The screen went blank, and I stared at the time in disappointment: 0100. There was nothing to be done about it. At least I’d managed an hour. I flicked through the datapad, reading the multitude of reports from various sources. If the Resistance were unaware of the fact that we knew they were coming, this would be an easy fight. I forced myself out of bed and headed for the ‘fresher, using the sonics to make me feel moderately more like a human being. I’d intended to be quick, but I lingered. It had been a trying day, and a long morning loomed ahead. 

I was headed to the closet for a clean uniform when my personal comlink chirped, Millicent’s sharp meow following after. 

“Yes?”

“Sir.” The voice was breathy, a low whisper. “He took her. Kylo, came right in, tossed Specialist Varien over his shoulder, and left.” I blinked for a few moments, the words not registering in my sleep addled brain. I snatched the first set of clothes I found.

“Where?” I asked as I slid into the trousers. 

“I’ve followed him down hall 7A, Sir.” I grabbed a shirt, pulling it on as I exited my quarters. Once in the halls of Starkiller, I sprinted, commanding every trooper I passed to follow, attempting to button my shirt as I skidded down durasteel. Had I been overly sure of myself? Had Snoke, or even Kylo, gathered that I suspected her of foul play? If so, there was nothing I could do about it in the short term, and the thought felt like a kick to the gut. 

A group of troopers had slowly amassed around the exit, Ysable in sleep clothes and bare feet standing to the side.  

“Outside, now!” I yelled as I approached. They skittered through the door, and I stormed my way through them, greeted by delicately falling snow. Kylo was almost to the shuttle, Saphren over his shoulder, bending her back to look at us. 

“Ren!” I bellowed, but Kylo just kept on his steady walk. Fury built in my gut as I pushed further forward. “Commander Ren!” The dolt finally slowed to a stop, turning to face me with exaggerated slowness as I bridged the gap between us. Saphren peeked around his side, face red, eyes wide. Her skin was speckled with goosebumps, and I diverted my eyes away from her backside to focus on Kylo.   
“General Hux, I didn’t know you would be awake at this hour!” I narrowed my eyes. He’d hoped to sneak away. “I’m just borrowing these ten for a quick exercise.” I exhaled in relief. _Ten. He’d said ten._ “Don’t worry…“I’ll have them back in a few days,” Kylo rumbled, a snort escaping his vocoder.   
“Days? They have regular advanced training in the morning, Commander Ren,” I said, displeasure clear.   
“Oh, I’m sure it won’t hurt to miss a day or two,” he said jovially before pitching Saphren over his shoulder and dropping her to the ground. I winced on her behalf. She pulled herself up, giving me a salute although she was shivering, dressed in nothing more than her underthings. “Some real training will do them good,” Kylo continued. I watched as Saphren’s face morphed into shock, and then even a small smile, at his words.  
I frowned. “Dismissed, Specialist.” She nodded, flying up the ramp as fast as her legs would allow. I stepped closer to Ren, feeling the cold against my feet for the first time. 

“ _ What are you doing?”  _ I hissed. 

“Taking  _ my  _ team for a special exercise, General. Surely you want them to excel at their new position?” He asked, feigning innocence. 

“You are supposed to  _ coordinate _ with the regular class, Commander. You can’t just take them in the middle of the night.” He shrugged.

“It’ll be good for them, Hux.” I glared at him. There was nothing that I could say, nothing that I could do. The staggered hierarchy that Snoke had put in place tied my hands. 

“You  _ will  _ keep me in the loop.” 

“Of course,” He reassured me, turning and heading into the shuttle. I’d likely not hear a word from him until he landed back on base with my officers. I watched them take off before returning inside, the troopers following sedately. 

“Go back to your duties,” I snapped. Ysable stayed behind, waiting for orders. “Thank you, Ysable. You may go back to rest.” She saluted, walking down the hall, assured although she was wearing very little. My walk back to my quarters was slower, fatigue hitting me like a fist. I needed to be more careful. I’d reacted on instinct, concerned for Saphren. Had it truly only been her that Kylo was taking, what would I have done? I couldn’t have done anything, truly, and all it would have done is show how wrapped up in her I was. I would need to make a better effort to remain neutral where Saphren was involved. 

When I returned to my quarters, I found Kasra puttering around the kitchen. She gave me a wide eyed look and continued with her baking, refusing to look at me any further. I continued down the hall to find Phasma leaning in a chair, legs tossed over the side, Millie curled in her lap. 

“Hello, Armitage,” she purred. She was far too perky for the hour. “You look like bantha fodder.” Despite her spirited demeanor, she looked worse for wear. Her wavy hair was nearly as wild as Kasra’s and her skin lacked it’s normal glow. I thought about shoving her legs when I walked by, but Millicent was fast asleep, so I stayed my hand. 

“Mmm. Surely, although you don’t look much better.” She gave me a tight smile. She was wearing fitness attire, though I surmised that she had probably slept in the three-quarter pants and tank. “Have you come to scold me for being up so late, or did you have other business to attend to?” I asked as I sat on the couch, reaching down to warm my feet. 

“Well, I had come to inform you that Kylo was kidnapping officers, but I’m guessing that you were already aware.” I shot her a disgruntled look. 

“Yes. And?” 

“I have come on behalf of my troopers, who are shaking in their boots, afraid that you will have the murdered in their sleep for perpetrating the act.” I blinked at her slowly, and she could tell that I was being slow on the uptake. “They’re afraid that you’ll reprimand them for following Kylo’s orders to lead the officers outside, Armitage.” I scoffed, and then I scowled. So Ren had personally escorted Saphren while using the troopers to do his dirty work elsewhere. I was regretting my decision to make him interested in her so that he would be willing to take on the position of her commanding officer. 

“Yes, well. It is a flaw of our training programme, that every trooper must obey any officer. Thankfully, the only rogue commanding officer we have is Ren.” I couldn’t expect them to have dared to deny Kylo. Ysable following him was an act of daring that I wouldn’t have expected from anyone but her. 

“I will tell them that no punishment is forthcoming. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they give you a wide berth for a few days.” I harrumphed in response. It was too easy to sit and talk with Phasma, and we hadn’t done it in some time. But I forced myself up. 

“I have a war to plan, if you’ll excuse me,” I tossed over my shoulder as I walked into my bedroom. Her laughter tinkled like bells after me. I shaved, salvaged the mess that was my hair, and pulled on a fresh uniform. When I exited, Phasma was snoring in my chair and Kasra was cleaning. I sighed, pulling myself up higher as I walked the halls towards the command center. It was going to be a long, dreary day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	32. Blow It

**32 ABY**

**Office - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Hux - Day 13_ **

I’d spent the rest of the early morning hours in my office, finishing up on the paperwork that always seemed to pile up during training months. No further information had come about the possibility of a Resistance attack, but I was only a few steps away from the Command Center if I was needed. I was on my eighth cup of caf when Aminah walked in for the day, and she placed both a nutritive shake and a datapad at my elbow. I raised my eyebrows. She’d been a busy girl, having researched all prior records of the base. 

“Thank you, Aminah.” She blushed before scurrying off to her office. I tabbed through base schematics, noting that there were an incredible amount of abandoned stations from the time of the Empire. We had a very small compliment on base, but the research center was full of information and equipment that would need to be evacuated. The Finalizer would provide much needed personnel and support, especially in the event of an attack. The small garrison that Kedhys boasted would be essential to fending off the Resistance until the Finalizer could mobilize. 

Peavey had sent a missive when they had arrived about an hour ago. I sighed, pulling myself up from my chair. Edrison would expect me to be in the command center, regardless of whether or not anything was occuring. I walked out into the room, the officer’s focused at their stations until Colonel Datoo called for attention. They snapped up in a salute, but I waved them down.

“Back to your duties,” I commanded, walking to look out the bay of transparisteel. The sun had risen, the sky a fiery compliment over icy peaks. Datoo walked up behind me. 

“Sir, they have finished loading the first laboratory.” I watched his reflection. He was everything an officer should be, but he fought for it every day. He did not carry himself with easy confidence, his neck tilting his head upwards as if he were searching for more height, lips pursed in a steady assessment of your capabilities. But his dedication and intelligence made him a near perfect leader. 

“Very good, Colonel Datoo. Let me know when something of significance happens.” I nodded at him before returning my gaze outside. 

“Sir, if I may... “ I flicked my eyes back to him, and when I didn’t stop him, he continued. “Would you like me to direct supervision to Commander Ren so that you may return to your regular schedule?” I turned slowly, looking at Datoo over my shoulder as my body turned. My boots creaked on durasteel, and his face fell with the withering look I gave him. 

“And why would I want you to do that, Colonel?” I hissed. 

“I… I’m sorry, Sir. I just thought you might like to rest, and considering his arrival on planet…” His voice faded as I glared. 

“ _ What do you mean his arrival on planet?” _

“He… Commander Ren landed about twenty minutes ago, Sir... I thought you were aware...” I pushed past Datoo, pulling up the command terminal screen. I tapped into the video feed, flicking through screens until I saw him, swathed in black on a sunny beach. He looked  _ ridiculous.  _ I commed him, hissing when I  _ watched  _ him click the unit to silence it. 

My officers were dressed in full tactical gear, in greens and browns to blend with the forest environment. They walked behind Kylo in a line as he pointed to something off screen. As I watched them, a blur went by, the force of its passing whipping Kylo’s cape around him. The garrison exploded moments later, the X-wing flipping back around and flying over the water. 

“ _ How did they get through undetected? _ ” I seethed, turning on Datoo as if he’d had some control of the situation. He gaped at me, unable to answer. “Don’t just stand there, issue the alarm!” I snapped, turning back to the screen as Datoo went forth to issue commands. Within moments I was staring at Edrison Peavy’s sneer. 

“General Hux,” he began, and I glared as he continued. “I don’t know how they got through, Sir…”

“Captain Peavey, we will discuss your blunder at a later time. Deploy the fighters.” I growled. 

“It has already been done, Sir.” 

“You will need to mobilize infantry, Captain. With the loss of Kedhys Rhea’s garrison, our men on the ground are going to be picked off like flies.” I leaned close to the screen, examining Peavey’s face. He felt poorly that the Finalizer didn’t catch the Resistance’s arrival, but I determined that he wouldn’t allow it to affect his performance. 

“Yes, Sir.” I clicked off the communication, returning to the cameras on Kedhys. It was mid day there, waves of heat coming off the sand as officers and troopers sprinted across the beach for cover. One of the shuttles being loaded went up in flames as another X-wing came tearing through, flying low to the ground and kicking up sand. 

“Get a buffer between those shuttles and X-wings before we lose all of them!” Immediately after the words left my mouth, an Upsilon came tearing out of the small  hangar attached to the main base, laser cannons firing without delay. It wasn’t meant for offensive maneuvers, but the pilot handled it like it was a TIE, twisting around to engage the X-wing. Phasma appeared at my elbow, handing me a datapad in silence. It was a tactical screen of the base, eleven dots moving across the screen at varying speeds. At least Kylo had apparently had the sense to put trackers on them. 

I grabbed at it greedily, determining that the pilot was Brendyl Terson. She had been proficient, not exceptional, with everything thrown at her, but she had gone at Kylo with a passion that bordered on insanity during our session in the recreational facilities. Apparently I’d just needed to toss her in a cockpit to see what she was really capable of. 

I spared a moment to find Saphren’s dot, she was skirting the treeline, moving  slowly, methodically. I went back to looking at the main screen, watching as Resistance shuttles dropped land crews, as my forces fired on them from the trees. Kylo stormed the beach, going after the first drop of Resistance infantry, deflecting blaster bolts as he cut them down. I may have hated the mystical, unpredictable force that gave Kylo all of his power, but it never ceased to amaze when he was truly in his element. 

Releasing the breath I was holding seemed inordinately difficult, but it seeped from my clenched jaws as the TIE’s came swooping down to join the fray. What followed was a pitched battle that seemed to last for days, one that I was not entirely certain we would win. After a few hours, the Resistance retreated, having taken too many losses to continue. But I wondered if they had continued if we would have lost the base, the thought tightening my shoulders. 

“Continue evacuation protocols, send medical teams to retrieve our wounded. They may return with reinforcements, we will need to be at the ready,” I commanded before retiring to my office, exhaustion overtaking me. I would have to begrudgingly admit that if Kylo and his team had not been there, we likely would have lost the base. I looked at Phasma’s datapad again, searching the screen for Saphren. I combed through the base twice, dread creeping up my spine while my mind refused to take the next logical step. 

Pulling up the tapes on my personal terminal, I reversed to the beginning, using the tapes and tracking system to catalogue her movements from the start of the battle. She spent nearly all of it in the jungle, away from cameras. But towards the end, she found herself in an abandoned hangar, skidding through the small opening on a speeder before taking out an entire contingent of Resistance with a detonator. I watched her progress via the tracking system and pulled up cameras around the communications center. She pulled attention away from her outnumbered compatriots, taking out her fair share of Resistance infantry before X-wings rushed the clearing. The speeder took a blaster bolt and she careened into the woods, a sizable explosion following, her dot fading away. 

I sat in silence, staring at the blank screen as I fought for control of my emotions. I allowed myself a few moments to disparage my actions. She wouldn’t have been there, with that dolt of a man, had I not pushed her out of my command. And for what? The off chance that someone might find out about our insignificant past? The chance that I may have been able to seek out companionship? The moment passed, and I pushed it further away, standing and gathering my composure. Phasma was entering my office as I left, and I handed her the datapad. 

“Make sure they search the forest for wounded,” I whispered, pushing past her. 

I found myself sitting on my mountain top, staring into the distance but not really looking at anything in particular. I checked my datapad whenever it beeped, reviewing the progress of evacuation, checking the medical logs whenever someone wounded was retrieved. When night fell on Starkiller, I returned to the command center. It was well past 0100 on planet, and the last of the shuttles were pulling away from Kedhys Rhea. 

Saprhen had never been found. 

I grit my teeth as the shuttles docked on the Finalizer, tensing as they entered hyperspeed. Once they were clear, I gave the order. 

“Blow it.” The officer flipped a few switches, ECD’s detonating all over base, wiping out any technology that may have been used against us. I pulled my hands into fists, leather creaking, but the following explosion never came, and some of my tension released. The officer looked up at me in fear. 

“There must be something wrong with the signal to set off the charges, Sir.” 

“Fix it, Lieutenant.” 

“Yes, Sir.” He started pouring through code, but I secretly hoped that it would be impossible to fix. If we were unable to detonate remotely, we would have to return and destroy the base manually, lest the Resistance find something to bring to the New Republic as evidence. Until that final moment when the base was destroyed, there was hope that Saphren lived. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	33. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phasma day 13-16

**32 ABY**

**Office - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Phasma - Day 13_ **

As far as anyone should have been concerned, I was dead to the world, snoring in my chair. But they didn’t respect my commitment to feigning death with a deep slumber, and I was roused by a series of shrill calls emanating from the datapad in my lap. I answered blearily, refusing the video chat and selecting audio only. 

“What?”

“Captain, Ma’am. I’m sorry to disturb you, but…” He paused, and I butted in, too impatient for anxious hesitation. 

“But what, Lieutenant Ampber?” I recognized his deep, nervous voice.

“Ma’am, I have a group of troopers here that are adamant that they need to speak with you immediately.” I sat up a little straighter, knocking the recline down as I stretched my back. 

“How many? About what?” 

“Erm… Thirty?”

“ _ Thirty? _ ” I stood, shuffling through my room, lifting up piles of clothes until I found my helmet stashed under yesterday's gym clothes. 

“Yes, Ma’am. Thirty. But they won’t tell me what’s happening. Shall I tell them that you’re coming?” He asked, voice warbling. 

“No, give me just a minute Lieutenant.” Bloody hell was I going to get dressed and slap on armor to walk down to the command center at this hour. 

“Yes, Ma’am,” he replied sheepishly. I found the corner of the room that looked cleanest, pulled on my helmet and held up the datapad, switching to video. Ampber’s face was pale, freckles dotting cheeks and nose, a shock of blonde hair twisting below his hat. 

“Alright, pass the datapad on over Lieutenant.” He looked unsure, but I watched as the video jiggled, showing me glimpses of shining black durasteel before settling on a trooper. “FH-8684, how can I be of assistance?” I asked, watching as light glinted off his pauldron. 

“Captain, if it’s alright, we’d prefer to speak privately with you…” He sounded much more confident than Ampber. 

“Fine. Lieutenant, if you would be so kind to lead them to the conference room and lend them your datapad.” He coughed, somewhere off screen. 

“Yes, Ma’am.” I hoped this was worth all the shuffling around, I really did. Once they were settled, the camera was turned back to FH-8684.

“Captain, the troopers are requesting that you intercede on their behalf and talk to General Hux.” I stared at the screen, blinking for a few moments as I tried to gather what he may have been talking about. 

“In regards to?” He cleared his throat.

“Have you had the chance to read any messages on your datapad Ma’am?” 

“No, I have not. What are you on about?”

“Mmm... Well, Ma’am... Commander Ren utilized the troopers on guard posting to help him escort a group of Officer’s from the building. They were told not to talk to you or General Hux until their duties were complete. They are concerned that General Hux will have them sent to reconditioning for aiding Commander Ren in his kidnapping.” I held in the laugh with every ounce of self control I had. It sounded ridiculous, it sounded like a farce. But Kylo had probably done what they were saying, and Hux was sure to be absolutely  _ livid  _ when he found out. He likely would have dragged them into a meeting and lacerated them with aggressive words, but in the end, he would understand that they couldn’t have done anything differently. I supposed that I could try to save them the verbal abuse. 

“I… See. I will have a talk with the General. Send everyone back to their posts.”

“Thank you, Ma’am,” he said just before the screen went dark. It made sense that they didn’t want to tell Ampber. He would have been duty bound to call Hux immediately. The poor sods. 

I yanked off my helmet, tossing it on the bed, shuffling out the door and down the hall to Armitage’s room, socks sliding on durasteel. I found the door open and let myself in, Kasra puttering in the kitchen. She gave me a tight lipped smile but otherwise ignored me. She must still be feeling guilty about the feline incident. I wandered further in, peeking my head into Hux’ bedroom and finding it empty, save for Millicent, ears peeking out from the comforter as she meowed at me. 

“Well, come on then,” I said as I walked back into the living room, listening to the little foot patterings that indicated she was following. I collapsed over the edge of the chair, legs tossed over the side, back stretching against the other armrest. Millie jumped up right after, curling into my lap as I wound my fingers through her fur. She was asleep instantly, and I spared a moment to give her a glare of jealousy before humming happily in time with her pur. It was too early to be alive. 

I’d started to doze but snapped awake when I heard the door slide open, and I waited with anticipation for Hux to walk through the hall. I heard his shuffle pause for a moment, and I wondered if Kasra gave him the same tight lipped smile that she gave me.   
“Hello, Armitage,” I cooed. He curled his lip at me. He was wearing trousers and no shoes, his feet bright red, shirt flapping open, his hair twisted around his head. “You look like bantha fodder.”   
“Mmm. Surely, although you don’t look much better.” He snarked. “Have you come to scold me for being up so late, or did you have other business to attend to?” He asked, sitting down and lifting his leg to rub at his foot.   
“Well, I had come to inform you that Kylo was kidnapping officers, but I’m guessing that you were already aware.” I said with a soft smile. He shot me a glare.   
“Yes. And?” He asked with a sigh, having already lost that battle, if his scowl was anything to go by.   
“I have come on behalf of my troopers, who are shaking in their boots, afraid that you will have the murdered in their sleep for perpetrating the act.” He blinked at me, not understanding my humor. “They’re afraid that you’ll reprimand them for following Kylo’s orders to lead the officers outside, Armitage.” He chuffed and scowled. I smiled at him. 

“Yes, well. It is a flaw of our training programme, that every trooper must obey any officer. Thankfully, the only rogue commanding officer we have is Ren.” I chuckled silently. 

“I will tell them that no punishment is forthcoming. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they give you a wide berth for a few days.” He huffed, leaning back in his chair for a few seconds. I could tell he didn’t want to get up, but he was nothing if not dedicated, so he stood and strode away. 

“I have a war to plan, if you’ll excuse me,” he said over his shoulder. I laughed. I had missed Armitage over the last two weeks. It was nice to finally be on even footing again. I leaned my head to the side, the plush back of the chair soft on my skin, Millie a warm and comforting presence on my lap. Before long I was rejoining the land of the dead.

I snapped awake when someone shoved my shoulder at 0700. I glared up at Aminah. 

“Do you want to cancel classes, Captain?” She asked, lip curled. She was angry at me about something. I blinked up at her blearily.

“No, classes should continue as normal,” I replied as I pulled upright, back aching. Hux’ chair was not nearly as comfortable as mine. She nodded and stormed from the room, heels clicking. I didn’t know what I had done, and I stared at where she had been in confusion before shrugging. I headed back to my room, rushing through a shower before piling on the armor. I waited in the mock pit room for everyone to arrive, foot tapping as I read through all the reports I’d missed from this morning. 

Byrany had taken the liberty of sending me further information on the situation at Kedhys Rhea, and I read through the intelligence reports while Aminah watched the class. When the alarm sounded in my helmet, I glanced about to verify that Starkiller wasn’t under attack before determining that the alarm sounded only for me. I dismissed the class and headed for the Command Center. 

t was when I was on my walk that Byrany sent me a message stating that Kylo and his team were apparently on Kedhys Rhea, and Hux was  _ absolutely livid.  _ I quickened my pace, relief filling me when Byrany sent me a program showing the location of each team member. Thank the gods that Kylo had given them gear with trackers. I slid up behind Hux, handing him the datapad while I listened to the frantic commands coming from every station in the room. Things were not going well. 

I watched everything from the back of the room, fingers tapping on chromium. When it was over, Hux headed for his office. I went to thank Byrany, his mop of black hair peeking over his terminal. He was still in the middle of it, so I waited for him to be done, watching him tab through his ancient wookie. 

“Hey ‘Ma,” he whispered. 

“How is it looking?” 

“We’ve taken a few losses, but the wounded are piling up.” We both winced. 

“Keep me in the loop?” I asked softly. 

“Yeah, sure,” he replied, preoccupied. I patted him on the shoulder before I went in search of Hux. I was walking into his office as he was walking out, and I stared at his face. He was paler than normal, his eyes blank. He handed me the datapad, whispering as he pushed past me. 

“Make sure they search the forest for wounded.” I gaped after him, unsure how to proceed. I had never seen him so… Devoid? I didn’t even truly know how to explain the look on his face. I lifted up the datapad, watching as the dots moved around the screen. I counted, and then counted again. Nine.  _ Nine, not ten.  _ And then it clicked, and I didn’t need to verify which name was missing, although I did anyway. I turned off the datapad, emptiness filling my gut. Losing troops was hard. Losing someone you talked to everyday was worse. But the expression on Armitage’s face had given me the worst feeling I’d ever had. 

*****

Rumors were flying around base. It was well known that there had been a skirmish with the Resistance the day before, and eventually someone had put two and two together and decided that the kidnapped officers had gone to aid Atargus. I’d had breakfast in the regular mess, unable to break from habit, even though I was alone. Even though I would likely be alone every morning. I listened to the murmurings of excitement, and I wanted to tell them that nearly every person coming back from that fight wouldn’t share their enthusiasm. 

I’d slept like bantha fodder, and when I’d woken up at 0500, I’d expected to find Hux busy at work. When I hadn’t seen or heard from him for hours, I’d had Kasra check on him, and she informed me that he was sleeping the sleep of the dead. I warned everyone on base that they were not to disturb him unless it was a matter of life and death, and that if they didn’t listen, it would become a matter of death. And then to be clear, I leaned forward and hissed at them through the vocodor: ‘as in, your death.’ It had been a riveting morning, and no one had sent a missive to Hux all day. I cancelled class for the second day, knowing that it would displease Hux but not caring. 

It was only when I received word that the Finalizer was orbiting that I had Kasra retrieve him. He looked normal, as we stood outside in the freezing cold as night was falling, as shuttles landed. The entire Atargus facility would now call Starkiller their home, and the wounded from the Finalizer would recover here. Hux personally thanked every conscious wounded officer as they went by, and he stared at those on repulsorlifts with flint in his eyes. The deceased would be moved in later, out of view. Morale was important, and Hux performed admirably. 

When Kylo landed, Armitage welcomed him home just as he had everyone else. But I could see the anger that radiated from him, the tensing of his shoulders, the clenching of his jaw. He would never forgive Kylo. And then I heard two familiar voices behind me, and I tensed. I shuffled forward, to stand closer to Armitage, as the rest of Kylo’s team filtered from the shuttle. Cathries Natalis was limping, Keve Calien helping her. Out of the corner of my visor I saw GM-2487 and CH-1854 move forward. They were talking about going to the bar for drinks, and how ‘Saphy’ would have to concede to a drink. I winced. 

I turned my head slightly to watch them, and as they counted the officers coming out of the shuttle, their faces fell. Keziah Bani was the last to depart, her arm in a sling. And she gave them a look that confirmed their fears. Tears started to fall from Chiresa, and she turned and stormed away. I could tell Hux was watching, but his face stony, as if he were unaffected. When everyone was loaded inside, he retired to his chambers, locking everyone, even Kasra out. I could tell he was catching up on reports, watching my datapad as they updated slowly. I hoped that he would sleep. 

The next day was a struggle to get through, everyone was subdued and on edge. Hux was extremely lenient with every infraction, and it concerned people more than it comforted them, but he tried. He surprised everyone when he cut class short. I realized why when I followed him to the command center, where Byrany stood, looking sick. 

Byrany Rorge was an observant man, he knew that something was wrong. Hux hadn’t hounded the techs to fix the problem with the remote system like he normally would have. It didn’t feel like a victory to have discovered the bug, and I knew that Byrany had dreaded calling Hux. Tension in the room skyrocketed when Kylo walked in, and the leather of Armitage’s gloves creaked. We all gathered around the General’s terminal, watching through the eyes of the Absolution who had arrived in orbit moments before. In the moment of terrified silence that filled the room, Hux hissed.

“Do it.” 

Byrany typed in the code, and we watched as a series of synchronized explosions rocked the surface of the planet. And then Hux stormed from the room. When I tried to corner him in his office he came close to whisper in my ear. 

“Not yet.” 

I gave him his space. 

The next day, everything seemed to be back to normal, and it was only at certain moments that it hit like a punch to the gut... When she didn’t arrive to have breakfast with me, when I walked past her empty chair, when Chiresa, Gemma and Keziah ate dinner alone... When Relion Neray arrived from the Conservatory to be met by a tearful Chiresa… When I found Armitage having a glass of whisky in his office. I sat across from him in silence, helmet in my lap. I knew he felt foolish. I knew he felt responsible. I knew that he was assured that he had made the right decision, though I’m sure it didn’t make it easier. He was mourning the woman he knew, but also the possibility of not being alone. His voice filled the silence suddenly, softly. 

“Kasra still isn’t doing better. I think there’s something more than Millie getting out.” I nodded in agreement, but said nothing. I didn’t know what would help. He poured himself another glass and then slid one my way. I sipped at it.

“I think Kylo feels guilty.” He continued, his face devoid of anger. I agreed with that, too. I set down the glass when my datapad shrieked, and I stuffed the helmet on before answering. 

“Captain Phasma.” I didn’t have the energy for complicated answers. 

“Captain, I am sorry to bother you, ma’am,” Major Avins said. Although he was a confident man, I could tell he was nervous about something. 

“It’s alright, Major Avins. What can I do for you today?” 

“Are you missing an officer, Ma’am?” He asked, mouth twisted in a grin. I smiled back at him, but with Hux sitting across from me, I replied appropriately. 

“Pardon?” I asked, his face twitching as he lost his smile. I watched Hux as Avins spooke. He was looking at me from across the desk, eyebrows raised. 

“Sorry, Ma’am. Do you know a Specialist Varien?” Hux lunged over the desk, reaching for the datapad, looking crazed. His hand gripped the top of it, fingers sliding over the camera. The whiskey glasses tipped, the liquid seeping through the armor plates on my leg. I tried to yank the datapad back out of instinct, but he wrenched it from me, combing back his hair as he flipped the device. 

“General Hux, Sir!” Avins nearly shrieked in surprise. 

“Did you say Varien? Saphren Varien?” He growled, his eyes burning with something I would label as hope. 

“Yes, Sir.”

“Alive?” Hux nearly yelled.

“Yes, Sir?” The question was easy to hear. 

“Turn the datapad, Major.” Hux narrowed his eyes, hissing into the datapad. For a moment, all of his emotions were visible, and then his face cleared. 

“Forgive me, General, I can’t salute.”Her voice filtered from the pad. She sounded weak, and I bet she looked worse, if Armitage’s reaction was anything to go by. I leaned forward as I tried to decide if he was blinking back tears. Aminah walked in from her office, but he was so focused on the datapad he didn’t notice. She looked at me with confusion. 

“Specialist Varien, are you injured?” He asked, and Aminah’s face twisted with hatred. 

“Yes, Sir. Mostly minor, I think.” He nodded, relief clearly written on his face. 

“Major Avins, how did you find Specialist Varien?” Hux asked in his General’s voice. He had his time for relief. Now it was time for suspicion. It left a sour taste in my mouth, but Hux was a cautious man. The question needed to be asked. 

“Floating in an old beater of a shuttle, Sir. Just over Ilum.” Hux’ eyebrow raised. 

“Take her to Med Bay. Do not touch anything. Guard the shuttle until someone arrives to examine it. We will send someone for her.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Dismissed.” He tossed the datapad over his wet desk and I caught it. “Prepare a shuttle, I will disembark in a few hours,” he rasped, walking around the desk, careful to step around the wet spot on his floor. “And have someone clean my office,” he snapped at Eidhn. 

“Sir, did you stop to think that it may be a trap? That she may really be a spy after all?” Aminah asked. I sighed. She really disliked Saphren so much that she wasn’t paying attention. 

“Yes, Lieutenant. If you would like to join me while I investigate her shuttle and story, you may,” he seethed. 

“No… Thank you, Sir.” I coughed to hide my chuckle. Sometimes she was smart. 

“Phasma, tell Datoo that he will be in command, then pack a bag. You will meet me in the hangar in an hour.”

“Yes, Sir.” When I got to my room I showered and then rushed down the halls, banging on the door when I found the appropriate room. The door slid open to reveal four incredibly dismal people. They looked offended by my smile. 

“They found her,” I spit out in a rush. They stared at me, stepping forward as their faces morphed into confusion, and then hope, and then sorrowful. “Alive,” I added. The breath was knocked from me when Chiresa launched herself at me, her arms wrapping around me in a fierce embrace. 

“How do you know?” She whispered. 

“Uh… I can’t say. But Hux and Phasma are going to pick her up.” They beamed at me as I left. I shouldn’t have done it. Eventually someone would realize that Suria couldn’t have known that information. But it was worth it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	34. Absolution

**32 ABY**

**The Absolution - Somewhere Over Ilum**

**_Hux - Day 17_ **

Phasma and I departed the shuttle to meet a sea of troopers and officers. Moden Canady was waiting at the base of the ramp, head held high. Unlike Peavey, he didn’t show his dislike for me, although I knew it was there. I knew they despised me. I knew that they thought I had achieved my position through nepotism, that my father had bred me to place me in his position regardless of merit. If only they knew that Brendol Hux had detested me with every fiber of his being. I was a bastard, undisciplined, not worthy of his mantle. It was Rax and Rae that had seen my potential, who had made sure that my father would train me. 

When I reached the base of the ramp, I looked out on everyone gathered. I half expected to see Cardinal, his red armor glinting, but of course he was nowhere to be found. I wondered if it put Phasma on edge too. I hated this ship. 

“General Hux, it has been some time since you blessed the Absolution with your presence. I have had your quarters prepared.” Somehow, Canady managed not to sound sarcastic. He was in-between postings until Kuat finished construction on the Dreadnoughts, and I think it put him on edge, working in a ship commanded by people younger than him, under me, without a permanent posting. 

“Thank you, Captain Canady. It will be a short stay,” I said while adjusting my cuffs. He nodded, gesturing for me to follow him. Once we passed through the troopers and officers, they dispersed back to their duties. He led me to an old Lambda, and I stared at it for a few moments. Even if it weren’t a relic of the Empire, it would be considered to be in piss poor shape. I stepped up the ramp, examining every corner of the interior. Phasma clinked up behind me and stared at the rigged radio. Saphren was handy, it seemed. Phasma’s pet tech came up the ramp with equipment, settling into the cockpit to verify if the system data backed up Saphren’s story. He plugged in, and Phasma and I left him to it. 

I went through a perfunctory tour of the ship, although I’d been here many times before. I met new faces, congratulated old ones on advancements in their careers, looked at the gleaming durasteel with feigned excitement. Everything was in order, and that was the message that they had intended me to leave with. It left a sour taste in my mouth, but that was bureaucracy for you. 

When I was young, I had spent a great deal of time in the Absolution’s Med Bay. Entering the familiar hall, I felt a sense of accomplishment. When I was a child, I was seen for more injuries than I could count, the Arkanis facilities a second home. Then, it was the result of my father’s temper. But here, on the Absolution, it had been wounds received from my training. I would run myself ragged doing laps on every floor of the mighty vessel, or spar with any officer willing to have a go at it. But most importantly, I would order the Commandant’s Cadets to fight with me, only holding back a killing blow. I had beat my body into shape, trained for the day that assasins may be sent for me, trained for the position of Grand Marshal. My current level of authority very much neared the responsibilities of such a title, and once Starkiller was complete, I intended to have it bestowed upon me. 

I meandered through the large lobby, looking at the rows of empty chairs and neat trays, remembering the wounds I had received here, cataloguing the scars beneath my uniform. Just as I began to feel impatient, Aneth Jamorr shuffled in from the back. I blinked at her in surprise, and she gave me a knowing stare. Aneth was older now, wrinkles creasing tan skin, grey streaking dark hair. But her eyes were still bright, the green shining with alertness. Although I had never received a report of her retirement, I had expected that it would have come to pass years ago. She gave me the kind smile that she always had, when she had treated the injuries of an overambitious teen.

“Lieutenant Jamorr. It is a pleasure to see you again,” I said pleasantly. It had been shortly after my father’s death the last time I had seen her. 

“General Hux, it has been some time. How may I be of assistance?” Her eyes trailed down my body, looking for signs of injury. I gave her a tight smile. 

“I am here to see a patient of yours, Specialist Saphren Varien.” Her face remained impassive, but her eyes were curious. I could tell she was weighing her curiosity up to propriety. 

“And what did Specialist Varien do to warrant a visit from the General of the First Order himself?” I bit back my smile. Curiosity always won. 

“She single handedly took out an entire contingent of Resistance, and when she was left for dead she was resourceful enough to find her way home.” Although it was true, it was not the truth, and I could tell that she knew that. But she didn’t pry any further, leading me back through to the private rooms instead. She gestured at a door at the end of the hall. 

“She received mostly small punctures from shrapnel, and there is a fair bit of resultant bruising. A few of the larger bits caused some tearing, but nothing to be too concerned about,” she paused, examining my face. She seemed pleased by whatever she saw. “It’s the laceration on her shoulder that will take time to heal. She somehow managed to avoid a concussion, so that’s a bit of good news. She was mildly dehydrated and severely hypothermic.” I clenched my jaw. “If you have to move her now, you’ll need to take her in a tank. I’d recommend at least twelve hours before we pull her,” Aneth finished. She reached out cautiously and gripped my arm in a comforting gesture. 

“I have someone else in room four, if you would excuse me, General.” I nodded at her, squaring my shoulders before entering the room. She was asleep, suspended in bacta. I circled the tank with a critical eye. Her entire left side was torn and puckered, bruising spreading across pale skin from multiple impacts, but the skin was mending. The line that ran across her right shoulder blade and curved down her back was another matter. It had been sutured, but the skin was red and rumpled. I was immensely glad that I hadn’t been here when she arrived, that I hadn’t seen the wounds before half a day submersed in bacta. 

I was angry. With myself, with Kylo, with the Resistance. At the situation, at the wounds that marked her. I stared up at her face, and she blinked at me blearily. Her brow twisted in confusion, and slowly I could see her smile around the breathing apparatus. And then she waved, comically slow as the slime impeded her movement. I wondered how much Nyex Aneth had pumped into her. I gave her a true smile, pleased when her cheeks reddened. Her arm began to float again and her eyes slowly drifted shut. I continued to stare at her until Phasma found me. 

She yanked off her helmet like it offended her, smoothing her hair back. 

“Have I mentioned that I hate this ship?” She asked and I gave her a curling of the lips. So it wasn’t just me. She mimicked my initial examination of Saphren and then returned to my side. In the end, she nodded, as if it was about what she expected. 

“Report,” I said simply, too tired for in-depth conversation. 

“The data confirms everything Saphren told Avins, Rorge looked for any alterations. As much as Aminah would like it to be true, it is unlikely that Saphren is lying.” I scoffed. Eidhn had even taken the trouble to send a detailed report of her theories while we were on our way to the Absolution. She posited that Saphren was a very clever spy and had weaseled her way out of our suspicions with the technical bay. She went so far as to provide a possible series of events that had Saphren aiding the Resistance during the battle and leaving with them, giving them as much intel as possible, before using an old Lambda as a farce to return to the First Order. It was well thought out, but incredibly unlikely. She also hadn’t seen the tapes, or the grevious wound that Saphren had received. Her dislike of Saphren blinded her, and I had to wonder where the hate had come from. I knew that it had started with my degradation of Saphren, Aminah always followed my cues, but it had morphed into something more than that. I shrugged. It didn’t matter, not right now at least. 

“Good. We’ll leave in thirteen hours.” Phasma nodded before shoving her helmet back on. 

I retired to my apartments, scowling at the austentatious design that my father had chosen. It had been a waste of valuable funds, but my father had been a proud man. I grabbed the small bag that had been left for me, changing quickly into clothes suitable for sleep. I settled into the fine bed, and although exhaustion had overtaken me, I found myself staring out the transparisteel, at blinking stars and far away planets. 

I needed to tell her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	35. Opulence

**32 ABY**

**The Absolution - Somewhere Over Ilum**

**_Saphren - Day 17_ **

_ He laughed, deep and rumbling, and the sound drifted over the leather of the booth to give me shivers. I’d spent my night talking to someone who I could tell didn’t open up much, his responses terse, his laughs more sarcastic than anything else. But after a few hours, and a few drinks, his responses had lengthened, and his laughter seemed genuine. He was an intelligent man, having kept up with my rant about my most recent project for Professor Pezal with fervor. I was dizzy with drink, but I was holding it together.  _

_ We’d talked about everything, it seemed. Sweets, the military, the rising tensions in the sociopolitical sphere, the mining sector, and cats. I felt warm and comfortable, even when our conversation drifted into companionable silence.  _

_ When I’d finally gotten up the nerve to get out of the booth and walk over to his table, it was General Hux that was looking back at me, not the fuzzy, half-remembered face of Tev. I blinked in confusion, and awareness slowly floated back to me.  _

I opened my eyes to see the blurry vision from my memory. Was I still dreaming? I stared until my mind made sense of it. I was looking through the thick slime that was bacta, and General Hux was standing outside, looking up at me. He was giving me a classic glare, as if I’d done something stupid. I couldn’t help it, I waved at him. He gave me a smile, an honest to goodness smile, and then I was drifting back to sleep. It was a continuous cycle, strange distorted dreams followed by very likely hallucinations of the real world. 

I awoke suddenly, the doctor that had helped me when I arrived circling the tank. She made notes on her datapad. When my eyes started to flutter shut, she gestured at a tech who stepped forward and administered another shot through the glass. Alertness slowly filtered through my brain. I looked down at the white tank and bottoms, at the belt around my waist. Before I truly understood what was happening, they were draining the tank. I hated this part. I shuddered as the sloppy goop slowly reduced, leaving a fine layer of sludge on my skin. I was incredibly glad that they put you under before putting you in, and I wished they’d do the same when they brought you out. 

My feet hit the base of the tank, and I struggled to stay upright for a moment, my limbs like jelly. The lines attached to the belt were pulled taut, and I was lifted from the tank. I tried to raise my arms to help the process, but my shoulder refused to move. They only yanked you when you were unable to swim out, and I started to wonder just how bad my shoulder really was. Two more techs helped me out of the tank and led me to the showers. 

The water was gloriously warm, but as the gelatinous substance dripped away, I felt cold, bereft of its comfort, and a stinging pain started at my back. I washed quickly with one arm, but when I tried to run fingers through my hair, I realized it was a lost cause. I frowned. It was still matted from when I had arrived, and I knew that it had not been their concern in the middle of an emergency situation, but I was disappointed. The bacta had done it some good, but there was nothing I could do with one arm. I stood under the water until the pain in my back started to throb, and I shuffled out. A towel had been left for me, and when I went through the cracked door ahead of me, I exited into a private medical room. The same doctor was waiting for me, and she gave me the kindest smile I think I had ever seen, lines creasing her tan skin. 

“Specialist Varien, how are you feeling?” She asked, a slight accent lilting her words. 

“I’ve been better,” I gave her a terse smile, and she laughed. I scooted onto the chair to the best of my ability, trying to hold the towel in place, and she helped steady me. “So… Doc… What’s up with my arm?” I asked, looking at the dead weight at my side. Her smile got bigger, and the tension in my gut released. It couldn’t be bad news if she looked like that. Using the pads of her fingers, she started lightly pressing and tapping on my face. 

“I spoke with a Doctor Emson and Doctor Harvel from Starkiller base to prepare them for your care upon you return, and they told me that you would likely disregard orders not to use your arm.” She paused with the tapping and gave me a look that said she knew how much I wouldn’t like what she was about to say. “We’ve implanted a chip, temporarily, to suspend motor function to the entire arm and shoulder.” Her next look was one that said it was my own damn fault for not listening to medical advice, which was probably fair. I pouted as she started her drumming again. She hit a sensitive spot on my chin and marked it down on her datapad before continuing. 

The sensation when she ran her fingers down my arm was one of the strangest things I had ever experienced. It was similar to the tingling sensation that occurs when a limb falls asleep, but the tingles happened in sequence with the taps. I might’ve thought my arm was a hologram, it might not have existed unless she was exerting force on it. I snapped my head up, not wanting another oomsh incident. 

“What’s your name?” I asked, and her cheeks colored slightly, as if she was used to people not asking. 

“Aneth Jamorr. You may call me Aneth, if you would like.” She continued her search down my body, using her entire hand on my torso and thighs. 

“Only if you call me Ren.” For the first time since I had joined up with the First Order, I wasn’t given a look of abject horror when I asked someone to call me Ren. It was a nice feeling. Aneth Jamorr must have managed to avoid Kylo Ren thus far. 

“Well, Ren. Many of your injuries are healed or well on their way. Your injuries prior to the skirmish on Kedhys Rhea are completely healed. The minor cuts, bruises, and abrasions you received there are also healed. Your shoulder, however, is going to take some time. It was a very deep laceration, which severed most of the muscle and tendons. You should have full functionality when the arm is healed, so long as no further injury is incurred. Do you understand?” She looked at me, incredibly serious. What did Oomsh and Emson tell her? I wasn’t that bad, really. 

“What I understand is that you are saying that if I in any way injure the arm, by, say,  using it, I will risk future mobility.” 

“You do catch on quickly. You will have some pretty involved care for at least the next week. Doctor Emson said that she has prepared a room for you upon your return to Starkiller.” I stared up at the ceiling. This next week was going to be  _ so  _ boring. Aneth walked around me and started her same process on my back, but the moment she got to the base of my neck I was squirming away. She skirted the wound in my shoulder and back, and I realized how lucky I may have been to be alive when her fingers looped around almost down to my hip. As if reading my thoughts, Aneth piped up from behind me. 

“I have to commend you on your ability to get off planet with an injury of this severity. Did you even realize how badly you were wounded?” 

“I didn’t really think about it. I was just concerned with survival, really.” She hummed. 

“The human body is a fantastic marvel.” She moved further away, soft shoes sliding on durasteel. She was rummaging through cabinets, and I heard her dropping equipment on a tray. I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to like what was coming. Aneth came back up behind me, peeking her head around so that I could see her. “Your wound did not heal as I had hoped while you were in the bacta, and General Hux is anxious to return to Starkiller. I’m afraid I have to seal it,” she said, her head disappearing from view. My face twisted in confusion as I went through her words again. How much Nyex had they given me? 

“Do you mean that General Hux is here?” I asked, slightly scoffing. There was no way he came all this way just to pick me up and cart me back to Starkiller. 

“Yes, he came to retrieve you himself.” Her face came back into view, and she looked like a giddy school child with a secret. I just stared at her. “You are to be commended, I hear. Even the Supreme Leader is pleased with your success. It is only appropriate that General Hux and Captain Phasma have come to thank you before bringing you home.” She finished, smiling before disappearing behind me again. I scowled. That seemed like some awful, rehearsed mumbo jumbo. There must be another reason that they came. As I thought back, I remembered his words to Avins. ‘Guard the shuttle until someone arrives’ or something like that. I was getting really tired of being under suspicion. That’s why he had come, though. He wanted to investigate himself. 

I felt a gloved hand on my back. I think it was supposed to have been soothing, but it had the opposite effect, and I tensed even though I knew it would make it worse. Pain radiated as she shoved the dermaseal deep into the wound guiding it down through the laceration. It expanded and sealed with my skin as she went, and I clenched my jaw as my operational hand scrabbled at the edge of the chair. I managed not to scream as she went over it with another layer. She soothed the wound with bacta, and I shuddered when she finally removed her hand, breathing heavily. 

“Kriffing nerfballs that hurt.” Her sharp, sudden laughter tinkled through the room. 

“I’m sorry, I know that it hurts. I just wasn’t expecting you to have such a mouth.” She said as she patted my uninjured shoulder. She gave me a shot of Nyex, and I twitched in anticipation for it to kick in. Once the fuzzy feeling started to spread, she helped me lay back on a warm towel. It was soaked in bacta, and I smiled as the goop and Nyex dulled the pain. Aneth sat behind me and started washing my hair, and I fell asleep to her fingers massaging my scalp. 

When I next awoke, I was tucked into the most comfortable bed that I had ever been in, and I didn’t think that it was just the Nyex talking. The sheets were silky Fleuréline weave, a canopy of dreamsilk draping down over the large four poster. 

The room was dim, but what I could see was incredibly elegant. It looked nothing like a space station. I scooted to sit upright and looked to my right, amazed to see open space through transparisteel. It was cool in the room, but a fine sweater of woven Cyrene silk kept the heat against my skin. I fingered the fabric delicately. The sweater was worth more than I made in a month. Where in the hell was I? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter was getting too long, so I decided to split it. I'll have the next half up tomorrow though!
> 
> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	36. Clarity

**32 ABY**

**The Hux Apartments - The Absolution - 7G Sector - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 18_ **

I slid across the fine sheets, the fabric slithering as I neared the edge of the bed. I leaned forward, staring out into space, at the flecks of light that seemed to drift past the transparisteel like snow. When was the last time I had just looked at the stars? I thought on it for some time before giving up, my brain fuzzy. Hopping off the tall bed, my feet met plush carpet. I wiggled my toes against the soft Tomuon cloth before shuffling forward, shivering when my bare feet met with cold marble. 

The stone arched far above my head, the room looking more like a fantastical castle than a space-faring vessel. It looked like pictures I’d seen of Theed Royal Palace on Naboo. As I neared the viewport, I realized that the wall was made of Wayland marble, strands of gold glinting in the dim light. I brushed my fingers across the smooth surface, nearly expecting them to disappear into the translucent stone. I heard the door open behind me, and I turned slowly. A petite woman was standing in the doorway, holding her finger up to her lips before she pointed to the floor at the end of the bed. Phasma was strewn out on the floor, leg kicked out from under blankets.

I narrowed my eyes. Was I dreaming? Hallucinating? The figure in the door waved at me to come her direction, and I padded softly over to her. She was fine-boned, delicate, with high cheekbones framed by curling sable hair. She placed a soft hand on my uninjured shoulder and led me through a large hall. I glanced around, counting ten doors, a prodigious set at the opposite end. 

The hall spit us out into a vast sitting room, and nearly every available surface of floor was covered in sleeping troopers and officers. I wrinkled my nose in confusion as I continued to follow the small woman, stepping over limbs and discarded armor. When we stopped, we were in a spotless kitchen. She gestured at the small table in the corner, the space just large enough for one person to eat alone. And suddenly I was ravenous... When was the last time I had actually eaten? I realized that I didn’t know what day it was, so that would make it hard to determine. Instead, I focused on the bowl she set in front of me. 

It was my favorite, Aurebesh soup. I stared up at her hoping for some form of explanation, but she had turned away and was tidying the counter. I determined that I was most certainly dreaming and decided just to enjoy my damn soup. I sipped at it, waiting to wake up, but it didn’t happen. Eventually the woman returned, sitting on a stool across from me. 

“Thank you,” I said, unable to be confident. She smiled, a radiating flash of teeth that forced the corners of my mouth up. 

“You are welcome.” I sipped at the soup, looking at her, at the fine kitchen, at the soup. 

“Where am I?” 

“You are still on the Absolution, Miss Varien.” I raised my eyebrows. I hadn’t been called miss in a very long time. What was a place like this doing on the Absolution? 

“Mmm. You know my name, do I get to know yours?” She snorted, covering her mouth with a dainty hand as her cheeks colored. 

“Ainsley Yve. Please call me Lee.” I nodded, staring at the soup, my eyes starting to droop. She helped me back up, and we shuffled back the way we came. 

“Sorry, I’m not a very good conversationalist right now.” 

“That’s alright,” she whispered back to me. When we stepped into the room, Phasma was snoring, but I smiled at her mess of blonde hair. Lee helped me get on the tall bed, supporting my weight as my dead arm just flopped. The second my head hit the pillow, I was out again. 

*****

The lights turned on automatically, and I blinked up at the dreamsilk drowsily. I scooted to sit upright, leaning back against the headboard. I glanced around the room and determined that I at the very least had not made up the location of my dream. The room was some strange but pleasing combination of the Theed and Imperial Palaces. Phasma walked out of a door ahead of me, rubbing her head with a towel. She smiled at me when she saw me, a large, face-splitting grin. I found that I was very glad to see her. 

“Good, you’re awake,” she boomed, and I winced. She was so  _ loud. _

“Where are we?” I asked, uncertain if I could depend on my dream of Ainsley. 

“We’re still on the Absolution,” Phasma said in the most annoyed, sing-song voice she could manage. I stared until Phasma giggled. “How much Nyex did that woman give you? You’ve been out for nearly thirty hours, not to mention you seem a little slower than normal.” I shrugged, and then looked around the room again. Thirty hours was a long time. I tried to count back to determine how long it had been since we landed on Kedhys, but I couldn’t manage it. I was certainly slower than normal. 

“We are in the Hux Apartments aboard the Absolution,” she smiled at my scowl. Hux did not seem like the kind of man who appreciated such finery. “Brendol Hux was a fan of splendor. He built this to mimic Theed Palace,” she gestured as she started putzing around the room.  _ Brendol Hux.  _ On Bathras 9, his name was a hushed whisper of worship, the New Arkanis Conservatory having at least three halls named after him. But the more I travelled, the more his name carried a level of disappointment. Phasma started pulling on her body suit. “Do you need help or do you think you can manage?” She asked, pointing at my dead arm and the door she had come from.

“I’ll be fine, thanks.” I didn’t know if I would be fine, but I was not going to have my commanding officer scrub my back in the ‘fresher. 

“I’m going to go see if I can’t retrieve Hux so that we can get off this blasted ship,” she said as she started to snap armor into place. She sounded like she wanted nothing more than to be free of this place. I didn’t think it was so bad, and I wondered what she disliked about it. “We would have just moved you back to Starkiller while you were unconscious. In fact, that was the plan. But oh no, the Absolution is a  _ bloody mess, _ ” she hissed in annoyance. “Hux has been dealing with a major personnel catastrophe. Apparently, the Absolution is severely  _ overstaffed _ , and a rather concerning shortage of food and space is the result.  _ And  _ although missives have been sent to the General’s administrative  _ assistant  _ requesting help, this is the first that he’s heard of it,” Phasma ranted. I raised my brows. Apparently Eidhn was not doing her job and assisting… Eidhn was in  _ so  _ much trouble. I tried not to be pleased. I really did. I didn’t manage it. Phasma stuffed her helmet over her head. 

“Don’t get into too much trouble while I’m gone, eh?” She said before pausing. I thought she may have been staring at me, but it was hard to tell with the helmet. She stepped forward and gave me a very gentle hug, leaning over the mattress. “I’m glad you’re not dead,” she mumbled before heading out of the room. Moments later, her helmet peeked back in. “Also, I was told to tell you that everything in the closet is fair game,” she said before disappearing again. 

I scooted off the bed, blushing when I realized that the sweater was the  _ only  _ thing I was wearing. Why didn’t I notice last night? What if one of the men woke up while I was stepping over them?  _ Who put me in the sweater?  _ These were all horrifying questions that I decided to ignore and I wandered through the room instead. I dug through the armoire. It contained more high quality clothing than I would ever own in my life. I pulled out the clothes slowly, feeling the splendid fabrics under my fingers. The trousers and button ups would never fit, I guessed that they had been made for an adolescent boy. I found another loose sweater and pair of silky pants, tossing them on the bed before I continued to explore. 

The room was sparsely decorated and immaculately organized. I stared at the desk drawers and then shrugged, pulling them open. I never said I was a good person, but I was incredibly nosy. I’d apologize... if I got caught. 

The top drawer contained binders of neatly stacked papers, and I fingered through them delicately. The first binder was full of impressive drawings of battle plans, scientific equations, and schematics. The initials AWH were scratched in the corner of every page. There were multiple plans for sniper locations, calculations for wind and distance and curvatures of planets. As I continued to tab through the binder, I realized that I may have been looking at something high above my clearance level. When I determined that I was looking at early designs of Starkiller I closed the binder, setting it back in the drawer. I was nosy, but I wasn’t that stupid. No matter how much I wanted to know what the other half of the binder contained, I wasn’t going to look. I picked up another folder, this one looking to be far less official. 

It was full of photographs. The first was a worn picture, no longer glossy, the colors muted and faded. A beautiful woman was looking over her shoulder at the camera. She was cooking, an apron tied over a simple dress. Curling blonde hair fell down her back, held away from her face with a scarf. She had delicate, pale skin and bright emerald eyes, a subdued smile curved her pink lips. ‘Emelys Mira’ was scrawled on the back in neat script. 

I shuffled through the rest of them, finding pictures of a gangly boy with shocking red hair who slowly grew into General Hux the further into the pile I went. Every other picture contained a girl that grew with him. The last photo in the bunch was of Hux in his early twenties standing next to Ainsley Yve, and I realized that she had been the girl in all of the photos. Feeling like I’d found something incredibly private, I set the book of photos back in the drawer and shut it with a clank that sounded final. 

I perused the rest of the room, looking at what was out in the open while thinking about the photos that I’d found. Who was Emelys? What was Ainsley’s relationship to Hux? Why weren’t there any photos of Hux’ parents? I had been given way too much obscure information about a man I couldn’t ask questions about, and it was mildly infuriating. I took my shower while pouting, although finding that my hair was soft and tangle free boosted my spirits considerably. I’d have to find Aneth and thank her. 

I’d pulled on the soft sweater and pants that I had found, then rummaged through the med kit on the bathroom counter. It contained bacta pads, Comaren, black bandages, more dermaseal. I grimaced. I was not excited for when that would need to be reapplied, but thankfully, it was not today. I carried my supplies out to the bed, pulling the shirt over my head as I tried to wrench my free arm back to slap the bacta pads onto my skin. The door opened while the shirt was stuck over my head and I was making circles trying to reach. 

“Oh good, Phasma, can you help me?” I asked, hoping she wasn’t laughing at me too much. I supposed it could have been Lee, and I tried to pull the sweater off my head but it was tangled in my hair. Whoever it was stayed silent but came up behind me, applying the patches in a neat and orderly line down the wound. It had to have been Phasma, the hand was too large to have been Lee’s. She was gentle, but I still hissed when she pressed them onto my skin. 

When she was done, she took the large bandage and wrapped it methodically up my torso, her tall frame easily leaning forward to pull it up and over my shoulder under the sweater. She clasped the bandage together, tugging at various points to make sure it was appropriately in place and not too tight. Fingertips brushed against my shoulder briefly before the sweater was set to rights. 

When I turned I was pretty sure that I almost fainted as the blood rushed to my cheeks. General Hux was  standing there instead of Phasma, or even Ainsley.  _ Why didn’t he say anything? _ I gaped at him, moving my arm up in a shoddy salute when I remembered to do so. He was staring at me like he was trying to decide what to say. I imagined it was something along the lines of ‘you dithering dolt.’ I stared back at him in confused, terrified silence, slowly lowering my arm when he said nothing. Relief poured through me when the door opened. Lee smiled at both of us, clothes piled high on her arms. Hux looked angry, but he turned to look at Lee instead of me. 

“Sir, Captain Canady is waiting for you in your office. He said it couldn’t wait.” Hux pursed his lips and reached out to touch the fabric she carried. 

“Very well. Thank you, Miss Yve. And this?” He asked as he lifted the fabric higher. 

“Mistress Maratelle sent them, Sir.” Hux scoffed. “She insisted that Miss Varien have appropriate clothing.” He looked like he was going to argue, but strode from the room instead. Lee came forward and dumped the clothes on the bed, laying out a dress of silvery Cerlin. I was more excited about the underthings that she had than the expensive fabric, if I was going to be entirely honest. 

“Uh… This is very nice, but I’m sure I can just get an extra uniform?” I asked, even as I petted the fabric with envy. 

“Unfortunately there is nothing  _ extra _ on the Absolution currently. There are too many people aboard, it has been a struggle to clothe and feed everyone here. And Maratelle wouldn’t hear of it, to have you in discarded clothes,” she gestured at what I assumed were clothes Hux had left here years and years ago. 

She turned around to give me privacy, and I removed the clothes that I honestly had really liked. I heard lee putzing around the room, and I slid on the underwear one armed. Hux may have seen me as an idiot stuck in a sweater, but I was pretty sure my chest had been well covered, and I’d been wearing pants. At least he hadn’t seen me in nothing but a sweater. Lee returned to help me with the dress, sliding the sleeve over my dead arm for me. It was low cut, but the bandages on my torso made it modest where it would have been daring. 

“Who is Maratelle?” I asked as Lee fastened the clasps in the back. 

“Maratelle Hux is the Mistress of this household,” she replied distractedly. 

“General Hux’ mother?” Lee snorted before sliding velvet slippers on my feet. 

“Brendol Hux’ widow,” She said in clarification, and I wrinkled my nose. What did she mean by that? I could tell that I was missing something, but I wasn’t going to ask if she wasn’t going to offer further information. She quickly braided my hair before having me follow her. We walked back through the sitting room, now empty of people. She left me to wait, going back the way we had come. I glanced about the room with more acuity than I had the night before, eyes stopping at the decorative fireplace. 

Above it was a painting of Brendol Hux in Imperial Regalia, his hand on the shoulder of a young Armitage Hux. Brendol looked differently than he had in the photos I had seen of him, when he was older, greying, and paunchy. Here he was fit, commanding, hazel eyes staring out at you. The woman at his side was beautiful, with tan skin, glinting onyx hair and eyes, her lips painted red. She wore a chaughaine dress of dark plum with jewels in her hair, but she was otherwise unadorned. Hux was wearing the loose grey sweater that I had slept in. He looked much as he did now, emerald eyes like flint.  I wondered why Hux’ family didn’t stay with him on Starkiller, why they stayed on the Absolution, why they didn’t settle on Bathras or any other First Order controlled planet.  I stared at her image, trying to find some part of her features that reflected in Armitage Hux, but I couldn’t find any. Maybe the plump lips? Lee returned with a bag that she set at my feet, and moments later Phasma came in through the main doors. 

“Lets go while the going is good.” Phasma said, leaning down to pick up my bag. She  hurried me through the halls of the Absolution, and I felt relieved to be surrounded by familiar durasteel and plasticene. We got onto a fully loaded shuttle, and she took me to sit with her in the antechamber to the cockpit. 

“Where is General Hux?” I asked. Afterall, he would normally be sitting in the chair Phasma directed me to.

“He’s staying behind until the Absolution is appropriately running.” She said as she pounded on the wall near her head. The shuttle lurched away, and she pulled off her helmet, smiling once we were in open space. “I hate that ship.” I wanted to ask why, but I was starting to feel drowsy, and soon I was nodding off in the shuttle. 

*****

The next few days were the  _ absolute worst.  _ I was forced to stay in the Med Bay, and when I complained to Phasma, she just shrugged and said she was under strict orders. They put me in a tank every other night. I went to classes with everyone else in the mock pit, but the second they were sent to do something else I was parked in the corner to watch. Even Ren followed the rules, and I sat next to him while he watched the other nine officers. The only good thing was the surprise I had when I woke up the first day in the Med Bay, Relion standing over me, apparently having been transferred to Starkiller. She gave me a powerful hug, followed by Chiresa, who smacked me upside the head right after. Gemma, Chiresa, Keziah, and Relion all did their best to keep me entertained in the evenings, but I was sour company. 

When I arrived for my training class with Thanisson, he backed away from me, hands held up as if in defense.

“No, no.” He shook his head vehemently. “I’m not allowed to train you until you’re healed.” He stumbled, eyes wide. I stared at him in confusion, and then he said what I should have expected. “ I am  under strict orders.” I wondered just how scary Aneth Jamorr could be, with how everyone was acting. I sat in the corner and pouted, watching while everyone went through their forms. Finally I went to beg. 

“Please Petty Officer Thanisson? I am  _ so  _ bored. They even revoked my pass to the recreational facilities. And I’m fine. Everything is fine. I’m in great shape, I just can’t use the arm. Please?” He stared at me in pity, and then nodded. We went through a few simple movements that I could do one-armed, and then moved into something more complicated. I went up for a kick and landed, but I was off balance and started to fall. Thanisson looked like he was terrified for his life, and I tried to turn so that I would land on my chest rather than my dead arm and shoulder, but I stopped before I hit the ground. I slowly floated back to an upright position. Everyone turned to see Ren leaning in the door, lowering his arm after my feet were firmly planted. Thanisson turned to look at me. 

“I’m dismissing you from training until the arm is healed. I’m sorry, Specialist Varien, but you’re going to have to find something else to entertain yourself with.” I pouted, shuffling from the room and past Ren. He followed behind me. 

“I could train you, after the others.” His voice rumbled through the vocoder. I looked up at him hopefully. I was under the impression that Kylo Ren was not nice. Maybe he felt bad about my almost dying and this was his way of saying sorry. 

“Please?” I asked, giddy with the thought. He nodded and walked further ahead, talking over his shoulder. 

“Meet me at the recreational facility in the basement at nine.” I rushed through the rest of my evening, and I was at the appropriate location at exactly 2100. I nearly skipped inside when he arrived to open the door. We went through a regular exercise, and every time I tipped, he righted me with that invisible force of his. 

We met at the same time every night for the next three days, and life slowly started to feel more normal. Chiresa, Gemma, Keziah and Relion started to let me out of their sight, and I went to the little break room near my quarters to get some reading in. After about an hour, I felt like someone was staring at me, and I slowly looked up to see Kylo standing in the doorway. 

“Mind if I join you?” He asked. I shrugged with one shoulder. He sat at a table against the wall, setting up a dejarik board. I went to sit across from him, taking my tea with me, and we played in companionable silence. Maybe he  _ really  _ felt guilty. About halfway through the game, Millicent came into the room, meowing loudly as she jumped up to my lap. I stared at Ren. 

“Are we both in agreement that you see  _ nothing _ ?” I asked, and he laughed, the sound strange through the helmet, but he nodded. I pet her between moves, waiting for Kasra to show up. During my next turn I reached for the tea, my hand brushing his glove  briefly, and I felt a shock. I was certain that it had been a static shock, but I couldn’t help but wonder as I stared up into the mask. No one knew what Kylo looked like. Was there a chance that Tev was under the mask? I sneezed, and the moment was gone, and I took a sip of my tea. 

When I looked up, General Hux was standing in the doorway, staring in confusion. I thought for a moment it was because of Millie, but then I remembered that he knew about her existence. Kylo chuckled, I saluted. 

“Welcome home, General. I hope your trip went well and that everything is resolved on the Absolution.” 

“Yes, thank you, Commander Ren. At ease, Specialist.” His reply was strained, and he looked conflicted before stepping into the room. “Specialist Varien, if you will excuse me,” he said before leaning down. I gaped in bewilderment, and then I realized that he had a tracker in one hand. He lifted Millie easily, and she stood on his arm to rub at his face, meowing frantically.  _ Millicent was Hux’ cat?   _ “Have a good evening, Specialist Varien, Commander Ren.” He walked away, Millie looking over his shoulder at me.  _ What the kriff.  _

“Hux has a cat?” I whispered, and Kylo basically giggled through the vocoder. 

“Yes.”

“Wait… So he almost killed me for treason after I rescued  _ his  _ cat?” I asked staring into the black glass of Kylo’s mask. 

“Yes, basically.” Kylo said before winning the game with his next move. A little bit more of my life made sense, so I nodded, but I was also more confused than I had been before. It had been a weird night, and I waved at Kylo before walking back to the Med Bay in a haze. I sat down for Emson to check my wound, and she lifted my shirt and examined it. When she came back into view, she smiled at me. 

“What?” I asked.

“It’s doing very well. You still have to promise to take it easy, but I’ll pull the chip.” I brightened, sitting up straight. 

“Please. I promise I’ll be good.” She nodded before going back behind me, giving me a numbing shot before slicing into the skin to remove the small, most annoying piece of electronics I’d ever had to deal with in my life. I slept better than I had in weeks, basically skipping through my day from the moment I awoke to the moment I met Kylo at 2100. He raised a brow when I waved at him with my normal arm. 

“I promised that I wouldn’t be stupid as a contingent to getting the chip removed. Will you please work with me until I’m given the clear?” I asked, and he sighed like it was a chore, but opened the door. I fought him to the best of my ability, using my shoulder sparingly, and by the gods it felt good. I went for a jumping kick and he slid out of the way, grabbing me so that I wouldn’t fall. The fire that I had been ignoring since my arrival on Starkiller started to build in my gut as he lowered me to the ground. I made myself focus, getting a few hits in. I jumped and latched on to him, trying to bring him down, but he slid me over his shoulder and into the wall, supporting my back as he pinned me. 

We were both breathing heavily, and I remembered the last time I had been pinned to a wall. The images ran through my head and warmth spread. Kylo nuzzled my neck, the metal of his helmet cold. I sneezed, my back rocking against his arm. Could Kylo be Tev? I trembled as I reached for his helmet, and then he dropped me, stepping away. My legs jarred as they hit the floor, and I looked up at him in confusion. He was staring at the door, so I turned, and Hux was glaring at us, his lip curled. 

“Excuse me, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he growled before storming from the room. I looked at Kylo, and then followed Hux. When I exited into the hall, Hux was waiting for the lift, his hands clasped behind his back so tight that his knuckles were white. 

“General,” I started, but he turned and the words died in my mouth. If I thought I’d seen him angry before, I was wrong. 

“Let me stop you there, Specialist. I have no desire to hear any explanation of what I saw. It is none of my business, and I really don’t want to think on it.” He hissed. 

“But Sir…” He cut me off again, stepping forward. 

“I had thought you an intelligent woman, Specialist Varien. An upstanding officer that wouldn’t engage in a relationship with her commanding officer and risk her entire career.  _ I was clearly mistaken.  _ The decision you made is yours and yours alone, but if I hear about this again, you may believe me that I will discharge you from this order and strip you of your rank,” he shouted, stepping into the lift the moment the doors opened. I stared as the steel closed. 

I was trembling. I didn’t understand the level of anger. He was right, of course. Engaging in relations with your commanding officer was laserbrained thing to do. And he had been right in his assessment of my character, it’s not something that I would have done lightly either. I was too wrapped up in this  _ stupid _ memory. The anger built, and I waited for the lift to come back down. Hux had made an assumption, and surely he was within his rights to warn me from making a bad decision, but I didn’t deserve the comments he made. I worked myself up further as the lift took me up, remembering everything he’d ever hissed in my direction. I thought briefly about stopping myself, but I needed to know what the  _ kriff  _ his problem was. I couldn't deal with it any more. I stormed into his office, glad that he hadn’t locked the door and ruined my entrance. 

_ “How dare you accuse me of doing something that I didn’t do.”  _ His eyes narrowed, and he set down the glass of whiskey that he was holding. “You have treated me with nothing but derision since my arrival, and then you make assumptions based on seconds of something that you see?” He walked forward, his face impassive. I was learning to be scared of that face. He stopped inches in front of me, leaning down, letting his face twist into the anger I had seen before. 

“What are you doing, Specialist Varien?” He sneered, face close to mine. All anger left me as the scent of Tevraki Whiskey wafted from his mouth, and I gazed up at him as all of my memories of Tev came rushing back, and I saw him clearly for the first time. I replayed the moment I had gotten up to join Tev in the booth, and it was Hux' face staring back at me, his hair twisted and wild, his skin tan, his chin covered in stubble. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	37. Kind Man *

**32 ABY**

**Office - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Hux - Day 26_ **

I walked to my office in a blind rage. I had spent the better part of a month meticulously planning to protect her career and she was willing to throw it away with  _ Kylo Kriffing Ren?  _ I poured myself a glass of whiskey, downing it in one go, and then poured again. She was impetuous. Wasn’t the exact term that I had used when describing her to Kylo? I’d of course based most of my assessment on her behaviour from years ago, but I had known it was still within her. She was impulsive, allowed her emotions to direct her actions. 

I’d seen it again and again. The first day when she’d rushed a building with a dwindled force, when she’d continued on with three people in her team... Every time I derided her for something she didn’t deserve her eyes would harden, her muscles tense, and she would pull herself back at the last minute. And I couldn’t even say that she only did it when she didn’t see the possible consequences. She went at Kylo during the fighting exercise, not once, but  _ twice.  _ She had been facing an unknown force and literally ran towards the lightsaber with a  _ bloody stun baton.  _ At Kedhys, she’d diverted an entire complement of Resistance and baited them into the forest to face them  _ alone.  _ I shouldn’t have been surprised, she put her life on the line, why not her career? 

I sipped at the whiskey, eyes going up to the ceiling. I couldn’t pretend to be angry only on behalf of her career. I should have told her when I’d decided to, on the Absolution. Or perhaps even when she had arrived. My door opened and I watched as she stalked into the room. It was every look she had given me since her arrival, every time I had pushed her, and it had built into an astounding amount of foolish rage. 

“How dare you accuse me of doing something that I didn’t do,” she spat. I narrowed my eyes, setting the glass of whiskey down before I had the urge to throw it. It was simultaneous relief combined with aggravation.  _ Something she didn’t do.  _ “You have treated me with nothing but derision since my arrival, and then you make assumptions based on seconds of something that you see?” I cleared my face before striding up to her, stopping myself before I was pressed against her, but definitely too close for propriety. I leaned down to look in her face, and all of the vexation I had felt over the last three years bubbled to the surface. 

“What are you doing, Specialist Varien?” I threatened. And then her face fell, and she looked at me with a combination of confusion and recognition. I was certain that in that moment, she remembered. 

Anger flashed in her eyes. It was not a cold anger borne of betrayal and hurt, but a burning temper that spread across her cheeks, down her neck. And then she swung up for a punch to my face. I blocked her attempt, gripping her hand for a few moments before sliding my hand around and down to grip at her elbow. My fingers dug into her pale skin as my face twisted. If she knew the efforts that I had expended on her behalf.. If she knew how long I had waited… My eyes narrowed, mirroring her own. With my other hand I gripped her chin, pulling her closer to me with with a force that would have been on the edge of pain. 

_ “Do you think me a kind man?” _ I hissed down, her lips pursed with the pressure I was applying to her face. Her pupils blew wide, the blush on her face that had started with anger spread down her chest, and her nipples hardened to sharp peaks under the flimsy shirt she wore.

“Yes,” came the muffled reply. I hadn’t expected that answer, but my pause was minimal. Dropping my hand from her face, I turned her and forced her forward against the door, wrapping her hair around my fist. I leaned into her, the pressure causing flashes of pleasure as my eyelids fluttered. 

_ “Your mistake, I’m afraid,”  _ I whispered into her ear. She pushed off the door, grinding back into me. I ran my hand over her hip, feeling her hot skin under the fabric, twisting my hand up under her shirt, across the flat planes of her stomach. I wrenched her head back, her neck going taught, nails scratching against the skin under her breasts. “Tell me to stop,” I shuddered out with my hand on her ribs. “Tell me no.” She trembled. Time seemed to stop for a few moments, the room silent save for our heaving breaths. But no words came from her pink mouth. 

I twisted her back around, pulling her face to mine, our lips clashing together, teeth clicking. It was the kiss that we should have had that first night, ravenous, messy, rough. She nipped at my lower lip, her hands fighting their way under my tunic. I pulled away although it was almost physical in how it hurt me to do so. 

“If you will not tell me no, then you must tell me yes.”

“Yes,” she whispered, eyes still glazed as she looked in my general direction. I moved slowly towards her, pulling her against my chest. She seemed to focus, looking directly up into my face. “Yes,” she said, firmly, confidently. I rushed forward to meet her mouth once more, her fingers twinning in my hair. Growling, I dropped my hands, ripping her shirt down below her pert tits, palming the sensitive flesh and she gave me a breathy scream. I smiled in satisfaction, dipping down to lathe the rosy skin with my tongue. She gripped my hair, pulling tight, just the right side of pain. I pulled more of her into my mouth, giving her a sharp bite. She yanked my hair in turn, my scalp burning. I ran my hands down her sides, gripping her hips as she gave me a fluttering wail. I stood from my crouch, bringing her up with me as I turned and walked her to the desk. 

She divested me of my belt, the metal falling to the floor with a clink. She ripped at the clasps of my tunic, the buttons of my shirt, her fingers flitting lightly over my collar bones when the skin was revealed. I pulled her shirt from her jerkily, the sound of ripping fabric echoing in the room. Her mouth fell open, her hands dropping to my pants. They missed their mark, sliding up against my undershirt as I dropped to my knees, and she frowned with frustration, and then smiled in delight. She lifted up for me as I yanked her pants down, my hands grazing her hips on the way down her legs. I smiled as I tossed the pants away. She wasn’t wearing any underthings. She was completely bare for me. 

I ran my fingers back up the smooth skin of her legs, and they trembled under my touch. Her legs were clamped together, her center hidden behind the flesh of her thighs. I wrenched them open, taking in the rosy skin. I moved forward, and her hands scrabbled along the desk for something to grip as my face neared the place she most wanted it. But at the last moment I pulled up, standing with my hands on her waist as I lifted her easily, flipping her to lay face down on the desk. She looked back over her shoulder at me as I released the clasp of my trousers, but I pushed her down as I stepped between her legs.

I hissed when I pulled myself from the trousers, pulsing with need. I slid into her without warning, groaning as she slowly stretched to accommodate my girth. She whined, her hands gripping the edge of my desk as I pushed further into her. She was wet, oh so gloriously wet, but without any preparation I was sure she burned as she writhed on the desk. I didn’t give her much time to adjust, moving slow enough to avoid doing any actual damage, but fast enough to be uncomfortable. 

I paused when I was fully sheathed inside of her, sweat on my brow, my limbs trembling as I fought my urges for a few moments longer. Gripping the globes of her ass, I slid all the way out and slammed in with enough force to jump her further up on the desk. I did this a few more times, the force of it causing wails to come from her, anticipation building every time I paused, when I was seated deep within her. And then I hammered into her, the slap of skin loud in my ears. I held her still with hands on her hips as I continued my assault, her legs flinging as they sought any solid surface, her toes just brushing the floor, and her hands had turned white with the force she used to grip the desk. 

I ran my hands up and down the artistic curve of her back, leaning down over her to mouth at her good shoulder. She screamed at the slower pace, and I gripped her neck pulling her back closer to me, blocking airflow amid the middle of one of her shrieks. Her eyes rolled back, and she clenched around me in a precursor of orgasm. I dropped her with a thud back to the desk, pounding into her with speed, my hips hitting her with enough force to cause ripples along her skin. 

She tried to arch off the desk as she came, but my hands on her hips held her steady. She fluttered around me, gripping me oh so deliciously, and I pulled away from her, dragging her from the desk and turning her to face me. She scrabbled at my skin, pulling me back to her. I slid back in with a growl, lifting her and turning to slam against the wall, my arm taking the impact instead of her back. I pinned her there, sliding her legs into the crooks of my elbows before compressing her against the steel and pounding into her like I should have at Koschie. She wailed as her hips hit the wall, and I bent down to give her a bruising kiss. She clenched around me, her nails running down my arms, and when her walls tightened in time with her piercing scream, she pulled my release from me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	38. Worth It *

**32 ABY**

**Hux’ Office - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 26_ **

He leaned against the wall, supporting my weight as he breathed heavily into my shoulder. My hands were wrapped around his neck, fingers twined in his hair, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. It was achingly intimate. It was everything I could have asked for when thinking of reuniting with Tev.  _ But it wasn’t Tev. Not really.  _

He shifted, lifting up to look down at me, hair falling in front of his eyes. We stared at each other for a few moments. His pale skin was flushed, his lips bruised, his beryl eyes flicking from my face in a slow path downward. I thought back to the day that I had first realized I found General Hux attractive, the day that I had imagined this very scenario. God I was stupid. 

He opened his mouth to say something, and I slapped him so hard the impact echoed off the durasteel with a crack. I wasn’t as coordinated with my left arm, but it had done its job. He turned his face back to me, ire rolling in his eyes as he licked his lip where my thumb had gotten him. And then I pulled his face to mine, latching our lips together. I kissed him like my life depended on it, shuddering as he twitched and filled, still inside of me. 

He started moving again, and I wrenched his head back with my hands in his hair, going for his neck with soft kisses that morphed into sharp nips. I’d had my reunion with Tev, memories flashing through my mind with every rough thrust against the desk. I’d been happy to let him take what he so obviously needed, especially since it had resulted in the best sex I’d ever had. But if I was going to be an idiot, I was going to do it right. I needed to fuck General Hux while I stared him in the face. I needed to fuck him, not Tev. 

He dropped his arms, gripping my ass and pulling me towards him as his hips snapped forward. I bit him and he growled, gripping my skin to the point of pain. He carried me back to the desk, setting me down before wrapping his hands in my hair and mouthing my neck. He snarled as he held my skull, pounding into me as his teeth brushed against sensitive flesh. My legs were wrapped around him, helping force his hips into me faster. The flutter in my gut was building again, and I realized that I was whispering his name under my breath with each thrust. He shuddered and went rigid, pulsing inside of me. He rocked until I followed after him, his back arching as my nails ran down his forearms. 

Pulling away from me, he collapsed against the desk, the shiny black surface fogging with each breath he took. I sat upright, staring at the discarded clothes on the floor, at the General’s armband staring up at me. I’d had my reunion with Tev, the thing I had ached for for three years. But Tev wasn’t an officer in the First Order. He  _ was  _ the First Order. I started to panic. I slid from the desk, landing on wobbly legs, digging through the clothes on the floor to find mine. I pulled the pants back on, but the shirt was ripped and distorted. Hux had turned and was leaning against the desk, watching me, already tucked back into his pants. He’d brushed his hair back, righted his undershirt that was once more neatly tucked into his trousers. He was unfairly put together, and his face was impassive once more. I hated him for it. 

I stole his shirt, buttoning it quickly. He raised a brow, but otherwise said nothing. He wasn’t looking at me with lust, or caring, or even anger. It was just nothing. I roughly rolled up the sleeves. 

“We should talk about this.” He stated, standing upright and stepping forward. I glared at him.  _ I was so stupid.  _ Either he had remembered just as much as I had and he just had a thing for fucking women he hated, or he had known the entire time. As I replayed events of the last month in my head, I was certain that he had known who I was. Maybe he couldn’t respect a woman that he’d met in a backworld cantina. Maybe he just hated me. Either way, he’d been happy to treat me like bantha fodder for weeks before screwing me on his desk like I was a possession that he owned.  _ But kriff it had been so good.  _

I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to hear his version of events, I didn’t want to listen to him tell me that it could never happen again, that I couldn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want to hear any of it. He went to open his mouth again and I punched him as hard as I could in his pretty little mouth. I was finally treated to some damn emotion in his face. He was oh so very angry, but he clenched his fists together and nothing more. I did everything in my power to keep my face straight as my shoulder burbled in agony. 

“No,” I hissed. I didn't’ know what else to say. I didn’t know what I wanted, other than that I didn’t want  _ this.  _ I couldn’t talk to him right now. I fled from the room before the tears could fall. I thanked every higher being that I could think of  that I didn’t pass anyone until I was far away from the Command Center and Hux’ office. I was certain that I looked like someone that had just had sex, and I didn’t care. So long as they didn’t know  _ who _ I’d had sex with, I would deal. 

I found myself in the Med Bay, relief flooding me when it was Kae on shift instead of Harvel. She gave me one look up and down and then pointed to the chair. 

“What did you do?” She asked, stepping close.

“Why is it always something I did?” I complained. She was right, of course. She stared at me until I talked. “Two things. Pretty please check my shoulder and make sure I didn’t royally kriff it up?” She grimaced, pulling out a device that she used to slowly go over the muscles and tendons in my back. I hissed with the touch although she was feather-light. She came back into view, glasses pushed up into her hair. 

“It’s fine. Certainly not happy, but you didn’t do any lasting damage. You probably extended your healing time by another week, though.” I gave her a one-sided shrug. 

“Will you believe me when I tell you it was absolutely worth it?” She laughed, face going pink all the way to her ears. I stared in confusion for a few moments until I realized she probably thought I injured the shoulder during sex.  _ If only she knew.  _ “Right, well, second thing…” I paused as the giggles started to fade away. “Erm, will you check my chip?” I asked, lifting up my arm, pushing the rolled sleeve up higher. 

Every First Order Officer and Trooper got a chip implanted, either at enlistment or puberty. It didn’t matter your gender, either. The First Order was building an army, they didn’t need any accidental pregnancies. But I’d heard stories about chips that fritzed out after trauma, chips that hadn’t been properly evaluated for damage. Aneth Jamorr seemed like a well put-together person who wouldn’t miss things, but if she had? I needed to know now, when I could get my hands on som Ho’Din herbs in enough time to be effective. Kae scanned my arm, and the device made a happy little beep. 

“Looks fine, Ren.” She looked up at me, imploringly. It was the ‘I’m here if you need to talk’ face. I thought about opening my big, stupid mouth. I really did. But I’d been impulsive enough. I gave her a weak smile. 

“Thanks Kae. I’m good.” I hopped off the chair, considering asking for a shot of Nyex, but deciding to forgo it. Maybe the pain would remind me not to be stupid. I went back to my room, slipping into the shower, trying to imagine my decisions going down the drain.  _ What the kriff.  _ Why did we do it? Nothing could come of it, obviously. I’d hoped that when I finally re-connected with Tev I’d be able to put it behind me, focus. But this was so much worse. I went to bed, pouting, but for the first time in a very long time, I didn’t dream. 

The next morning, I went to breakfast with Phasma and pretended that nothing had changed. She seemed to be completely normal, so I guessed that Hux hadn’t told her. She at the very least wasn’t demanding to be paid. She’d won the bet. To the damn day. I watched her carefully through breakfast, and apparently I was off enough that she was concerned.

“Are you alright?” She asked, voice low. 

“Yeah. My shoulder hurts, is all.” It wasn’t a lie. It was stinging like a son of a blaster. She accepted my answer and we parted ways. I went to class. I walked in without looking up, sat at my terminal, started my work, but I did not look up. It was eerily quiet in the room, and everyone was tense. It was only when I heard Kylo’s voice through is vocoder that I looked up. 

“What the hell happened to you?” He inquired with the edge of a laugh. Of course. The only person on this station that would dare to ask Hux. I flicked my eyes over to him, the briefest flashes of guilt hitting me before I pushed the feeling away.  _ He deserved it.  _ On his right side, his lip was swollen. On his left, a deep purple bruise had spread from mouth to jaw and up into his cheek. He didn’t reply, only staring at Kylo until he continued. “I need my team early today, at three.” 

“Very well, Commander Ren.” Hux stepped forward, his voice echoing throughout the room. “Keziah Bani, Keve Calien, Cathries Natalis, Saphren Varien, Brendyl Terson, Jase Rawly, Claye Zand, Sabrya Wye, Liyam Asher, Kirst Davian. You will be dismissed at 1500 from your regular schedule to meet with Commander Ren.” The moment he was done speaking, everyone went back to work in strained silence. I sneezed, blushing when everyone in the room turned to look at me. I ducked down further, trying to lose myself in code, but when I didn’t hear movement I looked back up. Kylo and Phasma were looking between Eidhn and Hux from opposite sides of the room, Eidhn was looking at Hux, and Hux was looking at me. I gulped and went back to work. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	39. Permission to Be Stupid

**32 ABY**

**Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 30_ **

Huddling further into my coat, I watched the dark with careful eyes. Kylo had borrowed us at 1500 just as he’d requested, but he’d kept us for three damn days. At first, it had been freeing. I didn’t have to worry about running into Hux. I didn’t have to worry about keeping my mouth shut as I picked through the forest alone. I focused on tactics and survival, and on winning. Kylo had sent us all out into the wild to survive the elements and pick each other off in one big free-for all, and it was damn fun. 

I didn’t know how many of us were left, but I knew that Natalis, Rawly, and Davian were out. I’d “killed” them. Natalis I’d sniped from a tree. I’d set a trap that Rawly had wandered into. And Davian, well, he and I had gotten into a tiff and rolled around on the forest floor fighting for control before I’d accidentally launched him down a hill. He was in the Med Bay, I was certain of it. When this was done, I was going to buy him dinner or something, because I really had not meant to do that. 

But as it went on, I was left alone with my thoughts, and worse, my feelings. There was a certain level of betrayal, but I didn’t know if I felt betrayed by Hux or by the situation. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know how to go forward. I’d gone over everything in my head, from beginning to end, in an attempt to figure out where everything settled. 

I started with the events at Koschie. It had all begun when he laughed over the top of the booth and made fun of dancing. He’d connected with the person in the booth next to him, nothing wrong with that. 

Could I blame him for using a pseudonym? Would I have introduced myself, in his position? I pictured it in my head. ‘Hi, yes, my name is Armitage W. Hux and I am the head of a secret military organization, hell bent on bringing order to the galaxy, and our trade agreement with your government is plummeting your entire system into a civil war. Would you like to sleep with me?’ I mean, obviously that was overly ridiculous. But say he’d simply introduced himself as Armitage after stating that he belonged to the First Order. How many Armitages could there be? I’d either called him a liar or been too intimidated to talk to him. And he obviously hadn’t planned on meeting someone and using a fake name, or he would’ve had something better than  _ Tev  _ prepared. With the thought I suddenly felt better about the situation with Phasma. Maybe she hadn’t been sent to spy on me. Or she had, and naming herself after a beverage had been a test. I frowned, then pushed the thought away. I wasn’t going to think about that right now. I’d forgive the pseudonym.

Next on the docket was having a drunken one night stand in a cantina after using a fake name.  _ People did that all the time.  _ And he hadn’t even slept with me, and as much as that had annoyed me at the time, or hell, even with how much it  _ still  _ annoyed me, you had to give the man props for his self control and view of importance on consent. But that was before you knew who he really was. It was Hux, he was hardwired to be in control. It was honestly less impressive if you knew him in any capacity. That being said, his feelings on consent were incredibly clear. ‘If you will not tell me no, then you must tell me yes.’ I shivered thinking about it. 

He’d made sure I got home safe, and had invited me to his hotel if I was insistent on pursuing a sexual relationship with him when I was in ‘full control of my faculties.’ It had been my stupid drunk ass that had forgotten about the exchange for three years. 

I thought about how  _ alone  _ Hux must be. Whatever family he had was firmly settled on the Absolution, his father was dead. He worked  _ extreme  _ hours. He basically had the weight of the universe on his shoulders... And he had no one to share it with. He was the General of the First Order. There were strict rules against relationships of any kind with a superior. Even my friendship with Chiresa and Gemma was frowned upon. Hux was  _ everyone's  _ superior, except for Kylo. I couldn’t blame him for seeking some form of connection with someone outside of the Order. I settled on the conclusion that I could not hold the events of three years against him. 

The scent of smoke hit me, drifting from the north, and I sneaked forward. I crouched down as low as I could go when I saw flickering light glancing from tree bark and frosty pine needles. Calien was cooking a rabbit over the fire, warming his hands. I stepped on a twig as I edged closer and he lunged away, but he wouldn’t be fast enough. I grinned and shot, and he jerked and twitched, falling face first into the snow. The gear used for the simulations outside of SR rooms was tricky, the shock more powerful, so I skittered forward to roll him over in case he passed out. I wasn’t going to have him literally suffocate. 

He was clearly in pain but smiled up at me. I patted him on the chest. I wondered if Keve hated me, with the amount of times I’d managed to bring him down. His eyes flicked to the side, looking at something behind me, and I launched away just as the laser would have hit my back. I landed and rolled, gasping when my shoulder hit the ground, but I turned, shooting blindly. I looked up to see that Keziah had gone stock still as the chip released its shock, and then she dropped like a sack of potatoes. 

Keziah had been the person I was worried about, and I blinked at her in confusion. It was too easy. I looked around the small clearing, and then down at Calien.

“Good one,” he wheezed out, smiling up at me. Calien and Keziah had teamed up, and they’d set a trap with the fire. Maybe Keziah had gone to tinkle in the woods , or collect more firewood. They’d been depending on being together and I’d caught them both off guard. And then I looked back at their gear, their bed rolls zipped together. I raised my brows and made a small, silent o with my mouth. I skittered forward and helped Keziah up, leaning close to whisper in her ear.

“You gotta give us the details later. Chiresa will kill you in your sleep if you don’t.” We giggled, and I ran off, waving at Calien’s embarrassed face as I passed. I circled out and away, cautiously picking my way through the dark until I was certain I wasn’t being followed. I found a good tree and climbed up, being sure to use my legs as much as possible, my arm twinging. I made myself a little hammock and settled in. 

I nibbled on my MRE, trying to forget the delicious smell of that rabbit. I was going to eat everything in sight when I got back to base. I smiled to myself about about Keziah and Keve. I didn’t know how serious they were, obviously, but they made a damn cute couple. And then I frowned. Chiresa was going to murder me when she found out what I was keeping from her. I went back to my ‘what can I logically blame Hux for’ conversation in my head. 

That first day he had been overly intense during his officer introductions, that had started with me. He very well may have been intending to implement such a thing into his training program, but he hadn’t been planning to do it that day. He’d recognized me, needed to see if I was who he thought I might have been. He hadn’t expected it. He probably thought he’d never see me again. And then he had to correct, give his actions meaning. But the rest of it… I struggled with. 

Was he embarrassed? Concerned what I would tell people? Did he have trouble respecting a woman he almost slept with? None of that seemed right. Hux seemed far too confident to be concerned about what people might say. Hell, it might’ve made people like him more, it made him seem more human. I thought about the way he treated women in general, and I didn’t think he looked down on me because of our past or my part in it either. I couldn’t even say that I thought he disliked me for standing him up at the hotel. And I couldn’t say that he’d learned about me and decided to hate me, the caf incident made it pretty clear he hated me immediately. 

I’d started to drift when it hit me.  _ He’d thought I was a spy.  _ I sat further upright, scooting to lean my back against the tree. Once the thought had come to me, I knew it had to be right. I saw it clearly. He hadn’t expected to see me again, let alone in his army. If I didn’t remember our encounter, it was one hell of a coincidence. I would bet Hux was a man that didn’t believe in coincidences. If I’d realized who he was, I could have made an incredible amount of money trying to seduce him and steal Order intel if I’d found the right buyer. 

By rights, I should have been immediately dragged into interrogation. I didn’t understand why I hadn’t been. I would assume Hux hadn’t gotten where he was without being cautious. But it explained why he treated me the way he did. I doubt I’d be capable of being nice to someone I thought was possibly trying to ruin everything I’d worked towards in my entire life. And then I paused. I wouldn’t have been able to do it, but this is Hux we were talking about. Hux’ name should have been listed in the dictionary under control. The way he’d spoken to me was on purpose. I just didn’t understand it. 

I’d thought that once I’d gone through all logical reasoning for most of his behaviour, I’d feel better. I didn’t. I was still missing something. Because of that, I didn’t know if I could logically blame Hux for anything. But emotions weren’t logical, and at the very least I blamed him for making me feel worthless for a month. And then there was the future, of which I was certain there wasn’t going to be one. Maybe he’d just wanted to get it out of his system, to end the conquest he started years ago, or maybe he’d let his control slip for once. 

I couldn’t see a future for us, not one that involved a career as an officer. Kylo may be my commanding officer now, but what happened when our special mission was done? I supposed Hux and I could sleep together until that time came, but as I thought it my mouth felt sour. That wasn’t what I wanted. As much as I said I didn’t know what I wanted, I did. I wanted something  _ real.  _ With the person I thought Tev was. But to do that, I’d have to determine how much of Tev had been real, how much of him was really within Hux. And I just couldn’t see Hux having a relationship with someone under his command, even if I was temporarily not his responsibility. I frowned and forced myself to go to sleep. I didn’t want to think about it any more. I spent hours going over everything again and again before reminding myself I shouldn’t be thinking about it, finally drifting to sleep in the early hours of the morning. 

What seemed like minutes later, I blinked up blearily at Kylo who was staring down at me.

“Congratulations, you won. I’d say it was by default because Terson and Wye got each other, but you single handedly killed five on your own, so I’ll give it to you.” He said while helping me up. “As a reward, you have the day off.” He said proudly. 

“I already had the day off?” I asked, smiling nervously at my reflection in his mask when he just stared at me. “Uh… Thank you, Sir.” I said, and he patted me on the back. He helped me down from the tree, something that I was grateful for until I realized that his hands seemed to be lingering. I’d thought that our training sessions and game of dejarik had been his way of expressing guilt for my injury. And  _ that  _ night, we’d both been a little worked up by our fight, and I’d been the one that was stupidly thinking about Tev when he had me up against the wall. I looked at Kylo in brief confusion when I was firmly on the ground, but he was already walking away. I shrugged. Maybe I was just a crazy person. 

I picked my way through the forest and back to base, heading for my ‘fresher with anticipation. When I stepped into my room, Ysable was packing her bag, wearing a teal uniform. She gave me a terse smile. I blinked.  _ What the kriff? _

“I have been released from my duties here to return to the Supremacy,” she said as if it explained everything, when it explained absolutely nothing. I gaped at her until she continued. “I was placed here to do a secret performance review of the commanding officers on Starkiller, my task is now complete.” I thought about how she had been transferred from position to position over the last month, and it made perfect sense. I nodded, then snapped into a salute when I thought about it. She smiled at me and gestured for me to be at ease. I wondered if I’d get the room to myself or if I’d be placed with a new roommate. I wondered if her performance reviews were the only reason she was here, or if she’d been chosen to be  _ my  _ roommate for a reason.

I started to pull off the outer-layers of my excursion gear when she walked up to me, face serious. I stared at her with wide eyes. She placed her hands on my shoulders and looked me in the face. 

“If you repeat any of what I am about to tell you, I will find out, and I will kill you in your sleep,” I nodded. I believed her. “I have known the General for thirty years, so you will believe me when I tell you that he has allowed himself to care for you, and that it is an extreme rarity. You must understand that the decisions he makes are never only for himself. Think of all of the people under his command. He is responsible for them. He is responsible for every person, every ship, every base. It is his duty to protect them from duplicity.” She paused for a moment, examining my face. “His reach already outpaces the rank of General, his duties are much closer to that of Grand Marshall. He is a strategist, and a damn good one. No one is ever likely to understand his actions completely. We cannot know the enormity of every decision he makes, no matter how insignificant it may seem. So I urge you to think of this every time something you do not understand occurs.” I gawked at her, asking the only thing I could seem to wrap my head around. 

“How old are you?” She looked at me like I was insane, but answered anyway. 

“Thirty seven.” She had known Hux since she was seven, since he was… four or five? I tried to hide my surprise when I realized what that meant.  _ She had been a cadet.  _ She would be more skilled at death than I could ever be, and she would absolutely succeed if she decided to kill me in my sleep.

“You don’t look a day over twenty five.” What did one say to someone who had been trained to kill since birth? Compliments seemed like a good bet. She rolled her eyes, but smiled.

“I respect your efforts to deflect to less serious topics, but I will finish. It is up to you if you decide to listen. Think of everything and everyone he is responsible for. Think of how much of himself he has poured into this Order that he has built. And then understand that instead of having you interrogated for possible treason, instead of ruining your life and or your career, he had you subtly observed instead. He put everything at risk, for  _ you. _ ” She released me, but continued to examine my reaction. I struggled to form some type of response, but I found myself gaping at her like a fish instead. 

“Thank you,” I paused, looking down to her cuff. “Colonel.” I smiled at her weakly. I had no idea how to process any of what she had said. She patted me on the shoulder before retrieving her bag. 

“Good luck, Specialist.” She tossed over her shoulder as she left. I showered and got ready in a daze. I rifled through the clean clothes that had been sent back from the laundry department, holding up the soft sweater I found nuzzled in the middle. It was Hux’ sweater, from the Absolution. Lee must have put it in my bag… I shrugged, pulling it on. I was sore and it was comfortable, there was no other reason that I wanted to wear it. I would tell myself that, and anyone else that asked with firm belief. When I exited the ‘fresher, Chiresa, Gemma, Relion, and Kezaih were all sitting on my bed, waiting. 

“We thought you’d like to eat with us,” Chiresa said. I smiled. That woman knew that I always needed food. I pushed all thoughts of Hux, of Ysable away as I found some socks and shoes. I sat on the open bed to pull the socks on. There was a knock at the door, and Chiresa slid off my bed to answer it for me. 

“Is Specialist Varien here?” I recognized Kae’s voice, shuffling up to peek my head out the door. I gave her a big smile. 

“Hi Doctor Emson!” And then I noticed the look on her face. She was nervous. 

“Specialist, may we speak privately?” I looked at the gaggle of women behind me, and stepped forward, out of the room. They groaned when I shut the door. 

“What?” I hissed. Was it my shoulder? No, if it had been my shoulder she would have just said whatever it was. 

“I was reviewing your file as we will need to replace your dermaseal soon, and I noticed something…” She winced. She was hunched into herself and I knew that she had absolutely no desire to tell me whatever it was she had found. 

“And?” I asked as panic started to burble in my gut. 

“The chip? Doctor Jamorr replaced it on the Absolution.” 

“Oh… Is that it? If it was just replaced, it would be fine, right?” I was confused. Kae wrung her hands together. 

“It’s my fault for not fully reviewing everything. She should have talked to you about it on the Absolution, but you were unconscious much of the time… I think she expected Harvel or I to talk to you about it. He read your intake file and I just don’t think he thought about it… Jamorr’s notes state that the chip was inactive and had been for some time, so she replaced it with a new one.” 

“Don’t those take a week or two to kick in?” I asked. Kae nodded. “Oh…” I started to feel light headed. I imagined small, red-headed children running through the halls of Starkiller. “I’m just…” I turned and the doors opened, all four women scrambling away from the door where they had been eavesdropping. I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at the durasteel in front of me. Chiresa’s face appeared directly in my view.

“Oi, I can see that you’re panicking, so stop it. We’ll talk about your deceit later, missy.” She pointed at my chest. I laughed a little, and I knew that it had been her intention. “So what’s the time frame here?” She asked, more serious. Chiresa was a pro at birth control, she was in her element. I thought about how ridiculous that was while I counted back in my head. 

“Uh… Taungsday?” 

“Okay, so that's like… Ten days since you were on the Absolution. So it’s probably fine. Stop your worrying Saphy. Even if your chip was on the fritz, he’d have one.” I blinked at her. He was the General. He didn’t have to have chip if he didn’t want one. I slid down to sit on the floor and Chiresa leaned back. They were all staring down at me with varying levels of concern. “Saphren… Who did you sleep with?” Chiresa asked when I wasn’t immediately relieved. 

“Suria won the bet,” I whispered. 

Relion and Keziah asked in unison: “What bet?” Gemma and Chiresa stared at me, and I could almost see the gears turning as they tried to figure out what the bet had to do with anything. 

“How do you know?” Gemma asked, slow on the uptake. Chiresa’s eyes went wide. 

“ _ What?! _ ” She shrieked, gripping me by the shoulders. “You did  _ what? You slept with your commanding officer? _ ” Gemma’s eyes went wide with understanding. Keziah’s face went pale. 

“You slept with Ren?” She asked as Relion was looking from person to person, trying to piece it all together. 

“No…” I said as I put my head in my hands. 

“...  _ Hux?! _ ” Keziah hissed. “Like… Some kind of hate fuck?” I looked back up at her confused face and sighed. Chiresa leaned in again.

“No, you’re a smart cookie. The smartest of all cookies. You wouldn’t sleep with a commanding officer unless something else was going on. And you have too much self respect to sleep with a man who treats you like bantha fodder stuck to his boot. What aren’t you telling us?” She asked, eyes narrowed. I sighed. 

“I guess I have to tell you why I don’t actually drink.”

“Because of the war?” She asked, frowning. “Not because of the war?” Chiresa sat cross legged in front of me, settling in for the story. “Spill your secrets before I become further offended by your lack of sharing.” The other women joined her on the floor, and I had to giggle at how asinine it was. I told them about Tev, everything that I remembered and everything that I guessed. 

“So… Hux is Tev?” Keziah asked. I nodded. 

“You’re still an idiot,” Chiresa sighed. I nodded in agreement. “Who’s going to tell Suria?” She asked while looking at Gemma. I choked on my laugh. 

“About that... “ Chiresa whipped her head back to me, eyes narrowed. 

“More secrets?” I nodded again.

“Uh… Well, Suria is actually Phasma?” They blinked at me. 

“How have I not been sent to reconditioning?” Chiresa mumbled. We all laughed, and some of my panic started to ease. 

“Something like this could only happen to you.” Relion piped up from her corner. I told them about my suspicions, about Phasma as Suria, about my night with Hux. I firmly left Ysable out of it. 

“You stormed into his office? You didn’t…” Chiresa scolded. “ _ You are supposed to be a smart cookie.  _ You didn’t know he was Tev at the time. What if he hadn’t wanted to screw your brains out?  _ You could have been killed, or sent to reconditioning! _ ” She snapped. 

“I don’t know, Chiresa. I just… I couldn’t help it,” I said weakly. They all glared at me for a few moments, and then I got a series of powerful hugs. “I have to do something. Meet you in the mess hall in a few minutes?” I asked as I stood. They all nodded and left me to pull on shoes. I walked towards the Command Center, nervously pulling at the simple sweater that I probably should have changed out of when I decided that I needed to do this. I knocked, and the doors slid open. He was sitting behind his desk, reading reports. He wasn’t wearing his tunic, the black button-up beneath well pressed. I gulped as I stepped inside. He looked over his datapad, staring at me as he hit the button for the doors to close. 

I shuffled forward, examining his face, but it was impassive, as normal. His lip was back to normal, the bruising on the other side already the sickly brown of nearly healed. Someone was getting bacta infusions. 

“Permission to be stupid?” I asked and his mouth twitched as he tried not to smile. He nodded. I gestured at his face. “I’m sorry. You deserved at least one, though. So I’m only half sorry.” He scoffed and set down his datapad. He stood and walked around the desk and my mouth went dry. I took a step back. He stopped walking the moment I had moved. I thought about what Ysable had said. ‘He put everything at risk, for  _ you. _ ’ Whos ovaries wouldn’t literally explode with that? I thought about kissing him. I thought about wall sex. And desk sex. And window sex. I straightened and reminded myself of my purpose here. I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t force the words out.

“Permission to be weird?” I asked instead. His eyebrows twisted, but he nodded, waiting. I walked forward and grabbed his left arm, unbuttoning his cuff and shoving up the sleeve. I poked around his brachioradialis until I found the square chip, just below the crook of his elbow. I let loose a sigh. It was relief I felt, I told myself. I pat his arm awkwardly before stepping back. He stared at me as he put his sleeve to rights. He said nothing, and I wondered if that was because the last time he’d opened his mouth I’d punched him. 

“I… I still need some time.” I winced. I was bad at this. He nodded, and I turned and scurried away. I went to the mess hall and got as much food as I could fit on one tray and then sat with everyone. I started to eat, but everyone was still staring, so I put down my fork mid bite. 

“What?” 

“We didn’t think about it until we sat down. But why does Hux have a jacked up face?” Chiresa asked. I blushed. Chiresa held out her hand and everyone tossed a couple of credits her direction. I gazed at them in confusion. “I bet that you punched him.” Chiresa said proudly as she stuffed the money in her pants. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	40. Strategy

**32 ABY**

**Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saprhen - Day 34_ **

The past few days had gone by in some sort of strange haze. Everything felt different but was more or less the same. I had not been placed with a new bunkmate, and it was eerily strange. I hadn’t had my own room since… I’d met Hux? And even then, that had only been for a few months. Before that I’d been in a dorm, and after that, I hadn’t had a room, I’d slept wherever the war had taken me. I went to the gym every morning, keeping the early schedule that had started because of Ysable. I jogged lightly around the track or did normal lifting while skipping my right arm entirely. I had breakfast with Phasma every day, and Keziah and Relion had started to join us. 

Relion and I had spent every morning together at the Conservatory, and it was a return to a time before I’d worried about how much my commanding officer hated me, or how much he maybe didn’t. Relion and Keziah had become fast friends, and I smiled when they went off on small mini rants in the middle of breakfast. Relion had changed a fair bit over the last month. I’d left a shy recluse at the Conservatory and she’d returned to me, more self-assured, more talkative than I’d ever seen her. It was a good change. I realized… She seemed happy. Relion’s work was important to her. Being commissioned to come to Starkiller had to have been a huge boost. 

Hux and I had managed to ignore each other for four days. I was so focused on my work that I didn’t make any mistakes that he needed to point out, and I kept my mouth shut during group discussions unless Hux was otherwise occupied. We were going to have to broach the subject sooner or later, someone was going to notice that something was off. But for the time being, I avoided it. Because I knew that I wanted to continue whatever it was we might have had, but I was dead certain that he wouldn’t allow it. And a purely sexual relationship didn’t appeal to me. As I thought of it, I remembered what it had felt like to be pressed up against his desk, and the flutter began deep in my gut. A sexual relationship most certainly appealed to my body. 

Phasma snapped her fingers in front of my face and I jerked, returning to the here and now. Chiresa and Gemma had joined us, and I blinked at Chiresa in confusion. Her hair was combed, her makeup pristine, and she was wearing a tasteful set of trousers and a tunic. And she was awake, and eating real food… At 0630. 

“Oi, what's wrong with you?” Chiresa asked. “You’ve been in your own little universe for five minutes, didn’t even notice when we got here.” She pointed between Gemma and herself. “And now you’re staring at me like I’m a rancor. What’s up?” Everyone at the table was staring at me, and I grimaced, trying to think of something to say other than the truth. 

“Uh… Nothing. I just, I was thinking about the meeting later,” I replied weakly. They all nodded except for Phasma who was giving me an appraising look. I continued. “It’s just been really nice. I haven’t done something to royally piss off Hux since I came back from Kedhys.” This was  _ not  _ true, but Phasma didn’t know that. Or at least I didn’t think that she did. “But we’re having a meeting to discuss tactics today, something that he and I clearly disagree on. I’m just nervous.” Phasma’s eyes slid away from me, but I was certain she had her suspicions. Everyone else seemed to buy it, even though they knew what had happened between Hux and I. 

“Why did it have to be a meeting about tactics?” Keziah whined. “General Hux is like… The master of tactics.”

“That’s exactly why it’s a meeting about tactics.” I said, sipping at my caf. Everyone nodded. I gestured at Chiresa. “Do you have a meeting, or something?” I asked. She looked at me in confusion and then looked at herself.

“What?” She asked. I gave her a suspicious look and she grinned at me. I decided to drop it. If she hadn’t said anything yet, she wasn’t going to, even if I prodded her. We all finished up eating and dispersed, but Phasma caught up to me on the way to my room. She leaned close, and I stared up at her with wide eyes.

“Did something happen between you and General Hux?” She asked in a low whisper while glancing around to make sure no one was within hearing distance. My cheeks flamed, and when she turned back to me her face twisted in surprise, and then her eyes narrowed. 

“Why?” I asked, unable to think of anything better to say. Her eyes narrowed further as she examined my face.

“You remembered, didn’t you?” She asked, more forward than I would have expected. I gaped at her, the blush running down my neck. She clearly knew more than I thought she did. I opened and closed my mouth, unable to form a sentence. “I knew it. He’s been a right ass for days, and you’re the only person I could think of that would be stupid enough to punch him in the face…” She paused for a moment. “Other than Kylo,” she finished in clarification. 

“Thanks?” She laughed, and then her face was immediately serious.

“I don’t know what happened all those years ago, other than what I gathered from your side of the conversation after the incident with Mil… The cat. And I am sticking my nose where it does not belong. But… You need to give him more credit. Be mad, fine. But… Don’t hate him for it.” She finished weakly. I gazed up at her, trying to piece things together. She knew things I hadn’t expected her to know, and didn’t know the things that I had expected. She thought I’d found out, punched Hux in the face, and then refused to talk to him for days. Well… That was true, but there was more to it than that. Realistically, if we hadn’t had sex, I probably would have remembered, punched him in the face, and then sat down for a good conversation over a few fingers of Tevraki Whiskey. It was the sex that had complicated things. I nodded at her, not knowing what else to say. She patted me on the shoulder, and I went to get ready. 

The morning was reserved for the mock pit, as per normal. But I was  _ severely  _ distracted. I watched Hux as he made rounds of the room, his slow meandering walk, his arms clasped behind his back… The women that surrounded Hux seemed to have a fairly high estimation of him, and it made everything more confusing… It made everything worse. But when he passed my terminal, he said nothing about the lines of code that were piling up. For lunch, I retreated to the quiet of my quarters, hiding in solitude, fingers picking at the monogram embroidered into the cuff of the shirt I’d stolen. I’d meant to return it, but I hadn’t. I’d told myself it was because I was afraid to be caught with it, but I knew that wasn’t true. I didn’t want to let go of it. 

That’s why I refused to talk to Hux. Because I didn’t want to let go. 

I forced myself to get up and go to the large meeting room near the Command Center, stomach growling. I sat in the far back corner and glowered, waiting for everyone else to show up. Eidhn arrived, looked at me, set down her files, and promptly left the room, a sneer on her face. I raised my eyes to the ceiling, gritting my teeth. I still didn’t understand what I could have possibly done to the woman. I leaned further back in my chair, closing my eyes, trying to think of nothing. Someone else entered the room, and I slowly opened my eyes to see Hux standing in the doorway, staring at me. I should have stood, I should have saluted, but instead I stared back, mouth going dry as he adjusted his cuffs. 

We hadn’t been alone since the day I’d checked his chip, and suddenly I wished Eidhn was back. Or that no one else would arrive. I looked away first, and he walked the rest of the way into the room sitting in the corner on his datapad. We both pretended to ignore each other, all the while staring out of the corners of our eyes. Keziah walked in and I waved at her like I was an insane person. She saluted Hux and he gestured at her to be at ease, focusing on his datapad. 

She came and sat with me, patting my knee when she registered the panic in my face. We talked in hushed tones about the party in the Officer’s Cantina later next week for something to do until everyone else arrived. When the room was full and Kylo stormed in, the lights dimmed and a projection went up against the wall. 

We went through a series of discussions about what we would do in any given situation, Phasma picking us at random. I started off with subtle, text-book, safe ideas whenever Phasma pointed at me. But as time went on and the situation became more and more defined, I thought of things like I had on KV-Seven Seven. Things that people wouldn’t normally think of, out of the box solutions. The types of ideas that had kept me alive on Kedhys and during the KV war. Kylo seemed very pleased with me, but Hux would follow up nearly every one of my statements with a shake of his head. 

“There are too many variables, Specialist Varien. Strategy involves planning, not flying by the seat of your pants. Impulsivity is likely to get you killed in situations like this,” He said, pointing at the screen. And he said some variation of the same thing every time. And then I formulated a plan that I was fairly proud of, going over the contingencies with everyone to show that I did put thought into my laserbrained ideas. Hux sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Specialist, I appreciate your efforts. Your ideas are well informed. But hasty decisions get you killed.” He stated firmly. I scowled. 

“Planning can only account for so much,” Kylo cut in. Hux gave him one of his trademark glares, eyes slowly sliding back to me. 

“Permission to speak freely, General?” I asked, leaning forward in my chair. Keziah shook her head at me, eyes wide as she swatted me under the table. I ignored her. Hux raised his eyebrows, pausing with concern, but then gestured for me to continue. 

“Strategy is imperative to survival,” I started, and Hux narrowed his eyes. He’d been expecting an up front argument. “I am not disagreeing with that. The base knowledge and planning is absolutely needed before entering a fight. But once you’re in the middle of it… Things fall apart. Rarely do things go to plan, and if you don’t have the flexibility to adjust your strategy, that will get you killed just as easily.” I paused, throat tightening with anxiety. Hux’ lip had curled, hands twisted in fists. He did not agree, I knew. But I’d lived through it. He’d clearly proved his point when it came to my forms, and I understood the necessity of the textbook knowledge. But I thought that there was a place for both. I picked my next words very carefully.

“We need this preparation,” I gestured at the room. “But we also need to discuss the rare variables. Because simulations can never account for the true spontaneity of the real thing. They can get close, and they are absolutely necessary. But you are depending on us to lead forces.” I gestured around the room. “What happens when we are cut off from main command and we encounter a situation that no one had thought of? What happens when the manual doesn’t apply?” I twitched nervously under his appraising gaze. Kylo leaned forward, and Hux held up his hand to stop him from whatever follow up he’d intended. 

“Specialist Varien. I know that you are in total agreement with Commander Ren when it comes to the…  _ Deficiencies _ of simulations.” He hissed, and I leaned back, eyes wide. I did not mean to drag their old argument into this. Fear crawled up my spine. I’d made a misstep. 

He stood, setting his datapad down with a sense of finality. “I understand that you are both firm in your beliefs. But I will not have you question my methods unless you can back it up with something irrefutable.” He paused, tongue clicking. He was weighing options in his mind, I could see it clearly. “I have a proposition.” He paused, and I wondered if it was for effect or if he was trying to chose his words with precision. 

“I have modified this training program over a series of years to perfect it. This group has received the very best that the First Order has to offer. And I received my training in the same manner, but from an early, undisciplined version of this program. You obviously favor more  _ vigorous  _ simulations, Commander Ren, per your expedition last week.” He stepped into the projection, his face ghostly pale as he leaned against the table, giving us all the glare of our lives. “Starting tomorrow, this entire class will embark on survivalist training on the surface of Starkiller. It will be every man for himself, just as the Commander’s team experienced. But I will join you, and it will be your goal to kill me.” The room was entirely silent at his announcement. “Any officer that comes close to simulating my death will win a week of paid leave. And if an officer can actually succeed, I will take Commander Ren and Specialist Varien’s concerns seriously.” He smiled, a scary baring of teeth. “Dismissed.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	41. Everybody Kill Hux *

**32 ABY**

**Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 35_ **

I was roused at 0400 with one of Hux’ provoking speeches piped directly into my room, and I groaned, pulling the pillow over my head to try to drown out the noise. It didn’t work, and I shuffled to an upright position, blinking blearily at the empty bed across from me. I snatched my datapad off the bedside table, squinting as my unread messages flashing at a full twenty. The first was from Kae, and I was suddenly awake, anxiety pattering at my heart. But when I opened it, anxiety was replaced with subdued acceptance. She heard about our planned outing, and my dermaseal needed to be replaced. That was going to suck nerfballs, as Chiresa would say. 

The next message was actually from Chiresa. It simply read: “You are an idiot.” Followed up by a separate message, from Chiresa and Gemma: “Be careful, we love you.” I smiled and rolled my eyes. The subsequent messages contained a series of instructions on how to proceed for the day. I raised my eyebrows as I read through them all. This was not Ren’s little game. I was starting to think he’d put that together randomly the morning that he’d decided to take us out.

Everyone was directed to go to the Med Bay at 0500 for physicals that would determine a baseline of our vitals and have equipment attached to various parts of our anatomy. Everything would be monitored from a terminal on base, where Phasma would make sure to pull anyone that was in danger. We were to dress in our excursion gear and pick up packs at the Commissary between 0500 and 0700, and a rather impressive catalogue of items was included. 

The rules were simple: kill or be killed. We were told to be prepared to survive in extreme conditions for up to seven days. If no one managed to kill Hux by then, we would be recalled to base in defeat. You were allowed to work in teams, but in the end, only one person would get the week of leave. The last message on my datapad was from a blocked user: “Good luck.” I narrowed my eyes before replying: “You too.” I was 95% sure it was Hux. I pulled off his shirt before hitting the ‘fresher and heading to the Med Bay. 

I spent the next two hours getting poked and prodded, chips placed on literally every limb, a rather large patch placed on my stomach, getting a new seal, and getting my gear from the Commissary before combing through the bag carefully to make sure everything was there. I frowned in confusion when I pulled out a sweetmallow bar from the side pocket, shrugging and putting it back so that I could enjoy it when I won. And then I jerked, staring at the wall as I remembered the man standing at the end of my bed that first night in the Med Bay, and the sweetmallow bar that had been waiting for me when I awoke. I’d been sure that I had hallucinated the man and that Chiresa had left the bar, but I’d never remembered to thank her for it... It had been Hux... That had been sweet of him. I sighed. I was going to have to talk to him when this was all over, when I fake killed him and won a week of leave and could avoid him if it went poorly. 

I met everyone at the obstacle course by 0800, per our instructions. It was an overcast morning, the air biting. I wondered if a storm was heading our way. There were racks and bins full of weapons and equipment, and I picked through them in excitement. I loaded up on simulation knives and grenades, snagging a pistol and rifle before leaning against a tree to wait. Hux came out, followed by Phasma, Ren, and Eidhn. I snapped to attention, but I couldn’t keep my eyes ahead. The sight of Eidhn lugging all of Hux’ gear was enough to make my heart sing, but that wasn’t what kept my attention. My eyes followed Hux, who was wearing form fitting pants tucked into shining tactical boots. His hair was wild with the wind, his coat and vest undone to reveal a tight set of thermal wear.  _ Unfair.  _

“At ease.” His voice rang out in the clearing. “I’m sure you all understand the concept of what we’re doing. You were provided with a series of messages containing all of the information that you should need for the duration of this exercise. You will have twenty minutes to disperse. A flare will be fired to notify you that the game has begun... Try not to send anyone to the Med Bay. Good luck.” He smiled with the last, and my heart fluttered. And then everyone scattered and I focused on what the kriff I was supposed to be doing. 

I sprinted until I was sure I was out of view of everyone and climbed the nearest tree. I settled against the bark to wait, watching the sky near the base for the flare. The moment it blazed in the sky, it was absolute chaos. I really hoped someone was out there recording, because the things that I heard echoing through the trees were hilarious. I settled in to play the long, boring game, listening to the chorus of painful yelping when someone’s chip went off. 

Spending hours in a tree was not great fun, but it served me well until Terson entered my line of sight, clearly tracking my footprints. I braced, using the rifle to shoot her from the safety of my tree. She jerked and collapsed, twitching on the snow. I moved through the trees after that, looping around any time I found a clearing. I wouldn’t leave footprints to track. I found a suitable set of branches to settle into and pulled out more gear. I’d worn only a few layers to start to avoid overheating. Sweat could be deadly in freezing conditions, but now that I intended to stay put until dark, I’d need the warmth. 

Staying in the trees had multiple advantages. It kept me safe from the wind and kept me out of sight from my enemies. If a storm came through, I’d have to find real shelter. But since my arrival on Starkiller, the weather had been rather sedate. Our outing with Kylo had been more like cold weather camping than an extreme survival situation. 

When darkness started to fall, I pulled off some layers and re-packed my bag. I marked on a map where I saw the fires, and set out to perform some simulated murder. I snuck through the trees, crawling forward on my stomach when I got near enough. Valkell, Natalis and Emerton had teamed up. I could have taken two, but not three, head on. So I set a detonator and tossed it into the clearing, scattering away as it went off. I crawled back, ready to shoot any stragglers, but all three of them were convulsing a few feet away from their fire. 

I headed off towards my next mark, setting traps as I went and marking them on my map so that I wouldn’t forget where I’d put what and accidentally maim myself. I was picking my way through the dark when someone ran at me from the side, tackling me to the ground, knife in hand. I blocked their downward swing to my chest, squirming out from under them. They reared up and tried to come back down again, but I got my legs between us, firmly planting my feet at their ribs and launching them away from me. They hit the ground with a thump and then started to slide down hill. They were struggling upright when the ground broke away beneath them and they toppled down the hill. I scrambled after them, placing my feet carefully. 

I found him at the base of the hill, groaning. I pulled up his mask and Davian was looking back up at me. 

“Oh Kirst, what the kriff.” He smiled up at me, clearly in pain. I hit the button near his collar that would notify Phasma that he needed to be picked up. He must think I hate him. I patted him awkwardly on the arm. “I swear, I didn’t mean to do it the first time, and I really didn’t mean to do it again. I’ll buy you dinner, or something, to make up for it,” I whined. 

“Only if it’s a date,” he wheezed out. I blinked at him. 

“I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.” I replied cautiously.

“No sarcasm here,” he smiled up at me. 

“Did you hit your head when you fell?” I asked, moving his head around to see if I could find an injury. 

“Probably, but I’m serious. You may beat the shit out of me on a fairly frequent basis, but I respect you.” Kirst Davian was an attractive man, proficient in all of his studies, intelligent. And he was funny. But… 

“I’m ah… Kind of seeing someone. But thank you.” He shrugged and then winced. I pat him on the shoulder before scurrying off, lest I be found by another opponent. 

I decided to call it a night, finding a rocky alcove for shelter and settling in for the night, pouting as I snuggled further into the Cyrene sweater. I’d told Kirst I was seeing someone. It was a lie... But I wanted it to be true. And it was the first time I’d said it outloud. I needed to find Hux so I could kill him and then talk to him. 

*****

I spent the next two days much as I had the first day. Hiding during daylight, hunting at night, listening to my traps going off with smiles of glee. Our equipment had been coded when we picked it up, and I was eager to see what my personal kill count was up to when we returned to base. I managed to ambush another three fire users last night, although Aelani had roughed me up a bit during our skirmish. My shoulder was a little sore and I knew I had some bruises, but I was doing relatively well. 

I was incredibly thankful that I’d kept to the trees, because I had forgotten one very important piece of information that I’d discovered while I was on the Absolution. I’d actually found Zand, Asher and Wye in a clearing earlier today. Asher was napping while Zand and Wye were on watch, and I was preparing to throw a detonator when a shot rang out, taking Wye in the chest. Asher jumped up and immediately went down, another blasterbolt echoing in the distance. Zand ran for cover, but he was too slow. 

I stood on my tree branch, holding completely still as I attempted to discover where the shots had come from. I calculated the angle and looked far into the distance, at an outcropping of rocks about a mile to the north. Hux. Hux was a trained sniper. I went through my memory, trying to picture the strategies I’d seen in his journals. I decided to pick my way up the mountain after a nap instead of setting traps or hunting my classmates. Afterall, Hux was the true goal. I found a good napping tree and settled in.

I slowly awoke. Something wasn’t right, although I wasn’t certain what it was. I opened my eyes to total darkness, and listened intently. After a few moments I realized that the thick branch I was on was swaying, and I squinted, staring ahead to see something moving slowly up the branch. The huffing growl echoed, and I snapped all the way awake, adrenaline pulsing through my veins as I lunged to the side, the Ice Cat scrabbling at the bark where I had been. My pack fell to the ground and I hit the tree as my line went taut, and I fumbled for the caribeanear. I unsnapped, falling, hitting branches on my way down. I landed with a thick slap, pain radiating from my back, but I forced myself up, grabbing my pack and running. I crashed through the trees, and I saw a figure ahead of me turning, preparing to fire at me. 

“Run!” I yelled, hoping that they would listen. If they shot me now, I would die. They apparently decided to take me seriously, sprinting ahead. I tripped on a root, sliding forward as I reached for my belt, pulling my real sidearm and twisting just in time to fire before the cat descended on me. It’s screeching, coughing roar echoed through the trees, but it was still slowly coming for me, quills quivering before they released with a hiss, thunking into everything within five feet, including me. Another shot came from behind me, and the cat collapsed. I stared for a few moments, prepared to shoot again, before I realized I was safe. 

I laid back, breathing heavily as I stared through the trees at the night sky. My saviour slid forward on the snow, reaching for me when they got close enough. 

“Ren, Ren, are you alright?” I sighed, it was Keziah. Thank god it had been Keziah. Anyone else might have thought I was setting a trap. I shuffled upright, still trying to catch my breath. Sweat was seeping into my clothes, but I had some time before I’d need to worry about that. 

“Yeah… I think so,” I replied as I pat myself down.  Most of the quills had hit my armor, but I pulled one from my wrist with a hiss. My commlink chirped to life and Phasma’s voice filtered through.

“Saphren, what’s going on?”

“Ice Cat. We’re good though,” I gasped, wiggling to make sure my back seemed to be alright. 

“Are you sure?” She asked, concern clear. 

“Yeah. The cat didn’t get me.”

“Very well. Good luck Specialist.” The line went dead and I looked at Keziah’s bundled face. 

“Thank you,” I said earnestly, stopping myself before I gave her a hug, quills sticking out from me like a pincushion. 

“Any time,” she replied awkwardly, like this was going to be a common situation. We laughed as she helped me upright. I removed the quills and adjusted my clothing quickly while Keziah kept watch. I stretched, and I was definitely bruised, but I didn’t think anything was broken. I went through my pack to make sure I hadn’t lost anything in my mad dash, and everything seemed to be accounted for. The air seemed unnaturally still, and the temperature seemed to have dropped.

“Find some shelter Keziah, a storm is coming.”

“I have a cave up the way. Want to share for the night?” She asked, gesturing with her rifle to the west. I gave her a calculating look. It was tempting, but I’d been nocturnal for the last few nights. I wasn’t likely to be able to sleep, and I thought I had a real chance of ending this thing tonight. 

“Thanks, but I have a plan.” She opened her mouth like she was thinking about asking if I’d be willing to share, but nodded instead. 

“Good luck.”

“You too!” I gave her a hug before heading north. When I was a fair distance away, I pulled out my map to make sure I was going the right way. I’d marked the outcropping that I was fairly certain Hux had used this morning. A short walk further east was an outbuilding of some variety. It was the nearest structure that would likely have heat, and if I were a betting woman, I’d say that Hux was using it as a base. No one in our class would have the clearance to access the building, or know of its existence offhand. I’d be tempted to call it cheating, but Hux was a firm believer in using your surroundings to your advantage. Were this enemy territory, he most certainly would have broken into it to survive after discovering it’s existence during research. 

I was sweating through my clothes when the snow started to fall, and I picked up my pace. I needed to be inside before the storm really hit, or I was screwed. I’d freeze to death with damp clothing. 

The building was nestled in the hills by the mountains in a natural alcove, and when I finally saw it, I was damn certain I was right. It was a communications outpost, reaching high into the sky, electronics on the roof, a white light blinking high above me. If Hux was a good marksman, he’d be able to pick people off from even that far of a distance. I hiked up to the building, being as stealthy as I could. I pulled my handy-dandy fabricated digital lockpick from my boot.

The door slid open and I slithered in as quietly as I could, hoping that Hux wouldn’t be right in the entryway but prepared to return fire if needed. But when I walked in across the durasteel grating, the hall was empty. I unzipped my coat for better movement and shut the doors, moving forward slowly in a low crouch. He could be uptop right now, bundled up from the snow, with a night vision scope. Or he could be napping in a cot in the generator room, where it would be nice and warm. 

I stepped into the next room, pausing momentarily as I assessed the room. There was a control panel to my right, steps leading down to my left. And ahead of me was a doorway, and I stepped forward carefully, eyes going wide. Or Hux could be right here, walking through the doorway, holding his rifle by the barrel. He’d been looking down, but looked up right as I pulled the trigger, and he lunged to the side, the laser taking him in the arm. He hissed, dropping the gun, and he rushed me, taking me down. The lights flickered and shut off, emergency lighting kicking on moments later. 

My rifle went skittering, and I squirmed backwards before he could get a good hold on me. He grasped at everything within reach, and when he got a decent grip on my coat I pulled out of it, kicking him in the shoulder to get further away. I managed to get upright before he did, but he braced on the ground, twisting his legs up at me, his boot taking me in the side. The force of it pushed me into the control panel, and I slid around him as he got up. We circled each other for a few moments, and then I sprinted, jumping up into a scissor kick to try to bring him down, but he grabbed my thighs before I could get high enough, and we went flying back into a wall. I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to twist around to get to his back, but he held my legs firm. 

I pulled one of the knife hilts from his belt, and he dropped my legs to focus on blocking. I fell a foot, sliding down his chest before I managed to grip my thighs at his waist, and I went for a punching stab to his ribs. He blocked and pulled my facemask up, obscuring my vision. I let my upper body drop, holding on with my legs, and pulled the mask off. I stabbed his calf and he let out a grunt as his leg suddenly went dead, and he went down to his knees. I hauled myself up so that my head didn’t impact with the steel, twisting to try to stab him in the chest, but something hit me in the back, below my shoulder blade, and my body seized as the shock ran through every nerve and white light flashed behind my eyelids.

Although I was certain I hadn’t passed out, consciousness seemed to slowly float back to me. My legs were loosely wrapped around Hux’ waist, and he was supporting my limp form with an arm along my back and a hand cradling my skull. He was a few inches above me, his face flicking through emotions faster than I could decipher them, but an underlying current of concern was present in each twist of his features. I closed the distance, gripping his face between gloved hands as our lips met. 

He pulled me closer to him and I tightened my thighs, our teeth clicking together in urgency. I bit his lower lip, sucking it into my mouth, and he growled, ripping the fleece shell over my head. The Cyrene sweater from the Absolution was next, and it seemed to put him into some type of frenzy as he bucked up into me, hands gripping my neck and chin as he feasted on my mouth. I moaned into the kiss as I shoved his coat down his arms. I yanked the vest away from him next, desperate to feel his skin. 

He gripped my hips, lifting up to stand and taking me with him before he dropped me on the control panel. He wrenched the sweater over my head and then my thermal fleece before tearing my bra below my breasts. He gazed at me for a few moments, and then ducked down, latching on to my right breast, biting the flesh while lathing the nipple with his tongue. I reached between us, undoing his belt while I whined with need. I shoved his tactical pants and thermals down together, gripping his velvety arousal before running my fingers over him delicately. He shuddered, releasing my chest and returning to my mouth with fierce nips while he divested me of my pants. I gripped his thermal shirt, forcing us apart to  drag it up and over his head. I was greeted with the vision of pale, smooth skin that was taut over strong muscle. 

He leaned forward and mouthed at my neck, giving me a sharp bite before he paused to simply breathe. He dropped down to unlace one of my boots, ripping it from my foot and shoving my pant leg down and off. He ran his hand back up my leg, gripping my ass as he stood before sliding into me with a shuddering snap of his hips. 

I scrabbled at his forearms as he moved within me, pulling him to me with my legs. He grasped the back of my neck with his other hand, his mouth falling open when he was sheathed all the way inside of me. He looked at me with a fierce expression of want, and I clenched around him. I needed to be closer to him, and I dragged him down to me, capturing his lips with a savage kiss as he pounded into me. He held me to him, his arms strong against my back, and I wailed as the angle changed, as the speed morphed into slow, deep drags in between my thighs. He lifted away from my mouth as I started to shudder with pending release, his beryl eyes flicking across all of my features before staring me in the eyes. It was my undoing, and I came with a shout, back arching. 

He mouthed my neck, whispering into my skin as he chased his own orgasm, moving faster within me as I wrenched my nails down his back. The tension built in my core again, and I found myself fervently murmuring his name as he snapped his hips, screaming when he hit the perfect spot. He went still, pulsing inside of me. He collapsed on top of me, breathing heavily into my hair. His fingers slid up my arm to twine with mine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)


	42. One in Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I said Phasma was coming up next, but I've been having real trouble with it for some reason, so I decided to swap the order of the next two chapters.

**32 ABY**

**Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Akaesha - Day 26_ **

I sat at my desk, staring off into the distance for lack of anything else to do. I’d finished my reports, I’d typed up Wilm Harvel’s quarterly performance review, I’d done inventory, I’d even cleaned. Normally I liked the quiet, it’s why I’d chosen night shift, but today I was bored out of my bloody mind. My cheek had started to go numb from leaning into my hand, and I stood to stretch, turning when someone shuffled across durasteel. 

My eyebrows raised of their own volition when I saw Ren. She was wearing fitness attire, but it seemed distorted, the band of purple that ran along the side of her leg twisting up towards her backside while the other side leaned towards her front. A button up that was clearly too large for her swathed her torso, and her walk was staggered. Her hair had mostly come free from the ponytail that held it, and her lips were bruised. She was the walking epitome of someone who had just had some pretty extravagant intercourse. She held her shoulder as she walked. I pointed to the chair that had become hers. 

“What did you do?” I asked as I walked up to her. 

“Why is it always something I did?” She replied petulantly, pouting like a child. I gave her a stern look as if she were one, until she finally opened her mouth to explain. “Two things. Pretty please check my shoulder and make sure I didn’t royally kriff it up?” She asked, looking up at me with big eyes. I sighed, turning around to rummage for the scanner and stepping behind her. She gurgled when I touched her back, the muscles tense and angry. I moved the shirt slightly to the side, blinking as I felt something in the collar. I turned it, staring at the fine monogramming in confusion before shrugging and shoving my glasses up to the top of my head as I went back around to face Ren. 

“It’s fine. Certainly not happy, but you didn’t do any lasting damage. You probably extended your healing time by another week, though.” She gave me a shrug with the properly functioning half of her shoulders, and I rolled my eyes. 

“Will you believe me when I tell you it was absolutely worth it?” I laughed, not realizing that Ren would be so forward. She giggled at me in confusion, before looking away briefly in embarrassment, laughter still shaking her form. I could tell that I missed something, but I didn’t know what it was. I pushed my tongue up against the inside of my cheek while I thought about it, but came up blank. “Right, well, second thing…” She paused, trying to regain control of herself. “Erm, will you check my chip?” She asked, pushing the sleeve up higher. I controlled my face as shock went through me. She was smart to have me check. The chips had trouble with trauma, and Saphren had seen her fair share of trauma. I scanned her arm and the light flashed green, a small beep accompanying the light. I released an internal sigh of relief on her behalf.

“Looks fine, Ren.” I looked up at her, telling her with my face that I was here if she needed me. I liked Saphren, more than I probably should. And it seemed like she desperately wanted to talk to someone, but she looked away, indecisive before she turned back to give me a weak smile. 

“Thanks Kae, I’m good.” She hopped from the chair before she skittered from the room. I stared after her for a few moments, only moving when my datapad went off. I rushed to my desk, the series of shrill rings reserved for only a few people. I snatched it up, staring at the message as anxiety filled me. But it wasn’t from Captain Opan, and my heart slowed a bit. If it had been an assassination attempt, I’d have heard from Tritt. Instead, it was a message directly from General Hux, requesting a visit to his office with generic medical supplies, specifically bacta infusions. I gathered the items that I would need, hurrying up to the Command Center. 

There was no guard at his door, and I paused in concern. It was odd, but as soon as the thought crossed my mind, the trooper turned the corner from having done rounds. He nodded at me as I knocked. The door opened and I found Hux in his sitting area, tunic open to show an undershirt instead of button up. His head was tossed back, but as I stepped into the room he lifted his head to look at me, and I knew why I’d been called. His pale flesh was red on either side of his face, the swelling already starting, his lip bruised and angry. I quietly went to work and I left him with a bag of supplies. I stood awkwardly, staring at him until he seemed to realize that he hadn’t said a word to me since my arrival and he hadn’t dismissed me either. 

“Dismissed, Doctor Emson,” he lisped, and I saluted before heading out. My eyebrows were knit in confusion, and I looked up when someone fell in step with me. It was Kylo, and I felt the familiar tingle on my forehead, and I forcibly pushed him from my mind, imaging blocks going up. 

“Don’t even try it, Kylo.” I glared up at him, pictured his lips slowly curling into an attractive smile that begged me to forgive him, hair twirling in front of chocolate eyes. 

“Oh, come on Akaesha. Don’t ruin my fun,” his boyish, innocent voice came through, although it was warped by the vocoder. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. He was the only person on this ship that I knew was stupid enough to hit Hux. He reached for me, and I danced out of the way. 

“I’m on shift, Commander Ren. Goodnight,” I said firmly, walking backwards to watch as he stopped pursuing me. I went back to my staring, snoozing at my desk before too long. 

*****

When I returned to shift the next day, I was informed to be prepared for incoming wounded. Kylo had apparently taken his team out for a survival simulation that included a very high possibility of maiming. I sighed, preparing rooms, pausing when I was unpacking crisp sheets. I frowned, remembering that Saphren was coming up on the need for a new seal, especially if she were going to be in the wilderness for days. I pursed my lips. It was too late now. I looked to the heavens as I sighed in annoyance. If Kylo was the bane of General Hux’ existence, he was at the very least a thorn in my side. A very large thorn. 

The next three nights were very busy for me, Kirst Davian requiring frequent care after being launched down a hill. He slipped in and out of consciousness, and on more than one occasion I heard him whispering Saphren’s name. I wondered if this was her mystery man, but it didn’t seem quite right. 

I sat at my desk, reviewing Saphren’s file to see what other follow up care would be required upon her return. Aneth Jamorr’s notes were meticulous, defining the wounds that Saphren had arrived with. She postulated that Saphren had been severely dehydrated on Kedhys, although her levels were respectable when checked. Harvel had read all of this before and told me of the important bits, and Aneth had sent an in-depth list of items for Saphren separately. I’d meant to read it over in case Harvel missed anything, he was still learning afterall, but I’d frankly forgotten.

I continued my reading, getting to notes from after Ren was placed in the tank. And then my heart stopped. During Aneth’s secondary examination once Saphren’s life threatening wounds were dealt with, she made notes that Ren’s chip had been discovered to be non-functional, and that it likely hadn’t been working for some time. She replaced the chip, the night before Saphren returned to Starkiller. I counted back the days.  _ Six. Six days.  _ If Saphren were lucky, the chip would have kicked in early, but it was rare. Eight to fourteen days was more likely. I gnawed at my lip.  _ Kriff.  _

_ It would probably be fine _ , I reasoned. It was a one in twenty chance. I winced. One in twenty wasn’t really a rousing endorsement. Ren was going to kill me. 

I slept fitfully, getting up after only an hour or two of sleep. Waiting for me was a message from Kylo that he and his team had returned. My stomach dropped. I would need to tell Ren. I got dressed, forcing myself to walk to her quarters. I stood outside for a few moments before managing to knock. A slim blonde woman opened the door, smiling up at me. 

“Is Specialist Varien here?” I asked, swallowing my anxiety. Saphren emerged from beside her friend, smiling one of her classic grins. My stomach dropped. 

“Hi Doctor Emson!” She said with excitement, and then her face slowly fell. 

“Specialist, may we speak privately?” She glanced back into the room and then stepped forward, socked feet sliding as she slapped her hand to the pad to shut the door. A group of women comically groaned as the durasteel slid shut, but it didn’t lift my spirits. 

“What?” she gasped. 

“I was reviewing your file as we will need to replace your dermaseal soon, and I noticed something…” I winced, chewing on the inside of my cheek. 

“And?” She asked impatiently, a level of fear slicing through the word. I decided to blurt it out.

“The chip? Doctor Jamorr replaced it on the Absolution,” I rushed. Saphren looked at me in confusion, still not comprehending.

“Oh… Is that it? If it was just replaced, it would be fine, right?” I rubbed my hands together. 

“It’s my fault for not fully reviewing everything. She should have talked to you about it on the Absolution, but you were unconscious much of the time… I think she expected Harvel or I to talk to you about it. He read your intake file and I just don’t think he thought about it…. Jamorr’s notes state that the chip was inactive and had been for some time, so she replaced it with a new one.”

“Don’t those take a week or two to kick in?” She asked, starting to get the idea of it all. “Oh…” Her face went pale, and I thought she might’ve gone into shock. She glanced around as if she were seeing ghosts. “I’m just…” She turned and fled into the room. I tapped the pad to close the door, leaving her to her friends, feeling sick to my stomach. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep, so I went to the Med Bay, sweeping floors for something to keep busy. After what seemed like days, my datapad went off, Hux requesting basic medical supplies again. I wondered how his face was healing, pulling together the items before heading up to his office. 

I walked up behind Kasra who held a newly pressed tunic in her delicate hands, and I smiled at her. 

“How are you doing, Officer Gzad? Is your arm still bothering you?” She blushed, eyes drifting to the side. It still made her uncomfortable, after all this time. 

“My stump, you mean?” She asked with thinly veiled distaste. I sighed. Kasra’s emotional state was for Doctor Avalost to treat. 

“Yes, you had said that the connections were bothering you. Did the salve I recommend help?” She gulped, looking guilty for her outburst.

“Yes, Kae. Thank you.” I rubbed her shoulder softly, dropping my hand before we entered the office together. I stood by the door as Kasra handed the General the tunic, as she collected a rather pathetic and soaking piece of fabric that used to be a finely pressed top. Hux’ face had healed nicely, the bruising a muddy brown that would fade in a day or two more. 

“Thank you, Kasra,” He murmured to her tenderly. I think it was the softest I’d ever heard him speak, and I was sure to keep my face clear of emotion even as I saw Kasra’s smile as she walked past me. When she left, Hux gestured me forward. 

“Thank you for coming, Doctor Emson,” He stated, his voice flint once more. He frowned before continuing. “I am not calling your oath into question, because I know that you took one. But I feel that I must impress upon you the seriousness of what it would mean to reveal anything of what you have discovered in this office once you leave it. Are we understood?” He hissed, voice low with the warning. I stared up at him with big eyes, nodding my head before I could remember to speak. 

“Yes, Sir. Of course.” He held out his arm, unbuttoning the cuff with a practiced flick and he started to roll up the sleeve. With the first turn I noticed that the fabric was monogrammed, a fine AWH sewn into the fabric near his wrist. And I froze, incredibly careful to reveal nothing on my face. I knew what he would ask when the sleeve was pulled up against his bicep. I knew who had left the scratches that ran down the pale flesh of his forearm. 

“Please check the chip, Doctor Emson,” He declared, sounding calm, his face set in curious thought rather than anxious conjecture. I pulled out the scanner, running it over his arm, and the light flashed red, a low warning tone emitting from the device. His eyebrows raised, light glinting from the red hairs. He slowly returned his cuff to rights before pulling on his tunic. I could tell that he was considering something intently, and I slowly turned to place the device back in the bag, waiting for some type of emotional eruption, but it never came. I cleared my throat.

“Would you like to schedule a time to have the chip replaced, Sir?” I stuttered. 

“Not as of yet, Doctor. Thank you for your time. You are dismissed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because it was mentioned in comments and I realized that it may actually be helpful for me, I made a catalog for the characters. It is divided by chapter, so anyone that starts reading now can be free to check the list without fear of spoilers. I also included links for canon characters.  
> [Dramatis Personae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydTX9cbowwIYN3SS3nhymqTtz6j2EpgqfmQmvc3oZX8/edit?usp=sharing)
> 
> (The link is fixed now, so it should work!)


	43. Locked In

**32 ABY**

**The Absolution - Somewhere Over Ilum**

**_Phasma - Day 17_ **

I hated the Absolution. I’d like to say that I hated it more than anyone in the galaxy, but I was sure that Hux would lay claim to that title. He’d spent his teen years on this ship, and it was not a series of easy years. I got a goofy smile on my face when I pictured him, just slightly shorter than he was now, all gangly limbs, hair long and wild. I’d never seen him as a teen, but I was sure I wasn’t far from the truth. 

I’d met Hux when he was twenty, when he’d responded to his father’s distress signal on Parnassos and rescued us all. He’d stepped out of the shuttle wearing an impeccable officer’s uniform, his hair neatly combed, exuding confidence that no twenty year old had any right to. He’d greeted us all impersonally, even his father… Perhaps especially his father. And the look that Armitage gave his father when he began the bombardment of my home planet was one of absolute malice. It was at that moment that I realized I may have hedged my bets on a lame horse, and it wasn’t long before I’d firmly placed my loyalty with the younger Hux. 

This ship had history for us both. It was the closest thing that Armitage had to a family home, and it was where I had begun my journey with the First Order. But most importantly, it was where Hux had cemented our alliance when he’d told Cardinal firmly that he’d ordered me to kill Brendol instead of giving me up. It was where I’d been forced to kill Cardinal when he couldn’t let go of the loss. 

When Hux and I landed in the hangar, we were immediately swarmed by what seemed to be every officer and trooper aboard the Absolution. I prepared for the political game that Hux would have to play, watching the exchange between him and Canady. It was better than it would have been with Peavey. I tapped my foot impatiently, ready to get moving. He lead us through to an old junker of a shuttle, and I followed Hux up the ramp. I’d known Saphren was a smart cookie, but when Byrany climbed aboard, his equipment clinking, he gave her radio a look of admiration and I bumped my estimation of her intelligence up a few notches. We left Rorge to his work, and I thought that I might’ve had more entertainment if I’d stayed with Byrany. 

I stared at the wall for the next hour, grateful for my helmet as we went through a tour of the ship. When Hux headed for the Med Bay, I went to check on Byrany and the rest of our compliment that would be waiting aboard the shuttle for direction. I shuffled into the old Lambda, ducking when I slithered in. Byrany was still deep within code, and I leaned into the co-pilot's seat as he read, his lips moving silently. After a few moments, he seemed to get to a stopping point.

“I don’t know what direction you were leaning ‘Ma, so hopefully this is good news for you, but there is no way that this ship has had any data alteration. Specialist Varien flew the thing from Kedhys Rhea. She’s smart, Phasma.” His eyebrows raised as he complimented her. “She kept track of her systems carefully, turning things off once she ran out of fuel. She was without heat for hours, and she likely would have run out of oxygen had she been out there for another two hours or so. And that radio? It’s a marvel. I’m actually surprised it works, I’d have to spend a few hours pulling it apart to figure out how she did it,” he nearly lamented. It wasn’t often that Byrany felt outclassed. I watched his face carefully, and then decided I’d save him some trouble. I pulled my helmet and leaned close to whisper into his ear.

“Byrany, I’m going to stop you here before you get yourself killed. I can tell you like Specialist Varien. Be impressed all you want. But I’m fairly certain Hux is in love with her, so I would keep that,” I gestured wildly at his face, his eyes wide, his cheeks pink, the slowly fading smile, “to yourself.” He frowned, a little fear creeping into his eyes. He leaned closer. 

“Really? I thought he hated her?” He asked, glancing around the ship in sudden paranoia. 

“Why do you think he came himself?” I asked, and Byrany started filtering through data in his head. He was remembering the computer logs that I’d had him pull, and then I could tell he was thinking about the glitch in the system that he’d found. The one that had prevented the explosion on the surface of Kedhys Rhea. Saprhen had been one of three MIA soldiers, the other two newer troopers sent from the Conservatory to be posted at Atargus. He gaped at me as he realized that that glitch had likely saved Saphren’s life, that had he found it even hours sooner she may have died. 

“When did you figure all of this out?” He asked, leaning ever closer, dropping his voice as low as it could go. 

“Not long ago, and I’m still piecing it all together,” I whispered conspiratorially. I stared at Byrany’s face, his wide blue eyes, the waves of burgundy that escaped from his hat. I realized with a jolt that I missed him, missed our time at the Conservatory. When I’d had a friend, a partner, before I had been catapulted high above the rank of nearly every other person I’d come to know. I looked away, pulling on my helmet. “I’d better go check in with Hux. You may return to the shuttle, if you’d like.”

“If.. Ah, if it’s alright with you, I’d like to take a crack at that.” He pointed at the radio behind my seat. As if I hadn’t known that would be his choice. I climbed out of the cockpit. 

“Have at it,” I said before slinking out of the ship and finding my way to the Med Bay. When I wandered into the front room, Aneth was waiting for me, her clothes nearly as wrinkled as her skin. 

“Hey there you old bat.”

“Hello to you too, you rude savage.” I leaned down to give her petite form a gentle hug. Aneth Jamorr was my favorite part of this ship. The only part that I liked, really. 

“How are you doing Aneth?” 

“Oh, my joints hurt and I’m tired all the time, but I’d rather do this than retire,” she said, patting the armor on my bicep.

“Oh come now, I’m sure Hux could find you some nice island retreat,” I said, part in jest, part in seriousness. I thought that if it came to it, Hux would likely give Aneth anything that she asked for. But she would never ask.

“I worked for the Empire during its very first years, dear. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself off of a star destroyer,” she smiled up at me, and then a very large group of people filtered into the room, and I spent the next twenty minutes talking to people I hated and hadn’t heard from, quite happily mind you, in years. I suffered through the small talk until they had all dispersed into back rooms, and I gave Aneth a curious look before I realized she couldn’t see my face. She knew, though. “The Absolution is severely overstaffed. I’ve kept four rooms to serve for actual medical care, and the others are currently serving as extra bunks.”

“Was there damage to some of the quarters aboard?” I asked, the first thing that came to mind for what would cause such a drastic move.

“No. We’ve been having a bit of a crisis here, actually. There are far too many people aboard to support. I’m surprised this is the first you’ve heard of it.” She said with a raising of a greyed eyebrow. Hux hadn’t heard about it yet either, clearly. And our little tour had skipped right over that little issue too. 

“Well, I’ll see what I can do Aneth.” She nodded before leading me through to a private room. I shuffled into the room, yanking my helmet off once I was in the quiet, empty space, smoothing my hair back from my face. 

“Have I mentioned that I hate this ship?” I asked, before doing rounds of the tank. It was about what I had expected. Only a serious injury would have kept Saphren out for long enough that the First Order had departed the planet before she was found. 

“Report,” he sighed. Somebody was tired and grumpy. 

“The data confirms everything Saphren told Avins, Rorge looked for any alterations. As much as Aminah would like it to be true, it is unlikely that Saphren is lying.” He laughed lightly before rubbing his temples. Eidhn was getting on his nerves. He shrugged, and I stared at him in confusion. He was having some sort of internal monologue, I decided. 

“Good. We’ll leave in thirteen hours.” I nodded before pulling the helmet back on and heading for the hangar. I’d need to retrieve our men and have guest quarters prepared. We’d been hoping to leave immediately, but one look at Saphren in the tank told me why that wouldn’t be happening. I had Hux’ bag carried up to his apartments first thing, before running into Major Avins. 

“Major Avins, I’m hoping that you can direct me to the quartermaster. It appears we’ll be staying the night.” He raised his eyebrows, his lips twisting into an awkward grimace. 

“I’m afraid there are no guest quarters available, Captain.” I blinked at him in silence for a few moments, remembering what Aneth had said. It was worse than I had even thought. I pushed past Avins and up to Hux’ quarters, letting myself into his room. He jumped when the doors opened, pulling his monomolecular stilleto from under his pillow and staring at me in confusion. He must’ve been tired, to have fallen asleep that fast. It was highly abnormal for him. When he realized it was me, he collapsed back to the bed, rubbing at his eyes. 

“What is it, Phasma?” I pulled my helmet and stared at him for a few moments. Canady was going to get an earful. I told him what I’d heard from Aneth, what Major Avins had told me. He glowered, his face turning red, the anger running down to his chest. He sat upright and snatched his datapad, searching through hundreds of files, throwing the device at me when he’d found what he was looking for. I read while he pulled on his uniform, eyebrows raising the further I went down the screen. Multiple missives had been sent to Hux’ office requesting assistance, and not one of them had been replied to. Aminah was in for a rough time of it when we returned to Starkiller. 

“Can I sleep in here?” I called after him, and he waved at me, grumbling under his breath about being thankful that someone would get to sleep. 

*****

I relaxed carefully into my own bed, shoving clothes off the side before nuzzling my pillow. I was grateful to be home, but I did feel badly for Hux, having to stay on that terrible ship, with that  _ terrible  _ woman. I sneered into the pink sheets. Maratell Hux wasn’t so bad, I mused. She’d been unbearable when Brendol was alive, but she and Hux had found some sort of middle ground after that. She even appeared to care about his well-being. One thing that hadn’t changed was her dislike of me. I scowled as I remembered her hissed words to Lee in the kitchen when I’d gone to retrieve Hux.

“You think that he has feelings for this girl? This Specialist Varien?” Maratelle asked. 

“You should have seen the way he was looking at her, Ma’am. After he’d gotten her settled into the bed. He came here for a reason, and it wasn’t to see us, and it wasn’t to fix the Absolution’s problems,” she said softly, only the barest hint of jealousy to be heard. I knew that once upon a time Ainsley Yve had thought she’d marry her childhood friend. They were both the spawn of kitchen staff, afterall. But whereas Hux had his father’s bloodline to claim, Ainsley did not. I’d never asked Hux if he’d felt the same way, but I knew that his father and Maratelle had made it clear that their closeness could never extend past friendship. 

“I had Gabryl pull her records. She’s skilled. From some backwater moon, but she has a degree. Not many of that lot can claim that,” Maratelle said, taking a sip of what I had bet was Manellan Jasper before continuing. “I suppose I should be relieved. I’d thought he was with that lout of a woman. What’s her name, Phasma?” She hissed. I’d rolled my eyes and left to find wherever it was Hux had gotten off to. 

It was ridiculous. Hux and I had never had a physical or romantic relationship in all the time I’d known him. It wasn’t to say that I didn’t find him attractive, but I found that I respected him too much to desire him. I liked to be bossy. I didn’t know how well that would go over with Hux, and then my thoughts drifted to Ren. She seemed the bossy sort. I snorted into my pillow. I was too tired for this. Saphren had begged me to allow her to return to her room, but Hux had glowered at me before we’d left and told me in no uncertain terms that I was to be sure that she followed Aneth’s orders to the letter. Everyone that interacted with her got the same notice, I knew. And no one would dare to go against Hux’ orders. Except Kylo, maybe. Who had been lurking around Saphren all day since our return. Something was going on there too, but I didn’t understand it. I drifted to sleep, still in my body suit. 

*****

Hux had returned, and after a few wonky days, things seemed to finally get back to normal. Aminah had stopped crying every time Hux so much looked her direction. I’d never gotten the story out of him, but his face was healing up nicely. Kylo had taken his team out for an excursion exercise that Saphren had won. And everything was finally sliding back into place. Relion and Keziah had even taken to joining Saphren and I for breakfast. This morning I’d been listening to the two bicker about a recent set of electronics that had been released, smiling in confusion at Gemma and Chiresa when they sat down. Chiresa looked more put together than I’d ever seen her, and I didn’t think I’d ever seen her awake at this hour. We all stared at Ren as she stared into the distance, a glower on her face. 

I snapped my fingers in front of her face, and she jumped comically, nearly spilling her caf. She blinked at the new arrivals, her nose scrunched.

“Oi, what's wrong with you? You’ve been in your own little universe for five minutes, didn’t even notice when we got here.” Chiresa pointed at herself and Gemma. “And now you’re staring at me like I’m a rancor. What’s up?” I snorted lightly. I knew why Saphren was staring at Chiresa, but the rest of it would be interesting to hear. We all looked at her expectantly. 

“Uh… Nothing. I just, I was thinking about the meeting later,” she replied, stuttering. I narrowed my eyes at her. “It’s just been really nice. I haven’t done something to royally piss off Hux since I came back from Kedhys. But we’re having a meeting to discuss tactics today, something that he and I clearly disagree on. I’m just nervous.” I frowned and looked back at my plate. She’d been off since her return from the woods, this was just another oddity. She normally didn’t shy from pissing off Hux if she felt she had a point. And Hux had been unbearable. 

“Why did it have to be a meeting about tactics?” Keziah whined. “General Hux is like… The master of tactics.”

“That’s exactly why it’s a meeting about tactics.” She said before I had the chance to open my mouth and say the same. She pointed at Chiresa. “Do you have a meeting, or something?” She asked, still trying to figure out the change of appearance. 

“What?” Chiresa asked. Saphren gave her the same look I’d given Saphren minutes before, but dropped it. We all headed out to prepare for the day, and I turned to follow Saphren, pulling her to the side when we were in a blank area of the ship.

“Did something happen between you and General Hux?” I asked softly. I glanced about to be sure we were alone, and when I returned to face her, she was red from the roots of her hair all the way down her chin. I didn’t think I’d ever seen her truly embarrassed, and my eyes narrowed. I thought perhaps they’d had a little tiff outside of class, but there was more. I wondered if she remembered, or if he told her. I hid my smile when the little lightbulb went off in my head.  _ She punched Armitage.  _

“Why?” She asked nervously. 

“You remembered, didn’t you?” I asked, excitement filling me. If she knew we were one step closer to getting them together. She opened and closed her mouth, unable to say anything, and the blush ran all the way down to her chest. “I knew it. He’s been a right ass for days, and you’re the only person I could think of that would be stupid enough to punch him in the face…” I paused before qualifying. I’d thought it had been Kylo at first. “Other than Kylo.”

“Thanks?” She asked, and the laugh escaped me before I could stop it.

“I don’t know what happened all those years ago, other than what I gathered from your side of the conversation after the incident with Mil… The cat. And I am sticking my nose where it does not belong. But… You need to give him more credit. Be mad, fine. But… Don’t hate him for it.” I said, trying to give her a sense of how much I wished she would take me seriously. She nodded, and I patted her on the shoulder before she scurried off to get ready. 

The discussion started off smoothly, but I could tell that Ren was holding back. And then she didn’t, and the tension in the room grew. The other officers looked uncomfortable as Hux and Ren argued back and forth every time she brought up a rather obscure way to look at things, and it got worse when Kylo got involved. Eventually Hux lost it, standing to make a pronouncement that sent titters through the room. Realistically he reacted better than I thought he would. And then I smiled, thinking of options to try to push my plan further forward.

*****

The first few days went fine. Saphren was doing incredibly well, able to take credit for over half the kills on the board. We only had one serious injury, poor Kirst Davian again. Byrany and I sat alone in my office, watching everything and taking shifts to nap. Medical Technician Harvel joined us during the day, and Kae joined us in the evening. It was the third night while we were munching on snacks that Kasra had brought that things got scary. Saphren’s vitals suddenly went crazy and Byrany started flicking through screens as Kae jumped up to squint at the numbers. 

“Something’s wrong. She’s too frightened,” Kae said. “It’s not how she’s reacted to any other encounter with her fellow officers.” Her dot was moving quickly across the map, coming up fast on Keziah Bani. Anxiety gripped me when she darted off the other direction. I wanted to ask what was going on, but I absolutely did not want to distract Saphren when she needed to focus. And then her dot stopped suddenly, and Keziah ran back towards her. And then the dots slowly blinked as they always did, but the system was still showing waving lines where Kae was looking. When their heart rates started to slow I snagged the comm. 

“Saphren, what’s going on?”

“Ice Cat. We’re good though,” she huffed, out of breath. 

“Are you sure?” I asked. I knew her. She could be seriously injured but she wouldn’t want to be pulled. 

“Yeah. The cat didn’t get me.” I looked at Kae for any type of clarification. She was frowning, but nodded 

“Very well. Good luck Specialist.” I clicked off the line and slowly leaned back into my chair as my own heart rate slowed. And then her dot started to move north, and I smiled.  _ Good girl.  _ As she slowly neared Hux’ hiding spot, I did a little dance in my chair. I knew she’d be clever enough to figure out where he’d post up. Saphren neared the door, and I turned to Kae who was reading reports on her datapad and not paying attention in the slightest. 

“Do you think that they might need your help in Med Bay? We certainly have a few beds filled. Byrany and I can give you a call if anything changes.” She shrugged. 

“I’m sure they have it handled Phasma.” I sighed, pouting. If I tried anything else, she’d know I was acting odd and make me tell her. I weighed my options, then stood to lean over the desk, staring her in the face. I smacked my lips together as I made my decision.

“You say nothing about what you’re about to see, and we’ll be good to go. But if you mention it to anyone, I’ll tell Hux about you and Kylo.” She blinked up at me in mild confusion. She wasn’t offended, nor did she really appear to be concerned. She looked at the screen and then slid forwrd in her chair slightly. 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” She pointed at Saphren’s dot, as it slowly blinked inside the parameters of the building. “They may actually try to kill each other,” she said with real concern. I stared at her. 

“Do you know something?” I asked, and Byrany glanced between us and the screen frequently. 

“Yes, but it falls under patient confidentiality.” She said firmly. She’d never tell me, and I groaned, turning back to the screen as Saprhen walked through the building. Hux was headed her way. 

“Are we doing this ‘Ma, or what?” Byrany asked as Hux stepped into the same room as Saphren. 

“Do it,” I yelled enthusiastically, grinning as he typed in the code to shut down the power to the communications tower. I watched with delight when the generator kicked on, when he tabbed through to make sure the correct protocols had gone into place. They were locked in. Kae was staring at me like I was crazy. I smiled at her.

“Trust me. They need this,” I said, giving her a thumbs up. She raised her eyebrows in a look that clearly said she didn’t agree, but she paid attention to the screen. Hux had been shot in the arm right as Byrany was typing. Then he lost a leg, and I wondered if Saphren might actually manage to take him out. But moments later, her dot turned red, the shock bouncing her vitals every which way. But she’d gotten darn close. And then their heart rates didn’t decrease, instead the screen started flashing wildly as their vitals fluctuated. 

“Are they actually trying to kill each other?” I asked in confusion. Kae leaned forward and had Byrany access a seperate screen. 

“Nope,” she said with a pop of the lips. Byrany and I stared at her in confusion until she made a lewd gesture. I shoved Byrany and he closed their screens, returning to the map where only a few lights were still blinking. I knew Byrany and I were blushing, but Kae just looked like she’d tried to warn us. 


	44. Worthwhile

**32 ABY**

**Hux’ Office - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Hux - Day 27_ **

People often did things in the heat of the moment that they regretted later. It was not something I had ever needed to worry about. By the time something had come to pass, I had thought on all possible outcomes on multiple occasions, and I acted accordingly... Until  _ Ren  _ had arrived. I was still firm in my belief that had I known of her arrival beforehand, or even if it had been closer to our interaction instead of three years later, that I would have been able to remain aloof. It was the surprise of it that had kicked me in the gut, and it was my reaction that had put everything in motion. I’d had to scramble to put everything in place, and I’d done a shoddy job of it. My lip curled involuntarily and then immediately straightened with a twinge of pain. I rubbed at the skin gently, hissing when it did nothing but make it worse.

I didn’t regret any of my actions throughout all of this, but I wondered if she did. Amusingly, my first thought was that I didn’t think she regretted the punch in the least. I sobred quickly, returning to more serious thoughts. Although I’d been absolutely firm in pushing for her consent, I worried she’d acted impulsively. When we’d been against the wall, my face pressed into the crook of her shoulder, her scent surrounding me, her fingers twined in my hair… It had been a perfect moment. 

But when I’d pulled up to look her in the face, I could see the thoughts flitting behind her eyes, I could see the indecision. And I thought it was all over, that it would be the final act between Tev and Ren, and that our relationship as Armitage and Saphren would end before it had ever truly begun. And with her slap, I’d thought that cemented her thoughts on the matter.

But she’d pulled me back to her, and we’d had a very passionate second go of it that ended with her whispering  _ my _ name. I’d been hopeful that we’d be able to move forward from there... I scoffed, returning my face back to impassive lines when the muscles pulled, straightening in my chair. I didn’t think I could blame her for any of it, truly. I dipped a cloth into warm bacta, holding it to my face as I leaned back in my chair. 

I hadn’t slept, staying up to catch up on work that had fallen behind, as it always did during training months. I knew I wouldn’t have been able to sleep, so I’d tried to lose myself in work. It had worked, in part. This batch of Officer’s Training would soon be finished, and my schedule would return to normal for another few months before the next group arrived. I hoped that my life, however, would not return to normal. But that depended entirely on Ren. The bacta slowly seeped into my skin to relieve the tension, and I sighed in relief as the swelling started to go down. She had one hell of a punch, I’d give her that. I drifted to sleep in my chair, dreaming of dark alleys and Tevraki whiskey. 

“Sir! What’s happened?” I snapped upright with the shriek, going for the blade in my sleeve, but Aminah was standing in her doorway, looking at me with grave concern. I sighed, rubbing at my eyes. 

“Thank you for your concern, Aminah. Let’s start our day, shall we?” I asked, retrieving the cloth from the floor and closing the lid on the bacta. I couldn’t think of a valid excuse to explain my injuries, especially considering anyone with half a brain would know how they’d been incurred. But no one would ask me more than once, not even Phasma, though she would eye me and try to persuade me into telling her with her facial expression. I’d decided to ignore the subject any time it came up. Aminah’s face twisted into hurt, and I could tell that she warred with herself about asking a follow up question. 

“Yes, Sir.” Aminah shuffled forward, setting down documents and datapads while trying, and failing, not to look at my face. Eventually she was just staring, a sad lilt to her eyes. 

“Lieutenant, begin,” I barked, gesturing at the paperwork. Her eyes started to fill with tears, a byproduct of the absolute verbal lashing I’d given her when I’d returned from the Absolution for missing their missives, but she gurgled her way through a request from the quartermaster, and slowly she gained her vocal acuity back as she went through the pile. 

We finished just in time to head to the mock pit, and I sat in the corner, settling in to do reports and let Eidhn and Phasa run the show. It seemed that everyone was on edge, not that I blamed them. The furtive glances towards my person were high, with people seeming to let it go only to glance back at me moments later. Saphren walked into the room and stormed her way to her terminal, logging in and starting the work without glancing up. She seemed focused and a little awkward, but she was not tormented as I thought she might be. It was a soothing thought. 

The next few hours went by in what seemed like only a few minutes. I glanced up when Kylo entered the room, and he paused by the door, staring. 

“What the hell happened to you?” He asked, laughter burbling through the vocoder. I gave him a blank stare until he asked me something of importance. “I need my team early today, at three.” He finished with an edge of uncertainty. I stifled a sigh, stepping off my stool. 

. “Very well, Commander Ren.” I stepped forward, calling out names as my eyes fell on them. “Keziah Bani, Keve Calien, Cathries Natalis, Saphren Varien, Brendyl Terson, Jase Rawly, Claye Zand, Sabrya Wye, Liyam Asher, Kirst Davian. You will be dismissed at 1500 from your regular schedule to meet with Commander Ren.” The moment I was finished, everyone snapped back to work. I hid a smile. Perhaps I should get injured more frequently. It certainly did something for productivity. 

Saphren sneezed and everyone jumped, looking her direction. She hunched into herself, and most of her classmates returned to their work, but I stared at the top of her hat, eyes drifting to Kylo before returning to her. I felt as if I was on the edge of some discovery, trying to remember back to all of the times I had seen them in the same room, but I was unable to grasp whatever thought my brain was trying so hard to finish. Finally she looked up, looking to Kylo and Phasma on either side of me, back to Eidhn who was standing slightly behind me, and then finally to me. She flushed as our eyes meet, and she dropped back down to her work. I raised my eyes to the sky before returning to my corner, tabbing through screens on the datapad for something to do as I tried to regain whatever train of thought had begun at her sneeze, but I was unable to do so. 

****

I awoke before my alarm, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the quiet, Millicent’s tail flicking at my side. It was peaceful. It normally would have been a morning that I looked forward to immensely, but I found the empty side of my bed a distasteful sight. I’d slept very little in the past four days. I was anxious for Saphren’s return, hoping that days alone in the woods would have given her the time she required. 

The last three days had gone by in an incredible whirlwind of productivity. The entirety of Starkiller had been on edge. At first, I’d thought it was merely my appearance, but on the second day Phasma shoved me lightly into a wall when I’d snarked at her, storming ahead and ignoring me for the rest of the day. I’d tried to watch my behaviour after that. 

I had a light breakfast with tea before changing into excursion gear for my morning run, checking my datapad before heading out. I was astounded to see that Kylo had sent a missive to inform us that he was bringing his team in, and then immediately suspicious. I tossed the pad back on the table before sprinting out into the dreary morning. I’d deal with it later. 

I decided to do a long run, looping through the forest for a variety of scenery instead of doing laps on the track. The sun rose, glinting from ice as my breath fogged in the air. I came to a stop in the trees, catching my breath, watching the calm world that overlayed the most complex weapon ever created. Snow fell from one of the trees, and I watched as Kylo climbed down from a tall pine, dropping the last fifteen feet. He helped a woman down after him, her hair streaked with silver, a very familiar sweater peeking out from under her coat. I frowned when his hands dawdled as they slid down her derriere. His helmet turned slightly in my direction, and I rolled my eyes. It had been for my benefit, clearly. I turned and headed back to Starkiller, taking a circuitous route. 

The rest of the morning felt like a chore, but I allowed myself time to procrastinate. I had a full breakfast accompanied by Millicent who snacked on a bowl of treats that Kasra had found for her. She purred happily while she chewed, and I reminded her of her table manners to no avail, her lips smacking as she licked her whiskers. 

The rest of my morning would have gone normally, had I not been terribly distracted by the idea of her being here, somewhere on base. She’d said that she needed time, and I intended to give her what she needed. I’d promised myself that I would not pursue her, that I would not try to push her, that I would not pine. I’d stopped myself from leaving gifts in her room, from writing her missives, from searching for her in the woods to demand an explanation of her thoughts. But I was losing patience. I’d much prefer to know where we stood, even if it did not favor me. 

I had Kasra bring me a pot of Tarine, settling back in my chair to read about the status of the upgrades on the thermal oscillator, trying to stop my train of thought. I managed to stop thinking of Saphren, only to start to drift, many days without sleep catching up to me. I jumped when the door opened, brushing back my hair and trying to look awake. Kasra came in in a flurry, setting down stacks of papers and documents for me to sign. I blinked at her blearily, sitting upright to start on the pile. She fingered the edge of the desk nervously, and I looked up at her slowly, eyebrows raised. 

“May I ask you a personal question, Sir?” I gazed at her for a few moments, flicking through various possibilities in my mind before nodding slowly, uncertain where this was leading. 

“Have you ever had a relationship with a fellow officer?” She asked, looking away from me as she chewed on her lip. I gaped at her for a swift moment, examining her behaviour. She was not interested in my reaction in the least, a light blush on her cheeks. She wasn’t fishing for information about Saphren, she was asking for advice for herself. I cleared my throat, returning to the paperwork as I thought of an appropriate response, fingers brushing the edges of the pile.

“I consider you more than my assistant as you play a much more vital role in my life than just that. And I assume that you feel the same way, or you would not broach this subject with me... It is for this reason I will answer. Earlier in my life I allowed myself more distractions than I do now. But I would only recommend it if… If this person is worthwhile. Especially at this stage of your very promising career, Lieutenant Gzad.” I peeked up at her, and her face was red, a distraught look plastered on her face. I wondered who she was involved with. I wondered if this was why she had been so distracted recently. “Are they worthwhile, Kasra?” I asked, reaching for her hand.

She snatched her hand away, turning around,  trying to compose herself. 

“I don’t know, Sir. But thank you.” She turned around making a full circle, knocking the teapot straight into my chest. I jumped up, the pot falling with a clank, but I sighed in relief as it was only luke warm. 

“I’m so sorry, Sir!” She fluttered around me, unsure on how to proceed. I patted her shoulder, walking soggily to my private ‘fresher, peeling the clothes from my skin in distaste. I pulled out my spare uniform, scowling when there was no tunic. I rinsed and changed quickly, returning to my office and dropping the clothes to soak up the rest of the liquid. The teapot had been removed, and Kasra had disappeared. Concern started to burble until I found the scrawled note at the top of the forms, she’d gone to retrieve a tunic. I sighed and returned to the report on my datapad until Kasra’s return. I made it a good four pages deep before there was a knock, and I hit the button on my desk to open the doors. Saphren shuffled in, looking around the room awkwardly. I looked over the datapad at her, hoping that I didn’t look like I’d just been socked in the gut, hitting the button to close the doors behind her. I held perfectly still, as if she were a wild animal that I would startle away. 

She moved forward slowly, looking at me, chewing on her bottom lip. She seemed… Worried. 

“Permission to be stupid?” She asked, and my mouth went to curve into a smile before the muscle in my cheek protested. I nodded at her, rather afraid to speak lest she bolt. She pointed at my face.  “I’m sorry. You deserved at least one, though. So I’m only half sorry.” She said, mouth twisting into something between a grimace and a smile. I allowed a small snort o escape and set down the datapad, standing to walk steadily towards her. She took a step back, eyes going wide in something similar to panic, and I stopped, staring at her, trying to determine what was going through her head. For the first time in my life, I wished that I had Kylo’s ability. 

She’d turned slightly away from me, eyes flicking from the wall, to the desk, to the window, and finally back to me. She opened her mouth, but closed it with a snap, the words apparently unwilling to leave her delicate lips. 

“Permission to be weird?” She asked in a rush, as though it were the only scentene she could seem to form. I scowled at her in confusion, but nodded, waiting in silence for her to do whatever it was she intended. She marched forward as if on a mission, snagging my arm and pulling it to her, unbuttoning the cuff and shoving up the sleeve. I winced, fighting the urge to roll the fabric, watching her as her hands slid over my skin until she found the spot she was looking for. She smiled in victory when she discovered my chip, her face falling moments later, a sigh escaping her moments after that. She patted my arm and gave me a strained smile, stepping backwards. I stared at her, pulling the fabric taut, waiting for her to speak, unwilling to force her into a conversation that she wasn’t ready to have… Even if my mind was screaming  _ what the kriff. _

“I… I still need some time.” She struggled to say, wincing and looking away before returning her gaze to me. I simply nodded at her, watching her go, eyes narrowed in suspicion. There had to be a reason she was checking to see if I had a chip implanted. I briefly thought about pulling her medical records, but we were no longer in unknown territory when I thought she might have been a spy. She deserved her privacy, and I had an obligation to allow her to keep it. I rubbed at the spot through the fabric, unable to feel the small electronics although I knew it was there. I thought back to when I’d had it implanted, all the times I’d had it checked, the times it had needed to be replaced. I hadn’t had a need for it in some time, and I counted back in my head, deciding that the last time I’d had it checked was shortly after my return from the KV system. 

I turned, typing the order into the datapad, leaning against the desk with my arms crossed, fingers tapping along the top of my arm. She wouldn’t have checked for a chip without a purpose, there would be no need to think of it. She seemed far more antagonized today than she had even the day after our dalliance. I stopped myself, searching for a different word. If I had anything to say about it, there would be nothing breif or casual about our relationship going forward, dalliance would not be an applicable word. The day after our encounter she’d been a bit awkward and overly desperate not to look at me, but her mind seemed to be more or less at peace. Today... Today I thought that I could nearly see the emotions roiling behind her eyes. I frowned. She clearly stated a need for time, but I was beginning to lose my patience, and this was an added factor of confusion. 

Kasra and Dr. Emson entered the room at the same time. Kae dawdled by the door as Kasra handed me a freshly laundered tunic, watching her as she retrieved the soaked clothing from the side of my desk. 

“Thank you, Kasra,” I said, softly. She smiled lightly, a sign that she wouldn’t antagonize herself over the mess. She left, and I waved Kae Emon forward. 

“Thank you for coming, Doctor Emson,” I started, frowning. She was the most skilled physician on base, and although she was a little… Wild, from time to time, she was a great addition to the First Order and she was dedicated and serious about her position. But her… Relationship, or whatever it was, with Kylo gave me pause. “I am not calling your oath into question, because I know that you took one. But I feel that I must impress upon you the seriousness of what it would mean to reveal anything of what you have discovered in this office once you leave it. Are we understood?” I warned, slightly pleased at the look of fear on her face. She stared up at me with wide eyes before suddenly snapping back into place, remembering to reply. 

“Yes, Sir. Of course,” She murmured. The offense was well hidden, but I could tell it was there. It pleased me that it existed, it meant that I was right about her. I held out my arm, opening the cuff and rolling it with precision. 

“Please check the chip, Doctor Emson,” I stated, rather than asked. I felt abnormally calm when she retrieved the device. I was truly more concerned about Saphren’s behaviour than I was about what it all meant. It would happen, or it wouldn’t. She ran the device over my arm and the low tone it released was explanation enough. I raised my eyebrows, keeping my face impassive while I allowed my imagination to provide myself with a shocked response. It wasn’t shocking though, not really. I rolled down the cuff and pulled on my tunic while I thought. 

I was at a decent age for it, although I worked too much and additional distractions weren’t ideal when you were trying to return order to the galaxy amid a cold war. But it wouldn’t impact my career drastically. As Gallius Rax had said, the Empire would need children, and so did the First Order. Many leaders of the Empire had had families, Imperial wives that raised their children aboard star destroyers. But Saphren would not be an Imperial wife, she could not be the head of a household like Maratelle. She yearned for more. It wouldn’t be out of the question for her to Captain her own ship in the future, she would advance far beyond her counterparts, even if there was a slight delay. I pictured many possible futures, mentally shrugging when I’d finished with the tunic. 

Emson cleared her throat, and I glanced at her. 

“Would you like to schedule a time to have the chip replaced, Sir?” She asked awkwardly, eyes downcast. I thought about it briefly. If it had not already come to pass, I would need to have it replaced. But if it had, there would be no need... And if I had it replaced and we reunited as I hoped, she would see the fresh incision. If her behaviour as of late was any indication, she would panic. 

“Not as of yet, Doctor. Thank you for your time. You are dismissed.” I watched her leave, straightening my uniform. I’d bide my time.


	45. Yes *

**32 ABY**

**Communications Tower Four - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Hux - Day 37_ **

I slowly moved my hand up her arm, fingertips brushing against soft skin before sliding my fingers between hers. She gripped my hand in return, her breasts pushing up against my chest with each heavy breath she took. I trailed soft kissed along her neck, capturing her other hand as I had the first. Only then did I lift up, imprisoning her hips with my waist. I looked down upon her face, the lilt of her eyes, the delicate bow of her lips. That same panic had started to build in her, just as it had the first night.

“I find that I have lost my patience, Saphren. When I thought you regretted our reunion I was quite happy to give you the time to reflect and contemplate. But now...” I paused, looking down her face, her neck, her chest. Her nipples hardened to peaks, brushing faintly against my skin. “I will release you when I have said all that I mean to say,” I announced in low tones. She immediately struggled, attempting to lift up from the control panel. My cock twitched, and I tisked at her as I applied even pressure to  her hands. 

“What if someone finds us?” She hissed, glancing towards the door. 

“Mmmm. Can’t happen. The power went out. All doors seal until power is restored... It is a security protocol, in case someone tries to break in by cutting the power.” She slowed her struggle, gooseflesh breaking out across her skin, her cheeks flushing. I lowered my face to kiss her, at first a slow movement, and then a building of passion until she was panting. I didn’t stop until she was trembling, her eyes blown wide with yearning… Until she had forgotten about the complications of our situation. Only then did I pull up to whisper into her mouth. 

“I have no desire to continue a series of nights of rushed passion, in which you flee once our relations are concluded.” Even as I said it, I started to fill, hardening to nudge insistently at her thigh. “I don’t believe it is what you want either,” I paused to place a soft kiss on her lower lip. “If I am wrong, please tell me now,” I murmured, lips moving against hers. She took a great intake of breath and softly shook her head, unable or unwilling to speak. I smiled lightly into her mouth. 

“Then allow me to be exceptionally clear. Any relationship I am to have will always have its complexities, and I understand that those complexities are worth consideration.” I paused as her breath shuddered, dropping my voice lower. “But I didn’t think of you as someone to back down from a challenge...” I took a moment to lead kisses down her chin, along her jaw, up to her ear. “Isn’t that right, Saphren?” I sighed into her ear, and she arched, a soft moan escaping her lips. I pulled up to look down at her once more.

“I will pursue you. I will woo you, if that is what is required. I will not allow myself to live without you once more, unless you tell me no... Tell me that you don’t want it,” I hissed along the shell of her ear. Her hands spasmed around mine, her back curving as she whined, but no words came from her. “I’ll give you some time to make your decision, Saphren Varien. Tell me no, or join me in my sitting room, at my dining table, in my bed, in my future. Be my partner, or say no. There is no inbetween.” I gave her a bruising kiss before stepping away, turning to take the steps down two at a time, refusing to look over my shoulder. Either she would follow, or she wouldn’t. 

I entered the first room at the base of the stairs, sitting on the edge of the small bed to remove my boots, anxiety gnawing at the back of my skull. I waited, smiling when I heard the thunk of boots as they sedately descended the grated durasteel steps. She walked into the room slowly, uncertainty blooming across her face. She’d pulled her pants back on, but one boot was untied, the sock missing, and she wore only my sweater to cover her delicious tits. She appeared to examine me, my face, my chest, the pants that were loose along my hips. Within seconds she was straddling my legs, devouring my mouth, her small hands gripping my skull. I pulled her closer, cradling her against me as she pressed down against my crotch. She released a breathy moan, searching for friction. 

I shoved the sweater away from her as one boot dropped to the ground, snarling as I moved to cup her ass and grind up into her. I lifted her, twisting to place her on the bed before divesting her of the offending boot. She shimmied out of her pants and thermals, staring up at me as I pushed my pants off of my hips, stepping out of them before crawling over her, lathing kisses up her stomach before pulling one rosy nub into my mouth. Her fingers slid through my hair, gripping and pulling at the roots as my hands stroked up her sides. I released her breast to capture her mouth, my arousal pressed between us, our teeth clicking together with the ferocity of it. 

She rolled us, straddling me before slowly lowering herself onto me. I watched the slow slide as I disappeared within her, groaning when she was firmly seated. 

“What happens if I don’t say yes?” She murmured. I snapped my eyes up to her, watching as her hair slowly fell from its confines to encircle her face. “Will you send me gifts?” She asked as she lifted and dropped, a slap of skin before she paused, holding her position. I gaped up at her, enraptured, confused, but nodding nonetheless. She smiled, raising her hips, twisting back down upon me with a bounce of her lovely breasts. 

“Will you write me love letters?” She whispered, circling her hips around in a tantalizing motion. I gripped her where the flesh of her thighs met hips, the skin going white with the pressure. It was a game, I realized. 

“Yes,” I hissed, pressing my thumbs against her hips. She braced her hands on my chest, slowly sliding up before dropping back down with a soft mewl. 

“Will you send me naughty messages in the middle of class?” She lifted until I was gripped only by her outer lips, staring down at me with a wicked grin. I tingled with the thought of it, eyes glazing as I imagined it, as she clenched her legs together at her terminal. Or better yet, as she tried to grant herself release without anyone noticing. I mouthed an affirmative. She slammed down, squeaking before grinding against me, her head thrown back, her mouth open. She was losing patience in her own game. I rubbed circles into her skin, and she shuddered above me.

“Will you still fuck me against your desk while I whine for more?” She breathed the question, and my head dropped back against the comforter. 

“God yes.” She finally began to move, and I released her hips, allowing her to set a punishing pace. It soon became too much, and I pulled up, cradling her face as I lifted up to meet her.

“I will give you whatever you ask for, if you say yes,” I murmured into her mouth before securing her lips, allowing the kiss to consume me. We broke away from each other with a groan, her hips snapping as she quickened the pace, searching for her release, her hands at my neck as small gasps shuddered from her pink mouth. Tension tingled up my spine, my hands encircling her waist.

Her fingers gripped the hair at the base of my skull and she let out a trembling wail,  tightening around my length, her mouth going to my collarbone as she clung to me. She shivered with the force of her orgasm, and I circled up into her, hands gripping her ass as her walls fluttered with each press. She was so deliciously tight, clenching around me as she moaned softly into my neck. Her hands spasmed against my back, and she started to move with me, whimpering softly at the angle, chasing another peak. 

I flipped us, gripping her hips as I pounded into her, her back arching, tits bouncing. I dropped down, biting her lower lip before lathing it with my tongue. She turned her head to the side, kissing the line of my jaw before reaching my ear. 

“Yes,” she whispered. With the breathy word I was lost, screaming my release as she kissed my ear. I was unable to get enough air after that, and I rolled away from her, staring up at black durasteel, the air cool on my overheated skin. After a few minutes, she rolled into me, laying her head upon my chest, a hand on my stomach. 


	46. Games

**32 ABY**

**Communications Tower Four (Luv Shack) - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 38_ **

The sound of falling water was distant, but soothing. It reminded me of the rain on Asherah Prime, soft droplets plinking against glass. I’d spent months there, reading, thinking, trying to decide what I would do with my life, trying to move past what I’d seen during the war. Flashes of memory flowed through, fuzzy images that slowly morphed into other things. I snuggled further into the warm blankets, the pillow smelling faintly of some familiar, yet unknown spice, and it lulled me further into sleep. I dreamed of Armitage, of stolen moments of passion, of soft hidden smiles, of long talks. My mind gravitated towards innocent moments, the ones that spoke of companionship, partnership. 

When I next awoke, it was to an empty room, dim light emanating from a lamp in the corner. I’d expected to wake up in the same bed as him, or at the very least with him still in the room. I blinked blearily, surveying the room. The clothes that had been strewn across the floor were now neatly folded on a chair across from the bed, a pile of towels on top of the small table that would seat two. There was a recliner in the corner, but otherwise the room was empty. I listened intently, for some sign of life. 

There was a deep rumbling that seemed to vibrate in some remote part of my brain, and I realized that it was the sound of Starkiller, the machinery beneath us, the sound throbbing through steel panels and the rock beneath. It was an unnerving thought, of the vast inner workings of such a thing, of all of the work that went into building this marvel of technology. I thought back to the papers I had found on the Absolution, the ones that meant that Hux had played an incredibly large part in the design and construction of Starkiller, and my chest constricted ever so slightly when I thought of all of the things that he had achieved, of the things that he would do… 

Heat blossomed between my legs, thinking about the kind of man Armitage Hux was. I bit my lip as I looked around, slowing my breathing until I finally heard the sound of typing drifting from up the stairs. He was working, always working. I dropped back down against the smooth sheets, staring up at muted black durasteel. 

It was well known that Hux worked insane hours and that he barely slept. It was why I had been sure all he wanted was a quick fuck to get it out of his system. He was arguably the most important person in the First Order, although I’d never say that outloud. I’d never met the Supreme Leader, but I felt that he organized a few things that he felt were of utmost importance, but was otherwise a figurehead, with Kylo his right hand and Armitage his left. He could move the pieces if he wished to, but he left to work to those beneath him. 

Armitage was the man who had carefully crafted the First Order. He had modified his father’s training, he had planned and built Starkiller, he ran the Supreme Leader’s Army and Navy and kept them prepared for the war that was coming... He had purpose. How did one justify taking some of his time? But he’d been insistent. He wanted to pursue more than a sexual relationship. He’d asked for a  _ partner.  _ I shuddered, heart pumping a little faster. 

I briefly chased a train of thought of what that would be like, to be his partner. But it was all much too complicated, and I pouted slightly when I thought on it.  I pushed the thoughts away, but the image of small red headed children running through Starkiller lingered. The first moment it had come to me, it was accompanied by panic. But now, there was a slight tinge of disappointment. 

I rolled out of the bed, wincing when my bruised back pulled lightly. Staying in a place like this, with a soft bed and heat… I was immensely jealous that Hux had stayed here, rather than sleeping in a tree or on the ground like one of us commoners. I padded forward to the open door by the table; snagging the towels as I went, pleased to find a nice shower in the small room, the lights flicking on automatically as I stepped on cool tile. I started the water, smiling as it heated quickly. I shuddered when I stepped under the stream of water, the tension between my legs pulsing. I huffed, my skin feeling oversensitive. Fucking Hux should have helped resolve my tension, but it seemed to only add to it. I washed quickly, shivering with the chill air the moment the water turned off. 

I wrapped myself in the overly large, soft towel and pattered out into the room. I stared at my clothes on the chair, distaste skittering up my spine. I had no desire to put them back on until I had to, and I shrugged. Armitage and I were the only ones here, and he’d been absolutely sure that no one would be able to gain access until the power had kicked back on. I walked to the open doorway, smiling softly as I saw Hux in the reclining chair of the room across the hall. I stepped across the grated steel, and he looked up at me briefly before returning to his furious typing. I raised an eyebrow as I went to lay on the bed, watching him as he worked. I recalled my envious thoughts from before, and decided I’d try my hand at prodding him. Maybe if I annoyed him enough he’d put the device down. 

“Don’t you think it’s a little unfair?” I asked, and his lips twitched as he fought a smile. He kept typing, finishing his thought before lifting his gaze to me, eyebrow arched in question. “I mean, this,” I said, gesturing at the facility. “It kind of defeats the purpose of an excursion, doesn’t it?” I asked. He smiled, but I could see the slight flash in his eyes. It sent jitters down do my toes. 

“Had one of you taken the time to research your surroundings and used any of the ten communications towers as a base, would you feel the same? Or is it just because of my position that you feel it is  _ unfair _ ?” He asked, and I flushed. His lip curled in annoyance. “That’s what I thought. As a further point, I am not being trained in survival, and unlike  _ you, Specialist Varien,  _ I have work to complete regardless of whether or not I’m in the middle of a training exercise.” His tongue clicked, and I shivered lightly as I clenched, biting my lip. I gestured towards the datapad.

“Does that mean that you’ve had access to the network this entire time? That you can see the location of every officer in our class?” I asked, my voice even, belying the shiver of anticipation that ran through me. His cheek twitched, and he lowered the datapad slightly, but didn’t set it down. 

“ _ Yes. _ I could access that system, if I desired to... I do not, nor have I.  _ It would take all the fun out of it.. _ . Had one of you lot been clever enough to hack the system and use it to your advantage, however, it would have provided extra points. But alas, I am surrounded by dolts who lack imagination,” he taunted, returning to his work. I pulled to sit upright, watching his fingers as they flew across the screen. He was wearing the tactical pants and his undershirt, but nothing more. 

I stepped over to him lightly, and he set the device down before leaning back in the chair, his fingers against his lips. He looked pensive, as if he were still thinking about work, but his eyes followed me. I straddled his legs, the crisp fabric of his pants tantalizing on my bare thighs. 

“Do you really think that work is the best use of your time right now?” I asked, sliding forward on his strong legs, letting the towel slip lower on my chest. His eyes darted to follow the towel, but his lips twisted into a snarl. He gripped me by the hair, wrenching my head backward as my back arched. The towel slid down to my waist, but he came close to growl in my ear, his breath warm on the damp skin of my neck. 

“Specialist Varien, I do very much hope that you have something worthwhile to propose. My time is valuable, after all.” I moaned lightly, shuddering as his lips trailed down my neck. He reclined once more, arms falling away from me, giving me the impassive look he was so good at. It was another game. I smiled, letting the towel drop before shuffling away from him. I dropped to my knees, unfastening his pants with shaking hands. He watched me, an edge of eagerness glinting through his eyes that I might as well have imagined taking into consideration the rest of his demeanor. 

I pulled him from the confines of his trousers, running my fingers delicately over the velvety skin. His face remained untouched, but his fingers tightened on the arms of the chair. He was already heavy, but he continued to fill as I stroked him. He stared down at me, face blank. Light glinted from his eyelashes as I leaned forward and took him into my mouth, a soft sigh escaping his lips. 

Swirling down, I gripped his base, humming in approval when he twitched against my tongue. When I flicked my eyes up through the curtain of my hair, his face was still, a marvel of control. Control that I would break. 

I dipped down, moving my hand in time with my lips as they slid up and down the pink skin. I pulled up, focusing on the head, twisting my tongue around the tip. He jerked involuntarily, but still his face was cold. I stabilized with two fingers at the base of his cock before dropping down to take him all the way into my mouth, relaxing as the bulbous head passed through the tight ring of muscle of my throat. He was breathing heavily, and I could see that his nails had gone white against the arms of the chair. 

I shivered, clenching as I craved having him inside me. I pulled up, running my tongue along the base of him and twirling about him before plunging back down. I moved slowly, taunting him before descending once more. I slowed my pace until he finally wrapped his hands in my hair, groaning as he bucked up into my mouth. I smiled, twisting to look up at him, his mouth open in a silent scream. He pulled me up and away from him with his grip on my locks, latching his mouth to mine with fervor. 

I leaned away, just long enough to stand and slide over him once more. The scrape of the thick fabric that coated his strong thighs was enough to make me twist and shudder, and he snagged my hips and pulled me forward, lavishing my chest with kisses intermingled with sharp nips. The warm heat of his mouth sealed over one bud as he slid into me, and I gripped his arms as I shrieked. 

His hands made their way back to my hair as I descended down his girth, small huffing moans escaping me every few moments until I was finally seated atop him, the coarse fabric tickling my ass. He curved as he wrenched my head back again, slamming his hips up into me as he sucked at my neck, my collarbone, the tops of my breasts. 

“Is this worthwhile, Sir?” I asked in a breathy tone, and he growled as he yanked my head back further, my back arching and leaving my tits to the cold air. He rocked into me, tongue flicking over the sensitive peaks. He released me after a few moments, gripping my ass before standing and carrying us to the bed, lowering me to the mattress. The moment I was stable on the bed, he slammed into me, gripping my thighs as he pumped in and out of me. I scrabbled at the bottom of his shirt, and he slowed long enough to rip it off over his head with one arm. I watched the sweat glisten along the pale flesh of his chest, the sharp pink niples, the muscle that ran down his stomach. He was slender, but there was no mistaking the strength that ran through every muscle on his body. 

He tilted my hips for a different angle, leaning as he continued to pound into me, and I screamed as the orgasm hit me suddenly, without warning. He pulsed in time with each clench of my inner walls, groaning his release as he slowly pumped both of us though a slow decline of rapturous euphoria. His torso fell to compress me to the bed, and I ran my fingers through his hair, kissing him slowly. He pulled away his face slowly morphing into a warm smile, a flash of white teeth between rosy lips. It suddenly seemed harder to breathe, seeing this warm side of him. 

I leaned up to press my lips to his, and the lights kicked on full force, the deep rumble of the generator dying away as the front door slid open, booted footsteps echoing from steel.    
  



	47. Breath Taking

**32 ABY**

**Communications Tower Four (Luv Shack) - Starkiller Base - The Unknown Regions**

**_Saphren - Day 38_ **

Hux snapped up and away from me faster than I thought imaginable as the heavy steps moved further into the facility. Scrambling off the bed, panic filled me. I fled across the hall and into the room just as footfalls began to descend the steps. The doors slid shut as the boots hit the grated floor, and I leaned against the freezing steel, my chest heaving with interrupted lust and apprehension. My eyes widened as I noticed the rest of Hux’ gear in the far corner of the room, neatly folded over his pack. 

My face twisted as I snatched my clothes off the chair, hopping as I pulled on my underthings. I knew that Hux desired a relationship, but I didn’t know anything more than that. I didn’t know how open we would be about the whole thing, if we would be open at all... But I would bet an entire months pay that he didn’t want someone to find out like this, especially if it was who I thought it might be stomping down the hall. 

“Commander Ren,” Hux’ voice drifted through the durasteel, sounding calm as could be. I winced.  _ Of course. _

“I’ve come to make sure that you two haven’t killed each other yet,” Kylo said, amusement clear even through the vocoder and durasteel. “Phasma and Kae were concerned,” he continued, voice smooth.

“Mmmm. It has been… Tense,” Armitage said, and I had to fight to hold in my snorting laugh as I started pulling on clothes. It was easier to bear putting them on now that my skin was sweatsoaked, but the dirty, days old clothes made me shiver with distaste as I put them on. And then I was shuddering for another reason, wishing that we hadn’t been interrupted. I was leaning against the door to pull on socks when I had the unavoidable urge to sneeze, managing just barely not to fall. The hall was quiet for a few moments, and then Kylo spoke, but the air seemed to buzz with agitation.

“Are you alright General Hux? You look a little… Flushed,” Kylo taunted. I paled, lacing up my boots, thankful that Hux had brought down the trail of clothes from upstairs. For once, Hux’ obsessive cleanliness seemed worthwhile. I shuffled into the bathroom as I pulled on a shirt, soaking my hair in the sink and grabbing another towel. My hair was mussed, my face red, my lips chapped, all things that could be attributed to a warm shower... Or so I hoped. 

I put on my most impassive face as I opened the doors, rubbing my hair with the towel. I snapped to attention when they both turned to me, holding the salute awkwardly until they both motioned for me to be at ease. I looked past Kylo, and Hux gave me a small smile that I thought was his way of being reassuring. He’d replaced his shirt and it was neatly tucked into his pants. He looked like he had been having a relaxing day, not like he’d just been having absolutely fantastic sex. Even the bed looked smooth and untouched.  

“Specialist Varien, congratulations.” Kylo said, before turning back to Hux. I was smug for only a few moments before I realized that meant I won the competition between my classmates, but Hux had still proved his point. “Your little game is over, and I need her,” Kylo said. My face filled with heat.  _ Your little game. _ He certainly meant the survival exercise, but somehow I wondered if he knew.  

“Over, is it?” Hux asked, eyebrow raised, a glint in his eye. Hux knew he’d won. I paused, realizing that my brain had shifted from calling him Armitage to Hux, even in the privacy of my own thoughts. I frowned a bit, the thought disconcerting. 

“Our dear Saphren came the closest, I’m afraid. There were five others left at the start of the storm, but only Keziah Bani had appropriate shelter to wait it out. Unfortunately she took a fever a few hours ago and Emson had her pulled.” Kylo turned to walk down the hall. “Hurry up, Specialist. I want to get back to the base while there’s still a lull in the storm.” Kylo tossed over his shoulder.  

“The storm is still going?” I asked, confusion building as I looked at the lights and then to Hux… Armitage. Kylo’s head tilted as if he had to think of how to reply. 

“Yes. The storm hadn’t taken out the power anywhere else on base. I had Phasma’s pet fix whatever system error caused it here,” he said, a level of agitated pride seeping through, something that confused me further. 

“I will return with you. I am certain work has been piling up in my absence, and I would prefer to get back to it sooner rather than later,” Hux cut in. Kylo scoffed at Hux’ work ethic as he headed up the stairs, shaking his head. 

The moment Kylo was on the upper level, Armitage lunged forward and pressed me against the wall, capturing my lips in a fierce kiss that did nothing more than flame the still lingering passion between my legs. He broke away to whisper in my ear.

_ “Control your thoughts, Saphren.”  _ He hissed, darting away when there was shuffling at the top of the steps. I had no idea what he meant by that, but it was going to be bloody well hard to focus my thoughts on anything other than him after that. 

I blinked in puzzlement before I followed Kylo, heading to the front door to collect my pack from where I’d left it. I set the bag on the control panel to go through everything, blushing as I remembered the day before, but quickly returning my focus, Hux’ words ringing in my ears.

I couldn’t be sure with the helmet, but I was certain Kylo was watching me as I went through my pack. I stuffed an MRE in my mouth as I worked, organizing the pack to make sure nothing much was missing. Most of my sleep gear was still in a tree, and I started to think of what I would need to do upon my arrival to base, after Kylo got whatever it was he wanted. 

I’d have to retrieve that gear at some point, but I was fairly certain that I would be able to find it. I’d have to check on Kirst and Keziah and any of the others that might have been wounded or taken ill. Flashes of passion with Hux started to pop up, and every time I told myself to focus, my mind pushed the admonishment away and continued its path of debauchery. I blushed, and I shuffled my legs together as the tension built in my center. 

I cycled through every moment with Hux since my arrival on Starkiller, jumping when Hux dropped his bag at the top of the stairs, the images floating away, a sense of unease building in me. He looked at Kylo and I, his face impassive, but his eyes were calculating. I was starting to realize that there was something going on that I didn’t understand, and I had absolutely no idea what it might have been. 

When we were finally ready to depart, Kylo pushed past us, apparently incredibly eager to get back to base. The cold hit me like a fist the moment I was out the door, and the snow was far above my head on either side of a path that looped out of the basin that contained the tower. A fine layer of ice coated the path where water had frozen over packed snow. Kylo must have made his way here using his saber to melt the high peaks, and I walked slowly forward, boots sliding, back twinging. Kylo stormed forward unimpeded, and Hux seemed to manage better than I, his hands bracing against my waist whenever I slid back towards him. 

Once we got out of the basin, the going was easier, the snow at my thighs. After some time Kylo dropped back to speak with Hux, their hushed whispers swallowed by the snow. They were arguing, but from what I knew about them, that wasn’t abnormal. I wondered if I could ask Hux about it later... Would that be out of line? Probably. I was starting to realize that there would be a distinct line between the personas I thought of as Armitage and Hux, and I frowned. 

I started to struggle about halfway back to base, the bruising on my back becoming more painful with each step, the lack of sleep and proper food eating away at my energy. I started to slip and sway as I walked, and a stabilizing hand on my hips kept me from toppling. I looked back, expecting to see Hux, but it was Kylo. As we continued on our trek, he helped me balance on more than one occasion, his hands lingering on pieces of my anatomy instead of using the force. It was then that I realized it was a way for him to taunt Hux, and I realized that I would need to ask what all was going on between the two of them before I got dragged into something odd. 

We paused at the edge of the mountains before they started to descend into hills, and my breath seemed to freeze in my chest. I knew of the enormity of this base, what an accomplishment it was... But seeing it was an entirely different matter. Much of the base was built into the rock of the planet, and I’d seen the small entrance near the training fields. But below us was a runway full of TIE fighters, steam rising from equipment near the edge of the runway, the ravine reaching far below it. What I felt was likely the heart of Starkiller stared back at me, the building built into the cliffs. Three towers reached for the sky, but they were dwarfed by the mountains behind, and I imagined the halls and buildings that were woven into the rock. 

A gloved hand brushed against my back, and I jumped, startled to find that Kylo had gone ahead, the black of his cape whipping in the wind. Hux leaned close, whispering through his face mask. 

“Astounding, isn’t it?” He asked, his words skittering down my neck and directly to my core. 

“Yes…” Astounding wasn’t a good enough word. What Hux had accomplished here was unbelievable. I watched as the red banners flapped in the wind, and I envisioned Hux pounding into me from atop one of those towers, looking down upon techs and troopers going about their business. I shuddered and started walking to follow Kylo, hoping beyond hope that whatever he wanted was going to be fast and easy. 

The moment I was inside I felt like curling up and going to sleep on the cold, hard duracrete, because it had to be warmer than my limbs. Hux kept walking, not looking back as he headed towards his office. My stomach dropped, anxiety filling me even as my logical brain told me that I knew it would be like this. 

“Go freshen up, and then meet me in the hangar,” Kylo commanded before storming off the opposite direction of Hux. I shuffled to my room, pushing away my despondent thoughts and focusing on something more exciting. Kylo had said  _ the hangar.  _ He hadn’t said to pack a bag, but I wondered if we were going somewhere. 

I showered quickly, pulling on a fresh uniform that felt like heaven, and marched my way out to the hangar. Kylo was leaning against a TIE, his silencer in the middle of the bay. I looked around but didn’t see anyone else that was a part of the team. I gave him a quizzical look. 

“Everyone else is in Med Bay. Get in,” he said, slapping the side of the hull. 

“Sir, I’m not an experienced pilot…” I argued awkwardly as I climbed up into the cockpit, pulling on gear.

“I am aware. But you understand the basics?” He asked, voice stern. 

“Yes, Sir.” He nodded, walking away. I stared after him as I snapped the vest into place, the lights flashing on the control panel as a hiss of air released. I set my hat to the side and slid the helmet into place. Kylo’s voice came over the speaker. 

“Follow me,” he grumbled as the silencer skittered to life, the fighter streaking out of the blast doors and into lazily falling snow. I initiated the takeoff sequence, following at a steady pace. 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated!  
> I do not have a beta, so all mistakes are my own.  
> Comments are life. <3 Kudos are love. 
> 
> As always, Star Wars and the beloved characters involved do not belong to me.
> 
> Feel free to message me any questions, comments, or possible requests.


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